by Robyn M Ryan
“Guess how many texts have gone back and forth between Lauren and Wesley during the past hour?”
“Afraid to ask.” He set the yogurt and milkshake in front of her and then sat across from her. “Can you excuse yourself from the conversation?”
“I wish. Some of it relates to the business…but with the rest I feel like I’m eavesdropping on a private conversation.” She wrinkled her nose when she looked at him. “I think he’s flirting with her and Lauren doesn’t appear to mind. Looks like she’s giving it right back to him.”
“You surprised?” Andrew tried to bite back a smile as he unwrapped his sandwich.
He watched Caryn think a moment. “No, I guess I’m not surprised. I know she understands the need to maintain a professional relationship.” She stopped to eat a spoonful of yogurt. “But, she gets the job done. It’s none of my business.”
“Unless it affects the company. Then, it’s your business.” Andrew said.
Caryn shrugged and met his eyes. “I don’t think it will. Lauren’s just a natural flirt, and Wesley’s a willing participant.” He heard the distaste in her tone.
“Not a fan of his, are you?” he observed as Caryn rolled her eyes.
“He’s not my favorite client.”
“She said diplomatically,” Andrew added, relieved her anxiety had receded. He glanced at his watch. “I have my favorite session in ten minutes. Why don’t you go up to my room and put your feet up? Maybe take a nap.”
Caryn’s smile reached his heart. “I think that’s a deal I won’t refuse. I’ll call Lisa, also, so we can start sharing our news.”
Late that afternoon, they placed the phone on the kitchen table. Andrew pulled his chair beside Caryn’s and kissed her temple. “Ready to spread some joy?”
“If we call your parents first.” She opened her bottle of water.
“Absolutely, babe. You still good using speaker phone?”
Caryn nodded as she sipped the water. “I can imagine your parents’ reaction,” she said with a smile.
“All our parents will be ecstatic,” he reassured her as he pressed his parents’ number.
As expected, both Jean and Jim Chadwick embraced their role of grandparents-to-be and expressed delight that Caryn was pregnant with twins. Caryn’s eyes filled with tears and she couldn’t find her voice at first.
“I’m so incredibly happy,” she finally choked.
“Should I assume Andrew has already begun to spoil you?” Jim asked with a laugh.
“You have no idea,” Caryn laughed through her tears. Andrew pulled her close as he took over the conversation.
Much later, he pressed his lips against the top of her head when the call ended. “You all right, Cary?”
“Of course.” She pulled back and wiped her eyes. “I love your parents. They will be the dream grandparents. I can’t wait for them to meet our peanuts.”
“Neither can I,” Andrew said softly as he lightly brushed the remaining tears from her cheeks. “Do you need a break before calling your parents? I’ll get you some strawberry swirl yogurt.”
Caryn laughed and shook her head as she sipped her water. “We can’t miss our window of opportunity to get both my parents on the phone.” She glanced at her watch. “Which would be about right now.”
Andrew hugged her and kissed her tenderly. “We’re sharing good news. Remember that, Cary.”
Caryn nodded as she took a deep breath, praying for once her parents would just share their excitement and happiness. She set her phone on the table, her finger slightly shaking when she pressed the number Lisa had suggested.
Her mother answered. “Caryn! What a wonderful surprise. How are you?”
“Drew’s here, too. We’re both great.” She listened as her mother and Andrew exchanged greetings, and then asked, “Is Dad home? We have news for both of you.”
“Mysterious,” Suzanne teased. “Yes, as a matter of fact, we’re enjoying a quiet dinner at home. I’ll switch to speaker now.”
Caryn’s heart pounded as they greeted her father, Andrew answering questions from both on the status of his recovery.
“And your new client, Caryn. How’s it going with McRainey?”
Caryn groaned inwardly. “Actually, we called to share some good news.” She took a deep breath, and then said in a rush of words, “We’re having a baby. Actually two babies. Around Christmas and New Year's. We’re so excited.”
