The Waiter

by Bradleigh Collins

  “I know Mom,” I assured her. “I promise I will take all safety precautions.”

  The pizza arrived, and we spent the rest of the night watching Practical Magic. I fell asleep on the couch again. My mother covered me up and tucked me in as she always did. I slept like a rock.

  Saturday morning we met my sisters at Cracker Barrel for breakfast. Another tradition. My sisters and I were trying to stick to as much of a routine as we could with Mom since Dad died. She’d been doing pretty well since the funeral, but we were all worried about her living by herself. My dad did everything for her. She had a full-time job working as a nurse, which she loved, but Dad still did everything he could to spoil her. They had been married since 1956 and Mom told us shortly after he died that she had no intention of ever getting remarried or dating again. “Your father was the only man for me. Period.”

  My parents’ enduring relationship was one of the reasons that I always tried so hard to make it work with Dalton. It wasn’t long until our breakfast conversation turned to him.

  “What did Dalton say when you told him you were moving to New York?” Wendy, my oldest sister, asked.

  “I haven’t told him yet. I’m telling him tonight.”

  “I thought you weren’t seeing him anymore.” Leigh, my other sister, chimed in.

  “It’s not a date or anything. I just wanted to tell him in person. I’m meeting him at The Dark Horse. Dana and Christine are going with me.”

  “Good,” Wendy said. “He’s not going to be happy.”

  “You know he called me a couple of weeks ago.” My mom casually dropped that into the conversation.

  “What?” All three of us turned and looked at her.

  “Dalton called you?” I asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Why? What did he say?”

  “He said, ‘Mrs. St. Clair, I love your daughter. How do I get her back?’”

  “What did you say?” I was stunned. My mother could barely stand Dalton.

  “I said, ‘I know Sammy loves you Dalton. But you always seem to hurt her. And now all she wants to do is move to New York.’”

  “You should have said, ‘You don’t get my daughter back,’” Wendy said. “I’ve never gotten over the fact that when you wanted to be an actor, he said he couldn’t plan a future with you because you didn’t have a 401K.”

  “You always bring that up, Wendy.”

  “Well, that particular nugget just sticks in my craw.”

  I turned back to my mom. “I can’t believe he called you.”

  “I have to admit, I felt sorry for him,” she said.

  I smiled at her. “Well, it doesn’t matter now. The Dalton chapter of my life is officially over.”

  “Thank god!” The three of them agreed.

  “When you get to New York, you should date Mike Piazza,” my mom said. “He’s sexy.”

  “Mom!” Wendy laughed.

  “What? He is!” My mom was a huge Braves fan, and she rarely missed a game on television. She was quite familiar with the Mets.

  “He plays for the wrong team, Mom. I’m a Yankees fan.”

  “You’re gonna meet so many hot guys up there,” Leigh said. I tried not to have a reaction, but it was pointless. “Oh my god! You’ve already met someone, haven’t you?”

  “Yes, I met someone in New York. And I really like him and we’ll see what happens.” That was all the information they were getting.

  Later that night, Dana, Christine and I were eating dinner at Surin.

  “I can’t believe you picked the Dark Horse to meet him,” Dana said. “Such bad mojo there.” She was referring to a particular New Year’s Eve that resulted in me crying at midnight while Dalton chatted up a stripper on the other side of the bar. That night, Dana had repeatedly walked over and said to him, “hey, we’re over here,” gesturing to me and the rest of our friends, but by the time he waltzed back over like nothing had happened, the entire night was ruined.

  “Tonight is about letting bygones be bygones and moving on. It’s kinda poetic, don’t you think?”

  “Always the writer,” Dana replied.

  “I honestly can’t believe you didn’t leave him sooner,” Christine said.

  “I stayed because of the sex. How fucked up is that?”

  “Well you did nickname his dick ‘The Real Thing,’” Dana said.

  “Wait, what?” Christine looked at us.

  “It’s a reference to Coke,” Dana replied. “Oh, sorry. I mean Coca-Cola. We are in Atlanta.”

