by Skye Tisdale
***
CHAPTER 11
MORGAN
The snow crunched softly beneath our feet. Axel held my hand as he guided me through the mountain forest, which was deceptively dense and vast. He told me that people got lost here every year, and I believed him. I could easily imagine myself getting disoriented and walking around in circles until I collapsed in the snow. But Axel knew the forest like the back of his hand, and with him I felt safe.
A snowflake broke through the evergreen ceiling and sailed down, landing on top of my pink nose. I smiled and gazed up at the sky. The blizzard was still howling somewhere far above us, but the treetops shielded us from the worst of the wind. It was like our own little haven down here. Nothing could touch us.
“Almost there,” Axel said.
“Mm–hmm.” I rolled my eyes. He’d been saying that for the last half hour and we didn’t seem to be getting any closer.
Even though I had no idea where he was taking me, I wasn’t scared. Axel may be rough around the edges, but I still saw the good in him—even though he didn’t always seem to see it himself. Sometimes I wished that I could make him see himself through my eyes, because maybe then he wouldn’t feel the need to pull away from the world so much. But I knew that was a fool’s daydream. I couldn’t make Axel happy any more than he could make me strong. That kind of change had to come from within, and it took time. We didn’t have time.
Suddenly saddened, I squeezed his hand just a little bit tighter.
We came to a stop at the bottom of one of the mountain’s tall peaks. I’d never been at such a high altitude before, and I bet that the view would’ve been beautiful, if it wasn’t for all the mist. Axel let go of my hand and removed his backpack. He pulled out a flashlight, turned it on, and shone it at the side of the mountain.
“There it is,” he said and looked at me expectantly. “See?”
I followed the light with my eyes, and I did see. Just like how the sheet of ice that covered the ocean cracked in spring when the temperature got too high, some kind of environmental shift had caused the mountain to split vertically down the middle. Axel shone his light into the crevasse, and I could see that it opened up into some kind of natural cave that appeared to lead deep into the mountain. The way the light reflected against the tiny metal deposits in the walls caused the whole cave to light up and glimmer like stars in the night sky.
I gasped. “Oh, Axel, it’s beautiful!”
He grinned and gave me a little nudge. “Ladies first.”
“What, you expect me to go in there?“ I asked and bit my lip, suddenly nervous. “Won’t there be bears in there? Not to mention spiders?“
“Probably.” Axel chuckled and pushed his way through the crack, disappearing from my sight. I heard him call out to me from within: “You’re not afraid of a few little spiders, are you?”
I huffed. “Not the little ones, no! It’s the big ones that freak me out…”
I hurried in after him before I got left behind. It was cool inside, but not cold. I probably could’ve taken off my jacket and still been perfectly comfortable. I stopped and looked around. There were no signs of other people having been here before us. Does anyone else even know this place exists? To our left, there was a tunnel that led deeper into the mountain. I could hear the sound of water trickling coming from there. There had to be a natural water source of some kind.
Axel shone his flashlight around at the jagged cave walls. “I think you’re safe, princess. I don’t see any spiders.”
“That’s just because they took off as soon as they heard you coming.”
“I do have that effect on people—and spiders, apparently,” he agreed. “But fear not, princess! If we do happen upon a spider, I’ll slay the evil beast for you.”
I snorted and rolled my eyes. “Will you really?”
“Well, no.” He grinned. “I’d probably just put it outside.”
“But we are outside.” I argued. “And what if there’s a bear? Are you going to put that outside too? Because I’d love to see you try.”
“And I’d love to see the bear squeeze its way in through that.” Axel gestured to the tight cave entrance, which even I’d struggled to get in through. “Worst case scenario we run into a raccoon—in which case you’re on your own, because I simply don’t mess with those guys. Not after what happened last time…” He winked and hoisted his backpack over his shoulder. “Come on. Let’s go deeper.”