“Slow down, Caryn,” her mother laughed. “We can barely hear you.”
Andrew squeezed her hand and answered for her. “You’re going to be grandparents around the end of the year—to twins. You can see we’re a little excited,” he added
“Oh, my!” Suzanne said. “I’m speechless. This is the last thing I expected. But, I am so excited for you…for all of us. Grandchildren! The best news ever!”
“Times two,” her father added. “Twins…surprised much?”
“Understatement,” Caryn managed, her voice choked with emotion.
“We’re very excited,” Andrew added. “Putting it mildly. You have a few months to prepare for grandparent duty.”
“I’m ready right now,” Suzanne said. “You have made us so happy. Your father’s over the moon, Caryn. I wish you could see his face.”
Caryn giggled. “Take a picture, please.”
“Already done,” her mother laughed.
“I wouldn’t be a proper grandparent-to-be if I didn’t ask if you two need anything?” Bill spoke. “I know money is not an issue, but we’d like to do something for you during the next few months.”
“I can’t think of anything,” Caryn said slowly. “Thank you for offering.”
“Then we’ll have to just surprise you,” Suzanne laughed. “Can you share your ultrasound photos?”
“Absolutely,” Andrew replied. “We’ll email them right away.”
“Caryn, if your doctor would like to speak with mine, I’ll arrange it,” her mother offered.
“I’ll ask at my next appointment. Remind me, Drew, please.”
“I’ll add it to my list.”
They spoke a few minutes longer and Caryn’s parents requested regular contact and updates. When Caryn pressed the button to end the call, she met Andrew’s eyes as she released a huge sigh of relief.
“Well, that was a surprise,” she said.
“Who cannot celebrate that news?” He kissed her tenderly. “Just enjoy the moment, Cary.”
30
Caryn began to bring her laptop to the Rehab Center each morning. She hoped to spend as much time as possible with Andrew, and her business obligations required only a couple hours per day. By the time his afternoon sessions ended, she’d crossed most items from her to-do list. Those extra hours provided more opportunities to talk and enjoy time together. Counseling three times a week had paved the way for relaxed conversations on many topics they’d previously avoided.
Caryn checked the upcoming Suns' schedule with the idea of accompanying Andrew to a game. Would Andrew want to watch the Suns play? Last season and during the playoffs he’d brushed aside any invitations from Tom to attend a game, and Caryn hadn’t encouraged him to go. At least while we still communicated. Back then, just thinking about hockey made her ill. But, now after they’d discussed hockey so much in counseling sessions, her anxiety decreased each time he expressed his understanding of her fears. Maybe it’s time to confront my—former?—fears. Better to make the first game one he’s not playing. I owe it to Andrew to make an effort.
Caryn found a few weekend games over the next month. Should she plan a surprise date night? Or give him the tickets and then let Drew decide if he wants to go? Probably should discuss this with him first.
Caryn forced herself to focus on the list of email on her screen, sighing when she saw multiple emails from her parents. As she expected—the deluge of emails had begun. Caryn read several and closed her laptop. I’ll wait to read these with Drew. He may see something I’m likely to dismiss as meddling and att
empts to control our lives. Even five years later, relations with her parents remained somewhat strained. She hated she looked for a hidden agenda behind anything they offered. She’d bristled when her dad had teased that perhaps one of the twins would join the Stevens Company train, but Andrew quickly defused the comment by joking their peanuts had a long, long, long time before even considering that path.
Caryn stood and stretched, then walked down to the food court. She absolutely appreciated the meal service her parents had gifted until way past her due date. She enjoyed selecting dinner options each day, and delivery to the Rehab Center enhanced her appreciation for their thoughtfulness. No complaints from Drew, either.
Her appetite had increased—she could eat all day. Especially the strawberry swirl frozen yogurt. With Dr. Turner’s blessing, she indulged this craving—but also made sure she included the food groups the nutritionist recommended most days each week.
