Weight of Everything

by Anna Wineheart

  Ulric’s heart swelled. “That’s brilliant.”

  Gage pulled up his own shirt in invitation; Ulric leaned in and blew a raspberry against Gage’s baby bump. “Hey! Damn you, babe.”

  Ulric laughed. “Don’t set a bad example for the children, Gage.”

  Gage flipped him off, but he was grinning. “I’ll show you bad example,” he growled.

  Ulric tingled all over. “Let me say hi first.” He kissed Gage’s abdomen, breathing in Gage’s clove scent—he was finally getting used to it. “Hey there,” Ulric said, letting his voice rumble into Gage’s body. “It’s your other dad and me. I don’t think you know it yet; there isn’t just one of you, but two. Right now, one of you is with me, and the other is with your other dad. You’ll meet when you’re born. I think you’ll have lots of fun growing up together.”

  Gage found Ulric’s hand, entwining their fingers. “Looking forward to bringing you both into our family.”

  Ulric couldn’t wait for that day. He pulled Gage’s knee up and rested his head on Gage’s thigh, kissing Gage’s baby bump. “I love that we can talk to both of them at the same time.”

  “Pretty soon, we might feel them kick at the same time.”

  “I hope that doesn’t turn into a kicking contest.” Ulric winced.

  “Come to think of it, maybe they’ll kick hard enough that they can feel each other.” Gage laughed.

  He pulled Ulric closer and gave Ulric’s belly a loud kiss. Then he sat up, kissing Ulric on the lips. The look in Gage’s eyes—it made Ulric melt inside.

  “Lazy afternoons are the best with you,” Gage said fondly. “Best enjoy them while we can.”

  Ulric grinned. “Wise words. I hope you won’t regret this.”

  This time, Gage cradled Ulric’s belly, and his kiss was slow and lingering. “Nah, I won’t. You can hold me to it.”

  By the time the twenty-week ultrasound rolled around, Gage had felt their baby kick, but the one in Ulric’s belly hadn’t budged yet.

  “I hope it’ll be okay,” Ulric said, his stomach twisting. Had something gone wrong with the pregnancy? This wasn’t quite a natural process, after all—not for alphas who’d artificially placed a uterus in themselves.

  Except Gage’s baby had moved. Not Ulric’s. Did Ulric’s weight have something to do with it?

  He worried at his lip, his heart thumping when they stepped into Rutherford’s office.

  “It’ll be okay,” Gage whispered. But even he was nervous.

  Rutherford looked a little harried. “Hello there. It’s been a while. How are the two of you doing?”

  They went over Gage’s progress first, then Ulric’s. “I haven’t felt our baby move,” Ulric said, wincing when Rutherford turned his solemn gaze on his belly.

  It wasn’t so often that Ulric felt out-of-place these days. But now that he was nervous, he felt far too heavy next to Gage, and Rutherford’s slim frame. What if he was too unhealthy to carry a baby?

  “Here, lie back on the exam bed,” Rutherford said. “We’ll do your ultrasound first.”

  Ulric held his breath, his heart thumping. Gage crowded next to him and held his hand.

  The ultrasound gel was warm on his belly; Ulric barely felt that. Instead, he felt his curves, he felt as though he needed to hide his body again.

  The doctor examined the inside of Ulric’s belly this way and that, the monitor’s black-and-white speckles changing with his movements. Then a small, curled-up figure came into view—their baby. Gage sucked in a sharp breath. Ulric stopped breathing.

  Aside from the morning sickness and the fatigue, aside from his honey scent and the stiff shape of the uterus in his belly, Ulric didn’t feel quite so pregnant. Whereas Gage’s baby bump looked like a baby bump, Ulric’s belly looked like he’d just put on more weight.

  But the ultrasound image—that made his pregnancy very real. There really was a baby inside him.

  After he’d examined the fetus from all angles, Rutherford looked up with a smile. “Your baby seems to be developing well. Some pregnant folk may feel the flutters as late as the twenty-fourth week, so there’s no cause for concern yet.”

  Ulric could finally breathe again. So maybe this wasn’t as bad as he’d thought.

  Gage leaned in and kissed his lips. “See, you’re both fine.”

  Ulric was too weak with relief to answer.

