All my nightmares are coming true at once. Everything I’ve worked so hard to keep quiet is now going to be the death of me, the end of my friends’ careers. I’ve fucked it up for everyone.
I felt Billie leaving my bed. I also heard the banging on the door choosing to ignore it. I secretly hoped she would ignore it as well and whoever it was would eventually fuck off. Yet to no avail, the banging continued and she climbed from the bed to see who it was. I heard Connor shout up the stairs and the second I heard his voice my blood froze in my veins. I was paralyzed. Praying to the big man in the sky, I wished that Billie would just get rid of him. There was no way he could be here whilst I have Vin lying next to me, naked. The entire time he stays asleep, completely unaware of my inner turmoil and the fact that we have an early morning visitor.
Feeling him finally start to stir from sleep, I still don’t move. I can’t. The walls are starting to descend in on me. My little slice of heaven is all about to go to hell. My private business is going to be a plaything for everyone to scrutinise. I just hope that I have a guardian angel somewhere. One who will give me the strength to claw my way out of this black hole I’m about to get thrown into.
“You okay?” Vin mumbles next to me, he’s not fully awake and speaking is clearly not something he can properly do this morning.
“Shh.” I snap at him. I can’t hear anymore voices so I relax a little, presuming that Billie has managed to get rid of him and release a breath I didn’t even realise I was holding.
How fucking wrong was I?
Without even giving me time to register what is going on, Connor comes bursting through my bedroom door.
“You have got to be fucking kidding me right now.”
His face is beetroot red, and I swear I see a vein about to pop in his neck. His eyes go to Vin who’s now wide awake and sitting up, while I just lie there mute. Shaking his head in disappointment, he flees my room. Within a matter of seconds, I hear his footsteps stomping down the stairs and then his voice rings out demanding everyone to go into the kitchen.
What the fuck have I done?
I know I made the decision to tell them only a short while ago, but this is not the way I wanted them to find out. I was going to break it to them gently over a few beers maybe… that plan soon went out the fucking window. It comes to me then that he had been banging on the door before he knew about what I’ve been up to. Something else is wrong, Connor doesn’t come barging around here and kicking fuck out of my front door this early for nothing. Apart from the obvious, something else is clearly wrong.
Jumping out of bed at lightning speed, leaving Vin where he is, I hurry to throw on some jeans not even bother to fasten them and race down the stairs. By the time I get to the kitchen all four sets of eyes are all looking at me. I’m out of breath and panic seizes my body.
“L… Look Con, I can explain.”
Getting the words out is harder than I thought it would be. Not because I don’t want to have to deal with this, but because I’m having difficulty breathing at this very moment. The disappointment that’s clear as day on just not his face, but also Johnny’s and Liam's tells me I’ve fucked up bigger than ever this time. I try to convince him that I was going to tell them, but even to my own ears the words sound feeble. I wouldn’t believe me if I was them either.
Reading me like a book, he throws at me the excuse I’ve been telling myself for a while now as to why I haven’t told them. Then out of nowhere he slams a newspaper on my kitchen counter and there in black and white is a picture of Billie and Vin. The headline telling the world that my girlfriend is cheating on me. I want to laugh at their assumption of their relationship, only the look of fear on Billie’s face stops me. She’s panicking now, wondering what’s going to happen. I can see the nervous twitch she has in her eye when I look at her. Watching her run to the sink and seeing her throw her guts up doesn’t lessen my worry, if anything it makes it worse. Quickly reassuring her that I’m going to fix all this shit when she’s finally finished losing her stomach, I turn to the guys and do something I’ve never willingly done before.
“How long do you think we’ve got before they turn up at my door?”
I don’t need to explain who I’m talking about, they just know. They all look at their watches and then each other just as Vin walks in.
“Con, I’m so sorry. I…”
“It’s okay, Vin. I’m just pissed that we had to find out through the media.” Connor says to him.
“Hold on, what do you mean you found out through the media?”
It’s then I remember he hasn’t seen the newspaper. Connor silently hands it to him letting him see for himself.
“This is total bollocks,” he seethes, throwing the paper onto the floor.
“Well we know that now don’t we. It was just a shock at five am on a Tuesday morning.” Johnny pipes up. “To answer your question, Max. I’m surprised they aren’t hounding down your door now. If I had to guess, I’d say they’ve gone to Billie’s or Vin’s place first to try and get another picture of them together.”
“Max. What are you thinking?” Liam asks me, he’s always been able tell when I’m thinking up something I probably shouldn’t be doing.
“I’m thinking firstly we need coffee, then I need to do some damage control but only if it’s okay with all of you? I know it’s a big ask when you’ve just found out the way you have. I’m assuming that you would more than likely love nothing more than to strangle me, but if it’s okay with you three especially,” I point my finger at the guys. “Then I want to do an impromptu press conference.”
I look to Billie then to Vin, holding out both of my hands to them they take them and stand next to me.
“Are you sure about this Max? You do realise that once this gets out, they are going to crucify you?”
