by Fiona Murphy
Her voice comes out of the dark, husky and low. “Who is Decker Holt? I looked, and he doesn’t have any open contracts.”
I shrug, my eyes glued to my phone. “He’s a prospective client. His family is here in Chicago. Although he has lived in England for the last twenty years, his father’s health is failing so he is returning to the area. He runs a company that produces art reproductions—he’ll need a few warehouses to house the art already completed, then other warehouses for framing and shipping. This could be a lucrative deal. The business talk will be light but important. I’ll need you to focus, take notes if need be.”
“Sir, yes sir.” Those wide soft lips of hers are painted a deep lush red I can’t take my eyes off as she smiles and gives me a salute.
Her manner is as light and teasing as I’ve ever seen her. I swear it makes me hard for her all over again. What is she up to? I don’t have long to figure it out as Daniel announces we’re at the restaurant as the car comes to a stop.
I selected Goldfinches for the wide variety of the menu as well as the quiet area in the back. We both move quickly into the restaurant. Decker and his guest arrived minutes ago and have been seated. I turn to wait for Alicia to have her coat taken and checked to find the coat already off. She is posing for me. Her hand on her hip, her amber eyes sparkling as they dare me.
If we were alone right now, I’d put her over my knee and spank her sweet round ass until she couldn’t sit down for a week. I grab her by her arm to follow the hostess to our table. Blinking, I see it all over again. My cock jerks as I fight my body. The dress is sin and sex. It’s so damn tight, I wonder how the fuck she can walk in it. Made of some stretchy fabric molding to her body, with her breasts covered in a band of glittering crystals, and the lower half shimmers with black sequins. I grind my teeth as I look down. If she bent over it would be indecent.
Decker stands as we get to the table. I keep Alicia’s arm in mine and her away from him. I only let go of Alicia once she is seated. Decker smiles and nods at Alicia. His date is a brittle blonde with a fake grin filled with fake teeth named Tammy.
Pleasantries are easy as we discuss the menu. I’m not surprised when the blonde decides on a salad. I am annoyed when she laughs with a not so subtle dig at Alicia’s order of fish and chips. Decker’s eyes narrow at the woman. “That sounds good to me, Alicia, although I wonder if I’ll be disappointed that it won’t compete with the real thing.”
Alicia smiles shyly. “I have no idea how it compares. I’ve never been to England, and it’s my first time trying it here.”
“I think I’ll live dangerously and give it a try.”
Tammy giggles. “Maybe you’ll be willing to share a fry.”
Decker rolls his eyes. “I think not. I don’t like to share. I’m sure you’ll be too full eating all that dry lettuce anyway.”
I order a scotch and a steak. Once the waitress leaves there is general talk of Decker revisiting places in the city he’s missed. Alicia mentions an exhibit that is due to open at the Art Institute in a week. I see it coming a mile away on Decker’s face as he smiles at Alicia. My hand goes down on Alicia’s. “We’ll have to go. We don’t want to go the first weekend, there will be a crush of people. Then we can try the sushi place you were talking to Hannah about.”
Decker tilts his head and shrugs. Alicia blushes as she turns her hand over to hold my hand, sending a jolt of electricity through my entire body. “I’m going to hold you to that.” She smiles at Decker. “Any time I suggest the Art Institute, somehow work always comes up. This time I have witnesses.”
His laugh is easy. “Or a backup if he doesn’t keep his promise. I’ll be happy to accompany you.”
The blonde doesn’t like that. “You know, I have to commend you for being brave enough to wear your dress. I’m so happy designers are willing to dress obese women. It’s just not fair the way they haven’t for so long—”
Before the woman finishes her sentence. Decker has his hand around her arm and yanks her up from the table. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m just going to take out the trash. I’ll be right back.”
Alicia is blushing as she tries to pull her hand from mine. “I—”
No. I’m not ready to let her go. Her hand, despite being small and delicate, fits in mine perfectly. “Don’t even think it. The bitch was jealous. You look like a wet fucking dream in that dress. I hate that other men are seeing you look so sexy—I want to cover you in a damn caftan to keep your curves to myself.”
