My Little Rock Airman

by Brittany Fichter

  “She’s absolutely precious.” Amy beamed. “I can’t wait to see what she can do.”

  The lights dimmed just then, thankfully, and my mom stuck her phone in her purse as music played over the speakers, which were conveniently three feet from our chairs. It didn’t stop until a man in a suit walked out onto the stage and began to talk about how someone years ago had thought up this talent show as a way to raise money for the school, and how it was a yearly tradition now, and how hard the kids had worked, and droned on and on until I was sure this evening couldn’t possibly get any longer. Then I saw a movement to my right and caught sight of that Newman guy. And he was talking to Jessie, but his eyes kept darting back to me and Amy.

  I had been wrong. This evening could get far longer than I’d ever dreamed.

  The show was about an hour long as student after student came up onto the stage and danced or did magic tricks or sang loud, more than slightly off-key songs to the speaker that must have been built to break people’s eardrums. Jessie didn’t seem to mind the noise, though. In fact, she seemed to thrive on it. She fairly danced in the corners of the stage, ushering children on and off with seamless ease. And there was Sam Newman, standing at her elbow the entire time, pointing to her clipboard and constantly making her nod with whatever he was whispering.

  My stomach churned, and in an effort to not stare at them, I turned the screen light all the way down on my phone and started to play some mindless game with fruit and bubbles until my mom nudged me…hard, and gave me a dirty look, the same one she’d given me back when I was twelve and had threatened to bring a toad to church to play with during the sermon.

  Rolling my eyes, I put the phone down. I was twenty-five, and that look still wasn’t completely ineffective.

  Eventually, Jade did make it to the stage with her choir, and I could honestly say I enjoyed her part. That is, until I realized Jessie was watching, spellbound, from the floor in front of the stage. If I’d really tried, I could have touched her. But I didn’t. Because at least some of my pride was still intact. That, and Amy had my other arm in a vice grip.

  About three years later, the show was done, and we were free to find our kids and get them home. Jade was easy to pick out in her sparkly pink cowgirl boots and tutu. I swept her up and gave her a big kiss on the cheek.

  “I’m proud of you Geode. That was fantastic.”

  “I’m a star,” she said with a smug little smile.

  I laughed. “Yeah, I guess you are.”

  “You were brilliant!” Amy squealed, throwing her arms around Jade and squeezing her in a hug that would have made my arms hurt.

  Jade looked at me like someone was going to die. Before I could intervene, though, someone called her name.

  “Jade,” a grating, familiar voice called from behind us. “You forgot your wand.”

  Gritting my teeth, I turned to find Sam Newman following us. He was holding Jade’s little pink wand. She snatched it up and regarded it happily.

  “Thank you,” my mom gushed. “She would have made us pay if we’d gotten home without it.” She stuck her hand out. “I’m Jade’s mom.”

  “Sam Newman.” He shook her hand. “I’m not Jade’s teacher, obviously, but I teach in the classroom next door.”

  He then shook my dad’s hand as well, which, unfortunately, brought him then to me.

  “Sam,” I said, keeping my arms firmly around Jade while giving him the barest of nods I could manage.

  “Derrick.” He returned the nod and folded his arms. We watched one another for a moment.

  “You two know each other?” My mom turned to me, slightly uneasy.

  “We’ve met,” I said.

  “I haven’t.” Amy came forward. “I’m Amy, Derrick’s fiancée.”

  “Ex-fiancée.” I gave her a look, but she ignored it.

  “Well, that’s great. Hey, I hear you just got back from deployment,” Sam said, a benign smile suddenly gracing his thin face as he pushed his glasses up higher on his nose. “Congratulations.”

  “Thanks.” What was he up to?

  “Have you seen Jessie since you got back?” The words were polite enough, but his eyes were bright.

  “Nope.”

  “That’s too bad. I mean,” he turned to my mom, “she’s just been so busy. We were having coffee the other day, and she told me she doesn’t know if she’ll want to run the show next year.”

