A Very Alien Christmas

by Skye MacKinnon

  “Ho, ho, my green elf, come meet my reindeer,” my abductee invites me and beckons me closer. “They’re eager to say hello. This is Mistletoe, the small one is Sparkle, to my right is Baubles and the one that’s about to lick your face is Icicle. Watch out, if he claims you, he won’t let go of you for days. He’s very possessive, aren’t you, boy?”

  I retreat to the wall, away from the slobbering reindeer that’s approaching me. Licking my face? I don’t think so. Who knows what germs are in that beast’s saliva.

  “How did they get here?” I ask. “The airlock never opened. We would have had to approve that. Besides, it’s not like they could have flown through the vacuum of space. And they definitely didn’t board our ship back on Peritus. The life signs didn’t appear until just now.”

  Santa shrugs. “Ho, ho, my reindeer have a magic of their own. It’s good that they’re here now. It would have been bad for my reputation to show up without them. It’s bad enough that I no longer have my sleigh, but-“

  “We have your sleigh!” I interrupt. “We used it to transport you to the ship. It’s in the room next door.”

  “Ho, ho, ho! I could kiss you, elfie!”

  I grin at him. “Do it, don’t hold back.”

  Within an instant, he’s upon me. His strong arms wrap around my waist and he pulls me close until all I can see is him, his beard, his stunning eyes. His lips meet mine in a passionate kiss that’s nothing like I’ve ever experienced. He tastes sweet yet spicy, hot yet pleasantly cold. Our tongues dance in tune to music only we can hear.

  Santa pushes me against the wall and without thinking, I wrap my legs around his waist. I’m taller than him, but he’s strong enough to hold me. I grind against his cock which is hard against the various layers of his clothing. I wish he was naked.

  A reindeer honks, destroying the moment. Santa chuckles and slowly breaks the kiss, ending with one last swipe of his tongue against my lips. Cool air hits my wet lips and for the first time, I feel cold in my own ship. I want him touching me again.

  “Ho, ho, ho, later, my delicious four-breasted elf,” Santa whispers hoarsely. “I will make sure both of us will end up on the naughty list tonight. But now we should discuss business.”

  “Business?”

  My mind is muddled from our kiss. I couldn’t think of anything I’d like to do less than talk about something as mundane as business. Besides, it’s not part of our Alien Abduction course. Next up should be Seduction Techniques for Inexperienced Aliens, followed by The Mating Habits of Humans before proceeding to Beard Care for Beginners. We designed that module ourselves after seeing how much facial hair our abduction target possessed.

  I suppose we’ve already covered seduction and mating in a very practical way. We’ll just have to write up a report for Professor Katila so that it counts for our assignment. It might be embarrassing to describe in detail what we did with Santa, but after reading previous students’ assignments, our experience was very tame. There were no tentacles or thorns involved, not even a tail. Compared to other species, both human and Ankani physiology is really quite boring.

  I sigh and turn to the reindeer again. “What kind of food do they need? I doubt we have anything suitable on board.”

  “Ho, ho, they prefer a diet of cotton candy and chocolate-covered apples with the occasional nibble on my gingerbread house. However, they will survive on hay.”

  “We’ll have to stop by the nearest space station and buy some food for them.”

  “Ho, ho, excellent. We can start our business venture there.”

  “Business?” A-Ven asks, stepping through the open door behind me. “What are you two plotting?”

  I shrug. “I’m not quite sure, but I hope it involves lots of mating.”

  Santa laughs, making his entire beard shake. “Ho, ho, hottie, you’re truly insatiable. You’re definitely going on my naughty list and I will make sure you stay on it.

  “Do you really have to start every sentence with ‘ho, ho’?” my sister asks.

  “Ho, ho, yes, it’s a speech impediment that I was born with. It can get a little annoying, but I’m used to it. By now, humans would be disappointed if I didn’t do it. Ho, ho, ho!”