“So you do like the dress?” Her eyes are wide, her smile hesitant.
“You achieved what you set out to do with it, if that’s what you’re asking. Now behave before I spank your ass for going out in public wearing it.”
Her laugh only heightens my desire. I’m grateful for Holt’s return seconds later. “I want to apologize for Tammy. With not being back in town for long, I was caught short without a date. Stupidly, I tried a dating app. Over the phone she didn’t sound like a bitch. I will be deleting the app tonight.”
The rest of the dinner goes smoothly, Decker is polite to Alicia and open to talking about his own business and plans for setting up. We end the night on a positive note with the promise of me sending him a selection of warehouses I believe will fit his needs.
Once we are in the back of the car, I come back to my senses. Alicia starts chattering; at least the damn dress is hidden behind the coat cinched tight at her waist. “I like Decker, he was nice, he didn’t have to get rid of the woman the way he did. He wasn’t nearly as intimidating as I thought he would be.”
I make no response as I pull out my phone and begin an email to Hannah for the selection of properties to send to Decker. Apparently, Alicia doesn’t require my attention to keep talking. The entire drive to her home is spent with her talking about all of Holt’s virtues.
As I follow her into her building and up the stairs I’m careful to keep my distance from her. Yet my eyes are glued to her every move, and as is usually the case, the last set of stairs has her slowing. I dislike the concern that grows every time I detect the hesitation in her movements. She’s nearly to the top when her knee seems to give out on her.
My heart stops at the idea of her falling. I move fast to catch her close, my arm going around her middle, lifting her up the last few steps until we are in front of her door. I’m not sure why I don’t set her down; even the thought has my arm tightening around her. Her little sigh goes straight to my cock. It’s only now I take in the way her body is pressed into mine, and my cock jerks against her ass. Her gasp is loud in the quiet, pulling me out of the haze of desire. I release her and can only watch as she stumbles, her hands going out against her door to catch herself.
Back up, back up, my brain screams. I straighten, only I don’t get far because it happens in a blink of the eye, or maybe it takes a minute for my brain to catch up to my eyes. The coat is off, and Alicia is pressing against me, whispering my name. “Cesare, I know what I want. I want you, for however long you want me, I’m yours.”
There is no thinking as I capture her mouth, no finesse, just need driving me to taste her, to claim her at the invitation I’ve been dreaming of for weeks. Soft, so soft, sweet as cotton candy, I can’t get enough. Her inexperience is clear. I fight not to go savage at the knowledge no other man has known her like this. She is truly mine in a way she has wanted no other man. She clings to me, her hands in my hair as she presses her soft body against mine. From far away I hear a door slam. In an instant, I’m yanked back to the fact we’re in the hallway where anyone could see us. Christ, what she does to me.
She feels me pull away. With a groan she shakes her head. “I dropped my keys, just a minute.”
In the time it takes her to find the keys, my sanity is restored. I’ve backed up, not trusting myself close to her because my body is still hard and aching for her. Confusion clouds her amber eyes, the glow gone as she looks up at me. “Cesare?”
Fuck, the way she says my name husky and low, I grit
my teeth. “You’re a virgin.” I spit the words out, wanting her to refute them.
Her beautiful face reddens then her chin comes up. “I’m not ashamed of what I am or what I know I want.”
Damn it, deep down a part of me hoped Dante was wrong. “I don’t do virgins. If I had known I would never have touched you the first time.”
“You are a liar and a coward. What are you afraid of now? You asked me what I wanted. I thought about it, had dreams and nightmares about it, and I know what I want. So what if I’m a virgin? How is that any different than any other woman you’ve fucked and left twisting in the wind?” She’s angry.
I’m angry too, for her not placing a higher value on herself. “What’s different is that you deserve more from the first man you allow into your bed than what I can give you. How the hell can you not place a higher value on yourself than to give yourself to me?”