Billie’s concern is evident as she speaks.
“I’m sure, Queen Bea. I’ve been hiding for far too long. In the long run this was always going to happen in the end. Them getting that picture of you two was just the wakeup call I needed.” Putting my focus on to the guys and Vin, “Are you all okay with this? If you want me to leave the band then I understand. I don’t want to take you all down with me as well.”
A growl leaves Johnny as he prowls across my kitchen and makes his way to me getting right up into my face.
“I know you can be a dick, it’s who you are, Max. After everything we’ve been through together as a band, do you really think we’re gonna let a little thing like where you prefer to stick your dick bring us down? Jesus Christ, if we let all the shit that’s happened really get to us, we’d have been dead and buried a long time ago. Now I think I speak for the other two losers, when I say yes, we’re pissed to have found out this way, but don’t think for one minute that we would never support you. We’re a family, a band of brothers and we’ll always have each other’s back. No matter what.”
Coming to stand either side of Johnny, Connor and Liam look at me with nods of their heads silently agreeing with everything Johnny has just said to me.
“Together until the very end, right?” Liam says, voicing the pact we made way before we made it big.
“Together until the very end.” We all say in unison, along with giving each other a fist bump.
After making sure that Vin and Billie are perfectly fine with what I want to do, I let Johnny, Connor and Liam make all the calls they need to, to get everything in place. Giving both Billie and Vin a kiss, I rush off back up the stairs to take a shower.
For the first time in what seems like a forever I feel alive. It’s like a massive weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I can now live my life the way I want to without hiding. All my adult life I’ve struggled with who I am. I’ve been scared that I would never be accepted, but with the love and support of the all the people who I love and who love me in return, I know I can get through anything that is thrown my way.
Chapter Twenty-Six
&n
bsp; Vin
I’m flabbergasted. I don’t ever get scared in my line of work. The shit I’ve dealt with over the years… crazy fans, nut job stalkers and mafia fathers have nothing on what’s about to be the scariest moment of not just my life, but also Billie’s and Max’s. I’m not saying that I’m not over the moon that he’s decided to tell the truth to the world because I am. It’s just that the minute they know the truth and the fact that I’m not having an affair with Billie behind Max’s back is when all our lives change. The uncertainty of whether they will accept us or turn against us altogether is what’s causing me to pace the kitchen floor. My stomach feels like it’s on a fast spin around a formula one track.
“Vin, will you sit down please? Everything is going to be okay.” Billie tries to placate me and pulls out a stool for me to sit down on next to her.
“You’re not the only one nervous about all of this. It’s what we wanted isn’t it? Do I feel like he’s only doing it because of that picture… yeah, I do a bit, but I know Max and so should you. He wouldn’t be doing this if he didn’t want to.”
Trust her to be the sensible one in all of this.
“I guess you’re right. I’m just worrying how he’s going to handle the backlash from it all.”
Voicing my concerns to Billie, the look in her eyes tells me that she feels the same.
“Everything will work itself out. We all have each other and that’s all we need at the end of the day.”
Taking my hand in her small one she brings it to her lips and kisses my knuckles.
“We have so much love for each other, that no matter what gets thrown at us we can work through it. I know we can. He was always meant to be ours, Vin. We just have to stick together”
Again, she’s right. This is what we’ve wanted for so long and now it’s happening I’m the one who crumbling under the pressure.
Who’d have thought that?
“Right you two, all this is happening in an hour. I managed to get them to leave this house alone until then, but only just. They were on their way over here when I put the call in at Newspaper office.” Connor ever the authoritative one informs us as he comes strolling back into the kitchen.
“Oh, Billie. Allie says she loves you and she’ll be over as soon as she can.”
At the mention of Allie’s name her face goes sombre and I know she’s feeling guilty for keeping all this a secret from her best friend.
“She’ll understand, babe. Don’t worry.” I reassure her.
“I hope you’re right, Vin. She means the world to me.”
An hour later, we’ve all got our shit together and the mob has descended outside of Max’s house.
It feels weird not being out there and keeping the press back. I’m usually the one barking orders at them to stand back and behave themselves. This time it’s me and my life partners that are under scrutiny. The protector in me is dying to jump in the thick of it all and keep Billie, Max, and the rest of the guys safe from them.
Coming to stand in between me and Billie, Max takes our hands in his and softly squeezes them.
“Ready?”
His voice wobbles as he asks us the question, to which we both give him a firm nod of our heads in as an answer.
“Let's do this.”
Bradley, one of the guys on my security team opens the front door for us. The minute the press gets a whiff of any action, the lights go off and the screaming for answers starts. Connor and the rest of the guys are standing behind us in the hallway giving us their full support. Tugging on both me and Billie, Max steps forward and over the threshold of the door, taking us with him until we’re all standing in a line at the top of the steps that lead to the house. The flashes from the cameras go berserk in our faces, making us squint. I can barely make out the bodies that are fighting to get all the information about our relationship. The arseholes don’t care that it’s private. That Max is just a normal person who so happens to be in a world-class band. As long as they have, their story and pictures they don’t give a fuck about his or any of our feelings.