  “I still don’t get it,” Christine said.

  “The first time Sam slept with Dalton, she described his dick as being the length of a Coke bottle and the width of a Coke can.”

  “Yeah, that’s about right,” I nodded.

  “Holy shit!” Christine was shocked.

  “Well, you know what they say,” Dana said. “The bigger the dick...”

  “The bigger the dick.” I finished her sentence. The three of us laughed.

  After dinner, we walked across the street to the Darkhorse Tavern. Dalton was already sitting at the bar. I felt a sudden sense of panic.

  “Oh god,” I said as we stood there in the doorway. “Now I’m scared.”

  “The Real Thing,” Christine semi-whispered, looking over at Dalton.

  “Really, Christine?”

  “Come on,” Dana grabbed my arm. “Let’s get this over with.”

  We walked over to the bar. I was totally expecting mean and brooding Dalton. I was surprised when he looked up and smiled.

  “Hey babe.” He stood up and hugged me.

  “Hey,” I replied hesitantly. “How are you?”

  “Good! What do you guys want to drink?”

  “Margaritas all around,” Dana instantly declared. “With salt.” The bartender nodded.

  “Hi Christine,” Dalton said. “How are you, Dana?”

  “I’m fine, Dalton. Why are you so creepily happy?”

  “Why wouldn’t I be?”

  Dana looked at me. I signaled it was okay to leave me alone with him. She pulled me away from the bar.

  “He’s serial killer calm, Sam,” she whispered. “Dahmer calm.”

  “Yeah, he is. Let me figure out what’s going on. Just stay close.”

  Dana and Christine moved down to the opposite end of the bar. Dana couldn’t resist the temptation to turn around and yell loudly, “Hey! We’re over here!”

  “Nice one, Dana!” Dalton yelled back. Then he turned to me. “Is that why you wanted to meet me here? To replay my greatest hits?”

  “Well, that was one of the shittiest things you ever did.”

  “Yeah it was,” he responded. The bartender set my drink down in front of me and then delivered Dana and Christine’s. I took a sip. Then I looked at Dalton.

  “I thought you’d still be mad at me.”

  “I was,” he replied. “But then I got some fantastic news.”

  “What’s that?” I asked.

  “I just got a long-term assignment in New York,” he said. “I start October first.”

  Then he smiled at me. “So, what was your news?”

  CHAPTER 15

  ◆◆◆

  Sunday evening I was still in shock. I must have stood there at the bar staring at him with my mouth open for five minutes before I could even respond.

  “Dalton, I got a job in New York. I start October 12th.”

  “That’s great babe! We can move up there together.”

  “I can’t live with you in New York.”

  “Why not? It’s corporate housing. All paid for. You won’t have to pay rent.”

  “Because we’re broken up. And because I met someone in New York.”

  “I don’t want to talk about that.”

  “We have to talk about it. I know you’re pissed.”

  “Well, I’m not happy about it, Sam.” He paused a minute. “Who is this douche? Is it serious?”

  “No,” I replied. “Not yet anyway. But it’s
not toxic either. We are toxic. We can’t keep doing this to each other.”

  “Babe. Just think about it. That’s all I ask. You don’t have to give me an answer now.”

  I agreed to think about it. But only because I needed to get out of the Dark Horse as quickly as possible so I could scream. As soon as Dana, Christine and I left, I told them what happened.

  “You have got to be fucking kidding me,” Dana said.

  “No, he’s really convinced that we can start a new life together in New York.”

  “What did you say to him?” Christine asked.

  “I told him I’d think about it, but only because I wanted to get the heck out of dodge. This is not good.” I shook my head. “This is not good.”

  “Okay Rain Man, calm down.” Dana said. “Let’s go back to your apartment and open a bottle of wine.”

  The conversation continued at my apartment as Dana poured each of us a glass of Cabernet.

  “You do realize,” she said, “that the only reason he arranged an assignment in New York is because he found out you were seeing someone.”