She’s shaking her head. “It’s my body to give to whoever I want, whenever I want. How the hell would it be any different than me losing my virginity in some cramped backseat to some grubby, pimple-faced teenager?”
“Because it wouldn’t have been me. I cannot give you the things you deserve.”
“What the fuck exactly do I deserve? Shouldn’t I be the one to decide?”
“A man who will give you everything you ask for.”
“All I’m asking for is a night of being fucked long and hard until I’m exhausted so I can finally sleep. Are you saying you aren’t up to it?”
Her flippancy grates. “If I were to go to your bed, I’d ensure you’d be so exhausted you would sleep for weeks when I was done with you. Are you being willfully ignorant? Your first lover should be someone who could not just fuck you but make love to you—there is a difference. I cannot make love to you as you deserve.”
“You’re such a liar. You’re too afraid you might actually feel something and be vulnerable. Okay, I can never in my life imagine what it was like to go through what you went through with your parents, but I do know what’s it’s like to live your life holding yourself away from everyone to keep from getting hurt—and fuck, it’s lonely. I’m tired of doing it. I’m choosing to live life instead of just watching it go by. I don’t want or need your love; all I want is to be fucked, and if you aren’t willing to put out, then get the fuck out.”
She just doesn’t get it, and nothing I say will make her understand. This isn’t about protecting myself—it’s about protecting her. While I still can, I walk away.
9
Alicia
I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. Throwing myself down on the bed, I scream into my pillow. The man who has fucked so many women I stopped counting because it hurt my fucking head to think of it refused to fuck me. He said he didn’t want me, yet his body said something very different. Is he turned on by any willing woman? It didn’t seem like it that night when he whispered those dirty things as he pressed his hard cock into me. Was it really because I’m a virgin? I’m so confused. None of this is how Lydia said it would go. Then I cringe as I remember I hadn’t told her I was a virgin.
I’m kind of hating Jeanine and Dante right now. There’s only one way Cesare could have known for sure I’m a virgin. Jeanine blabbed to Dante, who for some insane fucking reason felt the need to tell Cesare. And now even though he wanted me he was pushing me away. I’m so confused.
***
Alicia
I’m on the train to work when the call comes from Lydia. I consider letting it go to voice mail except I find myself answering. “How did last night go?”
I blush all over again remembering it all. Thankfully, the few people around me have earbuds in, but I still lower my voice. “Not well. I failed to mention I’m kind of a virgin. I didn’t think after all this time he would be able to tell, so I didn’t think it was worth mentioning. He found out because Jeanine told Dante. Cesare says he doesn’t do virgins because of some stupid bullshit. It’s was a complete disaster. I’m done. I can’t take all this drama.”
“Alicia, holy crap, leaving out the virgin thing was kind of a big deal. Yeah, Cesare is going to run a mile as fast as he can from you. Don’t you remember me telling you he’s an honorable man? He probably thinks he should offer you marriage before he even takes you to bed. If you hadn’t been a virgin, he would have slowly come around, but now he has to come around before you two even leave the starting line. Don’t give up so easily. I’m going to admit, game playing is dangerous. However, it’s the quickest way to push Cesare to admit his feelings. Are you up for it?”
God, I’m so pathetic. “What do I do?”
As I go up in the elevator, I try desperately to think of a single guy like Lydia described. While there is Decker, he’s not an option as he’s a client. There’s only one guy at work. He had done three out of the four things Lydia described, which meant he was interested in me. He’s a nice guy, I guess. I barely remember what he looks like. I do remember his name is Wyatt because he pronounced it a little oddly.
He had hung around my desk a few times after meeting with Dante or Cesare. We often went into the break room at the same time for lunch. A few times he got talkative and invited me to eat with him. Politely, I made an excuse to get back to my desk.
