The Soul of Time

by Jennifer Macaire

  ‘I’m never late, not the even by a day,’ I said. ‘And I haven’t bled for two weeks now; I’m fifteen days late. I’m sure it’s yours.’

  ‘I’m glad, so very glad.’ He put his good arm around me and pulled me close.

  He was standing in the water; I was sitting on the moss-covered boulder. I smiled and wrapped my legs around his hips, pulling him closer, feeling his hardness, and moaning as he slid into me. For the space of a moment we didn’t move. The water lapped against the boulder, the breeze rustled the fragrant pine branches, and I felt a rush of heat in my belly. I closed my eyes and let the tightness grow. My breath grew short. Plexis trembled, then started to move.

  I leaned back on my hands, arching up to meet him, pulling him into me with my legs, urging him on. The feeling grew more and more urgent. It was blooming like a flower in my breast and belly, opening up and engulfing me. I let my head fall forward on Plexis’s shoulder. A cry escaped me, a strangled, animal cry. He wrapped his arm around me and thrust harder and harder. Waves of pleasure washed over me, submerging me. My legs tightened and my belly convulsed. I moaned again, all sense of time and place faded away in a climax that shook me.

  Plexis uttered a cry and bucked against me, holding me tightly to him, his thighs pressed against mine. Then he moaned and stood still, breathing hard. His heart pounded against my chest and his arms trembled.

  Afterwards, Plexis crawled into a grove of soft ferns. He fell asleep immediately. I smiled as I watched him sleeping, his face in repose. When he was awake, his expressions were always so carefully guarded. His nose, which had miraculously escaped being broken despite ten years of battles, was straight. I longed to touch him, to trace the pure line of his jaw and throat. Instead I kissed his lips, but he didn’t stir. Then I drew his cloak around him and eased out of the grove. He needed to sleep. I had to see Alexander.

  Alexander had tended the fire and it was a crackling blaze. He saw me and nodded. ‘Plexis sleeping?’ he asked.

  ‘Yes.’ I sat next to him, curling my feet underneath me and leaning lightly against his shoulder.

  Alexander looked at me gravely. ‘I asked Phaleria to fetch some water from the stream,’ he said. ‘She’ll be back in a moment. Do you want to tell me now or do you want to wait?’

  ‘Am I so transparent?’ I asked, and I felt a blush stain my cheeks.

  ‘No, but I know you too well, and something’s unsettling you. Is it good or bad news?’

  ‘It’s a good inconvenience,’ I said, and I told him. He reacted as I’d expected, flashing a joyous smile and giving me a soft kiss.

  ‘A baby,’ he said, his voice vibrant. He loved children. He loved them when they were tiny and helpless, he loved them when they were toddling around, grasping the hems of cloaks to stay upright, and he loved them when they started to talk. He loved them when they were almost as tall as he was. His eyes would glow with pride whenever he was with Paul, or when he spoke of Cleopatra or Chiron. And when he thought of Mary, the baby who’d died in Samarkand and whose memory still made me keen with sorrow, he would cry.

  Alexander understood. He gathered me in his arms and held me close. I trembled against him. I was frightened suddenly for so many reasons. I was afraid of losing the baby, I was afraid of losing Alexander, who was far from well. I was frightened because I knew that soon we had to move on, and that sooner or later the Eaters of the Dead would find us. I hoped that Demos and Nearchus had defeated Voltarrix, but I was far from certain. Yet, I was happy at the same time. I was with the two men I loved, Paul was with us, and we were all safe, at least for the time being.

  I drew away and wiped my eyes, smiling shakily at Alexander. ‘Thank you,’ I whispered.

  His surprise was comic. ‘For what?’

  ‘For staying the same and for not changing. For being yourself, always Alexander.’

  His mouth twitched. ‘I am always Alexander,’ he agreed, tilting his head to the side and smiling at me. ‘And you are a pregnant woman prone to easy tears and laughter. I shall have to get well quickly. Knowing that there is a new baby coming, will help me immensely. As a matter of fact, I feel better already.’ He touched his neck. ‘The sewing itches, but the hurt is less than a burn. A strange way of healing wounds, to be sure, but one I prefer over a hot iron. I would like to see it done – but not on myself,’ he added quickly.

