The Summer Before

by Ann M. Martin

  Needless to say, that didn't happen. On the sixth day, when I couldn't stand it any longer and was about to give in and call him, my phone rang. And it was Frankie!

  "Hi!" I exclaimed. I was ready to forgive and forget.

  "Claudia, I have to tell you something."

  I hesitated. "Okay. Do you want to come over? "

  "No, I can say it on the phone."

  "Oh."

  "All right," said Frankie. "It's this: I don't think l we should see each other anymore."

  "What? Why? What do you mean?" I could almost hear him shrugging on the other end of the phone. When he said nothing, I pressed on. "Frankie, you have to tell me why you're, um, breaking up with me."

  "Well, you know, I'll be in high school this year." (Duh.) "The kids are older (Duh.) "And it was a really fun summer, but..." He trailed off.

  I knew what he wasn't saying. It had been a fun summer, but Frankie didn't want to enter SHS as the freshman with the seventh-grade girlfriend. Especially not with Morgan and Val and the rest ofthe girls hovering around him like Tinker Bell around Peter Pan. Still....

  "But why does that we can't see each other? Can't we stiil go to the mov -"

  "Claudia, its over," said Frankie, and he hung up.

  For a few moments I just stared at the phone in my hand. Then I hung up, too.

  I had been dumped.

  Tears came to my eyes in an instant, and I lay on my bed and sobbed. I didn't even consider calling Frankie back. I had heard the finality (and the exasperation) in his voice. I cried until my hair was damp from tears. At last I reached for my phone again. I started to dial Kristy's number, then hung up. I started to dial Mary Anne's number, then hung up. They wouIdn't understand. Or maybe they would understand, but they wouldn't know what to say. I could call Dori, but her family was away on vacation. Ditto Emily and her family.

  At last I stumbled to my feet and made my way downstairs. Mimi was making tea in the kitchen. The moment she saw me she put her arms around me. "My Claudia! You have been crying. Tell me what is the matter."

  I allowed myself to be enveloped in Mimi's arms for a while. At last I said with a sob, "Frankie dumped me."

  "My poor Claudia. Come. Sit down. Have a cup of tea with me."

  I sat. Mimi poured the tea.

  "I don't know what I did wrong," I wailed.

  "My Claudia, I am sure you did nothing wrong."

  "Then why doesn't he want to be with me?"

  "It is difficult sometimes when friends are of different ages. Frankie is about to enter a new phase in his life. Can you see how it might be hard to remain his... his girlfriend when you'll be in middle school and he'll be starting high school? He'll have a lot to get used to -"

  "Like high school girls," I muttered.

  "That will be part of it," agreed Mimi. "He'll also have more schoolwork, and different activities, and he'll be meeting new friends. But you'll be making new friends this year, too. And that's what you and Frankie should be doing. Branching out and making new friends. You are a bit young for a relationship that lasts a long time. You also have your old friends." Mimi looked solemnly at me.

  "Kristy and Mary Anne?" I said

  She nodded.

  "They seem so much younger than me."

  "Friends grow up at different rates. That can be difficult, too. But Kristy and Mary Anne will catch up to you. I know you've been hurt by the distance you feel from them, and I think they feel hurt as well. I also think your friendship can change if the three of you work on it."

  "Okay," I said uncertainly.

  Mimi poured herself another cup of tea. "My Claudia, there's someone I think you need to talk to."

  "Someone besides Mary Anne and Kristy?"

  "Yes."

  I lowered my eyes. "Is it Janine?"

  "Yes," said Mimi again. "Things have not been right between you and your sister since your birthday, and it is time to change that. Do you think you can take the first step and talk to her? Tonight?"

  I let an enormous sigh escape. "Okay."

  I waited until dinner was over and Janine was in her room, seated before her computer. Then I knocked on her door. "Can I come in?"

  Janine looked at me in surprise but said, "All right."

