Guinevere's Tale

by Nicole Evelina

  As the tingling subsided, I was granted a single vision—a blond woman of the north, a Votadini from the tattoo on her left shoulder blade, sneered in the heat of battle. But she was not my enemy. I knew not her name but was certain that she, and perhaps her people, were part of the life I had yet to live.

  All of this took place in the space of a breath, a single heartbeat. Looking up, I passed the Grail to Morgan, who also appeared surprised when she drank. For a moment, her eyes clouded over, then she handed the cauldron to Marius, a wrinkle in her brow indicating she was contemplating her own vision.

  As Marius touched it, the Grail changed. It became a chalice of finely wrought gold, more perfect and beautiful than any of our goldsmiths could have created. Marius drank from it, tilted his head up as though seeing something no one else could, then reluctantly passed the cup on.

  As it moved down the line, the Grail changed back to the cauldron or became a bone drinking horn or a plain pottery cup depending on who held it. Only for Peredur, Galahad, Arthur, Elaine, and Camille did it take the form it had for Marius. Based on the serenity or puzzlement on each face as the cup passed on, I surmised everyone was granted some sort of insight upon drinking.

  Only when it reached Lancelot did the pattern change. The Grail again became veiled. Just as he’d predicted, he could not see it, nor did he drink from it. All because he’d chosen me. He met my eyes with a soft smile as he passed it on untouched.

  Once all had drunk from it, the Grail returned to Mona’s possession.

  “You are a blessed few, the only people who shall consume from this vessel. Now it must be held in a sacred place where all can venerate it but none can touch it. My sisters and I shall continue to stand guard for as long as the Lady wills it, but it needs a lifelong protector and champion. Who shall fill this role?” she asked the assembly.

  Galahad stepped forward. “I shall. God has told me it is His will.”

  “And I.” Peredur stood next to Galahad, smiling at him. “You will need an attendant.”

  As one, they knelt before Marius.

  “Bishop, we ask you to take us into holy orders straight away and instruct us in the ways of Holy Mother Church,” Galahad said.

  Marius’s face lit up. “As God wills it, my children.” He made the sign of cross over them both. “I am humbled by such a task.”

  I highly doubted it.

  “There is one more among you who has been called by the Grail,” Mona stated.

  Everyone looked around, mumbling.

  Finally, Camille squeezed Aggrivane’s hand and went to Marius. She fell on her knees before him, face nearly touching the ground. “Your Excellency, when I drank from the cup, I felt the same urge that came upon me many years ago when I first received the body and blood of Christ. For many years, I longed to become a bride of Christ, but that path was denied me by my family. Instead, on pain of death, I married a kind, loving man.” She glanced over her shoulder at Aggrivane, who stood in stunned silence, pain chiseled into every feature. “I bore him a son and heir who died many years ago. I have done my duty to him and to my husband.”

  She mouthed “I’m sorry” to Aggrivane before continuing. “I ask you to release me from my marriage vows that I may take the veil and become the first Christian woman in charge of the Grail’s protection.”

  The courtyard erupted in a melee of voices, some praising her, others filled with derision. A few vowed to defend the insult to Aggrivane’s honor. I said nothing, as stunned as Aggrivane, who still hadn’t moved.

  “Silence. Let the bishop speak,” Arthur shouted.

  Marius regarded Camille curiously. “What you ask of me is no small task, my child. It is true you have fulfilled your duties to your child, but what of those to your husband? They continue on even though your womb bears no more fruit.”

  Camille shook her head. “I bore the one child only. Before then, and since, my husband has allowed me to live as a bride of Christ as I have asked of him. He is away in foreign lands much of the time, so I am not denying my duties to him in asking such a thing.”

  Marius didn’t appear to know what to make of this. “Are you saying you no longer have relations with your husband?”

