Witch Is How To Fool Cats

by Adele Abbott

  “Do you have any idea what’s going on over there, Aunt Lucy? Surely it can’t be anything to do with the broom flying display, can it?”

  “From what your grandmother told me I believe that they’re holding the annual shifter trials here tomorrow.”

  “What on earth are shifter trials?”

  “It’s not something I’ve ever taken any interest in, but as I understand it, the shifters who compete in the trials are required to turn themselves into a variety of wild animals. Then, in order to prove how effective their transformation is, they have to go into the cage with the real animal.”

  “That sounds awfully dangerous.”

  “It is. They’re completely insane if you ask me. I believe there have been quite a few fatalities over the years. It’s certainly not an event I would care to watch.”

  After Aunt Lucy, Lester and the twins had headed for the bleachers, I went in search of Grandma, and found her arguing with Ma Chivers.

  “If it isn’t Jill.” Ma Chivers flashed me that sickening smile of hers.

  “Hello, Ma. Or should I call you Belinda?”

  “That’s what I like about you, Jill. Unlike your grandmother, you still have a sense of humour.”

  “Never mind that!” Grandma snapped. “What you’ve done today is outrageous!”

  “It’s too late to do anything about it now.” Ma Chivers laughed, and then walked away.

  “What was that all about, Grandma?”

  Before she could respond, there was an announcement over the loudspeakers.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the inaugural broom flying competition. I’m sure you’re all as excited as I am to see this ancient art revived. The competition will be in two parts: first, the two troupes will perform a pre-set routine. After that, both teams will take part in a race, but not just any old race. Sit tight and hold onto your seats, this is going to be an exciting ride.”

  “That’s what’s the matter,” Grandma fumed. “This was supposed to be a demonstration of the art of synchronised broom flying, but Chivers has turned it into a cheap and nasty competition.”

  “Didn’t you realise that was going to happen?”

  “Not until about twenty minutes ago.”

  “I don’t understand how she was able to do that without your agreement.”

  “She’s got the organisers on her side somehow. I can’t prove it, but I’d wager bribes were involved.”

  “Can’t you go to them and object?”

  “After they’ve already made that announcement? How would that make me look? And besides, they’d simply declare Chivers’ troupe the winners. We’ll just have to grin and bear it. Anyway, why are you standing around here? The competition starts in fifteen minutes. You’d better go and get changed.”

  I popped into one of the small wooden cabins to put on a traditional witch’s outfit. When I came out, there were three other witches standing next to Grandma.

  “Jill, these are your teammates. This is Maybelline Maytime. She’s the troupe captain. Maybelline will introduce you to the others. I have other important business to attend to.”

  “Okay.”

  Maybelline was surprisingly young and had a physique which suggested she was the sporty type. A bit like me.

  “Hi, Jill. Welcome to the troupe.”

  “Hi. Do I call you May?”

  “I prefer Maybelline. This is Cindy and this is Rosemary.”

  “Hi.”

  Maybelline continued, “I assume that your grandmother has explained the format of today’s competition?”

  “Yes, just now. I gather you weren’t expecting it?”

  “No, we weren’t. We’d assumed that we’d be performing the routine we’ve been practising, but we’re all professionals here, so we’ll just have to adapt.” She handed me a sheet of paper that had a sequence of small drawings made up of lines and arrows.

  “What’s this?” I wasn’t even sure I was holding it the right way up.

  “That’s the routine we have to perform. Each line represents one of us. Yours is the line marked D-I-M.”

  “Dim?”

  “It’s short for Dimples. Dimples Lowe. She’s the witch whose place you’ve taken. We didn’t know who would be standing in for her until just now.”

  “Oh, right. Okay.”

  “Fortunately, the routine is quite straightforward, even if it is a little on the dangerous side.”

  “That’s good, I guess.”

  “You’d better get studying because we’ll be starting in a few minutes. Any questions?”

  “Err, no, I don’t think so.” Other than maybe: where’s the nearest exit?

  I found a quiet spot and began to study the routine. Straightforward? How was any of this straightforward, and how was I supposed to remember it all?

  The toss of a coin determined that Ma Chivers’ team would go first. That came as something of a relief because it meant that I’d have a little additional time to learn the routine.

  While I was trying to memorise it, I glanced up occasionally, to see how the opposing team were doing. To my untrained eye, they appeared to turn in a flawless performance.

  When they’d finished, the crowd rose to their feet and gave them a well-deserved standing ovation.

  Maybelline came over to where I was sitting. “That performance is going to be tough to beat, Jill. Have you managed to memorise the routine?”

  “I think so.”

  “Okay, let’s do this.”

  The four of us lined up facing the bleachers, and on Maybelline’s cue, we took to the air. I was on the right flank, Maybelline and Rosemary were in the centre, and Cindy was on the left. The routine began with us all performing a vertical loop, which involved raising the front of the broom, so it climbed in an arc to a height of about two hundred feet. Then we continued the loop back towards the ground. It was a bit like being on one of those rollercoasters that turn you upside down. The most difficult aspect, apart from trying not to fall to a horrible death, was ensuring that I was in sync with the other three. If I went too high or too fast, the performance would be marked down.