  I smile at him. “It’s kind of hot, especially earlier when you came…”

  A-Ven grins. “Indeed. Let’s not stop with the ho-ing. But what’s that business you want to discuss?”

  Santa points at his reindeer. “Ho, ho, every year I travel across the world and deliver presents to children. They send me their wish lists, but most of the time I ignore those and simply give them what their parents requested. Easier that way, you understand? Besides, it’s pretty hard giving world peace to children just because they want it. That’s way above my pay grade.

  “I’ve done this for so long that I’ve grown tired of always travelling the same route. I’ve changed it up, visited countries in random orders, but in the end, it’s always the same. And with time, it’s grown boring. They no longer build houses with proper chimneys that I can climb down. Now that was a challenge, back in the days! Now, I have to leave the presents on their doorstep or have to sneak into their houses. Dull. I’ve been looking for a new challenge and you ladies have given me just that. I’m going to extend my present delivery business to all of space, one planet at a time. You shall be my high-tech sleigh, transporting me to where I’m needed. Once I’m on solid ground, I can use my reindeer and sleigh to do the actual deliveries. We’ll split the fees.”

  “Fees?” I ask. “Who pays you for doing this?”

  “Ho, ho, automatic affiliate payments. Whenever I deliver toys, their manufacturers pay me a fee for it. Not that they know, of course. It disappears from their bank accounts without them realising. They usually put it down to fraud if they notice, but that’s rare. I don’t get a lot, but if you deliver presents to billions of children, it quickly adds up.”

  A-Ven whistles appreciatively. “I’m impressed. You must be loaded if you’ve done this for centuries.”

  Santa gives us a good-natured smile. “Ho, ho, definitely. I don’t have much use for it, though. I mostly spend it on treating my reindeer.”

  “I like your plan,” I admit. “But you may not be aware that Christmas is a Peritus thing. It’s not celebrated on other planets.”

  “Ho, ho, Peritus?”

  “The official intergalactic name for your planet.”

  “Ho, ho, huh. I wonder why anyone bothered giving it a new name.”

  A-Ven laughs. “It’s not a new name. It was called Peritus before life appeared and it was just a boiling rock. Once you officially have first contact, your fellow humans will be told the name and will hopefully start using it. It’ll make things much easier for intergalactic cooperation if everyone uses the same terminology.”

  “Ho, ho, interesting.” He turns to me. “I don’t share your concerns about Christmas. If the locals don’t know it, they will still be happy about receiving gifts. I might be able to amend my branding a little, make it more universal.” Santa laughs. “Universal. Get it?”

  I look at A-Ven and shrug. Some things get lost in translation, that’s for sure, even with our advanced technology.

  “We have a festival called Ma-Tan,” I muse. “We give presents to both our younglings and elders in celebration of life itself. There is no one person who delivers those gifts, though. We do it for each other and take credit for it.”

  “Oh yes,” my sister adds with a grin. “And it’s important to thank everyone who gave you something individually. Entire family feuds have started because no proper thanks was given during Ma-Tan.”

  “Ho, ho, I can work with that. Does that mean you’re up for it? Becoming my elves, joining my business?”

  I point at the reindeer. “Only if you deal with their waste.”

  A-Ven laughs. “And we demand daily probing and mating. To keep you in shape. We wouldn’t want you to get out of breath during your deliveries.”

  Santa’s eyes sparkle as he
wraps an arm around each of us and pulls us close. “Ho, ho, ho, I wouldn’t dream of refusing. And I believe I’m ready for you to jingle my bells once again…”

  Lesson 6: Beard care for beginners Final grades

  A-Ven

  The green clouds of Ank cover most of our planet’s atmosphere, hiding it from view, but that doesn’t stop the warm feeling of home spreading in my chest. I stare through the porthole, glad to be home.

