“Was everyone watching me, too, making sure I didn’t go psycho again?” There’s a bitter taste in my mouth at the thought of a bunch of people stalking me, waiting for me snap.
“No. That’s what I was for. Why do you think I was at that party? I had to keep an eye on you, make sure you didn’t get into trouble.”
“So, Caroline asked you to watch me?” There’s a sinking feeling in my stomach which I don’t understand. Of course he was only looking out for me because of Caroline. We can barely stand each other.
“No,” he answers slowly, surprising me. “Caroline didn’t tell me to watch you. I did that on my own. She said years ago that you might awaken late, so I guess I’ve just been kind of keeping tabs on you, in case you needed help. That morning, when you said you were seeing auras, I assumed it was finally happening. That’s why I followed you into the bathroom.” He huffs out a laugh. “And nearly lost an eye for it, too.”
I smile, remembering my savage attack on him that morning.
His voice turns serious. “But I’m glad I followed you to Kayla’s party.”
“Me too.” I hear myself say. I shudder, imagining what would have happened if he wasn’t there.
As we walk up to Caroline’s house a few minutes later, I try to get my questions in order. My dad may not know much about my mom’s side of the family, but maybe Caroline does.
When she answers the door, her pale blue eyes widen in surprise. “I didn’t expect to see you here, Emerson.” She looks askance at Caiden. “Is something wrong?”
“No,” I answer before Caiden can. “I wanted to come along. I have some questions to ask you.”
“Oh. Well, come on in then.” She steps back to let us through. “How have you been? Caiden was supposed to come over today to give me an update on your training, but now that you’re here, it looks like you’ll be able to tell me yourself.”
We enter her cozy living room. There’s no fire this time, but I walk over to it anyway and gaze at the woman on the mantle. Morrigan. She’s just as arresting as before, maybe even more so, now that I know who and what she is.
“Do you worship her or something?” I find myself asking.
If Caroline is surprised by my question, she doesn’t show it. “In a way. I guess you haven’t gotten to that part of your lessons?”
I turn to face her. “Not yet. We’re still working on self-control.”
Caiden makes a noise deep in his throat. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was trying to smother a laugh.
“And how is that going?” She asks, without missing a beat.
“She’s doing really well, considering,” Caiden rushes to answer before I can.
“Considering what?” I raise my eyebrows at him, assuming he’s insulting me.
He arches a brow back at me, sensing my ire. “Considering, the fact that we’ve only had one lesson so far. And considering that it’s been less than a week since you’re gifts awakened.” He turns to Caroline as he continues. “She’s shown a remarkable aptitude for telepathy. Not only can she receive deliberate messages, but she can send her own thoughts out at will.”
“Really?” Her eyes light up as she studies me.
“Yeah, she’s extraordinary.”
I look away, uncomfortable with Caiden’s praise.
“She’s still working on self-control, but I think she’ll learn quickly,” he continues.
“And she’s sitting right here and doesn’t like being spoken about like she isn’t in the room,” I grumble.
Caiden almost smiles again. I wonder what’s put him in such a good mood today.
“So what were you saying about my next lesson?” I ask Caroline, tired of being left out of the conversation.
She smiles, eyes still bright. “Your next lesson will be on mythology, but I think for now you have enough on your plate. Now then, you said you had some questions for me?”
“Yeah. Um, they’re about my mom.” I scrutinize her expression. “Did you know her family?”
“No, I didn’t. From what I understand, her and her family had a falling out.”
That’s just what my dad said... hmm, what next? “Do you know where her family’s from? Or where they are now?”
“I think your father would be better able to answer those questions, don’t you? Is there a reason for your sudden curiosity?”
I study Caiden. He told me he hasn’t said anything about what we talked about Monday, and I hope he’s telling me the truth. I don’t want Caroline to know that I doubt my mom’s suicide. I think I’ll have a better chance at getting answers if she thinks I’m just looking for closure instead of chasing wild conspiracy theories.
Praying Caiden won’t give me away, I try to make my voice sound small and weak.
“It’s just that, my dad doesn’t like to talk about her after... And I have questions about her, you know? I mean, you’re telling me she’s a witch, but I just never saw it. I was her daughter. Wouldn’t I know? How did she get away with hiding it from my dad for almost fourteen years?”
A little anger leaks into my voice. Not all of what I’m saying is an act.
“Why didn’t she tell me about being a witch? Warn me about what would happen?” I swallow the bile in my throat as I choke out the next part. “And then she just goes and kills herself! Without telling me about any of this!”
Caiden gives me a sharp look, but doesn’t interrupt.
“I just thought that if I knew where her family is, maybe they could help me figure all this out...” I do my best to sound forlorn and pitiful. I know I’m not fooling Caiden, but Caroline seems to soften.
“Well, honey, that’s what I’m here for. That’s why your mother asked me to look after you.”
I pretend to wipe my eye and turn away. “What can you tell me about her? It’s hard, knowing that she’s gone. That she chose to leave me.”
The words burn coming out. I know in my heart that my mother never would have left me by choice. Something else must have happened. And Caroline knows something about it. Something she doesn’t want to tell me.