He stretched out his hand. I took it and followed him through the cave tunnel, towards the sound of running water. I could practically taste the moisture in the air. The closer we got, the louder the sound of running water became. Soon, the tunnel began to broaden before opening up completely into a large, open cavern. The sound I’d heard was water leaking from a gap in the wall and merging in the deep crevasses below, forming a crystal blue pool. Axel flicked off his flashlight, but the cave was still bright. I looked up and saw why. There was a hole in the cave roof, almost like a sky light, which allowed the moon’s white light to shine at our feet.
I gasped and let go of Axel’s hand. “Axel, are you seeing this? This place is like something out of a fairytale!”
He hummed in agreement and knelt down by the remains of an old campfire that I hadn’t noticed until just then.
“Oh…” I slumped my shoulders. “Looks like someone’s been camping here. I guess we’re not the first ones to discover this place after all, huh?”
“It was me.” Axel looked up at me and smiled, his eyes glimmering in the moon light. “I found this place when I was exploring the woods after first moving in, over four years ago. Ever since then, I’ve been coming here whenever I need some time to myself.”
I cocked my head and peered at him curiously. “I wouldn’t think that someone who lives alone would need even more time to themselves. More like the opposite.”
He shrugged. “I may live on my own, but I’m never alone. People come and go, as you’ve seen. Tourists, friends… even the occasional lost girl.”
I smiled and sat down on the ground beside him. “And do all the lost girls get to come to your secret hideout?”
He looked up and winked at me. “Only the really cute ones.”
I smiled and turned away, trying to hide the fact that my cheeks had turned bright pink. How come I had to force myself to feel something for David, but Axel could bring those feelings out of me without even trying? Because, while I may roll my eyes at him and pretend to be annoyed by his little jokes, the truth was that my stomach fluttered every time he looked at me. I found myself trying to memorize the exact icy blue shade of his eyes, and being scared of the thought of failing. I tried not to think about the fact that we had to part ways soon. Would I ever get to see him again?
My eyes watered as I watched Axel gather sticks from the cave floor and place them on top of the burned remains inside the old campfire. Once he had the fire going, it got warm quickly. I stripped off my jacket and shell pants, feeling Axel’s eyes burning on my skin, perhaps for the last time. Suddenly, I felt overcome by a sense of urgency. If this was our last night together, then I had to get to know him before it was over. Before it was too late.
“I used to be a girl scout,” I blurted out.
Axel looked up and met my eyes attentively.
“I only went camping once, but it was great,” I continued. “We learned how to build make–shift shelters and how to start a fire, and I saw my first and only fox. My dad didn’t want me to go, so my sister forged his signature and told me to lie and say I was going to cooking camp.” I laughed to myself as I recalled the memory, and how devious I had felt crossing my father for the first time. “I mean, come on, is that even a real thing? Anyway, you should’ve seen his face when he found out. He was so confused, but absolutely furious at the same time…”
I looked at Axel, expecting him to join in the laughter with me, but instead he looked concerned.
He hummed. “Your dad sounds like quite the character.”
“I guess?” I shrugged. “I’ve never really thought about it. Come to think of it, there’s lots of things I’ve never really thought about… So, what was growing up like for you?”
Axel shrugged. “Pa was an accountant–turned–hunter, and ma was a stay–at–home mom. It was just the three of us. My parents decided after I was born that they wanted out of the city life, so they moved to the most remote place they could think of: Kodiak Island, Alaska. One of the things I love about Rodite Mountain is that it reminds me of home. The cold, the isolation, and the constant smell of pine… Yeah, it sure brings me back. Sometimes I wish I could go back to the island and visit for real instead of just reminiscing about it, but…” He shook his head solemnly. “I can’t.”
“Why not?” I asked.
“Because… I’m an outlaw, Morgan.” Axel’s voice was heavy. “People are looking for me—bad people—and when they find me, they’ll tear me limb from limb. And they’ll kill everyone that I love, too… So, while Ma and pa may miss me, they’re much better off believing that I’m dead. You understand, don’t you? You went through it too. You understand why I had to abandon everyone that I love?” There was a sense of desperation in his voice; a deep urge to be understood.