  He clambered off the exam bed and cradled his belly, waiting while Gage had his turn with the ultrasound. Gage’s baby looked just as beautiful as Ulric’s—these were both their flesh and blood. And it never ceased to amaze him that they were carrying their babies at the same time.

  Later, they left Rutherford’s clinic, walking hand-in-hand through the outskirts of New York City.

  “He looked pretty stressed-out,” Ulric said.

  “Who? Rutherford?” Gage frowned. “I think he might really move to Meadowfall. He sure could use a break.”

  “Imagine if he became our neighbor.” Ulric laughed. Wilkie had been talking about moving in with his friends on the next street; Ulric wasn’t sure how Wilkie had gotten to know them, but Wilkie hadn’t stopped with his questionable side gig thus far. Gage had been arguing with his brother a lot more lately.

  “Maybe Wilkie and Rutherford should both be our neighbors.” Gage scowled. “I’d rather Wilkie move closer so I can keep an eye on him.”

  “He’s an adult, you know.”

  “If he keeps up the way he is, he’s going to get into trouble one of these days. And not any sort of good trouble.”

  Ulric smiled at Gage’s protectiveness. “Maybe things will turn out fine. Like it did for us.”

  “Maybe,” Gage grumbled.

  “He could hook up with an alpha, and they’d protect him.”

  Gage’s scowl deepened. “No. What if they manipulate him? He’s—He has issues.”

  “What if he finds someone he loves?” Ulric pointed out.

  “What if they use him, and he thinks he’s in love?”

  Ulric could understand Gage’s protectiveness, though. Wilkie was a dear; Ulric didn’t want anyone to break his heart.

  He tugged Gage onto a less-crowded street so they wouldn’t get as many looks their way. Then he brought Gage’s hand to his lips, kissing it. “Give him a chance,” Ulric said. “You can always be the good older brother and swoop in to save him.”

  “I hope,” Gage said darkly.

  Ulric was about to kiss Gage’s wrist to distract him, when a car pulled up next to them. It was familiar. Ulric didn’t think much of it, until the door opened and his mother stepped out.

  His stomach sank. He’d known they shouldn’t have stayed out so long, but he’d wanted to show Gage some of his favorite places from his childhood. Somehow, it had slipped his mind that his mom frequented these particular streets, too.

  She stalked toward him and Gage, her expression filled with contempt. Gage glanced over. “You know her?”

  “My mom.”

  Gage stiffened, his mouth pressing into a thin line. He moved to step in front of Ulric; Ulric shook his head. He couldn’t hide behind his alpha for anything. Especially not this.

  So he held still and waited until she stopped in front of him with a disgusted stare. “Nothing has changed with you, has it?” Mom asked, flicking a glance at Gage. “Or have you started paying for an escort?”

  Gage’s eyes flashed. “I’m no escort.”

  “He’s my bondmate.” Ulric held his breath. He remembered being afraid of his mom turning Gage against him. He remembered being afraid that Gage would leave. “Gage, this is my mom. Mom, this is Gage.”

  Mom’s scowl twisted further. “Bondmate? Who in their right mind would bond with you? You’re ugly, you’re grossly overweight, and I don’t know what you did to your stomach, but—”

  Ulric’s chest squeezed. He glanced at Gage, half-thinking that maybe with enough of those words, Gage might possibly be convinced.

  “Me,” Gage snarled, taking a ste
p forward. Ulric had to restrain him. “Just because you can’t see the good in him, doesn’t mean no one else can.”

  Mom flicked an incredulous look at him. “That’s a waste of your looks.”

  “I don’t care what you think of my looks,” Gage retorted. “But I care that you’ve never done your part as a mother at all.”

  “I’ve provided for him,” Mom snapped. “He should be grateful. What other lies has he told you?”

  “None.” Gage looked like he was about to snap further at her, except Ulric knew he would never change her mind. Gods knew he’d spent years trying to. Every time he’d failed, it had broken him just a little more.

  “I’m carrying Gage’s child,” he said, straightening to his full height. He hadn’t stood up to her in a long time. And now that he was, now that he risked her disowning him, his heart felt like it might explode. “We’re preparing for a family.”

  She looked at his belly in horror. “Alphas can’t get pregnant. That’s disgusting.”