  The second part of the routine required that we perform spirals back and forth across the width of the Range. We were much closer to the ground for this part, which was both a blessing and a curse: We had less distance to fall, but there was much more chance that we’d strike our heads on the ground as we performed the corkscrew motion. Once again, the most difficult part was keeping in sync. On at least one of the turns, I fell slightly behind the others. Something which would no doubt lose us a few marks.

  The final part of the routine was by far the most dangerous. Once again, it involved the dreaded vertical loops, but instead of all four of us starting the routine facing the same way, two of us faced the bleachers while the other two faced the opposite direction. On Maybelline’s cue, we raised the front of our brooms and began our ascent. The idea was that myself and Cindy would meet Maybelline and Rosemary at the apex of the loop. At this point, it would appear to the crowd that we were going to crash into one another. And, if we didn’t adjust our paths in time, that’s precisely what would happen. The problem was that I couldn’t for the life of me remember if I was supposed to swing to the left or the right. If I got it wrong, I would crash straight into Maybelline, and that would be curtains for both of us.

  Was I supposed to go to the left? Or the right?

  It was right. No, it was left.

  I was almost at the top of the loop and headed straight for Maybelline. If I didn’t act now, we were bound to crash.

  At the very last second, I chose right, then closed my eyes and hoped for the best. Moments later, Maybelline passed by me safely on my left.

  Back on the ground, the four of us congratulated each other. Needless to say, Grandma was less impressed.

  “You were out of sync for a while there, Jill.”

  “Sorry. I did my best.”

  Maybelline sprang to my defence. “I thought Jill did
really well to say that she—”

  “When I want your opinion, young woman, I’ll ask for it,” Grandma snapped.

  The judges’ scores were announced over the loudspeaker, and as expected, we were marked down two points.

  “We have to beat them by three clear seconds in the next section if we’re going to win.” Grandma had clearly done the calculations. “Got it?”

  We all nodded.

  There was a ten-minute break before the second half of the competition. During that time, ten huge metal poles, with rings on the top, were raised out of the ground. They resembled giant needles with circular eyes. The poles were numbered one to ten; each one of them had been set to a different height.

  “I don’t like the look of this,” I said to Maybelline.

  “Me neither. We’ve never practised anything remotely like this.”

  “I assume we’re supposed to fly through the rings?”

  “Yes, and you have to do it in the correct sequence, starting with number one.”

  “Are you lot ready?” Grandma shouted.

  “As ready as we’ll ever be, I guess. Do you know what the rules are, Grandma?”

  “It’s all pretty straightforward. One member of each team goes at a time. You fly through the rings in order. If you miss any of them, the whole team is disqualified. If you catch the ring, as you pass through it, five seconds is added to your time. All the times are added up at the end, and the team with the quickest combined time wins. But to win the competition overall, we need to win by at least three clear seconds. Okay?”

  We all nodded again.

  “Here.” Grandma handed Maybelline a sheet of paper. “The judges drew names to determine the order in which you’ll fly.”

  Maybelline quickly studied the list. “Cindy, you’re up first. Then it’s me, then Rosemary. Jill, you’re last.”

  I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. Hopefully, the match would be won by that point, but if it wasn’t, it would all be down to me.

  It wasn’t until I saw Cindy and her opponent tackle the course that I realised just how challenging it was going to be. The different heights of the poles meant that you had to swoop up and then back down, which made it very difficult to make sure you got through the ‘eye’ without brushing the sides. Both Cindy and her opponent fell foul of this once, causing the ring to glow red momentarily. When they’d completed the course, Ma Chivers’ team were seven seconds in front.

  I was just beginning to think I’d got the course mapped out in my mind when the height of each pole was changed: Some slid up—others slid down.

  Maybelline managed to finish well in front, without catching any of the rings. Our team was now six seconds in the lead. Cindy caught one of the rings, but her opponent caught two of them. Cindy’s performance put our team fifteen seconds ahead.

  Grandma came rushing over. “We mustn’t lose this now, Jill. Whatever you do, don’t catch any of the rings. You don’t need to come in first; just make sure you finish no more than fourteen seconds behind. That way, we’ll take the overall competition.”

  “I want to go for the win.”

  “If you do that and blow it, you’ll have let your teammates down, and you’ll have me to answer to.”

  I wasn’t happy at having to hold back, but I knew she was right. There was no point in taking unnecessary risks.

  My opponent immediately took the lead, but I was very close behind. Every time we went through one of the rings, I took great care not to catch the sides. The course proved to be much more difficult than I’d expected, especially when two consecutive rings were at vastly different heights.

  With only one ring to go, I was still close on the heels of my opponent. Even if I happened to catch the last ring, we would still win the overall competition.

  That’s when I spotted something out of the corner of my eye: Down below me, a little dog was trotting towards the cages at the other side of the Range.