  “My mom told him all I wanted to do was move to New York. He called her a couple of weeks ago. This is the grand gesture.”

  “Are you serious?” Christine asked. “He called your mom?”

  “I’m surprised she didn’t hang up on him,” Dana said.

  “No, they had a long conversation. She said she felt sorry for him.”

  “Sam, this is not a Titanic moment,” Dana said. “Don’t romanticize it.”

  “Which Titanic moment? ‘You jump, I jump’ or the one where he dies at the end and she accomplishes everything she ever dreamed of?”

  “You know what I mean,” she said. I did know what she meant, but I was trying to inject some humor into the conversation.

  “Sam, he’s a Cal. Not a Jack. You can’t actually be considering moving in with him.”

  “Of course not. Although the idea of not having to pay rent in Manhattan is quite tempting.”

  “Oh, you’d pay alright. Because he would constantly hold it over your head. This is the ultimate power play. He knows you want to move to New York more than anything, and he wants to be the one that makes it happen for you. He has to be in control.”

  I was still thinking about that statement in the laundry room of my building as I waited for my clothes to dry. I had one more week of work in Atlanta. Well, four days actually. I took a vacation day on Friday because movers were coming to take my furniture to a storage unit. My co-workers were having a going away party for me on Thursday night. Then I would have two weeks to get myself moved to New York. Of course, I still didn’t have an apartment.

  I retrieved my clothes from the dryer and headed back upstairs. It was almost ten o’clock. I still hadn’t told The Waiter about this recent turn of events. I hadn’t actually spoken to him since Wednesday night. We’d both been incredibly busy this week. Me with online apartment hunting and him with school. But it was the longest we’d gone without talking to each other since we met.

  I logged onto ICQ and saw that he was online. “Hi stranger,” I typed. He logged off without a reply. My heart sank immediately. I knew something was up. I wasn’t sure if I should call him or not. I was afraid I might get bad news. But not knowing would have been even worse. So I called him.

  “Hey,” he answered. I could hear it in his voice.

  “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing,” he replied. “I’ve just been busy, you know.”

  “I know something’s up so just say it.” I looked down at my hands. They were shaking.

  “It’s just that,” he hesitated.

  “Just what?”

  “I’m excited that you’re moving up here and all, but...”

  “But what?”

  “I’m just not ready for a serious relationship right now,” he said.

  There was a ringing in my ear. My face suddenly burned with anger.

  “I don’t remember offering you one,” I replied. And then I hung up.

  He called me right back. I didn’t answer. I turned my phone off and just sat there on the bed. My hands were still shaking. I couldn’t believe this was happening.

  There were no tears. Not yet anyway. I was hurt. But more than that, I was angry. At myself. You stupid bitch. You should have seen this coming. What the hell were you thinking?”

  “Uh Oh!” The familiar ICQ alert sound shouted from my computer as if it were mocking me. Uh Oh! indeed. I got up and went over to my desk. The Waiter had logged back into ICQ and sent me a message.

  “I’m sorry, Red. Please talk to me.”

  I started to log off. Then I thought about all the things I really wanted to say to him right now. Instead, I replied with one simple sentence. You don’t get to call me Red anymore. And then I logged off.

  I was stunned. I did not see this coming. Not at all. Deep down, I actually thought he was different. But then again, how can you really know someone in just three weeks? This was on me.

  I went to the kitchen and took a dose of NyQuil. I would not lose sleep over another failed relationship. Not even a relationship. Not even a month. It was nothing but a fling, I told myself. And now it was over.

  CHAPTER 16

  ◆◆◆

  My co-workers were all gathered at El Azteca for my going away party. I chose this location because it was close to the office and because I was planning on getting shit-faced drunk. I wanted to be able to walk back to my apartment.

  We had a large table in the back of the restaurant. Deb was sitting on one side of me and my boss on the other. At the end of the table was Bitchy Brenda. She tried her best the entire evening to pretend like I wasn’t there, even though it was my party.