Bastards.
Turning to look at both me and Max from where she stands at the other side of him, Billie mouths, ‘We’ve got this,’ at us.
Inhaling deep breaths, Max takes another tentative step forward and addresses the waiting crowd below…
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Max
Never in a million years I ever thought I could stand here and do what I’m about to do. If someone had told me a year ago, I would be standing on my own front doorstep and about to announce to the world that I was bi-sexual. That I was in a three-way relationship, then I would have told them they were talking bollocks and laughed in their faces. Only I am doing all those things. I asked for this, I wanted to set the record straight before they could rip Vin and Billie apart.
Letting go of their hands, I wrap an arm around each of their waists, pull them in closer to me, before I take the biggest breath I’ve ever taken and start telling the vultures who are eager for information.
“I want to start by thanking you all for coming at such short notice, but I wanted to put any rumours to rest that my girlfriend is cheating on me with my bodyguard.”
Giving them both a gentle squeeze I find the strength from deep inside of me to continue.
“To clarify things, Billie and Vin are not having an affair behind my back. What you don’t all know is that I’m bi-sexual and we’re all in a relationship together.”
Just like that, the slight buzz that was going on before I opened my mouth turns into a frenzy of shocked gasps. Cameras are going off faster than I’ve ever seen before in my entire career and screams so loud they are deafening. Connor slides past us, holding his hands out to quieten them down, if that’s even possible.
“We as a group fully support, Max and his choices. Now if you could pipe down and let Max carry on, all of us will be willing to answer any questions you may have afterwards.”
Giving him a nod and a smile of appreciation for the help, he turns back to us. Its then I dive in with what I hope is an in-depth explanation. I give them enough to leave us alone once this is all over.
“I’ve known from a young age that I was bi. I’ve just kept it well hidden from everyone. The fear of not being accepted made me keep my mouth shut all these years. That was until I fell in love with not one, but two amazing people. You can’t choose who you fall in love with, it just happens. In the eyes of the law we are doing nothing wrong, this is our life choice. I’ve made peace with the fact that some people may not agree with this, but I don’t care. As long I have the support of the important people in my life then I’m happy.
All I ask is that you don’t judge a book by its cover. You have no idea how hard it is to speak openly about my sexuality or my relationship, but today I stand before you with the people I love the most in my life by my side, loud and proud. I’m here to say that it’s okay to love a man and a woman. It’s okay to fight for what you want. It’s certainly okay to have pride in not just yourself but the people who give you their all, every single day and ask for nothing in return.”
When I’ve finally finished saying all that is to be said, everyone from Billie to Vin and even the guys, crowd me and we all stand there in one big group hug. A silent show of support to the world that I have the love and support of a loving family no matter what anybody else thinks.
It’s taken me a helluva long time to get this far, but it’s safe to say that I shall now walk down the street with Billie and Vin both on my arm with pride.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Connor
Standing in the background and watching one of my best friends, my brother face his fears. To shout out to the world that he’s bi-sexual, has got to be one the proudest moments of my life. I know it couldn’t have been easy for him. I don’t know a lot about how he was raised, but what I do know is that his dad was an old-fashioned, mean drunk.
I was shock
ed to say the least when I barged my way into his bedroom, and saw Max and Vin in bed together. Some people would have been naive about the whole situation, but what would the point in that be? I know I was quick to jump to conclusions when I saw that picture of Vin and Billie. I was just so angry after everything we’ve been through as a band the last thing, we needed was another scandal. Some would say that Max deciding to tell the press everything is another scandal, but we don’t see it like that. To us he’s fighting for what he wants. Fighting for who he is, but most importantly for the people he loves.
In this world you only live once and if you so happen to fall in love with more than one person, whether it be a man or a woman. Or in Max’s case both, then you count it has a blessing and do everything you can to keep that love shining bright for as long as possible.
Closing the door to the vultures that have shown up to listen to what Max has to tell them, I pat him on the back and pull him for a man hug.
“I’m proud of you, even if you are a knobhead half the time.”
“Oh wow, thanks Con. You really know how to kill the moment don’t you? I feel sorry for Allie if that’s your idea of sweet talking.”
“You’re a prick, you know, that right?”
We both laugh at our bickering and follow the others into the kitchen, where we find Johnny as per usual rummaging in the fridge.
“Fuck sake, John. Does Karina not feed you at home?
Leaning back so his head pops out from behind the fridge door in true Johnny fashion he chirps up.
“Oh, she feeds me alright, just not food,” he wiggles his eyebrows for emphasis.
“You’re a dirty twat, and you all say I’m the whore of this band.” Max laughs.
Closing the fridge door with his foot, Johnny turns to us all with his arms laden down with bottles of beer.
“I don’t know about you fuckers, but after such an eventful morning I need a bloody beer. Here get these down ya.”
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