  I laughed and kissed him. At that moment Phaleria arrived and cleared her throat nervously. ‘I have water,’ she said, ‘and we have food.’ She hardly dared look at Alexander; the sight of the stitches had unsettled her. Moreover, I had suddenly changed, from being a lowly slave from a Persian harem (which is what she thought I had been) to Persephone, the Queen of Hades, who brought the Great Iskander back to life. I sighed. What a reputation to live up to.

  Breakfast consisted of cattails and fish. I heated water and bathed Alexander, washing his hair and shaving him carefully. When I finished, I checked his neck. I was pleased to see that the stitches were holding and the huge cut was healing. It still looked dreadful, and Paul, when he caught sight of it, looked like he was about to be ill.

  ‘Lean over, put your head down.’ I said to him.

  He gulped. ‘I won’t faint, but it looks painful. Does it hurt?’ he asked.

  ‘Well, yes,’ Alexander turned his head from side to side, experimenting. ‘It hurts. However, I think it is healing. It feels very strange, actually.’ He frowned. ‘You look terrible, what’s the matter?’

  Paul’s face convulsed. ‘Your neck. Oh, Father, I thought he’d killed you.’

  Alexander held still while I wrapped a new bandage around his neck. Then he motioned to Paul to sit next to him. The tall boy crept over to his father and they sat together. Alexander put his arms around his son’s shoulders. ‘I’m not dead. Just as your mother said, the wound was fearsome to see but not deep enough to cost my life. She sewed it closed. I wonder why none of my army doctors thought of doing such a thing. It is better than being seared with a hot iron.’

  I think that you’d best stick to the heat,’ I said. ‘It kills the germs, and in this time there are no antibiotics.’

  ‘Ah, those weapons that can kill the invisible creatures.’ Alexander nodded sagely. ‘I suppose you’re right. My other wounds healed well enough with the cauterizing irons.’ He twisted his shoulder and examined a scar that ran down his arm, then looked at his thigh, where a wild boar had gored him. ‘The scars are wicked looking though.’

  ‘The one on your neck will fade to nothing, if it doesn’t get infected. Be careful not to get it dirty,’ I said.

  Alexander smiled at Paul. ‘I have some excellent news.’ Before I could protest, he announced, ‘You will soon have a new brother or sister. Isn’t that wonderful?’

  Paul started to smile, but then his face grew curiously blank. ‘It is wonderful,’ he said, looking at me.

  ‘What’s the matter?’ I asked, touching his shoulder.

  ‘I’m sorry, Mother, but I just keep thinking about the time you were kidnapped and what happened then.’

  ‘What happened was that you were taken away from me,’ I said gently.

  ‘Yes, exactly. And I didn’t have the chance to grow up with you, or with Father.’ His voice was vibrant with passion. ‘I missed having a mother. I was always alone, and moving all the time.’

  ‘I’m sorry. I missed you too. I felt as if there were a hole in the centre of my chest. However, I always believed that I would find you and that we would be reunited, and that’s what happened. That’s what matters to me now, not anything that happened before.’

  ‘What about you, Father?’ Paul asked, his voice curiously hard. ‘Would you take revenge on the person who kidnapped me?’

  Alexander didn’t answer right away, and when he did his words were measured. ‘When I found out Darius had taken you, I pursued him all the way to Bactria. Then I chased Bessus, who took you to Sogdia. There Bessus was betrayed by his own followers and killed. His cousin, Spitamenes, tho
ught to use you to secure the crown. However, he too was betrayed. He sent you to the Valley of the Gods where an ancient prophecy said you would be safe. When your mother and I found you, we knew that we could not take you with us.’

  ‘I know that,’ Paul said, ‘and I understand. You thought you were doing the only thing you could to protect me, but you didn’t answer my question. Don’t you want to avenge my mother’s kidnapping? Wouldn’t you want to punish the person responsible?’

  ‘She’s been punished enough,’ said Alexander softly, and I realized that he still thought his mother had been the only one responsible.

  Paul looked startled. ‘She? It was a woman? Who would do such a terrible thing? Who would dare?’

  Alexander smiled sadly. ‘Someone who thought that it was the only thing to do at the time. Don’t ask me any more, Son, I am growing tired.’ His voice was nearly gone, and he was slumping with fatigue.

  ‘I just wanted to know if you cared,’ said Paul, his face flushed. ‘It sounds almost as if you don’t.’

  ‘Paul!’ My voice was sharp, but Alexander shook his head painfully.

