Pain Seeker (The New Orleans Shade Book 1)

by D. N. Hoxa

  The prince nodded. He hopped on his horse and offered me his hand. I took it and he pulled me up on the saddle. I wrapped my arms around him as the horse moved around, balancing herself and our weight.

  As we rode, my eyes grew tired. My head rested on his back and darkness claimed me long before we reached the forest. Such a shame that I wasn't meant to see it from close up.

  When I woke up, the sun burned in the sky. I was lying on the bed, dressed in my white undergarment, and all alone again.

  But now, everything had changed.

  He’d left clothes for me—a black cardigan that wrapped around me completely, socks and boots that were too big for my feet. I had no need for them. I was used to the cold. The Shade was used to keeping me warm, so I left them there, on the bed.

  And I continued to look at the sky.

  Everything had changed now. I felt it in the air. In the Shade that was there, more present in my chest than it ever had been before. Like we’d broken through a barrier when I’d visited its other side on Earth.

  I felt it in my soul now.

  When I found myself in this place that first night, I had nothing. Everything was stripped from me. I had no motive. No purpose. No reason to want to fight.

  Now? I was more terrified than before because I thought about my brother, my people’s betrayal, and it didn’t even make me angry anymore. It only made me sad.

  But my mind was also clearer. The words the prince had said to me the night before, about the World Wars that had almost torn Earth apart, and about riots and laws and peace, whispered in my ears, even now that I was alone in his room.

  Now, I knew what I wanted to do. I no longer wanted to be a slave.

  I wanted to make a change.

  No matter how ridiculous or impossible it might sound, the idea was planted in my head. That was what I wanted to live for. My purpose.

  Now, the process of convincing myself to take action would begin. And it would likely be painful, but I welcomed it all the same.

  When the door opened behind me, I no longer felt afraid. When I saw the prince, I no longer tried to pretend that I was indifferent. Instead, I smiled.

  “Where were you?”

  “I needed to tend to the soldiers. Burned barracks are apparently a lot to deal with,” he said and brought me a basket of food. Strawberries, bread, cheese.

  “I hope everything worked out,” I said and took a strawberry. I wasn’t even hungry yet—I’d eaten a lot the night before. Who knew Earth’s food could be so delicious?

  “It did, yeah. Did you sleep well?” he asked, analyzing every inch of my face as if his eyes alone could give him that answer.

  “I did. I was on the bed.” Had he been there, too?

  And if so, why couldn’t I be bothered to care?

  “Yeah. I slept on the floor. Wanted to see why you like this place so much,” he said, stomping his foot on the stone floor. It made me laugh.

  “It’s my favorite place in this whole room.” And it was. I’d grown to love it. On that floor, I’d fallen apart and started getting back together again. It was a place like no other.

  “I need to leave again for a few days,” he said, and my breath caught in my throat. It shouldn’t have. “I need to go to the Autumn Court. They’re expecting another attack tonight or tomorrow evening.”

  I nodded. “Of course.” That’s all anyone expected here—attacks.

  “Your food will be delivered,” he said, and it occurred to me that he thought my food had been delivered the first time he left, too. It hadn’t, but I’d learned to take it for myself. This time, it would be no different, so I only nodded. “You will be okay in here. I’ll be back in three days.”

  “Don’t you worry about me. I can take care of myself.”

  “I know. A healer elf? You don’t come across someone like that every day.” He tried to keep it lighthearted but failed. Maybe he didn’t want to leave, as much as I didn’t want him to.

  And I didn’t correct him. When he called me a healer, I didn’t tell him what I truly was. There was no need for him to know. No point.

  “I’ll still be here when you get back, don’t worry. I’ll still be your slave,” I said, and it was the truth. Even if I eventually decided to leave this place behind and search for a new one, he would know about it. It was the least I could do for him.