  I swallowed the curse I wanted desperately to fling at the man. So she’d done it after all. After turning me down, she’d said yes to him. And for some reason, this felt worse than her first rejection. The world spun slightly, and I had to breathe deeply to stay standing.

  “Ow.” Jade shoved one of my hands off her arm. “Too hard.”

  “Well,” my mom said, sending me an uneasy glance, “tell her to let us know if she needs anything. She’s done so much for Jade that we’re happy to help her in whatever way we can.”

  “Thank you so much.” Sam stared into her eyes as though she’d offered him a kidney replacement instead of asking him to deliver a message to another teacher. “That means a lot to me, and I know it will mean a lot to her.” His eyes flicked over to mine, and the hint of a smile played on his lips. “She’s a special person.” Then he turned back to Amy. “And it’s fantastic to meet you. I hear Derrick here has good taste in women.”

  I’d heard enough. My parents could catch up when they felt like it. I turned and strode toward the car. Amy trailed along behind me, trying to keep up.

  “Derrick? Why are we going so fast? I wanted a picture of your sister.”

  But just as I walked out the door, I nearly collided with someone who was coming in.

  “I’m so sorry…”

  Whatever I’d been about to say died when I saw who I was talking to. Because staring back at me was the biggest pair of sparkling green eyes I’d ever seen.

  “Derrick.”

  Why did it make my chest get all tight when she said my name like that?

  “Um.” Her eyes glanced down at the ground, then back up to mine. “Hi.”

  “Hi.”

  There was a long stretch of silence. And so much I wanted to say. I wanted to scream that the pathetic excuse for a man who was standing inside, still talking to my parents, was the wrong man for her. I wanted to shout about how I could see it again, that she was a self-fulfilling prophecy, working herself to death for a few moments of ‘one day’. I was also dangerously close to letting myself stare at the shape of her jaw, and admire how the weak outdoor light cast pretty shadows across her face, when Amy spoke, snapping me out of my reverie.

  “Hi, I’m Amy.” Amy offered Jessie her hand, but the sticky, coy voice she’d used all evening was gone. Her lawyer voice was back.

  I couldn’t tell for sure in the evening light, but Jessie looked as though she’d grown paler. Finally, though, she seemed to recover herself.

  “It’s good to meet you, Amy.” Her eyes found mine, and they were accusing. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

  “Good things, I hope.” Amy’s smile was smug.

  Instead of responding, though, Jessie just hefted the box on her hip and looked back at me.

  “It’s probably good to be home.” She nodded at Jade, and her smile grew slightly genuine. “She’s been talking about you an awful lot.” Then her smile faltered slightly, and she gave me a quick once-over. “I’m…I’m glad you got back safely. I’ve been praying for you.”

  “Thanks.” I couldn’t help feeling at least a little satisfied at this. She might be Newman’s girlfriend, but I was in her prayers. I was nearly tempted to go back and tell him just to see the look on his face. “Um…how’s your mom?”

  “What happened to your mom?” Amy cooed.

  “She’s good. Everything seems to be normal for now.” She paused and looked down at the box she was holding. When she looked up again, all traces of her smile were gone.

  “Derrick.” She stepped closer, edging Amy out with her should
er. “I’ve been thinking,” she said in a low voice, “and I wanted to tell you that—”

  The door opened, and my parents spilled out, followed by Newman.

  “Jessie,” he motioned behind him with his thumb, “Silvia Wickeroot has been looking everywhere for you.”

  She looked back and forth between us several times before sighing. She turned to go, but without thinking, my hand shot out, and I gently grabbed her wrist.

  “Just tell me,” I said softly. “Really quick.”

  Amy shook her head and tugged on my other arm. “If you need to go, Jessie, don’t let us hold you up.”

  “Jess,” Newman said loudly, “you really need to handle this. Wickeroot’s on the warpath.”

  “Yeah, um. I’m sorry,” Jessie said quietly, pulling away and heading for Newman, who still stood in the door. “I’ve got to take this.”

  My throat thickened. “Of course you do.”