  “It’s not.” Ulric met her eyes. Gage loves me, he told himself. Everything will be okay. “I’m sorry you feel that way, but I’m happy now. I think that’s all that matters.”

  “You’re not my son,” Mom snapped. “I’m sick of wasting my time on you.” Those words rang in Ulric’s ears; he couldn’t breathe.

  She looked like she was about to hurl more insults at him, except Gage took Ulric’s hand. “We’ve got somewhere better to be, ma’am,” Gage said in his polite personal trainer tone. “Ulric has a family who accepts him for who he is. We’re returning to them. Have a great day.”

  Then he turned Ulric away and tugged him down the sidewalk. Some of the pedestrians clapped for them. A couple of people came up, asking how Ulric had gotten pregnant. Gage gave them the details of Rutherford’s clinic.

  They ducked down a quiet alley, and it was only then that Ulric realized his hands were shaking, his heart pounding in his ears.

  He’d never walked away from his mom before. It had always been her leaving him behind.

  “How’re you feeling?” Gage asked, cradling his face.

  Ulric took several deep breaths, blowing out the anxiety in his chest. “I’m okay. I think.”

  It hurt that his mom no longer wanted him. But maybe... she’d never wanted him in the first place. It had taken him until now to realize it. And that still hurt, no matter how far behind he’d left his past.

  “I love you,” Gage murmured, kissing him. “You’ll remember that, right?”

  Ulric bit his lip, his eyes burning. “Yeah. I just wish... I was strong enough to deal with this.”

  Gage pulled him into a tight hug. Their bellies bumped, and the embrace was a little awkward. But Gage ran his fingers through Ulric’s hair, pressing kisses all over Ulric’s face. “It’s okay if you cry,” Gage whispered. “You’ve always wanted her love, and you’ve never received it. Hell, if it happened to me, I think I’d break, too.”

  Ulric buried his face in Gage’s shoulder, feeling as though he might crack. Alphas shouldn’t cry.

  Gage kissed his neck. “You’ll feel better if you let it out, babe. It’s perfectly fine.”

  “I’m already not enough of an alpha,” Ulric muttered.

  Gage pressed him up against a wall. “You’re enough. More than enough. The only person who should mind is me, and I love you, babe. You’re perfect as you are.”

  That struck deeper than Ulric would like to admit. He bit his lip, blinking hard. And the memory of his mother disowning him welled up in his chest, until it overwhelmed him.

  In his arms, Ulric broke down. Gage held him tight, stroking his back, never once letting go.

  When he finally pulled away, scrubbing at his wet cheeks, Gage caught his hands. And he kissed off the dampness on Ulric’s face. “I’m going to ask Mom to bake a cake,” Gage said. “The most special coffee cake for you.”

  Ulric snuffled. “But I’m not supposed to have—”

  Gage kissed away his protests. “She’ll be delighted if you want her as your mom. We’ll have cake to celebrate.”

  Ulric gulped, his throat tight. “Really? I couldn’t possibly...”

  “Yeah.” Gage pressed their foreheads together. “She’s just been waiting for you to ask. You’re already part of the family, Muffin.”

  Ulric stared, trying to believe all of this. Losing one family but gaining another. Gage holding him, Gage never judging him at all, even now.

  “I love you,” he croaked.

  Gage smiled and nuzzled his ear. “You’re the very best thing that happened to me.”

  Ulric held his alpha, grateful for this man. In his belly, something fluttered. He looked down in surprise.

  “Felt something?”

  “I... don’t know.” Ulric touched his belly. Then came a stronger flutter, that was most definitely not his stomach gurgling. “I felt it.” He held his breath, meeting his alpha’s eyes. “I felt our baby!”

  Gage’s entire face lit up. “Damn, babe.” He pressed Ulric back against the wall, kissing him thoroughly. Then he plastered his hands over Ulric’s belly, trying to feel it, too. “Might be too early for me.”

  “You’ll feel it soon,” Ulric breathed, pulling Gage into a kiss. He couldn’t wait to feel the kicks from Gage’s belly, too. And a bubbly excitement began in his chest, that pushed away his misery from earlier.

  Their babies were fine and healthy, and growing every day. Back home, there was a family who accepted him, waiting for them to return.

  And in his arms, Ulric held the best alpha in the world.

