Space Cat-astrophe
Page 7
“Hey, that Strongarm guy went a bit loco,” he said, and yawned. “How did I get here?”
“Urgh,” Igor answered as he helped Diablo stand up.
Soon the others started coming out of the silo too: Bob, Dustin and more kids.
I was standing triumphantly over the snoring body of Neil Strongarm, with the pets tucked away in the helmet under my arm, and I was smiling. It gave me an idea for an even better statue.
Everyone else in the camp was wandering around outside, looking confused and very tired.
“So, who is going to explain what happened?” Kirsty finally said.
“Ummmm, that would be me,” Geeky Girl shouted from over by the rocket-silo door. “I think that’s the last of the pods released, but let me know if you think anyone else is still missing.”
She walked up onto the launch pad and stepped over Neil Strongarm.
“Do you want the long or the short version?” she asked.
Trevor, Phillipe and Kirsty looked at one another. “The short version,” Trevor said.
“So, Neil Strongarm had this ultra-secret plan to knock out everyone in the camp, put you into suspended-animation pods and then blast you off to build a space station for him on a new planet, and you would be like his space-minion slaves.”
“What? The last thing I remember, I was giving Strongarm the results of the harness assessment, and then I woke up in that pod thing,” Kirsty said.
“Mark figured it out,” Geeky Girl said.
“Urgh,” Igor added.
“And Igor,” I said, “but he got sleep-gassed, and there were only a couple of us left to try to defeat Strongarm’s plan.”
The counselors looked down at Strongarm lying on the floor. “Urgh.” Igor demonstrated the hit with the helmet.
“Ahhh.” Phillipe nodded.
“That wasn’t actually part of the plan, but it was an epic ad-lib by Igor,” I said, and high-fived Igor too.
“So what happens now?” Geeky Girl said. “Now that we’ve caught Neil Strongarm and foiled his plan, do we call, like, the space police or something to come and get him?”
Every camper in the place stopped and stared at Geeky Girl. It was like she had just said the name of Neil Strongarm’s space station, SSSH.
“We don’t call zee police,” Phillipe said, shaking his head. “Are you sure you are really a young EVIL scientist?”
“Haaa-haaa-haa-haaa.” I started to laugh really loudly and patted Igor on the back to get him to laugh too. “Mwhaa-haa-haa! Good one! Space police!” I said.
Igor and some of the other kids joined in too.
“Oh, it’s a little joke to lighten zee mood, I see,” Phillipe said. “Of course we wouldn’t call zee police. Being evil and all.” He giggled. “Zat’s a good one.”
“Ve vill have to call the Bureau for Evil Double-Crossing, though,” Trevor interrupted. “There are rules that Strongarm broke, and he’ll have to pay the fine.”
Trevor and Igor went and got one of the empty pods and put Strongarm inside.
Then Kirsty wrote “Please deliver to…” and the address of the Bureau of Evil Double-Crossing on the front in paint with the note of who was inside.
“Excuse me?” Geeky Girl tapped Trevor on the leg as he was closing the hatch on Strongarm’s space pod. “I get it that no one is going into space. And I’m pretty OK with that now, actually. But we did all those contests, and it came down to the four of us. Is there going to be a winner of the week?”
“Yeah, who’s Evil Emperor of the Week?” I asked.
“And is anyone going to get sent home in the Canoe of Shame?” Bob said.
17
“I should be Evil Emperor, of course,” Sanj said. “I scored the highest on all the tests and I designed the best rocket in the final one.”
“Where is that rocket now?” Kirsty asked Sanj.
Sanj looked down at the burned-out ball of metal at his feet that used to be the rocket.
“No, you don’t win then,” Kirsty said.
“Well, Mark and Igor and I saved the whole camp from being blasted off into space,” Geeky Girl said.
“The title of the prize is EVIL Emperor of the Week, and you expect us to give it to you for doing something nice?” Kirsty stared Geeky Girl down.
“I guess not,” Geeky Girl said.
“Vat happened to your rocket?” Trevor asked me.