  ‘I do care,’ he said, ‘deeply. I wanted to kill the person. I swear.’ Then he lay back on his pallet and pulled his cloak around him, falling asleep in an instant. I got to my feet and backed away. I tasted blood in my mouth and realized my nose was bleeding. I put my hands to my face. They were shaking as well.

  Paul stood up with the same fluid movement his father had and took me by the shoulders. ‘What is it, Mother?’ he asked, concern in his voice. ‘Did I bring back too many bad memories? I’m sorry.’ His face was both terribly young and strangely adult. I wondered why I’d never realized it before.

  ‘No, no, it’s not that at all.’ I looked at him and tried to smile. ‘Paul,’ I whispered. ‘We must talk. Plexis I got no further. Paul was staring over my shoulders and his face suddenly hardened into a marble mask. I gasped. I’d never seen that look before, it was completely alien and it frightened me. Before I could react, Paul pushed me aside and snatched up Alexander’s sword that was carefully placed against a tree.

  ‘Murderer!’ he screamed, ‘murderer!’ Then he lunged, blade flashing, at someone who was slowly coming out of the undergrowth.

  The sun was in my eyes, so I couldn’t see who Paul was attacking. I was still thinking of his rage and our discussion about my kidnapping. Plexis was on my mind. I stepped forward, intending to grab Paul’s arm before he hurt himself. Plexis was wounded, I remember thinking. Paul could hurt him. I saw the bright flash of highly polished metal and I sidestepped quickly, my hand outstretched to grab my son’s shoulder. Instead, the blade caught me on my side, sending me reeling into a tree.

  I tried to catch myself, but I was stunned and fell in a heap. There was a strange silence in the woods. All of a sudden the air was heavy and hot. I felt nauseated and dizzy. I wondered what had happened. Was it noon already? Where was I? I sat up slowly and looked around. My head was ringing; blood was pooling on my lap. I stared up at Paul. He looked at me with an expression of pure terror. I never saw anyone look so horrified.

  ‘Don’t worry, it’s just my nose,’ I started to say, Then, strangely enough, the world tilted and I fell sideways.

  Behind Paul stood Demos, and I wondered, before fainting completely, why Paul wanted to kill Demos. Then everything vanished.

  Chapter Thirteen

  When I woke up, my head felt odd. I was shivering with cold, despite the fact that I was wrapped in blankets and propped up in front of a roaring fire. There was a chill in my bones that ached horribly, a cold so intense it was unbearable.

  Demos was sitting in front of me. I smelled something disagreeable and wondered what it was. I also wondered why I’d woken up. I’d been having a dream, although I couldn’t quite recall what it had been about. Then a searing pain bloomed in my body and I screamed. My voice was completely shattered and I realized that the sound of my own screams had woken me. There was a lull in the pain. It had been so severe I’d gone blind for a second, and when my eyes next registered the light, Demos was gone. The pain was gone too, which was a blessed relief. Only a strange cold remained. I wondered what was going on. I didn’t remember anything then. Not the conversation with Paul, not the sword, not even Alexander’s promise to kill the one who had kidnapped me – Plexis.

  I blinked, puzzled. I couldn’t understand. The fire was blazing, yet I was still cold. I tried to look around, then realized that I was being held tightly and that’s why I couldn’t move. Two strong arms were around me, pinning me against a hard chest. Then Demos came back into view and he said to the person behind me, ‘It’s over, Nearchus, you can let go of her. I think she’ll be all right.’

  Nearchus? He was here too? I was suddenly filled with joy. Demos and Nearchus were here; they had fought the druids and they were still alive! They must have won! I twisted around, intending to say something, but a terrible pain shot up my side and I moaned.

  ‘Shhh, it’s all right, My Lady. Don’t try to move. It will hurt for a while, but it will not bleed again.’ Nearchus spoke into my ear, his voice sounded strained.

  ‘What happened?’ I glanced around me. Now I could see faces. Alexander, very white, leaning against a tree. Plexis was there too, not looking much better. Next to him was Paul, his face devoid of colour or expression, as if he were made of wax.

  ‘It was an accident, My Lady.’ Demos squatted in front of me and brushed a lock of hair out of my eyes. It was bloody, I noticed. My hair, my clothes, everything was soaked with blood. Was it mine? Bits of memory came tumbling back and I flinched.

  ‘How did it happen?’ I croaked.

