35 Days of Confidence

by Alyssa A Austin

  “Think like a queen. A queen if not afraid to fail. Failure is another stepping stone to greatness.”

  There’s a stigma about failure that it’s bad. If you fail, you lose. Right?

  Wrong.

  Because “failures” are not failures at all. They are opportunities for learning. As the saying goes, “You win or you learn. There is no fail.”

  And the sooner you embrace this, the better.

  The moment you realize you can try and fail — and that everything will be okay — then you are free to create, and become your most authentic, confident self.

  And when you’re running headfirst in the direction of your goals and dreams, it’s inevitable that along the way you will experience some sort of setback. But these setbacks, these “failures,” are a gift, because they are opportunities for improvement and learning.

  Yes, really.

  Even the most debilitating failures are positive opportunities for growth. Mostly because the real reason they are so “debilitating” is due to our own pride and ego.

  One of the best things you can do in your life to fuel your self-confidence and keep you moving in a positive direction of change, is to develop an attitude of resilience.

  Ninety-nine percent of time, whether you worry about the outcome or not, everything will turn out okay. Worrying about failure and all the “what-ifs” that occupy way too much of your mental energy is draining. And pointless!

  “Whether you worry or not, the world will keep turning. Life goes on.”

  But there is a way to stop worrying, and the fear of failure in its tracks, and use that time more productively. The way to stop worrying is to embrace failure. Whatever it is that you’re worried is going to happen—whatever “failure” means to you—resolve to accept it, should it happen, and emotionally detach.

  Most of the time, all of our stress and anxiety around the idea of failure stems from the “what if” spiral: going down a deep dark hole of all the bad things that could happen if we fail. But if you:

  A) Define the “what if”.

  B) Resolve to accept it.

  C) Emotionally detach.

  ...Then the stress and anxiety goes away. Failure becomes less scary, and you’re able to see it for what it is (should it happen): an opportunity for learning.

  Because when you’re willing to stop at nothing in pursuit of your goals… you’re already winning. But, let’s take this intangible sermon and turn it into a tangible action exercise you can actually use. Shall we?

  Here is your Day 33 Challenge:

  Take 5 minutes right now and think: whatever the goal is that you’re working towards—what would failure look like? What’s holding you back from diving headfirst into whatever it is that you’re pursuing?

  Write it down.

  A common answer is embarrassment. “If I fail, it’s going to make me look bad/incompetent/stupid.” Human beings are prideful creatures—we all are—but unfortunately pride can be a paralyzing emotion. This is an easier failure scenario to deal with, since the fear is almost all pride-based.

  So what if you fail? Who cares? The only person who SHOULD care, is you. And your “failure” isn’t a death sentence; it’s a setback. It’s a dead end that you just have to reverse out of and try something else instead. What’s so scary about that?

  And more so, if you “fail” and keep going, those around you will applaud you. They’ll be impressed by your resilience, which will make it all the more impressive and gratifying when you do ultimately succeed (which you will!)

  Or your answer may be more about your actual livelihood, like “If I fail, I will lose hundreds or thousands of dollars” or, “If I fail, I won’t earn the promotion I’ve been working towards for years.” That’s a little harder to deal with, since it affects your income, or has repercussions on your family. But it’s not impossible. Nothing is impossible.

  Come up with a backup plan. So for example, if your worst-case failure scenario is that you would lose money, spend some time saving up, creating new income streams, and finding ways to earn more now. This can be as simple as selling some items around the house you no longer use, or something that ensures a little more security, like picking up (another) job. Or resolve to dip into your savings and be totally okay with that now. The more you can do to prep yourself for this “failure,” should it happen, the less worried you’ll be that it will.

  The final step is to emotionally detach. Failure is not something to be ashamed of. Because it’s not “failure” at all. And if you do fail, things will be okay. It’s all a matter of retraining your brain to think about failure as an opportunity, not as a loss.

  34.

  Proactivity

  “Set yourself up for success in every possible way.”

  * * *

  Throughout this book, we’ve talked a lot about the idea of responsibility, and the necessity of taking ownership for your mental state, your actions, and your reactions. I want to take this idea of responsibility a step further and really deep dive into how you can be a proactive advocate for your own success.

  You can’t always control what the world throws at you. But you CAN control how you react. And more importantly, you can control the position you put yourself in to be successful.