  It was a stupid thing to say, and I could see the hurt register in her face as I turned away. But that was the problem, wasn’t it? I seemed to have a GPS for women who were more married to their other priorities than they could ever be to me.

  “Derrick—” Amy began, but I shook my head.

  “Let’s get Jade in the car.”

  She studied me for a moment before nodding. “Okay.”

  As soon as we were in the car, Jade buckled in and waiting for my parents, she turned to me. The sweet innocence was gone, and in its place was the sharp look of a woman on a mission.

  “That was Jade’s teacher, wasn’t it?”

  “Yep.” I stared out at the trees as the wind blew them hard against one another.

  “She was also her nanny last summer, wasn’t she?”

  “Yep.”

  She took a big breath. “But she’s not just a nanny…is she?”

  I didn’t answer. Instead, I started the ignition.

  “I see.” She pursed her lips. We didn’t utter another word the rest of the drive home.

  42

  Fight

  Derrick

  “Allen.”

  I looked up from the list I was supposed to be checking off. There were more Air Force-required errands to run after a deployment, it seemed, than before. Not that I was in a hurry to go home. Amy was still there, waiting on my decision. And though I knew what I wanted to do, for some reason, I hesitated. Maybe it was because I really just didn’t want to do this. Or maybe it was because I was terrified of being left alone after successfully chasing every love interest out of my life for the last twelve months. Either way, I had little desire to run home anytime soon.

  Sergeant Barnes was standing at the door of his office. “When you’re done, I’d like to see you for a minute.”

  “Sir?” I came to stand in his doorway, and he waved me in.

  “Sit.”

  I obeyed and did my best not to look as nervous as I suddenly felt. Had he found out about my deal with Jessie? While I’d not technically broken any rules, it would look less than honest if he found out I’d made the deal with her because of him. And though the old man was the last person I wanted playing Cupid in my life, I liked him as a boss, and the last thing I wanted was a reason for him to mistrust me.

  He sat on the edge of his desk and folded his arms and stared at me for a moment. “How are you doing?” he finally asked.

  “Well enough, sir.”

  He studied me, his dark eyes sharp. “I didn’t notice Miss Nickleby at your return last week.”

  I looked down at my hands. “You were there?”

  “I was meeting another friend of mine who was coming back, too. And you didn’t seem like you were expecting her either.”

  I swallowed. If he was trying to set me up with his daughter again…Well, what if he was? Maybe I should go out with her. Maybe I’d find someone who wasn’t married to their life already, too much so to buy into mine.

  “Jessie and I are done.” I tried to force my voice to stay calm.

  “What happened?”

  And so, throwing caution to the wind, I told him. He was a surprisingly good listener for one who liked to talk so much. And the more I spoke, the more at ease I felt, though I couldn’t say why. Seeing it from a thousand-foot view, rather than having the events right under my nose made them look…well, not different. It still hurt like a dang knife. But better, all the same. Though I couldn’t say why. Maybe just because I was telling someone. For the first time, I wasn’t the only one hashing this out on my own, trying to figure out where we went wrong.

  “I just…I don’t understand.” I looked up at him. “She seemed like she was okay with everything, coming out of her cocoon. And then she put the brakes on and took off running in the other direction as fast as she could.”

  “And you’re sure she’s with this Newman guy?” he asked.

  I nodded. “Hernandez said he saw them out at a restaurant back after I left. And when I went to the school, he said they were an item, and she didn’t give me any reason to think otherwise.”

  “But you didn’t ask her?”

  I opened my mouth then paused. “No. I guess I didn’t.”

  He smiled just a little and sat slightly taller. “I see.” Then he turned and looked at the motivational poster on his wall, though I was pretty sure it wasn’t the brightly colored inspirational tree he was thinking about.

  “You know,” he finally said. “This life has a way of sucking the dreams right out of our wives.”

  I frowned. “Sir?”