“I only knew her for a few short months. She needed help. It’s hard to tell why she did what she did. She was becoming more and more paranoid.”
“Paranoid?” I ask, pretending to sniffle.
“Yes. She believed you were in danger.” She shrugs, as if to show how little stock she put into my mother’s belief. “She was in a panic when she came to me, asking for my help in hiding you.”
I stiffen at this revelation. “In danger from what?”
“There is always danger for our kind.” She shrugs again. “She never said specifically what she was afraid of. She just raved on and on about how you weren’t safe.”
“But, why?” I whisper to myself. “Why would she kill herself if she thought I was in danger? How could that have helped?”
I don’t realize I spoke out loud until Caroline answers me.
“I don’t know, Emerson. But she was trying to protect you. That much I do know. ”
My mind is reeling. There are so many things I want to ask, but I know I have to end it soon, before she gets suspicious.
“Thanks.” I pretend to dry my eyes. “For telling me.”
“Of course. Anytime you want to talk, I’m here. Now, I believe you have a lesson with Caiden to get to.” She smiles as she shows us to the door.
Caiden pierces me with a sharp look as soon as we’re in the car. “Are you going to tell me what that little performance was all about?”
“What performance?”
I know he isn’t buying my innocent act, but he doesn’t press. His face goes blank; usually not a good sign. Even though he appears calm, I know he’s seething. There’s nothing in his appearance that would give it away, but I know.
His house is a small ranch situated on the edge of town. The siding was white once long ago, but now has a dingy, yellowish hue. The rectangular garden in front of the house is overgrown with weeds, and the sidewalk
leading to the front door has crabgrass popping up through the cracks.
He gets out of the car and heads straight for the shed around back. He cleaned up the glass shards from last time and replaced the broken items. I wonder where he’s getting all this glassware from.
“Alright, same deal as before. No matter how upset you get, I expect you to control it. Get ahold of yourself. Do you understand?”
I gulp nervously. I have a feeling he’s not going to be pulling any punches this time. He’s out for blood. I close my eyes for a minute, finding my center. Inhale, release.
I open my eyes and nod once at him, keeping my chin down and eyes focused as if it were a boxing match. I must keep calm.
“Why were you fake crying at Caroline’s?” He asks right off the bat.
I knew he was angry about that, and now he’s going to use this practice session to get it out of me. I answer honestly and without hesitation.
“I needed information. She had it. Fake crying seemed like the best way to get it.”
“So, you’re used to getting what you want, no matter what it costs to anyone else?”
“I didn’t see how my pretending to cry would hurt anyone. And I really shouldn’t have had to resort to those measures. She should have told me about my mom to begin with.”
“Why? Because it’s what you wanted? Are you really that spoiled?”
“Spoiled? It’s spoiled to want to know the truth about my own flesh and blood?”
“If you’re mother wanted you to know the truth, don’t you think she would have told you herself?”
“Maybe she would have, if she wasn’t killed!”
I hear something shatter behind me but don’t bother turning to see what it is. I have to remember to breath. Focus on staying calm.
“Killed?” Shock registers across his face, followed quickly by anger. “Is that what you believe? You think there’s some sinister plot going on about your mother? And what? You think Caroline’s behind it?”
“I didn’t say Caroline’s behind it. But yes, I think something sinister happened to my mother.” I’m impressed by how reasonable I sound. “You heard Caroline today – she admitted that my mother thought I was in danger! And she knows why, even though she won’t tell me!” I yell louder than I mean to, but amazingly, all the glass ornaments stay intact.
Caiden’s demeanor changes as he thinks about what I’ve said. Now that his curiosity has been appeased, he’s analyzing me for the best plan of attack. That’s his job, I remind myself. He has to try to make me lose control.
“And you won’t accept that fact that your mother killed herself?” He lashes out harshly.
“She didn’t,” I say coldly. I tighten my muscles, making sure I’m still in control. “I told you what happened. She was going to run again. She was going to take me with her. She was afraid of someone. She wasn’t crazy and she wasn’t suicidal!”
I feel myself of the verge of losing control. I take a steadying breath.
Caiden continues to study me, looking for my weak spots. His pupils dilate and he grimaces slightly before attacking again.
“Do you know what I think? I think the reason you’re so reluctant to believe your mother killed herself is because if you accept it, then you have to admit that you're responsible. You saw the signs. You said yourself that she was out of her mind. She was behaving erratically; paranoid. But you didn’t call anyone, did you? You didn’t try to get her help. You just sat in your room, hoping she’d come home. You want so desperately to believe that someone else killed her, otherwise you’d have to admit that it’s your fault.”
One solitary elephant shatters, its tinkling sound echoing off the aluminum walls. The rest holds. I keep my shield steady, not letting it so much as flicker. Caiden smiles at me, pleased. He reaches for me, to congratulate me I think. I flinch away.
“That was amazing, Em. I can’t believe you were able to keep control. I pushed you to the limit and you stood strong.” He smiles again.
“Was that satisfactory?” I stand rigidly, staring stonily back at him.
His expression changes, his brows knitting in confusion. “Yeah, it was great.” He looks at me warily.