  The best way to do this is to not just arm yourself with success habits, but to create a routine or series of routines for yourself where you can actively practice them in your life. We’ve gone through quite a few different success habits in this book so far, so in this chapter we’re going to work on tying them all together in a way that works for you, by creating your Confidence Jumpstart Routine.

  Many entrepreneurs and some of the world’s most wealthy people credit routine as a crucial factor of their success. A consistent routine gives you the power to control your own destiny, and can help equip you to better deal with challenges that arise throughout the day with poise and ease.

  A powerful routine can help you free up your conscious mental energy, become more efficient where it matters, become more creative, and continue to perform at your best, most confident level of output.

  Now I’m not saying you need a routine that schedules your day out to the minute (although I’m going to bring that up shortly as an exercise). Instead I’m suggesting that you develop at least one routine that you can use to:

  • Motivate and empower yourself to take action

  • Bring about a positive attitude

  • Calm nerves and anxiety prior to a potentially stressful situation

  • Re-center after a long day

  • Refocus on your priorities and goals

  • Remove tension from the body

  Among many other things! And this routine can be quick. In fact, I recommend only about 5 minutes for your Confidence Jumpstart Routine. Let’s figure yours out now!

  Here is your Day 34 Challenge:

  I want to challenge you to create your personal Confidence Jumpstart Routine using some of the elements we’ve discussed and exercises we’ve completed over the last 34 days.

  Aim to create a 5-minute routine that you can use to “reset” your confidence and motivation levels. Choose from the list of activities below and select 5 to compose your own Confidence Jumpstart Routine (one activity per minute). Mix and match your chosen 5 exercises in a way that makes sense to you, and that you can consistently rely on and turn to as a routine to help you refocus and jumpstart your confidence.

  1. Write down 10 things that make you unique (Day 2: Identity)—This will reaffirm some of the qualities you like about yourself, and remind you that you are truly special.

  2. Repeat your Aspiration Statement out loud, or write it down (Day 3: Realization)—This will remind you of you of your ultimate goal: the life you want to create for yourself.

  3. Rewrite your goals (Day 4: Goal-Setting)—Remind yourself of your goals and your power to achieve them.

  4. Repeat out loud to yourself “I am responsible” (Day 5: Responsibility)—Refram
e your mindset for taking action and empowering yourself.

  5. Do one of your strength activities (Day 6: Motivation)—Do one of the activities that you know makes you feel stronger.

  6. Repeat your three-word power phrase out loud (Day 7: Mindset)—Remind yourself of the attributes you most admire and want to strengthen in yourself.

  7. Do one of the things that you know makes you happy (Day 8: Happiness)—Happiness creates confidence!

  8. Write a Gratitude List (Day 9: Gratitude)—Write down everything you are grateful for at this moment in time to remind yourself of all the good things in your life.

  9. Practice your posture with the “zip up method,” or hold open “power poses” for one minute (Day 24: Posture)—Reinforce confident behavior through your body’s actions.

  10. Practice square breathing for one minute (Day 27: Breath)—Calm your nerves and refocus your mind by bringing attention to your breath.

  BONUS! More Proactivity-Focused Exercises:

  Here are a few MORE exercises I’ve found to work well for setting yourself up for success, and creating the kind of life where you can be your most confident, happy, fulfilled self.

  Craft Your Ideal Day: This is a fun one. Take 30 minutes to sit down and plan out your ideal day in hourly increments. This exercise hearkens back to Steve Jobs’ famous daily question, “If today was the last day of my life would I want to do what I’m about to do today?”

  Having a sense of how you’d spend your day if it were entirely up to you, reinforces the things you care about (and the things you don’t). Once you have a sense of what your ideal day would look like, work on making it a reality.

  The Proactive To-Do List: Many of us have been trained to write out our daily to-do list each morning to set our goals and intentions for the day. However, waiting until the morning-of to make your to-do list can actually set you up for failure, as it makes you highly reactive to any requests, communication, and social media posts you’ve already seen by the time you make your list.

  Instead, try making a “Proactive To-Do List” and writing out your key action items for the next day the night before. This puts you in total control of your time for the next day, which will in turn affect your mindset positively. Remember: Respect your own time: it is your most valuable resource!

  35.

  Courage

  “The best time to jump is right before you’re ready.”

  * * *

  The best and most natural way I can think to end this book is with a chapter on Courage.