  After a brief stop at Kitt-Y-6, the closest space station to Peritus, we headed straight for Ank to start our first Christmas mission. I’m excited to be Santa’s elf. He’s explained the function of an elf to us and there’s nothing I love more than helping him deliver his gifts – especially if he’s delivering them deep inside of me.

  We’ve got enough food for the reindeer to last us several months, but we’re hoping they will change their diet to plants we can find on Ank. That will lower our costs substantially. Buying hay in space is the most expensive thing I’ve ever done.

  Before we set foot on our home planet, however, we’ve got one last thing to do. I don’t want to step before our nestfeeders without our IGU certificate.

  “It’s time,” A-Vay announces just before Professor Katila appears on our screen.

  Her three eyes stare at us with the same piercing gaze as always, but her purple lips are curved into a smile.

  “A-Vay, A-Ven,” she greets us. “It’s a pleasure to see you. And this must be Santa?”

  “Ho, ho, help, I’ve been abducted by aliens!” Santa calls out, grinning widely. “Please don’t take me back to my planet.”

  The professor chuckles. “I see your abductee has quickly got used to life away from Peritus. Are they treating you well?”

  “Ho, ho, ho, most definitely. I couldn’t have asked for better abductors.”

  Santa gives me a wink. Professor Katila is blissfully unaware that we mated just a few minutes ago before reaching Ank’s orbit. Mating fluid still coats my thighs, but luckily the screen only shows us from the shoulders up. It’s kind of ho-ho-hot, knowing that Santa’s seed is still within me.

  “That is good to hear,” our teacher says before turning her attention back on us. Her middle eye is fixed on A-Vay while her lower two eyes focus on me. “I have read your assignment and after discussing it with my colleagues, I’ve decided on a grade. Since this was your final assignment, I can now tell you the final grade for your Alien Abduction for Beginners course.”

  She pauses for dramatic effect, but I resist the urge to tell her to hurry up.

  “First, your assignment. While your probing was a little unorthodox and you skipped several introductory sessions with your abductee, I agree that in your situation this was the best course of action. Your abductee was clearly happy with his abduction and you therefore didn’t require any of the practices outlined in Dealing with an Angry Human. I’ve decided to award you nine out of ten IGU credits for this assignment, meaning your final grade is an Alpha Star. Congratulations, you’re the best students this year.”

  I look at A-Vay with delight. I knew we’d be good, but an Alpha Star is more than I’d hoped for. Our nestfeeders will be so proud. They were satisfied with our choice to become traders, but having not just one but two qualified abductors in the family will increase their standing in the community.

  “I’m going to message you your certificate in a moment,” the Professor continues. “Usually, I’d invite you to apply for the Alien Abduction for Professionals class, but from what I’ve read in your assignment, you’ll be kept busy by your abductee, in more way than one.”

  She winks at us with all three eyes before the screen turns black.

  I never thought our stern teacher had a sense of humour.

  A second later, a message appears in our inbox. I open it and have it appear in the holo projector so that the other two can read it at the same time. It’s our IGU certificate, signed by both Professor Katila and Professor Z, the university’s headmaster.

  “Now it’s official,” my sister mutters. “We’re professional abductors.”

  “Ho, ho, ho, if you dare to abduct anyone else I will remove you from my naughty list,” Santa warns. “No more jingling bells, no more licking my candy cane.”

  “No abductions,” I say quickly. “You’re enough for us, don’t worry.”

  “Ho, ho, good. I will keep you satisfied, don’t worry. I may be old in years, but I have more stamina than my reindeer put together. My Christmas tree won’t grow limp any time soon, not with you two around.”

  He gets up and walks towards the porthole to look down at Ank. Our home. For at least some time, it will be Santa’s home too. We’re going to explore the planet together, delivering presents, making people happy. Plus having lots and lots of sex.

  “Time to start the landing sequence,” A-Vay says and turns to the controls. “We don’t want to be late for dinner.”

  I let her take over and sit on Santa’s lap. He wraps his arms around my waist and kisses the nape of my neck.