“Good. Now go to hell.”
With one controlled burst of energy I obliterate every piece of glass in that shed, shattering everything in the room in one spectacular grand finale.
Caiden flinches and reaches out to cover our heads with his arms, but it’s not necessary. I’ve already thrown up a shield to protect us from the flying shards and sparkling dust. I’m not sure how I do it, but it feels natural.
Glittering rain falls down around us, forming a perfect circle exactly six inches out from our bodies.
Chapter 16
I don’t stay to hear what Caiden has to say. By the time he looks up I’m already out the door. It felt good to release my pent up anger, but now I’m out of targets and the rage keeps building.
I run without knowing where I’m going. There are trees up ahead. But before I can get to them, the ground disappears from below my feet. Something collides with me, sending me crashing to the hard packed earth. Caiden easily pins me to the ground.
I could fight back, but I’m afraid of what I’d do in my current state of mind. The situation is reminiscent of the day this all began, except then it was me who attacked Caiden.
I just lay beneath him, unmoving. I let him press his chest down onto me, let him entwine his legs with mine to keep me from kicking. His hips press down against mine, and despite the violence and hate churning within me, warmth pools deep in my stomach.
His face appears above me. He looks concerned, but I don’t care. I just lay there, placidly staring up at him. I realize that his lips are moving. He’s speaking to me, but I haven’t registered his words.
I concentrate on his lips and the words slowly start making sense. “Em, talk to me.” He shakes me a bit to get my attention.
“I’m sorry about what I said in there. You know I didn’t mean any of it. I had to push you.”
“You bastard.” I start to tremble from the effort of keeping myself under control. “How could you use that against me?”
“I’m sorry, Emerson. I had to use whatever I could. But I didn’t mean it. It wasn’t your fault. What happened with your mom, it wasn’t your fault.” His voice is low, repentant.
Mine isn’t. It’s positively lethal.
“How could you do that Caiden? I told you something I’ve never told anyone else, and you use it as a weapon against me?”
“I had to, Em. I had to say whatever I could to break you, to teach you. And it worked. You got control. It worked.”
His eyes are wide, sincere. He really believes that intentionally hurting me like that was for the best.
“You son of a bitch.” My voice gets stronger. “What the hell happened to you that you could treat someone like that? That you can turn yourself cold, just shut off your emotions? You are screwed up, Caiden, you know that?”
Caiden appears to sag on top of me, the strength gone out of him. He won’t look me in the eye anymore. “I know. I am messed up. More than you know.”
He takes a deep breath, steadying himself, then meets my glare head on. His entire expression is unlike I’ve ever seen it. It’s naked, his every emotion plain on his face.
There’s guilt and anger and a world of sorrow, the depths of which I have never experienced. He lifts himself off and collapses on the grass next to me, his head bowed, one knee drawn up close to his body.
“I told you in the very beginning, Emerson. I was going to make sure you were able to control yourself, even if you hated me at the end.”
“Why? What is wrong with you?” I ask, sitting up to face him.
He stares off into the distance and begins talking in a low voice.
“Three years ago, when my gifts first awakened, I didn’t know how to control them. Mine are different from yours, but just as dangerous. We can both destroy things when we’re upset.
When we aren’t careful. But while you do it physically, I do it mentally.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say, though not less aggressively than I mean to.
“You saw me use it before. I made Sebastian stop when he wanted to attack me, and I was able to I was able to make Sarah forget that she ever saw you that night. And I can do more than make someone forget. I can change their memories to anything I want. Make them do things they wouldn’t normally do. I can completely destroy a person from the inside out. My talent lies in the mental and emotional state, not the physical.”
“What does this have to do with you being a colossal prick?”
“I killed someone three years ago.”
Whatever snarky comment I had planned goes straight out the window. I don’t know what to say, so I stay silent.
“I just turned fourteen. I knew I was a witch, but I hadn’t come into my powers yet. No one prepared me for what to expect. My father left us a long time ago. He was an extremely powerful witch, but my mother is weak. And they each have very different abilities. My mom can’t do much more than brew up thin healing potions, but my father...”
He clears his throat and wraps his arm more tightly around his knee.
“Well, he wasn’t around to teach me how to control any of it, and my mother wasn’t much help in that department. Anyway, my mom had a boyfriend. A real nasty piece of work. He used to beat my mom and me. He was big; more than twice her size. I tried to get her to kick him out, but she wouldn’t hear of it. She insisted he’d stop drinking. That he didn’t mean to hurt us.”
I gasp, my mouth opening in shock. Caiden was abused?
He shakes his head sharply, not wanting my pity. He continues speaking, his eyes chips of green ice.
“She was too gentle to ever raise a hand against him, legal or otherwise. He didn’t have a job. She worked 24/7 just to put food on the table, and he’d steal her money to pay for his whiskey.” His face twists in disgust.
“One night, right after my birthday, my mom had just gotten off work when he came home staggering drunk, bellowing for his dinner. When she said she hadn’t started it yet, he backhanded her. Threw her clear across the room, cracking her head against the wall. She started crying, but he just continued to hit her. The belt was his favorite...”
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