by Fiona Murphy
“What? What is the matter with you? I was in class. I couldn’t answer.”
“You stupid, stupid fucking moron. What the hell made you think you could pull off blackmailing someone?” Her gasp is loud. “Yeah, I know. You dumbass. You went after someone connected to Cesare fucking Sabatini.
“What have I told you over and over again? If you’re greedy you get sloppy, you fuck up. You couldn’t just be happy with fifty thousand dollars. Jesus, you told me some dumbass bought you the new car for the privilege of fucking you when it was all bullshit. Sabatini knows you intend to blackmail Bethany again. You get me all the damn recordings you have right fucking now. I’m on my way.”
“Cesare Sabatini? How does she know Sabatini, she never mentioned Sabatini.”
“It doesn’t matter how she knows him, all that matters is she does. The bastard has my balls over a barrel. You fuck this up and I go down, and you won’t have two fucking cents when it’s all over.”
Kelsey starts crying now, her voice frantic. “I don’t have any recordings. I just had one and something happened to it. I don’t know why but it won’t play anymore, it’s all white noise.”
Relief fills me. Not so for Kane. “Are you fucking kidding me?!” He screeches. “No, no fucking way. You only had one recording?”
“One seemed like enough. I had to delete the recording on my phone in front of Bethany. Before I met with her I uploaded the voice file to my computer. Because I directly uploaded it, there is no way to backtrack to get it. I tried but no one can recover it from my phone.”
“Goddamnit, you fucking idiot. How could you be so fucking stupid?”
“I’m sorry, Daddy. I’m so sorry.” She’s sobbing.
“You better not be lying. I swear to god.”
“I’m not, Daddy. I’m really not. I swear. You can take my laptop and my phone. I don’t have another recording.”
I text Diego to proceed as planned. To have Diego’s guy handle it. There’s a man sitting on Kelsey’s apartment. Once Kane got to Kelsey’s place, the man would let Kelsey and Kane know we had the confirmation we wanted. Since Kane had fulfilled his end of the deal, I would honor mine.
The matter settled, I’m able to once again focus on work.
***
Alicia
I don’t bother knocking on Cesare’s door as I come in with lunch. Today it’s big Cobb salads for the both of us. Cesare pulls me into his lap the minute I set down the salads. “What’s got you in such a good mood? Are we going to make love in here finally?”
His laughter brushes up my belly, and happiness bubbles up inside me at the sound. “Not today, you wanton wet dream. Today I can tell you that the whole Kelsey Kane issue is laid to rest. There are no other recordings. She is also now suitably terrified of ever fucking with Bethany again.”
Relief fills me until I wonder if I’ll burst with it. I fling my arms around his neck, squeezing with all my might. Cesare laughs as he hugs me tight around my middle. “Thank you. Thank you so much. I want to be annoyed at you for leaving me out of it, only I know it’s just one more way you’re trying to protect me.”
He sighs as he pulls away, his big warm hands cupping my face. “You are so perfect for me. Thank you for understanding me. I would not have been able to bear you stressed out, worried about something that in the end was practically guaranteed. I don’t lose. You would have said you believed it, but deep down you wouldn’t have been able to not worry just a little when the outcome was important to you.”
Swallowing the words is painful, only I don’t dare say them now, not after he just pulled Bethany’s ass out of the fire. He would think I only said it because I was grateful. So I do the only thing I can: I kiss him with my whole heart.
20
April
Alicia
Grover whimpers under my desk. I put down the quilt I’m working on before getting up to go let him out to pee. I’m home today because I’m ridiculously late on a quilt. I should be able to finish it today, but I was urged to go ahead and take tomorrow off too just in case. After working on it all morning, I’m almost done. It didn’t feel right taking a day off; however, Hannah and Dante laughed off my guilt. Right now things are quiet in the office, so I was to enjoy my time off, as the office will get really busy within the next few weeks.
As I wait for Grover to do his business, my eyes wander around. For about the fifteenth time I think of Dante’s place. How hard would it be to at least soften the edges of this place? Maybe some paint on the walls, a few rugs. The area in front of the folding doors to the balcony is almost fourteen feet of open area where a sitting area feels like it should be.