I stared at him. Suddenly, it all made sense. The real reason Axel lived on Rodite Mountain wasn’t because he despised people, but because he was hiding from them. His life was in danger— just like mine had been before I met him. Before he saved me. The big difference between his situation and mine was that he’d been on his own all this time, while I’d had his help from the very get–go. It was no wonder the world had hardened him so…
But one thing I didn’t understand was how Axel, of all people, could be an outlaw. I associated outlaws with criminals and old Western movies—not good, kind and loving men like the one I saw when I looked at Axel. In my heart, I knew that he was a good man. Whatever happened, he must’ve had a very good reason for it. I wondered if I would ever get a chance to figure out what those reasons were…
I reached out and took his hand in mine. “I do understand,” I said softly. “I understand that we do what we must in order to survive. Like you said: I’ve been through it too, so how couldn’t I?”
Axel nodded stiffly and turned away, but not before I caught a glimpse of the wetness glistening in his eyes. I pulled my hand back and wrapped my arms around my knees instead. I felt like I’d just witnessed a side of him that no–one else had ever seen before, but he was still shutting me out. I worried that, in my desire to get to know him, I’d pushed too far. His mind was a locked door, and only he held the key. Trying to pry the door open would only hurt us both—and the last thing I wanted was to cause him pain.
***
CHAPTER 12
AXEL
My fingers anxiously rubbed the smooth metal dog tag in my pocket. I meant to tell Morgan the truth, but when I came back inside after confronting the messenger and saw her scared face, I just couldn’t do it. Instead, I told her it was a lost tourist looking for directions. The worst part was that she didn’t even question it, because she trusted me.
And I’d broken that trust.
I pulled the dog tag from my pocket and held it in the air in front of Morgan. Her eyes moved from side to side as they followed the dangling chain.
“What’s that?” she asked.
“A fragment of my past,” I said. It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the full truth either.
“Can I see it?”
I shrugged and gave her the chain. It curled up in the palm of her hand like a metal snake, and she studied it curiously.
She looked up and smiled wryly. “I didn’t take you for a necklace guy.”
I grunted. “It’s not a necklace, it’s a military dog tag. All soldiers wear one.” I hesitated a moment before continuing. “You remember that car that showed up at the cabin earlier, don’t you?”
Morgan stiffened. “You mean the one you said was nothing?”
“Yeah.” I cleared my throat. “I… wasn’t completely truthful when I said that. He was a messenger, not a tourist—and he was looking for me. The real me.”
Her eyes widened. “You mean he knew you’re a… you know?“
“An outlaw?” I chuckled lightly at the way she censored herself. “Yeah. He knew about my past, which means he must know I’m an outlaw. And he gave me this…” I pulled the note from my pocket and handed it to her. “It was wrapped around the dog tag.”
Morgan read the note through several times, her eyes growing more worried with each read–through. “‘They know?’“ she said. “Who are they? How’d they find you? Oh God, this can’t be good…” She looked up at me with big, frightened eyes. “Axel, what are we going to do?”
“The only thing we can do: leave and go our separate ways, and hope that our pasts don’t catch up with us.”
“But…” She glanced at me sadly. “You mean you’re going to leave everything behind? Your cabin, your life, your bar? Just like that?”
“There’s no other choice,” I said sternly. “I can’t stay on Rodite Mountain, and neither can you. Thankfully, the storm won’t trap us for much longer. I was watching the sky earlier, and the lighter clouds are already beginning to dissipate. By morning, it should be safe enough for us to get on the road.”
Morgan sat quietly for a long moment. “Where will you go?” she asked finally.
“Someplace safe,” I said vaguely. I didn’t want to put either of us in danger by giving away too many details about my plan. “There are some people I left behind in my old life, and I need to go and find them. It’s my fault everything’s so fucked… I need to make things right.”