  33

  Childbirth

  Gage’s mom was assembling a meat pie in her kitchen. Ulric sighed longingly. He hadn’t eaten in hours—not that there was much space in his stomach right now, with the baby pressing against his insides.

  “This is going into the freezer for you.” She clucked. “It’ll be just a while longer.”

  “Seems like that’s forever away.” Ulric’s heart crashed against his ribs. The surgery would take place in a couple more hours; he was part-excited and part-nervous about it.

  Over the last few months, he and Gage had been getting the house ready for their babies. They’d installed cribs and changing stations, they’d painted the nursery room walls and picked out baby clothes, and they’d gone over so many lists of names that Ulric had gone cross-eyed.

  Ulric was glad they’d gotten all of those done weeks ago, because they could only waddle like a pair of ducks now. At least he’d been staying home—he preferred not being stared at.

  Gage, on the other hand, had kept working at the gym for as long as he could. He’d told his supervisors, he’d told the gym regulars, and after the initial jokes and stares, he’d gone back to being a regular gym employee—it was rare that the gym regulars batted an eyelid at him anymore.

  At thirty-seven weeks, Ulric felt as though he might pop soon; he was glad they’d scheduled the c-section sooner than later. They’d been massaging each other’s crampy feet, speaking against each other’s bellies in that 69-position, and the kicks felt like a gut-punch, more often than not.

  But he was happy. They were carrying each other’s babies. And he loved seeing the excitement on Gage’s face every time Gage rubbed his own belly, or Ulric’s.

  “Since you’re giving birth on the same day, are those twins?” Gage’s mom asked, pressing down the edges of the pie crust with a fork.

  “We’re thinking of them as twins,” Gage said. “When they get older, they’ll get their cots pushed together in the middle of the nursery, but for now, they’ll just be sharing a single cot.”

  His mom grinned. “That’s just adorable.”

  “Sure is,” Ulric said. “We’re excited.”

  Gage rubbed Ulric’s belly, grinning when his baby kicked. Then he brushed his swollen belly against Ulric’s—they couldn’t hug face-to-face anymore. For a while now, all their hugs had been from the side, or from the back. Not that Ulric minded, when Gage
always gazed at him so warmly.

  “I think we should get going,” Ulric said.

  Gage fingered a small bump in his pocket that Ulric hadn’t noticed before. “Yeah, we should.”

  Ulric made to reach for it. Gage swatted his hand away, his ears turning pink. Which only made Ulric more curious. “What’s that?”

  “Just, ah. Just a bit of pocket lint.”

  Gage’s mom laughed. “You sure are convincing, hon.”

  Did she know what it was? Ulric frowned. Because it sure wasn’t some random lint.

  “C’mon, time to meet our babies,” Gage said, turning Ulric toward the kitchen doorway. “Where’s Dad?”

  Gage’s dad drove them to the hospital, overnight bags and all. Ulric thought it awkward that both he and Gage were sitting in the backseat, but Gage only snuggled up with him. “Unless we get to share a bed when we recover, this will be all the snuggles you’ll get for a while,” Gage said.

  That was disappointing. “At least we’ll be able to spoon again when we get home.”

  “Oh, yeah.” Gage grinned. “Can’t wait for that, too.”

  They checked into the hospital, changing into gowns soon after. Gage sidled over to Ulric and lifted both their gowns, rubbing their bellies together.

  “Gage,” Ulric hissed. They were naked from the waist down.

  “Nothing they haven’t seen before, probably.” Gage pulled Ulric closer, their abdomens bumping awkwardly. Ulric shook his head.

  “Here, before we head into the operating room,” Gage said. He hauled over his overnight bag and reached inside. “I have an important question.”

  “We already decided on names.” Ulric scrunched up his forehead. Or was this a silly question like what ice cream they would have in bed when they got home?

  But the look in Gage’s eyes—he really was serious about this. And he looked nervous, too. Ulric’s instincts rumbled. Why was Gage nervous? “Gage?”

  “Probably the most important question I’ll ever ask you,” Gage whispered, his breath hitching. He took Ulric’s hand, folding their fingers together. Then he pressed something cool and circular against Ulric’s palm. Two somethings? “Love of my life, alpha of my heart, father of my children—”