  “Merry Christmas,” he whispers and puts his hands on my breasts, jingling my bells just the way I like it. “Ho, ho, ho.”

  Want more alien abduction lessons?

  Enroll at the IGU and read Alien Abduction for Beginners, a reverse harem featuring three hunky yet clueless aliens and the human woman they abduct.

  Do you think you’ve got what it takes to become an alien abductor? Take the test to find out! Then download your personal course certificate and hang it on your wall (or share it on social media and tag me).

  Don’t want to miss a new release? Subscribe to my newsletter to get a free book: skyemackinnon.com/newsletter

  About the Author

  Skye MacKinnon is a USA Today & International Bestselling Author whose books are filled with strong heroines who don't have to choose.

  She embraces her Scottishness with fantastical Scottish settings and a dash of mythology, no matter if she's writing about Celtic gods, cat shifters, or the streets of Edinburgh.

  When she's not typing away at her favourite cafe, Skye loves dried mango, as much exotic tea as she can squeeze into her cupboards, and being covered in pet hair by her tiny demon cat.

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  Read More of Skye’s Sci-Fi Romance Books

  The Intergalactic Guide to Humans (alien romance, various pairings)

  Between Rebels (alien reverse harem)

  The Mars Diaries (sci-fi reverse harem)

  Through the Gates (post-apocalyptic/alien reverse harem co-written with Rebecca Royce)

  Partridge in the P.E.A.R. (sci-fi reverse harem co-written with Arizona Tape)

  For all of Skye’s books and audiobooks, head to her website: skyemackinnon.com/books

  Christmas in the Alien Bride Lottery

  A Khanavai Warrior Alien Bride Games Story

  Margo Bond Collins

  About Christmas for the Alien Bride Lottery

  When Lola graduates from college a semester early, she’s left without a job or even any real prospects. She takes a holiday position working as a Christmas Elf at the local mall, only to learn to loathe all things Christmas.

  So when her name is drawn for the Alien Bride Lottery’s new “Holiday Special,” she’s almost relieved. Until she meets Valtin, the Khanavai warrior who has decided to make her his own. He’s fascinated with human holiday traditions, especially Christmas.

  Can a cranky Christmas Elf and an overeager alien male find the magic of the season together?

  Chapter 1

  Lola Richards

  You know what’s the best part of getting a holiday job as a Christmas Elf in Santa’s Village at the local mall?

  Nothing.

  Not a single damn thing.

  Every day, I got up, got dressed in my silly candy-cane-striped tights and ridiculous too-short green
dress, the one my boobs always tried to spill out of. The costume definitely wasn’t made for curvy elves. It was, however, perfect for the pervy dads who tried to see down it when I was trying to get their kids to smile for Santa.

  I couldn’t roll my eyes hard enough at those guys.

  About half the time in the mornings, I got out to my car without the stupid hat or obnoxious curly-toed shoe covers—both made of cheap felt and festooned with tiny jingly bells. On those days, I cursed aloud and headed back into my apartment.

  Mrs. Gardner, the old lady who lived in the unit next to mine, inevitably pulled back the vertical blinds and peered through her open sliding glass door to give me the evil eye when that happened.

  December twenty-fourth was one of those days. Mrs. Gardner was still glaring at me when I got back out to my car with all my absurd elf gear.

  One more day.

  By this time tomorrow, I’ll be jobless again.

  I gave Mrs. Gardner a fake-cheerful smile and wave as I backed out of my spot, wishing I had the nerve to flip her off instead.

  Seriously? I went to college for this?

  At the mall, parents with small children were already lined up waiting to see Santa, even though we didn’t open for another thirty minutes.

  Worse, Penelope had gotten there before me, so she’d grabbed the register to start her shift, which left me wrangling kids onto Santa’s lap to get them ready to have their pictures taken.

  “I haven’t had coffee yet,” I complained as I clocked in on the other computer.