“Um, Sanj and I had the same rocket, so it kind of crashed.” I gulped.
“You don’t win then.”
“Diablo and my rocket flew into the wing and tore a big hole in it before it then headed up into the sky,” Geeky Girl admitted.
“I didn’t really see where it went because I got sprayed with sleep gas,” Diablo added.
“Sleep gas?” Trevor asked.
“Yeah, this,” I said, holding up the can. “Kinda cool invention. Not as cool as Evil Super Space-Expanding Foam or a Pogo Stick Lunar Travel Individual Vehicle, but kinda cool.”
“So your rocket completed zee task and made it into space?” Phillipe asked.
“We might not be in space, but Fuego is!” Diablo pointed up to the sky.
“Then you are Evil Emperor of the Week, Diablo. Geeky Girl is disqualified for nice behavior,” Kirsty said. “Not sure where the certificates are, though…” she added.
“So, who is going home?” Bob said, glaring at me. “I have an idea who it should be. What do you think, New Kid?”
“Umm. Yeah … I have an idea,” I said, and walked over and took the paintbrush from the pot where Kirsty had left it. I dipped it into the black paint and wrote POD OF SHAME on the side of the space pod with Strongarm inside.
The counselors looked at one another. “Agreed,” they said.
Trevor and Igor carried the pod down to the river, and we all followed. They held the pod over the water’s edge. Strongarm was awake now and banging on the inside, demanding to be let out.
“Don’t worry,” said Kirsty, pressing the microphone link on the pod so Neil could hear what was said outside, “someone will return you to the bureau soon enough. In the meantime, enjoy the scenery.”
Geeky Girl smiled and added, “Yeah, and remember, it’s really only one small splash for man, one massive splash for all mankind.”
Neil Strongarm bashed against the inside of the pod, turning that Fuego red all over again.
The pod splashed down into the river and floated downstream toward town.
We all wandered back to our tents. Almost everyone else was still sleepy from the artificial suspended animation. Geeky Girl, Sanj and I were all wide-awake.
Bob rubbed his eyes as he and Diablo pushed past us on the way to the tent. “You might be safe this week, New Kid, but next time you’ll be outta here,” Bob said, and sneezed. “You made me lose that contest. I could have been up in space now if it wasn’t for you.” He mumbled as he and Diablo stomped off.
“Yeah, you would be up in space now … as an evil minion!” I shouted back. “No need to say thanks for saving you or anything.”
Sanj tapped me on the shoulder.
“You think you and your stupid cat can stomp on my space dreams and get away with it?”
Fang pounced toward Sanj with claws out.
“OOOOWWWW!” Sanj yelped.
“You really should know by now not to call Fang stupid.” I shook my head.
“That’s it! I’m finding the counselors right now to tell them about your stup—”
He paused as Fang growled at him.
“About your … cat and the budgie.” Sanj folded his arms. “There’s a canoe with your name on it. Well, all your names on it. Or two canoes. I don’t know. All I know is you’ll be gone,” he huffed.
Fang jumped onto my lap, and I stroked her until she stopped growling at Sanj.
“Actually, Sanj,” I said, “I don’t think you’re gonna tell.” I smiled. “You see, I still have the earpiece that you used to cheat with Dustin on the tests. You and Dustin could s
till end up sharing a Canoe of Shame on the way home if we tell on you.”
“Checkmate,” Sanj said. “But just for this game.” He stomped off toward his tent.
Geeky Girl, Igor and I all lay down on the grass outside the tent and looked up at the sky. The sun was going down and the stars were coming out.
“I remember going to my grandma’s house in Tahiti when I was really, really young,” Geeky Girl said. “I used to stand on the balcony and look up at the stars. The stars there are nothing like the ones we see back home.”
“Um, hate to say. Kinda basic fact here,” I whispered. “Yeah, they are definitely the same stars.”
“I mean they don’t look anywhere near the same. There are soooo many of them, and there’s no light from towns or cities out where my grandma lives. It’s so dark that you actually see every star. I used to say that I would get out there into space one day and be an astronaut.”