  "So... Frankie dumped me today," I told her, first thing. I was leaning against the doorjamb with my arms folded across my chest.

  Janine raised her eyebrows and tumed off the computer.

  "Which means he's available," I continued. "But good luck fighting your way through Val and Anna and Lindy and Tracy."

  Janine waved her hand. "Oh, them," she said, as if they were houseflies.

  "Do you even know them?"

  "Not very well. But I know their kind."

  I smiled.

  Janine patted her bed, and I sat on the edge. She sat next to me.

  "I'm really sorry about everything," I told her. "I didn't know you liked Frankie. I mean, not at first. And I was surprised when it tumed out that he liked me. But, well, he was a high school guy, almost, and, I don't know. It was just really flattering. I felt grown-up. And Mary Anne and Kristy seemed like such babies. And -"

  "That's okay, Claudia," said Janine. "You don't have to say any more. I was hurt, and you didn't seem to care. But I knew there was no chance for Frankie and me. And that's what I was really mad I about."

  I gave my sister a hug. But when I fell into bed that night I felt lonely. No Frankie. Nothing had changed with Mary Anne and Kristy. And I still felt like I was the great big sore thumb of my family.

  I looked out my windew. Bradford Court was dark and quiet. I waited until I saw a sheeting star before I slipped under the covers and fell asleep.

  "I have an idea," I said.

  "Yeah? What?" Claudia sounded interested.

  "You're baby-sitting for Jenny Prezzioso this aftemoon, right?"

  "Right."

  "Well, l'm sitting for David Michael, and Mary Anne is sitting for Jamie. Let's take the kids to the school playground. That way you and Mary Anne and I can hang out. Okay?"

  "Okay. I mean, great! That's a great idea, Kristy."

  "Meet you at the playground at two?"

  "Excellent. See you later."

  I hung up the phone. This was not a bad way to spend the last day of summer vacation. Claud had even seemed excited about it. Which meant that she actually wanted to hang out with Mary Anne and me, following a summer in which just the opposite had seemed to be true. In fact, it had finally begun to feel that Claud wasn't even our friend anymore; that her friendship with us had fallen away like old socks slipping out of a laundry basket. It was a positive sign that she wanted to see Mary Anne, me, and three very young children instead of making plans to see Frankie Evans, or painting alone in her room like a tortured female Van Gogh, or running downtown to buy her thirty-eighth pair of extra-cool shoes. It was, I hoped, the first step in rebuilding an important and old friendship. I would have allowed the friendship to slip away if that was what was meant to be. After all, you can't force a friendship. But I desperately did not want that to happen.

  At precisely two o'clock, David Michael and I entered the Stoneybrook Elementary School playground. "I don't see why we have to come here today when I'll be right back here tomorrow. For school," whined my brother.

  I patted him on the head. "You're going to have fun. We're going to meet Claudia and Mary Anne. They're sitting for Jenny and Jamie."

  David Michael stopped in his tracks and looked at me with exasperation. "Jenny and Jamie? They're three," he said. "And one of them is a girl!"

  "You'll manage. Anyway I'll tell you a secret. I want a chance to talk to Mary Anne and Claudia. So you could help me. You could be, like, the junior baby-sitter," I said, remembering when I had made Mallory a deputy sitter. "Since you're a first-grader now."

  David Michael brightened. "Okay."

  He ran ahead of me to the climbing bars, where Mary Anne and Jamie were sitting on the bottom rung, Mary Anne dipping her hea
d to avoid the row of rungs above.

  "Hi!" called David Michael. "Hey, Jamie, today l'm -"

  "Hi-hi!" Jamie replied.

  "Yeah. Hi-hi. Today I'm going to be the -"

  "Hi-hi, Kristy!"

  "Hi, Jamie."

  "Jamie," my brother tried again, "today l'm going to be the junior baby-sitter. So you have to do everything I say."

  "I'll explain later," I whispered to Mary Anne.