I was talking about my old squad; the four loyal men who’d stuck with me when I made the decision to go against Maverick’s command. They could all be dead by now, for all I knew. If I had known where my decisions would lead us, I never would’ve joined the army in the first place. I would’ve stayed in Alaska with my family, hunting and fishing until I toppled over from old age. That way, nobody would’ve gotten hurt.
“I don’t understand,” Morgan said.
“That’s good,” I said. “The less you know about me, the safer you’ll be.”
“Well…” Morgan smiled faintly. “It’s a bit too late for that, don’t you think? I’m already homeless and on the run. It doesn’t get a lot more unsafe than that.”
“Yeah, maybe you’re right…” I agreed quietly. I furrowed my brows and glanced sideways at her. “I could tell you everything, but it would put you at risk. Is that what you want?”
Morgan looked into my eyes and nodded seriously. “It is.”
“All right then. I’ll tell you.” I sighed and leaned back against the cold stone wall, letting my eyes wander across the starry evening sky. “They told us there was a terrorist hiding out in a nearby village.” I began. “Even though I was just a greenhorn, my captain put me in charge of a 4–man squad. He wasn’t following protocol, but no–one questioned it because no–one knew it was happening. No–one except for us, that is, and we were naÏve fools. Anyway… our mission was to locate the so–called terrorist and bring him back for “interrogation.”“
Morgan shuddered. Even she, who had lived such a sheltered life, knew the implication. “Did you find him?”
“We found him, all right…” I nodded. “but Captain must’ve counted on the ‘terrorist’ not speaking English, because he told us a completely different story. He was a merchant trading silks and spices, and the like. His family had been in the business for generations, and as you can imagine, they’d grown quite rich. Rather than putting all their money in the bank, they invested in expensive art work and literal bars of gold that they secretly buried throughout the region to keep them safe. The banks were corrupt, you see. The bankers would have taken the money and ‘relocated’ it into their own back pockets as soon as they had the chance.
“Yeah, there was a whole lot of corruption in the desert back the
n—and a whole bunch of terrorists too. But the man Captain Maverick sent me to bring back for interrogation? He wasn’t one of them. He was an honest, innocent man caught in the middle of a war zone. If I had brought the man to Maverick, I would’ve been well rewarded. I most likely would’ve received a promotion. But the merchant? He would’ve been tied up in a cave somewhere and tortured for days on end until he told him exactly where all the gold was buried. And even then, I doubt Maverick would’ve let him walk out alive…”
Morgan’s face had turned a ghostly pale color. “But that’s horrible,” she whispered.
“Yeah,” I agreed. “but Maverick made one mistake, and that was sending me instead of going himself. I was horrified when I found out the truth. I wasn’t about to sit back and watch an innocent man lose his life, so I ignored Maverick’s command and took matters into my own hands. The squad followed my lead, and together we snuck into the village one night. Vaugh, Reed and Johnny kept look–out while Chase and I escorted the man and his family to safety. They lost their family home, but at least they kept their lives—not to mention all of that buried gold. Just before we left, the man forcibly shoved a bar of gold into our hands and told us to keep them. I remember it being much heavier than I expected…
“But of course, it didn’t end there. The man was safe, and I was one gold bar richer, but Maverick was furious. We covered our tracks, but Maverick still figured out that I must have something to do with it. The next day…” I swallowed hard and closed my eyes. I was reliving the memories in my mind, and even though they were nearly half a decade old, they felt fresh. I saw the way the sand glistened under the hot desert sun; felt the heat, and the sweat trickling down my back as we ran… I also felt the fear and shame, but the worst was the guilt. It was eating me alive from within. “The next day, he brought us back to the village and we found it burned to the ground. It smelled like burnt pork from all the charred corpses scattered around the village. Maverick made us all get close to them and get a nice, good look… Wildfire, he claimed. Yeah, fire spreads quick in the desert, but that was a load of crap... What really happened is that he snuck out of the village at night and lit those huts on fire with his own hands. Must have—and it’s all because of what I did. It’s all my fault, Morgan. I killed all those people.“