  “You were never my slave, Taran,” he whispered and took a step closer to me. I held onto the basket in my hands and looked at his lips. How soft and red and juicy they looked—better than strawberries.

  Would he kiss me, this time on the lips?

  It was unheard of. A fae kissing an elf?

  What did it matter that I wanted him to, so badly my body felt weak with need? It was still a ridiculous thought.

  But the way he looked at me, it made me wonder if maybe he felt weak, too.

  Someone knocked on the door. A spell was broken somewhere over our heads. The world kept moving again, and I hadn’t even realized that it had stopped.

  “I’ll be back,” the prince whispered and went to his wardrobe.

  I watched him put his armor on, as his friend knocked on the door, over and over again. He didn’t hurry, didn’t look away from me. I sat on the bed and ate and watched him, too. The painting on the wall was behind me, but he still acted like he couldn’t see it. I almost wanted to ask the Shade to reveal it to him, just to see his reaction.

  But no. Not yet.

  He didn’t say anything else before he walked out the door. Not with words, at least.

  With his eyes, he did promise me again that he would be back. With mine, I promised him again that I’d be right here.

  Chapter 23

  Mace

  The ride to the Autumn Court went by faster than ever before. I rode with a hundred soldiers, because the rest had remained in the Autumn Court to prepare for the coming elf attack. It wasn’t a decision I’d made lightly, but moving so many people so often from one place to the other caused more harm than good. So, they’d remained, and now we were going back to meet them.

  My mind was clearer than it had been in a long time. I no longer saw doom everywhere I looked, and when I finally made it to the Autumn castle and saw the beauty of it, I was awe-struck.

  The structure alone was masterfully constructed. Brass-colored metal, almost the same shade as autumn leaves, twisted and swirled into a semi-tipped pattern. The water that ran down the construction not only made the building look alive and breathing, but it made its audience breathe easier, too. Glass covered the ground floor of the castle—unlike anything fae had ever done before. We, as well as the Summer Court, preferred hard rock and smooth stone over glass and metal. But this…this was a different level altogether. Not meant to withstand a fight, though the magic hanging onto the glass and the metal was as thick as that in my father’s castle.

  But to the eye of the beholder, it was unlike anything they’d ever seen.

  So why did it feel like I was seeing it for the first time? How had I not noticed it the first few times I’d been here?

  The back of my head was already pulsating with a horrible ache. I gritted my teeth and went on. I was just tired. I hadn’t slept at all the night before. It had been worth it, but now I was just exhausted. Nothing I hadn’t gone through before.

  Now that my mind was full of memories of Taran—all her smiles and her laughs and her words, the little gimmicks of her face—it was even easier. So easy to focus on her and not worry about what was coming.

  When the Autumn King called for me this time, it felt different from the other times. I was supposed to be here anyway the next day, but his invitation had been urgent. My presence was required here immediately.

  Until I came here, I was convinced that it had something to do with the elf attack. Maybe the King had received news that it would happen sooner than we anticipated, but now I wasn’t so sure. There was no urgency in his people, walking around the castle, doing their work. There was no urgency in
his soldiers, the ones keeping guard and the others I could barely see at the sides of the castle, tending to the livestock.

  “Are you going to meet him right away?” Trinam asked when our horses were taken and we made our way toward the castle. By now, they all knew who we were, and we knew our way inside just fine. There was no need for escorts, but five soldiers stayed close to us at all times.

  “Yes, those were the instructions,” I told Trinam, then turned to the other side, where Chastin walked beside me. “In the meantime, you two can check on the soldiers, make sure everything is as it should be.”

  “Yes, sir,” Chastin said with a nod. He still kept his comments to a minimum, ever since I broke his nose. If I’d known, I’d have broken his nose a long time ago.

  “Maybe it’s a good idea for me to come with you,” Trinam said, but he was already following Chastin because he knew that in a meeting with a King, only people whom he wanted there could be there. And the invitation had specified that I was to see him alone.