Andrew smiled when he met her walking through the food court. “Betcha I can guess what you have…times two now?”
She shook her head as she handed a cup to him. “Bought one for you. I’m sharing today.”
Andrew looked into his cup. “Switching to chocolate now?”
“Only yours.” She tilted her cup toward him so he could see her strawberry swirl. “Third one today,” she confessed.
Andrew chuckled as he pressed the elevator button. “If you crave it, as Dr. Turner would say, listen to your body. Anyway, three yogurts? One for each of you.”
Andrew opened the door and followed Caryn into his suite. His favorite part of the day—besides yoga class—and he looked forward to this time together. Thanks, in part to counseling, they no longer worried about avoiding potential conflicts There’s still the elephant in the room that neither one of us wants to touch. They’d talked around it, but hadn’t touched Kristen’s role. Was it time to open that box?
Caryn stuck her spoon in his yogurt and sampled it. “Nope. Still tastes like…” She made a face, as she didn’t finish the sentence.
“You're done?” Andrew held his hand out for her empty cup. “I’ll toss this and finish my disgusting yogurt in the kitchen.” He leaned against the counter and nodded toward her laptop. “Did the expected emails arrive today?”
“From my parents? Like clockwork. You’d think they’d been researching this for weeks.” Her mischievous eyes lit her face. “I only read a couple. I saved you the joy of going through the rest. We can reply to all of them in a single email.”
“Terrific. Look forward to it.” He kept a straight face. “Guess we should be thankful they didn’t deliver the ‘suggestions’ in person.”
Caryn held up her hand. “Do not even put that thought out in the universe. I hope they’re in Australia when the babies are born. You do not want my parents staying at our house while we’re trying to figure out this parenting thing.”
“Maybe after a few weeks,” Andrew offered.
“I was thinking months. Preferably when the babies sleep through the night and we’ve settled into a routine. You know my dad will have company positions assigned by then.” Caryn giggled, and then abruptly changed the subject. “Drew, I looked at the Suns' schedule. There are a couple weekend games. Would you like to go?”
“Possibly. It’s going to be hard to predict Tom’s schedule.”
Caryn tossed a pillow at him. “No, I meant go with me to the games. You know, like a date.”
He studied her amber eyes. “You feel comfortable going back to the arena?”
“I think so. I don’t want my next game to be your first game back.”
Andrew nodded. “You promise to tell me if you feel at all uncomfortable or anxious?”
“Promise,” she smiled, patting the couch beside her. “Tell me about your afternoon.”
The days raced by. Caryn felt she was caught in a swirl of events she hoped she could remember and fully appreciate later. From the weekly positive visits with Dr. Turner, Andrew at her side each time, to the first time she felt the babies move, the feeling as subtle as butterfly wings—but disappointed that the movement wasn’t strong enough for Drew to feel. Every day he told her she looked beautiful, despite her expanding waistline—or perhaps because of her “babies bump” as Andrew liked to say, though she only half-believed him. Even the counseling sessions contributed to her overall positive outlook.
Only one dark cloud hovered over them. Kristen. How will he react when I tell him what she did? Will he understand why I didn’t tell him? Or would this halt our progress? What if he asks for time and space again? She knew she could not get through the pregnancy without him. How quickly she’d allowed herself to depend on him for everything—emotional support, walking side-by-side through the pregnancy, and the security of his very presence. She’d given her heart back to him—if I’d ever withheld it, truly. This dark cloud blurred her dreams of the future. She wanted to get everything out in the open, even as she feared his reaction.
31
At the next counseling session, Shannon recapped the progress they’d made, and the topics covered. “I’ve witnessed acceptance, forgiveness, and a very strong bond between you. I hope you feel the same about your progress.”
Caryn nodded, while Andrew replied, “I questioned the need for counseling, but Caryn insisted. Now, I can see how it has helped us talk through and understand what happened between us…hot buttons that easily could blow us apart again.”