Claudine comes in from the hallway with a large, beautiful bunch of pink tulips. “I couldn’t resist. A little something to liven up the place with the days being so gray and dreary the past few weeks.”
“They’re beautiful. I think it would take more than some flowers to liven up this place though, you’d have to empty out an entire floral shop.” I sigh.
Her smile is conspiratorial. “You want to do something about it?” I want to say yes yet I hesitate, worried about what Cesare would say. “Cesare would love it if you did something that made this more your home, not just his.”
I’m touched, knowing she wouldn’t have said it unless she had heard him say it first. “Okay, yes. I am dying to do something to this place. I have some ideas but I’m not sure how to put it all together.”
“I know. We call in professionals.” She pulls out her cell phone from her pocket. “I still have the number for the designers who did Dante’s place and work for Cesare and Dante. I’m pretty sure they’ll be willing to drop everything to do this.”
From her side of the phone, it’s clear she’s right. The conversation only lasts about three minutes. I run to get dressed, feeling sloppy in a loose shirt and pajama pants. Thinking of the women designers who are always perfectly turned out in designer names I couldn’t even pronounce, I change into a cashmere sweater dress and black tights. Once I’m dressed, I take the time to straighten my hair then swipe on some makeup.
As I come out of the bedroom the doorbell goes. It scares me, I’m so unused to hearing it. Grover barks at me for being an idiot. Two of the three women I had met the first day come in, followed by an assistant who is carrying a laptop. I’m surprised to see two of them. There is a marked change in the way they treat me since the last time I met them, when they acted as if I were annoying them. I know the tall blonde is Esme, but I can’t remember the redhead’s name. I decide to go with not remember either of their names because I also don’t know the assistant’s name. They aren’t pleased by that but they laugh it off, though not very well.
“I’m Petra, this is Esme and Jolene is the one with the computer. Jolene, get the measurements for the rooms, starting with this space. Claudine said you were looking to change the space. What did you have in mind?”
***
Alicia
I check my watch as I come up in the elevator. I’m freaking exhausted. I want to take a nap, only it’s almost six thirty so I’m pretty sure Cesare will be home soon. He promised an early night and dinner out. I wonder if I should change, I’m pretty sure I broke a sweat as I tried to keep up with Esme and Petra today. One store, one ginormous store with what felt like a football stadium’s worth of furniture. Both women carried a measuring tape and their cell phones and managed to bark orders like drill sergeants. The furniture is going to be delivered tomorrow in the afternoon, after the men come in to put up the wallpaper in the morning, and the art will arrive in the afternoon with people who can put it up.
I’m excited but I want it to be a surprise for Cesare. I decided to go with wallpaper to avoid the issues with painting, which would take freaking forever, and there were really great wallpaper patterns that were nothing like the flowery crap I had first thought of when Petra suggested it. We’re also only going to do one accent wall so it won’t overwhelm a room. I hope it looks as good as i
t did on the computer mock-up.
When I open the door to the condo, I’m surprised to hear Cesare whistling. He’s home already? I follow the whistling into the kitchen, where he’s stirring a pot on the stove. It’s been three months since the first time I saw him, and I’m waiting for the time when I stop getting weak in the knees when I see him. Except I don’t know if I’ll ever stop getting weak when he smiles at me like he is right now. “Hey, what are you doing home already?”
His arms come around me as he pulls me close. “I seriously underestimated how much I was going to miss you not being at work. I’m pretty sure I didn’t get anything done today. Then when I got the email from Esme about the changes to the condo, I couldn’t wait to come home and reward you for having good taste.”
“Ah, I wanted it to be a surprise.”
He laughs. “No, you were afraid I wouldn’t like it.” God, he just gets me. He brushes a kiss across my lips. “Don’t be afraid, talk to me. I hate the idea of you being afraid to talk to me, to share your fears or concerns. I told you, you’re mine to keep and protect, and those things include keeping you happy, knowing you’re safe to come to me with stuff you’re worried about. You’re not alone anymore, Alicia. I know this is new to you, but I’m here and I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you.”