  “Yeah, maybe next time,” I said with a laugh and continued toward the doors of the castle, being held open by two soldiers.

  The inside was even more breathtaking than the outside. The warm colors, auburns and oranges and yellows, put you at ease right away. They put me at ease now. They hadn’t before.

  The King’s chambers were in his tower, the highest point of the castle, with a thick, brass-colored spiral wrapped all around the white structure. The water that coursed on that spiral was as thick as half a river. I had no idea what kind of magic and machinery they had working for them to move that amount of water all around that castle like that, but their engineers deserved praise.

  When I made it to the King’s chambers, the soldiers accompanying me didn’t knock. They simply opened the doors and moved to the side to let me through.

  The King was in his meeting hall, alone save for his five guards by the wall, a book in his hands as he sat on his golden chair that could easily be called a miniature throne. He looked up when he saw me, then held up his index finger to tell me to wait. I did.

  “Mace, son, so happy you could make it,” the King said, closing his book as he came toward the large table, the map still drawn over it. Son? He had never called me that.

  “Happy to be here, King Aurant,” I said with a bow.

  “Please, sit. Let’s talk,” he said and came to sit next to me on the chairs of his council.

  A king didn’t sit on a chair for councilmen.

  “Any news on the elf attack? I was under the impression they wouldn’t be ready for another two days,” I said, eager to get this over with already.

  “You are correct. Our spies tell us that they might not even be ready in three—but that is not the reason I’ve called you here,” the King said. “The reason you’re here today is a happy one—a celebration, if you will. We’re approaching the last days of winter, and now’s as good a time as any to give my people the feast of their lives, at least to those who will not survive the next battle.”

  He said it so simply, like he was talking about numbers, not people. I gritted my teeth to keep from commenting, even though the words were at the tip of my tongue. It was harder to push them back than I expected. It hadn’t been this hard just a few days ago.

  What was happening to me?

  “I’ll be honored to be part of it, my King,” I said, as a prince should. On the inside, I wanted to rip him apart for bringing me here, when I could have been back at the Shade with Taran. Her mind was a mind I wanted to explore. Her ideas were so similar to my own that I wondered if I were imagining it. I had never met another being who felt about war the way I did. That was what I wanted to spend my time doing. Not this—celebrating for the coming of death.

  “I thought you might say that,” he said, chuckling, running his hands over his beard. “And it would be my utmost pleasure to see you in the arms of my daughter, Ulana, tonight. You two seemed to have already established an honest relationship the last time you visited. That makes me very happy, son.”

  The ceiling of the room must have fallen over my head. That was why I couldn’t see or hear anything but a ringing in my ears for a moment.

  “My King?” I said, my voice drier than summer air.

  “You and my daughter, Ulana, will be joining my table tonight. Along with the rest of royal bloods, as it should be,” the King said, and he still smiled, like he couldn’t see the horrified look on my face. “Don’t look so shocked. I know your father doesn’t treat you as he ought, but I am not him.”

  By the gods…

  “My King, I am honored by your trust. I truly am but escorting your daughter to a celebration of this kind is not something I am allowed to do. I am not fit for sharing a table of kings.” And for the first time since I was banished from my home, I was glad that my father would never allow such a thing to happen.

  “You are fit to do what I say you are in my home,” the King said. “But that is not the end of the good news. I’ve decided to move forth with the fort in River Kanda. And I’ve decided that you will be the man to lead my army.”

  Now that was something I could do. I could lead this man’s army, and I could plan ahead and make sure that we blocked the elves, gave them no way of attacking. I could make sure that the number of lost lives stayed as low as possible for both our kinds.

  But Ulana?

  “Thank you, my King. You will not regret it,” I promised him. “But I’m afraid I can’t accept your offer to be Princess Ulana’s date for the feast. I will humbly accept any other place you choose for me among your people.”

  I would not sit at the table of the King with his daughter by my side.