“When I met with each of you separately, you both identified a source of major conflict. We’ve talked about everything except this topic. Is it time to open that door?”
“Kristen,” Caryn whispered, as a sudden blast of icy fear gripped her heart. What if this is the one issue we can’t fix? Andrew touched her leg, and Caryn realized Shannon had asked her a question. “I’m sorry, my mind wandered.”
“Are you ready for this discussion?”
“Yes…no…I mean, I guess so.” Caryn looked at Andrew and saw the concern in his expression. “I’m okay,” she said after taking a deep breath.
“We don’t have to do this today,” he assured her. “I know I destroyed your trust…I carry that guilt, and I screwed up when I refused to believe you. But, if you’re not ready to go there, we can keep that door shut. Move forward.”
“It’s not fair to you. I need to tell you the part I played in our meltdown. I’m just as guilty…maybe more so.” She closed her eyes against the hot tears. “What I did directly affected our marriage…but, in all honesty, I realized this only after I returned from Toronto. It wasn’t entirely your fault, Drew. I made a huge mistake…I thought I was protecting you, but I ended up taking away any reason to believe me.” She took the tissue he offered and wiped her eyes, then took a deep breath.
Andrew reached for her hand. “Whatever you did, I’m positive you had the best intentions. And, you never knew my mood day-to-day. I wasn’t exactly the easiest guy to deal with.”
Caryn looked at him from the corner of her eye. “You think?” A wisp of a smile crossed her lips. “But, I made the decision and didn’t talk to you about it—even when everything crashed around us. By then, it was too late.”
Andrew watched Caryn struggle to speak as she dropped his hand and wrapped her arms around her body.
“The day you confronted Kristen outside the center?” He hoped his prompt would help her begin.
“Yes…that’s when it all boiled over.” He saw the regret in her amber eyes when she looked at him. “It started long before then. You’d made great progress at PT, you walked with a cane. I had no doubt you’d achieve your goal.” She paused to take a deep breath and sipped her water. “Even though the thought of you playing hockey again terrified me…I knew you’d make it.”
Andrew listened as Caryn talked about Kristen. Her eyes no longer focused on his, she stared at the floor as she continued to speak. As she recounted her thoughts, reactions, and actions from the moment Kristen approached her with concerns, her tone remained flat, void of emotio
n.
He forced himself to concentrate on her words. Kristen asked her to help prepare him for a future without hockey. Caryn didn’t agree, but she did not want him to know Kristin didn’t believe he’d achieve his goal. She feared he would lose his motivation and confidence. But in trying to protect him, she’d alienated him and assumed she had pushed him toward Kristen. Then, when she’d confronted Kristen, his therapist had laughed and claimed Caryn had misunderstood her.
The confrontation between them outside the center now made sense to Andrew. Even then, she didn’t defend herself or tell him the truth. Andrew tried to suppress the wide range of emotions racing through him. He watched the emotions play out on her face as she continued to stare at the floor—regret, confusion, anger, disappointment, guilt, and ultimately deep hurt and betrayal.
When she stopped talking, Andrew ran his hand over his face, struggling to absorb what Caryn had revealed. Without thinking he asked quietly, “You never thought to talk about this?”
Caryn shook her head. “I didn’t want to take the chance. I didn’t want to introduce any hint of doubt.”
“Even after that call from your father?”
Caryn winced at his tone and shook her head. “You wouldn’t have believed me. I’d waited too long.”
“I didn’t know the entire story.” Andrew heard the accusation in his own voice and tried to neutralize his tone. “Neither of us knows how I may have reacted. We never will. But, there’s a chance…maybe a slight chance we could have avoided what happened after that day.”
Caryn looked at him then, sudden anger flashing in her eyes. “After you refused to believe me when I swore I hadn’t asked my father to call you? Why would you have believed what I said about Kristen? Just another ‘excuse?’” she mocked.
“Maybe,” he conceded.
“Andrew, you asked me to give you time and space.”