His kisses are soft and sweet. Vaguely I’m aware of Grover barking, then his little nails are digging into my tights.
“I swear, Grover, you can be such a pain. We’re kind of in the middle of something.” Grover just barks and takes off toward the balcony. “I always knew deep down I was a cat person.”
Cesare laughs as he pushes me toward Grover. “Go take care of him. I’m about to put on the pasta now that you’re home.”
“Okay.”
During dinner we go over the mock-up of the changes. I show him the samples of wallpaper in the few cases where I doubted my choices. Cesare is insistent he likes what I chose.
We take our shower together, where Cesare asks me sweetly to come into the office to have lunch with him tomorrow even though I’m going to be off. I promise I will, then push him onto the bench and climb onto him. He groans as he guides his thick cock into me. He surges inside me. Every time his first thrust deep inside me steals my breath, my soul when we become one. There is no me, there is no him; it’s us, something new, something unbelievably exquisite. I know he feels it too: his heart slams against his chest and my own answers him back. It’s a moment of perfection seared into me, into my whole being.
Feeling him deep inside me, fitting me so perfectly, that magical moment when we become one, it hits me. Mine. Forever. Cesare is branded into my heart, my very soul. He’s mine forever. The same way I belong to him, he’s mine to keep and protect and to do everything I can to make him happy. I’m so lucky the things that make him happy, also make me happy. “I want your cock in my ass, please, Cesare. I’m done with the toys. I want you to fuck me. I want to feel you fucking me and coming inside me. Please.”
Groaning, Cesare shakes his head. “I’m too close, cara, too damn close.” He groans as he yanks my mouth to his. Hell, how does he do this to me every time? It doesn’t matter I’m on top, he’s in control of my body, of me. I can’t fight him, don’t want to. His hard hands on my hips control me. More, please more. I’m begging, pleading, desperate for my orgasm, so damn close. Harder, faster he brings me down on him, yes, yes right there. I’m plunged headfirst into the waves, and they crash into me, threatening to wash me away. Shaking, I cling to Cesare as he groans into my skin, and I feel him explode inside me. Hot, wet, mine, my body grasps him from inside, wanting everything he has to give me.
***
Alicia
The day starts early. I’ve just kissed Cesare goodbye when the door opens to four men with rolls of wallpaper and ladders. Claudine sees my eyes go big and lets me know she’ll take care of them. I thank her and take off to my room. Another hour or two and I should be done with my quilt. Only I don’t get an hour. The men are working fast, and they are ready for my room. Claudine opens Dante’s condo, sure he wouldn’t mind me taking refuge inside.
Once I’m inside, I’m drawn to the sitting room and all the pictures. I spend almost an hour studying them all. Even though Cesare has opened up about the time before his parents died, it’s been rare and in brief flashes, usually a funny anecdote about Enzo or Dante.
Seeing these pictures, Cesare in his football uniform, at a small piano in what is clearly their family home, another at a piano on a stage, laughing with Enzo, holding Dante’s hand, trick-or-treating dressed as a cowboy has my heart aching for what he lost. Yet I’m filled with hope too, because I know over the last few weeks Cesare’s smile has grown more free and frequent.
Finally I settle down with the quilt to finish it. An hour later I’m done with a sigh of relief. My cell phone rings, it’s Bethany. I had texted her last night that I was taking today off. It’s been a few weeks since I called her to let her know about the whole Kelsey situation, making it clear she had fucked up and she had Cesare to thank for saving her ass, and to make sure it never happened again. I was proud of her for sending Cesare an email thanking him for what he did. However, our conversations since were stilted and shorter than they used to be.
“Hi, what’s up?”
“I got in! To both programs. Duke and the University of Iowa. I also got into Emory, but you know Duke and Iowa were the ones I wanted.”
“That’s great! I’m so happy. Have you decided which one you’re going to pick?” My fingers are crossed for Duke, it’s such a prestigious university.