  A dark shade spread over his face, turning his fair skin a deep red. “Think about this carefully, Mace. What I’m offering you here is a chance.”

  “I am aware of that, my King,” I said and stood up. “And I appreciate it more than you know. But—”

  “Of course, he’ll accept your offer, King Aurant. It will be the honor of his life, too.”

  The voice that came from behind me froze me in place unlike even the strongest Winter magic could. I didn’t dare move or breathe, as the footsteps grew louder and louder, closer to me, to the King.

  Until the silhouette of a man appeared by my side.

  If the ceiling of the room fell on my head earlier, now it felt like I was buried under the ruins of the entire castle. My body moved on its own accord, and I turned to face my father, the only man whom I hated more than war, and I bowed deeply.

  “My King,” I said under my breath, the words barely agreeing to leave my lips.

  “Rise, son. Let me look at you.” His hands were on my shoulders before I faced him.

  I’d never wanted for my eyes to lie to me more. They didn’t. He really was standing in front of me, right now, touching me.

  My father hadn’t changed at all. He had been the same man since my first memory of him—black hair combed behind his head, glistening under the lights. Black eyes that could bewitch you to do their bidding if he so much as wished it. Black beard that hung like a shadow over his cheeks and around his mouth, and it almost looked like it was doing you a favor by hiding half the face of this monster in man’s skin. He was a big man, as wide as me, an inch taller. His clothes were black—velvet and smooth satin—and the only thing with color in them was the emblem of the Winter Court, shining over his heart.

  When he smiled, it wasn’t an emotion—it was simply a movement of his lips.

  “Exactly as I left you,” he said, his words tinged with disappointment, even though he smiled. He let go of me, and my soul slipped back into my body. I allowed myself a second to close my eyes and gather my thoughts while he went to stand beside King Aurant, a superior look on his cruel face.

  “I wasn’t aware that you would be here,” I said to my father, bringing out years of practice in keeping my voice exactly neutral. No hint of an emotion anywhere. He knew how to use those against you.


  “I thought I’d surprise you,” my father said, giving one of his smiles to King Aurant—who was irritated already, but trying not to show it. He wasn’t as good at it as my father. “Instead, you surprised me. I mean, I always knew you had morals.” He turned to the Autumn King, as if he was about to let him in on a private joke. “He was always the softest at heart and the strongest at sword.” They both laughed. “But I never imagined that your respect for your King would be able to make you reject an offer such as King Aurant has made you. Princess Ulana is a man’s every desire come true.”

  I gritted my teeth to keep from reacting. He knew that I hadn’t turned the King down because I respected his wishes. But it was all a show. Politics, he’d call it. Manipulating people into believing what he wanted them to believe was his specialty.

  “But I am here to tell you that you are worthy, my son. If King Aurant thinks you the best choice to accompany his daughter to his celebration, I will allow it. Not many men can find their way into my mind like our Autumn King here does.” My father patted the King on the shoulder, and I could swear he almost blushed. “For you, my friend, I shall allow it.”

  Bullshit, I would have said, had I not known what would happen if I did. Bullshit. This had nothing to do with King Aurant. This had to do with me.

  Or with something my father wanted, that he thought he could get to with this. It didn’t take a genius to figure it out, as terrans would say. He always wanted something, and he never considered playing fair to get it.

  “I am thankful, King Caidenus,” King Aurant said with a nod. “But I still hesitate.” He looked at me. “Is your father’s permission the only reason you refused me in the first place, Mace?”

  My mouth opened, but I never got the chance to speak.

  “Of course, it was. What other reason could there be?” My father laughed once more, the sound more similar to a crowing than a man’s laughter.

  The Autumn King smiled. “That certainly is good news. I shall let Ulana know. She will be very happy.”

  “May I use your quarters for a private conversation with my son, Your Highness?” said my father. “We haven’t seen each other in quite a while. I want to know how he is.”