  ‘Paul tried to kill me. It’s not his fault, you see, I killed his dog. I’m sorry, but I had to.’

  I was starting to understand. I nodded weakly. ‘Blood and guts. You needed the blood. And an excuse for you and Alexander to fight.’

  ‘Well, that’s right.’ Demos smiled widely, showing gap teeth. ‘Paul swung the sword back, exactly as I taught him mind you, but you stepped in for some reason. It was a folly to do that, My Lady, begging your pardon. Why did you do that?’ He was smiling but his face was drawn and tears had made tracks through the bloodstains on his cheeks.

  ‘I thought he was trying to kill Plexis.’ Relief and pain were making my head swim. ‘You won? Is everyone all right?’

  ‘We won. We lost a great many men. But the druids lost everyone.’ Demos was eyeing me curiously, and he also turned and frowned at Plexis, who tightened his grip on Paul’s shoulder.

  ‘I feel strange,’ I said. ‘What happened to me?’

  ‘The sword cut you from shoulder to hip,’ said Demos. Luckily, it glanced off your bones, nicking the ribs and hitting your hipbone. It didn’t hit any vital organs, and we managed to cauterize the wound. It bleeds no more.’

  So that was the pain. No wonder Alexander used to scream himself hoarse. I shuddered. And the burn would only hurt worse later, as burns tended to do. I sighed, but that made the pain flare up. There was nothing I could do except rest and recuperate. If the wound went from shoulder to hip, I was lucky I hadn’t been disembowelled.

  Nearchus held me on his lap, not moving, and Axiom handed something steaming hot to Demos. It was a bowl of tea. Demos held it to my lips so I could drink. It was made with bitter herbs, and I knew it would put me to sleep. I didn’t mind. I wanted to sleep; I wanted to forget what I’d seen, what my mind simply refused to acknowledge when I’d looked down at my lap. My hand was gone. Gone at the wrist. I had been reaching for the blade when it came flashing back. The blade had taken off my hand and sliced my side open. Alexander always did keep his sword razor sharp. I closed my eyes. I wanted to sleep.

  My dreams were tangled and dark. I was frightened about something. I had to do something important and I kept forgetting what it was. My babies were gone, all of them. In the dark I couldn’t find them. When they cried, I couldn’t see where they were, and I couldn’t comfort them. Nothing
gave them comfort. They cried and cried, wearing me out with their thin wails. Panic had me in its icy grip. I rushed around in darkness, trying to find a way out, trying to save my babies.

  I woke with tears on my face. Alexander told me we’d been travelling for two days. I’d been carried on a litter. The Eaters of the Dead had found our trail, and we were making our way through the pine forest as quickly as possible. Alexander was walking now. He’d recuperated well. Almost all his incredible vitality was coming back. He stayed next to my litter, holding my good hand.

  ‘I need to speak to Paul,’ I said. The darkness was gone. I knew what I had to do.

  Alexander looked at me, his face a study in planes and edges. It looked sharp, his mouth was drawn in a thin line, and his eyes were hooded. ‘I spoke to Plexis,’ he said, his voice harsh.

  I drew a sharp breath then shook my head hard enough to hurt my wound. ‘No, you mustn’t blame Plexis for what happened. It was my fault.’

  ‘No. I know what happened – now. He told me that he organized the kidnapping, and that he had kept it a secret all these years because he was afraid you and I would never forgive him.’

  ‘But I did,’ I said, ‘I did. I won’t blame him for what happened.’

  ‘Because of him, Darius, Bessus, and Spitamenes died. Because of him, I nearly killed my own mother. And because of him, you lost your hand.’ He broke off with what sounded like a curse. Then he turned to me, his face tragic. ‘What would you have me do? I made a promise to my son. I swore to kill the person responsible.’

  I felt faint. ‘Did you … did you kill him?’ I whispered. ‘Because if you did, I’ll never pardon you.’ I closed my eyes. I couldn’t bear to see his face. He could never hide his emotions, like Plexis could. I was afraid of what I’d see. Instead I heard a soft chuckle. It was a sad sound, but it was a laugh just the same. I fluttered one eye open and peered at him.

  ‘Do you think I could kill Plexis?’ he asked. ‘I killed his brother, and that nearly destroyed me. No, I love him. I could never kill him. We’ll speak to Paul together. I think we can make him see that everyone can do things they regret bitterly.’