She sighs. “I’m going with Iowa.”
“Really?” Shit, did my disappointment come through?
“I know. I know. Duke is the bigger name and everything, but...this last year has been really hard. There were times I was afraid no matter how hard I studied, I wasn’t going to get it. I want a smaller, less hectic program. From everything I researched, what I’m looking for is in Iowa.”
“Where you want to be is all that matters. It will be nice for you to still be close by, a few hours’ car trip rather than a few hours’ plane ride.”
“Yeah, I’ll admit that was something I thought about too. I...um, I didn’t apply this time. But, uh, they called me asking if I would volunteer again this summer in Guadalupe at the clinic.” I deflate. Bethany had actually decided against starting the program over the summer, so she could have a break as once the program starts there are no breaks like there was for an undergraduate. She would have a few days off during the holidays but she wouldn’t have a summer break, only a week between spring semester ending and the summer semester starting.
She had a minor in Spanish, feeling it would help her in working in clinic and hospital settings. “I said yes. They are short volunteers. They were so desperate they are willing to pay for my plane ticket. So...I’m only going to have a few days between graduation and leaving for Guadalupe.”
“I’m proud of you for being in demand. I’m going to miss you over the summer.” I don’t tell her I had wanted to fulfill her wish to visit Madrid as her graduation present. It would only make her feel guilty.
Her smile is clear through the phone. “I’m sure you’re so busy with Cesare you wouldn’t have time for me.”
“I’ll always make time for you. Don’t even think like that. Cesare mentioned he was looking forward to meeting you. At least for a few days you’ll have the apartment to yourself.”
“You still have the apartment?”
“Yeah.” I’m confused she would ask the question.
“I don’t know, I guess I just thought with you moving in with Cesare it meant, you know, you moved in completely. Does he know you have your apartment still?”
“No, he never asked me.”
“Okay.” She says it slowly, like I’m a small child. “Doesn’t he wonder where all your stuff is?”
“No. I’m not ready to let go of the apartment. I love him but...I don’t know. I don�
��t think it’s a big deal. I can afford it. It’s only been six weeks since I moved in. Let me give it a minute.”
She sighs. “Okay, but don’t be surprised if he’s not happy when he finds out. I have to go my next class starts in ten minutes, and it will take that long to get to the building.”
“Okay, I’ll talk to you later. Congratulations.”
“Thanks, love you. Talk to you later.”
Hanging up, I consider her question about my apartment. I’m not ready to think about it right now. I decide to go get ready to leave for lunch with Cesare.
***
Alicia
I’m so excited I could burst—I absolutely love the way the condo has turned out. It’s gorgeous. The leather furniture is gone, replaced with a high-backed modern sofa in navy with deep plush seats where I easily picture us napping on a Sunday. There are two matching oversized chairs with a long tufted ottoman in a pretty sky blue. The wall above the sofa is where the large, oversized reproduction of Wanderer above the Sea of Fog fits perfectly. When I tried to describe the painting I was thinking of, I was impressed Jolene knew it immediately. On the other wall is wallpaper of faux thin gray stone with the television on a console table. There is a huge silk carpet in a gray blue under the furniture.
A six-by-six bookcase separates the space. I had run back to my apartment with a nice guy who helped me box up all my books and lug them back here in a van they had. I had five boxes of books, but they wouldn’t be enough to fill the bookcase. There was a moment of embarrassment as Jolene showed me the accessories she had purchased, small ceramics, elephants, owls, not a single thing I thought Cesare would like. I didn’t say anything, but I left and was about to go shopping when I remembered all the pictures Dante had. I ran to his place and picked out my favorites. Claudine had let me in and understood. She offered to take care of getting duplicates made and buying the frames to fit.
Now the bookcase has books interspersed with photos, and other small decorative items I thought would be more interesting. The small seating area in front of the folding doors is made up of four rolled-arm leather chairs in dark brown around a round wooden coffee table that has a vintage-look radio with a turntable, CD player and Bluetooth speakers.