Dang it, I know nothing about flirting. This is going to be a disaster. I don’t have long to try and figure out what to do because he’s talking to Debbie as the doors of the elevator open. His face lights up into a smile when he sees me. Now I get it. I force a smile. This is wrong, so wrong. “Hey Wyatt, how are you?”
“I’m good, better now that I see your pretty face first thing in the morning. Hey, I had plans to take a client out for lunch today only his kid is sick. Care to join me at Vishi, the new Japanese fusion restaurant?”
“That sounds great. I’ve heard great things about it.” Liar, I hate pretentious fusion restaurants.
“Great, swing by your desk at twelve thirty?”
“I look forward to it.” My face hurts from smiling.
“See you then.” His hand goes up on my arm. I hate it but try not to shrug him off.
I walk away, right into Cesare. His eyes are burning into me. He says nothing. His eyes flick to Wyatt’s back then to me. Without a word, he continues down the hall. I make it to my desk on unsteady legs.
Dante is busy with a deal with a whale of a client and out of the office. When Cesare goes into his office, he’s careful not to look my way.
Hannah is happy to hear I’m going out for lunch until she asks who I’m going with. When I tell her Wyatt, she shakes her head and tells me she hopes I know what I’m doing.
The lunch is everything I thought it would be. Wyatt is eager, he talks the whole way through, barely needing more than a few murmurs of encouragement from me. I study him; he is good-looking, he’s also charming, and it’s easy to understand his success as an agent. There’s also not a single spark between us. When he walks me to my desk, I force another smile as I thank him for lunch. “I had a good time. How about dinner tonight? There’s a great pho place only a block from me.”
I hate pho. “I love pho, only I can’t tonight. I make quilts, and I have an order due in just two days. I’m way behind. Maybe lunch this weekend or coffee or something?” I actually shut down my online store when the last of the quilts I had already completed were sold. But there were a few former clients who still pleaded for baby quilts. Baby quilts were the easiest and ones I took the most joy out of making so I’ve accepted a few orders for them but I don’t have anything due for another two weeks.
He tries to cover it, but his unease is clear. “Actually, I’m crazy busy this weekend. My mom needs me to help her around the house. I already made plans, I’m pretty popular, you know. How about next week instead?”
I’m too relieved to care about his weirdness about doing anything over the weekend. “Sounds good.”
“Can I get your number to text you?”
“Oh yeah, sure.” I write my number on a sticky note. As I hand it
to him, Cesare and Dante are walking toward us.
“Great, I’ll text you.”
“I look forward to it,” I say as I force a smile. Dante goes still as he stares at me. Cesare keeps walking into his office, slamming the door so loud I wince at the way the doorframe shakes from the force of it.
“My office,” is all Dante says.
He drops the file he’s carrying on his desk. “Are you suicidal? What the hell are you doing?”
“I’m making a date. I’m trying to move on from the colossal mistake of thinking I was attracted to your brother. I found someone who does want me. Who doesn’t care whether I’m a virgin or not. How the hell could you have told Cesare?”
Dante winces. “I know, I know. I swear if I had it to do over, I wouldn’t have. What the hell are you talking about? Cesare wants you, he wants you so badly he’s driving himself into the ground to keep away from you.”
Long past embarrassed, I admit, “I told him I wanted him. I told him I’d take him on his terms and he turned me down flat. Muttered some stupid bullshit about me being a virgin and he didn’t do them. Fine, I’ll make it so I’m not a virgin.”
“Fuck.” Dante runs his hand through his hair as he stalks the room. “I can’t believe him sometimes. You, you’re trying to grab a tiger by the tail. Be careful what happens when you’ve caught it.”
On that note, I back out of his office with my tail between my legs.
The day passes with the kind of tension that ties my stomach into knots. Hannah is stiff, Dante is short, and Wyatt is sending me memes every five minutes. By the end of the day, I’m ready to run for the door.
I’m barely through my front door when I have a call from Lydia. I relay I did what she suggested with Wyatt, and Cesare seemed suitably pissed off but hasn’t said anything.