  “They get dragged all over the country…or the world even, for us. Their jobs are disrupted. They don’t get hired because the employers know they’ve got them for two, maybe four years at best. While we’re focused on our changing schedules and the needs of the mission, their emotional and physical needs are often the first things to get overlooked. And they don’t say much because they don’t want to distract us from the mission. But as we move out onto the flightline, they move farther and farther from the world they thought this would be.”

  I wanted to speak, but no words would come. I knew a lot of this, of course. In theory. Military divorces were higher than they were in the civilian world, or so I’d heard in some statistic. But I’d never heard it put this way.

  “My wife nearly hit a breaking point five years after we were married.” He gazed down at the woman in the silver picture frame on his desk. “Nearly cost me my marriage until I realized what she was missing thanks to this life.”

  “I…I don’t understand, sir. If that’s the way of the military life, should I just give up now?”

  His eyes looked like they were about to pop. “Give up? Allen, are you listening to me? You’ve got to fight, boy! But you can’t just stop once the ring is on her finger. You’ve got to keep fighting. In war and out, you have to fight for your marriage. You have to prove to that woman, even when you’re spent and torn, that you still want her. That she’s worth fighting for. And if that means roses when money’s tight, you find some cheap roses and skip out on your bar time with the boys that week. Or pick wildflowers on the way home. If it means therapy, you go to therapy.”

  “But if she’s dating—”

  “If she’s dating him, you’d better make your move before he offers up his own ring.” He shrugged. “If she’s not, you still make your move.”

  “How?” I stared up at him, too scared to hope that he might be telling the truth. That there might still be a chance in this race for me not to come in last and limping. Then I gave a laugh that sounded slightly hysterical. “I’ve got my ex-fiancée at my house, waiting for an answer, and Jessie—”

  “Hold on, do you love your ex-fiancée?”

  I took a deep breath. Did I? Had I felt that same old flame I had a year ago?

  “No, sir.”

  “Then get rid of her, and go after your true girl.” He leaned forward. “Convince her you’ll do everything in your power to make her dreams come true. And then do it.”

  I sighed. “She wan
ts a master’s from UCA. She wants to be near her parents. Her mom has cancer. She wants to be at her church and school and everything else she loves here. I can’t change any of that.”

  “I never said it would be easy. Sometimes you’ve just got to get creative.” He looked back down at the picture. “They fall for the knight in dress blues, not understanding that the knight is at the behest of the king.”

  I traced the stitching on the edge of my sleeve.

  “But what many don’t understand,” he continued, “is that happiness is possible for both of you if you trust God and serve one another before yourselves.” He paused. “Don’t tell HR I said that. My inspirational lectures aren’t supposed to be too personal.”

  I grinned. “Wasn’t planning on it.”

  A clap of thunder exploded outside, and Barnes got up to look through the blinds. “Didn’t I hear you say earlier that you’re supposed to get your sister from school today?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Well, you’d better get going soon if that’s the case,” he said, frowning at the window. “Looks like it’s going to get nasty outside real fast.”

  I was still chewing on his little speech when I got in the car and started home. I was so lost in my thoughts that several minutes passed before I realized that the sky had turned pea green. Hail started just as I made this discovery, and within thirty seconds, I knew I wouldn’t make it home. My visibility was nearly zero, and it would be nothing for my truck to hit someone else who had stopped for the storm as well. By the time I reached a recognizable building, my heart was in my throat, and my breathing was accompanied by prayers as quick as the short bursts of breath I was taking in and out, like my lungs could no longer expand or contract the right way.

  I needed to get to Jade’s school. I was supposed to pick her up today, and I knew how much she hated storms. But I couldn’t reach it. Not in this. I would have to wait until it passed, or I would never reach the school at all.

  I parked the best I could in front of some random building and decided to make a run for it. I didn’t want to face this storm unsheltered. Hail the size of marbles pelted my skin as I slammed the truck door shut and ran toward the building, slipping twice along the way. Just as I was pulling the door open, a bolt of lightning struck something on the other side of the street. I stumbled inside, but before I could get my bearings, a woman grabbed me by the shoulder and hauled me to my feet.