  Because being confident takes courage. Changing your daily habits to become your best self, and challenging yourself to step outside your comfort zone takes courage. Just the act of getting started takes courage.

  Everything seems overwhelming until you start. You can plan and set deadlines and practice your affirmations, but at the end of the day, you need to start.

  And, as the quote at the beginning of this chapter says, best time to jump is right before you’re ready.

  Because you’ll never be “ready”. Not really. There’s always one more thing you could do to be more prepared, one more exercise you can complete, one more thing you can learn… but sometimes you need to just start.

  Sometimes, you need to just go ahead and raise your hand in the classroom.

  Sometimes, you need to just speak up in the meeting.

  Sometimes, you need to say, out loud, when you think you have a better idea.

  Sometimes you just need to ask that guy out.

  Whatever it is, the most courageous thing you can do is to just do it.

  And if it makes you feel a little bit uncomfortable, great! It should. Growth happens when you step outside of your comfort zone. You become a better, stronger person when you step outside your comfort zone.

  Beginning your journey to confidence and authentic living is one of the most courageous acts you can take.

  It’s only after you start, and take this crucial step outside of the familiar comfort zone that you can embark on the path towards discovering your true potential, and begin living your best, most confident, most authentic life.

  And once you do, you’ll find that you are unstoppable!

  Here is your Day 35 Challenge:

  Getting started is exciting, but continuing on can be more of a struggle. To help you stay accountable towards your goals, identify your personal support group: a group of 3-5 people who you are going to tell about your goals, and more importantly, your deadlines.

  Choose your personal support group carefully. Choose people who you look up to and you know will encourage you. Choose people who have the courage to make confident life decisions that inspire you to do the same. Bravery inspires bravery. Surround yourself with people who inspire you to be better—who inspire you to be the absolutely best version of yourself—and your success will be inevitable.

  And as you find success and fulfillment in life, be aware that you are inspiring others to do the same. Positive energy and confidence are infectious, and once you begin living your most authentic, confident life, don’t be surprised when the people around you are inspired (by you!) to do the same.

  Conclusion

  “I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time.” -Anna Freud

  * * *

  If there’s one thing that I want you to take away from this book and these exercises it’s this:

  You are not a passive participant in your own life.

  Life is not something that just happens to you. You are responsible for taking ownership of your life, and how you spend your time. If you don’t like something, change it.

  Period.

  Those people who you have always looked up to: who life seems to happen effortlessly for, who have “all the luck”? That’s not by chance. Those people have taken their life into their own hands—they are playing a starring role in their own lives.

  And so can you.

  There’s only 1% of people out there living their dreams. You can be a part of that 1%!

  For many of you, that means that some real change needs to happen over the next month/couple of months/year/years.

  Trust your gut, rely on your training and your practices, and make it happen. You can do this!

  I am a firm believer in the power of purpose. Once you find that thing that you are meant to do this world, and you pursue it passionately and with intention, you will discover an authentic and meaningful quality of life where everything seems to fall into place. Once you begin pursuing your purpose, the universe will conspire to continue to help make good things happen for you. Good breeds more good. And those “lucky people” you’ve always admired? Soon you’ll find that you’re one of them.

  You deserve to live the life you’ve always imagined for yourself. So go out there and make it happen!

  If you’re ready to take the next step on YOUR journey to true confidence and authentic living, access my free video training session at poisedandprofessional.com/free-training

  About the Author

  For as long as she can remember, Alyssa has been fascinated by the science of what makes people confident, effective communicators. This helped to inspire her love for theatre and the performing arts at a young age.

  Alyssa studied communications at Penn State University, where she danced competitively as a member of the national championship-winning Penn State Lionettes Dance Team. After college, Alyssa worked in corporate marketing for 8 years where she learned the power of effective confidence and communication tactics to advance and thrive in the workplace.

  Today, her mission is to equip and empower confident female creators to success.

  She now lives and works in San Diego as an actor, and teaches women of all ages the power of developing confidence through her blog and coaching site, PoisedandProfessional.com.

  Alyssa lives with her husband, Mike, and their extremely photogenic Bernese Mountain Dog, Georgie.

  Wil
l You Review Me?

  Thank you for reading my book! I really appreciate all your feedback and I love hearing what you have to say.

  I need your input to make the next version of this book and my future books better.

  Please leave me an honest review on Amazon, letting me know what you thought of the book.

  Thanks so much! I appreciate you.

  Alyssa A. Austin