  After a couple of hours of heartfelt toasts, funny work stories, and way too many pitchers of margaritas, people started to leave. We had basically closed down the restaurant. It was still a work night for everyone but me. I said my goodbyes as they left, promising to visit the office whenever I was in Atlanta and inviting them to visit me in New York. Deb and I stayed a while longer.

  I poured myself another margarita from the pitcher. Deb looked concerned.

  “So you’re just never gonna talk to him again? You’re just gonna keep ignoring his calls and emails?” She was referring to The Waiter.

  “Yep. That ship has sailed. No, wait. It didn’t sail. It sank.”

  “I think he just got scared. I mean, it was all fun and exciting when you were just visiting, but now you’re moving there. It’s riskier for him.”

  “He’s a dick. All men are dicks. Sean excluded of course.” Deb had been dating Sean since our night out at the Clermont.

  “Oh, Sean’s a dick too. But so far, he’s manageable. He’s picking me up soon.”

  “I like Sean. I’m glad you guys are dating.”

  “Sam, you know I love you, but I have to say this.”

  “I’m so drunk I probably won’t remember it tomorrow.”

  “I think you should give him another chance. Just talk to him. I mean, how many second chances have you given Dalton?”

  I was silent. She had a point. But I was so pissed at The Waiter that I wanted to punish him. Cutting him out of my life completely was the best way to do just that.

  “Speaking of Dalton, when is he moving to New York?”

  “Wednesday. He finishes up his assignment here tomorrow.”

  “Are you going to move in with him?”

  “I might have to if I can’t find an apartment,” I joked.

  “Come wait outside with me,” Deb said. “Sean will be here any minute.”

  We went outside just as Sean pulled up in front of the restaurant.

  “Do you want a ride?”

  “No, you guys are going in the opposite direction. And I’m like right there. I wanna enjoy the walk.”

  “Okay.”

  “I’ll see you again before I move,” I said, hugging her and waving to Sean.

  “Yo
u better. And think about what I said. About second chances.”

  I nodded as she got into Sean’s car. I waved goodbye and started walking back to my apartment. Then I heard something in the parking lot. I looked to my left. It was Bitchy Brenda. Her car was parked in the back of the restaurant and she was standing beside it, throwing up. I walked over to her.

  “Brenda, are you okay?”

  She made an inaudible sound and fell to her knees. Now she was on all fours, still throwing up. I looked around and didn’t see anyone else from the office. Her car was the only one left in the parking lot. Oh god. I can’t leave her here like this.

  “Brenda, give me your keys. You can’t drive,” I said. She mumbled incoherently again. Then she passed out cold. Right there on the pavement. I knew there was no way I could get all five-foot-ten-inches of her in the car by myself. She was twice my size. And I certainly couldn’t drive her home since I’d been drinking too. I started to call Deb and Sean, but then I looked at Brenda. I actually felt sorry for her. Deb would tell everyone in the office. I didn’t want to humiliate Brenda, even though she totally deserved it after the way she treated me all these years.

  I took out my phone and called Dalton. He answered.

  “I need you,” I said. “Brenda is passed out in the parking lot at El Azteca and I can’t get her in the car. Everybody else has already left.”

  “I’ll be there in ten minutes,” he replied. He was still at his office in downtown Atlanta which wasn’t very far.

  I fished through Brenda’s purse and retrieved her car keys and driver’s licenses to get her address. I knew she lived in Buckhead but wasn’t sure where.

  When Dalton arrived, he parked right next to her car. He got out and walked over to us.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Well, I had a really good buzz going until she killed it.” He looked down at her.

  “Damn, she’s out cold.”

  “Can you help me get her in the car? We need to drive her home and take a cab back.”

  He leaned down and scooped her up like it was nothing and put her in the back seat. I handed him the keys and got in the passenger side.

  We drove Brenda’s car to her apartment. When we got there, Dalton carried her in over his shoulder, the same way he carried me out of the Clermont Lounge. He laid her down on the sofa. I put her car keys and purse on the coffee table beside her. Then we left.