  I winced. This was not a conversation they should have been having in the company of others, even the Combrogi. Before Camille even answered, I was mortified for Aggrivane. I had to do something to stop this madwoman from bringing further embarrassment upon her husband and her house.

  I put out a hand. “Please, let us continue this conversation in private where such delicate matters can be discussed openly without fear of what may come of them.” I motioned Lot to take his son back inside.

  Camille turned on me, still on her knees but looking for all the world as though she would bite me. “No! I have sinned before God in breaking a private pledge of virginity by marrying and bearing a child, and I will confess it before the whole court.”

  “Your sin is one thing, but do you not care for the ruin you bring upon your husband in the process?”

  Camille stood, coming nose to nose with me. “You would care more about saving face for Aggrivane than what is right before God, you who never stopped loving my husband.” She pulled the dagger out of my belt.

  On all sides, Combrogi drew their swords in my defense.

  Camille backed up, blade raised in her gloved hands to show she meant no one harm. She turned back to Marius and began sawing off locks of her hair. “No, Your Excellency, I have not had relations with my husband these fifteen years. I am a privately sworn holy woman now. See?” She held up a chunk of her hair. “This is proof of my devotion to Christ and to the cup which bore His blood. Whether you accept me or no, I am His slave. I am only asking you to make it official before all.”

  Marius was silent, clearly thinking as he watched the impassioned woman hack off her hair. “There is precedent for what you ask, though it is rarely used. If you were, as you claim, vowed to Christ in your heart before you married and did not wish to enter into such a union, then I doubt your marriage was ever valid in the eyes of God. The better question then is to ask this—does your husband give consent?”

  All eyes turned to Aggrivane, who was nearly at the door, his father dragging him by the shoulder. Aggrivane faced the assembly, skin pale and clammy, clearly uncertain as to what to say. He cleared his throat. “Camille, if you wish to devote the remainder of your life to God, I grant you permission.”

  The crowd buzzed again, but Bishop Marius silenced them by raising his hand. He took the dagger from Camille and returned it to me. He spoke to Camille. “That being so, I declare your marriage dissolved in the eyes of God. You may enter the order whom I council. But be forewarned. Any more rash acts such as this”—he gestured to her shorn hair—“no matter how piously intended or induced, will result in disciplinary action. A servant of God, especially one who wishes to guard the Grail, must be meek and mild, not given to flights of recklessness.”

  “Thank you, Your Excellency.” Camille kissed his hand then the hem of his robe.

  “It is decided then,” the Grail Maiden declared.

  Elaine stepped out of the crowd in the silence that followed. “I—I have something to confess.” Her voice was timid at first but gained confidence with every word. “I know I shall not attain heaven with this secret on my soul, so I wish all of you to bear witness to my shriving.” She walked over to her son and clasped his hands. She swallowed hard before continuing. “Galahad, all your life you have asked me who your father is, and I have refused to answer you. Today, as you prepare to enter the service of the Church, I tell you to look upon him.” She pointed at Lancelot. “He is the most honored of the king’s knights, his master of the horse and the queen’s champion, Lancelot du Lac.”

  I grasped Arthur’s arm, legs suddenly weak, head buzzing. Lancelot was married. My mind whirled. That meant we were doubly complicit
in our affair, each betraying not only a spouse but a dear friend.

  After a few moments of stunned silence, Galahad went to Lancelot and kneeled before him. “Father.” He looked up at Lancelot, all the years of wondering plain in his eyes along with his admiration. “Do you claim me as your son?”

  Lancelot raised his son to his feet and embraced him. “I always have. It is I who ensured that you have had all you desire. Go with my blessing into a life of service to your god.” He turned a steely gaze on Elaine. “You, however, I do not accept. I have never loved you, nor will I ever. You lured me into your bed then into marriage by trickery. I never agreed to be your husband, nor do I call myself that now. Here and now, with public witness, I disavow all knowledge of you, woman.”