  The crowd had seen him too, and they were all screaming at him to stay away from the cages. Meanwhile, he was clearly oblivious to the danger, and was now very close to a cage holding a huge gorilla. A few more yards, and he’d be near enough for the gorilla to grab him through the bars. If that happened, it would be the end of the poor little thing.

  What was I to do? If I tried to save the dog, we would surely lose the match. This was the Elite Competition all over again. On that occasion, I’d sacrificed the chance to win the tournament in order to rescue Sybil the conquestor dragon. Grandma had still not forgiven me for that. What would she do if I did the same thing again now?

  I’d soon find out because there was no way I was going to abandon the poor little dog to his fate at the hands of the gorilla.

  I swooped down and headed for the dog. I would have only one chance. If I missed, it would be curtains for Fido. As I got close to the ground, I leaned to one side, held out my hand and grabbed him by the collar.

  With the dog under one arm, I swooped back up. By my calculations, I could still win, but not if I caught the sides of the ring. There was absolutely no margin for error, and it was made all the more difficult because I had to steer the broom while clinging onto the dog, who was struggling to get free.

  The ring was only feet away now, and I was slightly off centre, so I made one last adjustment.

  Yes! I got through the ring cleanly, but had I made the time?

  I’d soon find out.

  When I landed, a young boy came running over to me.

  “Buster, you’re okay!”

  I handed him the dog who was clearly pleased to be reunited with his young owner.

  “What did you think you were playing at?” Grandma screamed at me.

  “I couldn’t allow the little dog to be killed by the gorilla.”

  “Are you telling me that you threw away the competition for a stupid dog? This is the Elite all over again.”

  “You don’t know that yet. I may have made the time.”

  “You’d better have.”

  Just then, an announcement came over the loudspeakers.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, we now have the final result. The winners, by just one second are—”

  Chapter 25

  It was Monday morning, and I’d just called Kathy to check how Lizzie was doing.

  “She’s fine, thanks. It’s Mikey who’s the problem today.”

  “Mikey? What’s the matter with him?”

  “He came into our room, crying, in the middle of the night. He said he’d woken up to find Lizzie standing over him. Mikey said she was staring at him, and that her eyes were glowing orange. He’d obviously had a nightmare, woke up, and thought it was real. After I’d managed to calm him down, we looked in on Lizzie, just to put his mind at ease. Needless to say, she was fast asleep.”

  “How is he this morning?”

  “He’s okay. He seems to have forgotten all about it. But now we have another problem.”

  “What now?”

  “It looks like we may have fly tippers in the area. Pete usually takes a walk down the garden in the morning before he goes to work. You’ll never guess what he found down there.”

  Oh bum! I had a horrible feeling I knew precisely what he’d found.

  “I have no idea.”

  “Only a hot air balloon.”

  “Never.”

  “It’s true. The basket and the deflated balloon had been hidden behind the bushes.”

  “That is weird.”

  “That wasn’t the only thing that he found. There was a pair of boots too.”

  Oh double bum!

  “That isn’t so unusual.”

  “They weren’t just any old boots. They look like the kind that deep sea divers wear. They weighed a ton.”

  On Saturday, I’d been so pleased that we’d found Lizzie safe and sound that I’d totally forgotten I was meant to be returning the boots to Buddy, the balloon man.

  “Actually, Kathy, I wouldn’t mind taking those boots off your hands.”<
br />
  “Why on earth would you want a pair of deep sea diver’s boots?”

  “I thought we could use them as planters.”

  “You’re just plain weird sometimes, Jill. Anyway, it’s too late. Pete took the hot air balloon and boots to the tip on his way out this morning.”

  Triple bum!

  ***

  As soon as I walked into the office, it was obvious that Mrs V was in a bad mood.

  “Is something wrong, Mrs V?”

  “I’ve had the most awful weekend.”

  “You weren’t overrun by wood nymphs, were you?”

  “What?”

  “Sorry, just my little joke. What happened?”

  “Armi spent most of it working on his cuckoo clocks. He’d promised that he wouldn’t spend more than a couple of hours on them, but he was at it all of Saturday and a good part of Sunday. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, he dragged me to this awful thing.” She took a crumpled sheet of paper out of her handbag and threw it onto the desk.

  After I’d straightened it out, I could see that it was a programme for Washbridge Lawyers Social.

  “I take it that it wasn’t a very good show?”

  “That’s the understatement of the year. Most of the performers would be much better sticking to the law.” She took the programme back and threw it in the bin. “Good riddance. What about you, Jill? How was your weekend?”

  “Very quiet. Jack went out for the day with my brother on Saturday, so I was left by myself.”

  “What about yesterday?”

  “I—err—” I could hardly tell her that I’d taken part in a broom flying competition. “I just did a bit of gardening.”

  Winky was sitting on my desk. “I have good news.”

  “Get off my desk.”

  “Don’t you want to hear my good news?”

  “Probably not.”

  “I heard this morning that FelHealth has closed down. After your video went viral, the distributors began to quit in droves.”

  “That is good news. What about the money, though?”