“Did you ever have a Neil Strongarm action figure?” I asked Geeky Girl.
“No!” she said.
“Did you shoot your dolls up in rockets or anything?” I asked. “Just wondering? No reason.”
“I didn’t play with dolls, really, but if I did, I don’t think I would have shot them into space, no. I studied about space. Watched TV shows and videos, read anything I could about it.” She paused and rocked Boris in his helmet like it was a little budgie cradle or something. “Boris is named after a cosmonaut, you know.”
“Urgh.” Igor nodded.
“Cool,” I said.
“Do you wish you were up in space?” I asked Igor.
Igor shook his head. “Urgh, urgh, urgh!”
“No, I guess being locked up in a space-pod thing would kinda put you off, huh,” I agreed.
“I will be in space someday,” Geeky Girl said. “But not as a minion slave to some egomaniacal evil astronaut. I’ll get there. Just not today.”
“Yeah, I don’t know why I spent so much time thinking I wanted to be like that guy,” I said. “You know, his action figure didn’t even fly that well,” I added.
“Urgh,” Igor agreed.
“I did like the space food, though, way better than the normal camp food. Shame that’s all lost with the dome,” I said.
“Urgh, urgh?” Igor looked a bit guilty and then unzipped his backpack. Packets and packets of space beef stew and space ice cream tumbled out.
“Dinner!” I said, high-fiving Igor and tossing a packet of ice cream to Geeky Girl.
“Hey, Fang.” I peered into the space helmet where she was hiding to see if she wanted some beef stew for her dinner. “Oh, look,” I said.
Fang was curled up in a ball in the helmet fast asleep, with Boris perched on her tail, snoozing.
“I guess they had a long day,” Geeky Girl said.
Dear Mom,
I actually learned something this week in camp.
Well, I learned a couple things.
I learned that there is no I in team, but there is an I in survival.
I learned that there is totally a cat in catastrophe, but there is no trophy at the end of it, and there’s definitely not a crown. What does a guy have to do around here to get a crown?
I learned you can’t play marbles in space, but sometimes space can make you lose your marbles.
And space ice cream is pretty epic.
Tell Sami I’ll sneak some home for her.
Your son,
Mark
P.S. You can totally throw away my Neil Strongarm action figure. It’s under the bed.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Most of this book was written with a kitten curled up on my lap (or on my laptop), so this is dedicated to all the furry friends in my life (vampire or otherwise).
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Mo O’Hara is the author of the My Big Fat Zombie Goldfish series. She grew up in Pennsylvania and now lives in London, where she works as a writer, actor, and storyteller, visiting theaters and schools all across the UK and Ireland. Mo and her brother once brought their own pet goldfish back from the brink of death (true fact). You can sign up for email updates here.
ABOUT THE ILLUSTRATOR
Marek Jagucki, the illustrator of the My Big Fat Zombie Goldfish series, is a graduate of Falmouth School of Art and Design. He is a full-time illustrator and graphic designer based in Yorkshire, UK. You can sign up for email updates here.
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CONTENTS
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Acknowledgments
About the Author and Illustrator
Copyright
A FEIWEL AND FRIENDS BOOK
An Imprint of Macmillan Publishing Group, LLC
175 Fifth Ave, New York, NY 10010
SPACE CAT-ASTROPHE: MY FANGTASTICALLY EVIL VAMPIRE PET. Text copyright © 2019 by Mo O’Hara. Illustrations copyright © 2019 by Marek Jagucki. All rights reserved.
Our ebooks may be purchased in bulk for promotional, educational, or business use. Please contact the Macmillan Corporate and Premium Sales Department at 1-800-221-7945, extension 5442, or by email at MacmillanSpecialMarkets@macmillan.com.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.
ISBN 978-1-250-12813-3 (hardcover) / ISBN 978-1-250-12814-0 (ebook)
Feiwel and Friends logo designed by Filomena Tuosto
First Edition, 2019
eISBN 9781250128140
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