  Elaine crumpled in pain, face contorting as tears streamed down her face. She wailed as the crowd broke anew into a confused buzz of conversation, some condemning Lancelot, others Elaine. I rushed to Elaine and put my arms around her, holding her up as she shook in the deepest of heartache.

  “You are my husband!” Elaine shrieked.

  “Actually, if he indeed entered marriage against his will, then just as with Camille, the marriage is not valid,” Marius interrupted, quieting the whole room. “However, it also means our Grail champion was not conceived within the bounds of a sanctified marriage.” He paused, holding Galahad’s future, all of our futures, in the balance. “But that is the sin of his parents, no transgression of his. If God is willing to look beyond and bless him with the Grail, then none among us may judge.”

  Galahad breathed a visible sigh of relief.

  Arthur took hold of the situation then, before anyone else could make more proclamations, inspired by the Grail or not. “We have all had an unforgettable morning. I beg you please do not start rumors about what has taken place here today. I do not swear you to secrecy but beg you be truthful and discreet in what you choose to disclose. Go now and return to your lives, forever changed by your encounter with the Grail.”

  Elaine was still wailing as I dragged her away from the labyrinth.

  “Her husband?” I rounded on Lancelot later that night when he found me in one of the deserted towers. “All these years and you couldn’t have told me you were married?”

  Lancelot reached out to me. “But I am not, not in any meaningful way. You heard the bishop.”

  I sat on the floor then, face buried in my hands. “How did this happen?”

  Lancelot sat next to me. He took a few deep breaths before replying. “When Arthur left Corbenic to marry you, he needed someone to guard against Isolde’s wrath and the revenge of the Irish. He found me and offered me the position.” He brushed the hair out of my face. “I accepted only because I knew you to be from that house and thought I would see you again. I did not yet know you were engaged to Arthur. My first night there, Pellinor feasted me until I was deep in my cups. That is when his daughter came to me in the dark of night. Inebriated, I thought her to be you. So Galahad was conceived. It was only the next morning I discovered my mistake and Elaine told me of your upcoming wedding.

  “The following month, she learned she was with child. I told her I wanted nothing to do with the child but would pay for its rearing until adulthood. That was not good enough for her pious family, who sought to undo her sin. Under pain of exposing me to Arthur—and thus to you—as a philanderer worthy of neither trust nor honor, much less the king’s esteem, they forced us to the church, where we were wed. I never told anyone because to me, there was no marriage. I do not believe in her god, nor did I vow myself to her. You are the only woman to whom I have ever pledged my heart or soul.”

  I looked at him then. “Truly?”

  “Truly.” He tried to slip an arm around me, but I shrugged him off.

  “I need time to think, Lancelot. I cannot simply rush back into your arms after a revelation such as this.”

  He bowed his head. “As you wish, my queen.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Summer 515

  Construction began on a chapel to house the Grail almost immediately after our ritual. Galahad, being its champion, selected an island just off the coast, within sight of Camelot on clear days. Arthur, to my surprise, had architectural ambitions like his father, so when Galahad was free from his priestly studies, the two spent most of their time closeted away, working on designs. Marius even contacted some of his friends in Rome and paid for safe passage for two of them to Britain so Arthur’s dream could be executed with the latest advances in Roman engineering.

  I had seen Arthur’s final plans. They called for an inner sanctuary with a gleaming red cupola supported by six tall stone pillars. A walled chapel and living area would surround this sanctuary, with a defensive wall three times taller than a man encircling that. The outer wall wasn’t just protection against would-be thieves. It was also defense against the crashing waves, especially during storms. The whole structure would be accessible only by a narrow causeway created by natural rock and sand deposits. At high tide, it would be completely inaccessible, except by boat, making it the perfect place to house such a treasure.

  With my husband occupied and my champion at least temporarily disgraced, I returned to Avalon with Mona and Rowena. I needed time and space to sort out the tangled knot of my life, and I could think of nowhere better.

  I invited Morgan to accompany us, if only to make amends with Viviane, but she just laughed, saying, “Avalon abandoned me. Why should I return, especially now? I am a Christian woman, remember?”

  “You are as Christian as the Saxons,” I scoffed. “We both know you put on a show only to assure Arthur’s continuing affection. And perhaps to gain favor with Bishop Marius.”

  “What I do is my business alone, Guinevere. Go back to the isle if you must. But I will remain here with my husband. You can tell Viviane I will never return.”

  But when we reached Avalon, I could tell Viviane nothing. She lay ill in her chamber, growing weaker by the day, according to Ailis, who was acting as her guard. She allowed me to see Viviane only because of our long friendship.

  Viviane’s skin was gray, her lips and fingers tinted lavender. Her eyes were closed as if in deep slumber, but the rise and fall of her chest was barely perceptible. A small vein slowly pulsing in her neck was the only other sign she still lived.

  “She is unconscious now but had quite a time before. She started feeling ill just after the new moon, and at first we thought she had a normal illness. But then about a week ago, the convulsions began. Slowly, she became paralyzed and now. . .” Ailis’s voice shook, “I believe she is nearing the veil.”

  “Poisoning?”

  Ailis nodded. “That is what we suspect. But we have checked her belongings, and Nimue personally tests her food, so we cannot find a source.”

  I tossed and turned in my bed for the next two nights, turning Ailis’s account of Viviane’s mysterious illness over and over in my mind. There had to be something we were all missing. We were a community of trained healers, after all. But then again, we were trained to give life; only a rare few knew how to take it.

  Restless, I finally decided to get up and walk the labyrinth, as I often did at home when wrestling with weighty issues. Around and around I trod, allowing my feet to trace the pathways of their own accord, freeing my mind to think on Viviane, Morgan, Lancelot, and Elaine—all of the distractions I had come here to escape. So deep was I in my thoughts I barely noticed when I reached the top of the Tor. Only Merlin’s distraught voice made me pause before I was seen.

  “Surely the Goddess will release her soon. Viviane has served her well. Why prolong her sojourn here?”

  “Is there anything we can do bring her peace?” a female voice asked.

  “Are you suggesting we hasten her death?” Merlin’s voice was sharp.

  “No.” The woman laughed nervously. “I simply wish to see her death be as painless as poss
ible. Provided we cannot find a cure, that is,” she hastily added.

  I shifted my position behind the stone separating us. If I angled my body just the right way, I had a slightly obstructed view of the couple. Long dark hair came into view first, then blue priestess robes. Finally, the lone candle flickering between them illuminated bright green eyes. It was Nimue.

  Merlin sighed and laid a hand on her shoulder. “Perhaps it will be my time soon as well. I have taught you everything I know, my daughters are grown, and Arthur has no need of me anymore. With Viviane dead, what will be left for me?”

  Daughters? I had long suspected Ailis but was not aware of any other children of the Archdruid.

  Nimue seized Merlin’s chin, forcing him to face her. Her eyes were hard with malice. “You should know the answer. Me.” She kissed him hard, letting her lips reflect her anger at his neglect to factor her into his life’s worth.

  I backed away slowly. Something in Nimue’s disposition frightened me, but it also inspired a thought. Racing back down the Tor, I prayed that for Viviane’s sake, I was right.

  When I reached Viviane’s chambers, I woke Ailis with a shake.

  “What is it?” She raised herself onto one arm and squinted at the window. “It is not even dawn yet. Go back to sleep.”

  “Ailis.” I shook her again to make sure she didn’t go back to sleep. “Who prepares Viviane’s meals?”

  “Nimue. Why?”

  I tugged on her arm. “Come with me.”

  I lit a candle and dragged her out into the night. We paused on the threshold to Nimue’s room, just long enough to ensure it was still unoccupied. I began throwing open chests and drawers.

  “What are you looking for?” Ailis asked, shocked at my actions.