  "Okay," said Jamie to David Michael.

  My brother had been expecting an argument. He was surprised when he didn't get one. "Oh," he said. "Well, come over to the swings with me."

  Jamie obediently followed David Michael to the swings, leaving Mary Anne and me behind. We wandered across the playground and sat down under a pine tree. We were very familiar with the pine tree. We had spent a lot of time sitting under it when we went to Stoneybrook Elementary ourselves, especially Mary Anne, who hated gym and sports and organized games of any kind. She escaped all of them whenever possible and sat under the tree with a book or her troll dolls.

  As if she could read my mind, Mary Anne said, "Remember when we used to sit here? You and Claudia and l?"

  "l used to get away from Alan Gray here. He said this was a girlie tree."

  l heard laughter and looked up to see Claudia and Jenny approaching.

  "l remember that!" exclaimed Claud. "Alan wouldn't come within twenty feet of the tree if we were here. Girl cooties."

  "Hey, Jenny!" David Michael flew across the playground, Jamie in tow. "l'm your sitter for the day. I mean," (he glanced at me) "your junior sitter. l'm in charge of you and Jamie. So come with me."

  "Um, just a sec," said Claudia, eyeing Jenny. Jenny was wearing a dress. This one wasn't white, but it was very pale pink, which is as bad as white when you're at a playground. Her shoes were pink, too. Claud looked from Jenny to Mary Anne and me to David Michael. Finally, she said simply, "Try to keep her clean, okay?"

  "Yup," replied David Michael, and he ran off with Jenny and Jamie.

  "l told David Michael he could be a junior sitter this aftemoon. He was mad because l made him come here to play with three-year-olds," I explained. "But this way, he's happy and we can hang out."

  Claudia and Mary Anne smiled, and Claud plopped onto the ground. The three of us sat in a row, eyes trained on our sitting charges.

  Mary Anne blew her bangs out of her eyes. "Hot," she said.

  "Yeah." Claudia suddenly flung herself onto her back, then sat up again. "How did it get to be the last day of summer?" she cried. "It isn't fair."

  "It did go by kind of fast," agreed Mary Anne.

  "Really?" I said. "It didn't seem fast to me. You know what? I'm glad it's over."

  "You're kidding, right?" said Claud.

  I shook my head. "Nope."

  "Then why? Why are you glad it's over?"

  I shrugged. I found a twig and drew a sun and a smiley face in the earth.

  "You're not going to tell me," said Claudia flatly.

  I heard the hurt in her voice, so I dropped the twig and looked at her. "Yes, I am," I said. "I am going to tell you. I'm just thinking about how to explain things."

  Claudia relaxed. "Okay."

  Finally, I said, "All right. The truth is, I did something really stupid."

  "You did?" Claudia raised her eyebrows. "What?"

  "I convinced myself that my father was going to remember my birthday somehow. I even thought he might come back to Connecticut and surprise me. I don't know why I thought that."

  I saw something slide into place in Claud's brain. Click. A connection had been made. "Because you wanted to believe it," she said quietly. "You needed to."

  "Yeah."

  Claudia swiveled her head toward Mary Anne. "Is that why you planned Kristy Day? Because you thought Kristy might be upset after her birthday?"

  Mary Anne blushed and nodded.

  "Oh, hey, but don't feel bad that I told Mary Anne about my dad and I didn't tell you," I said quickly to Claudia. "If it makes you feel better, she was the only one I told, and I didn't really want to tell her. She wormed it out of me." I gave Mary Anne a small smile. "I didn't even tell my mom. Anyway, it was a horrible summer. I spent most of it hoping for something that I was pretty sure wouldn't happen, and then it didn't happen, and I was still upset."

  Claud inched over in the dirt and slipped her arm across my shoulders. "Well, if it makes you feel any better - you, too, Mary Anne - after all this time, Frankie dumped me."

  "What?!" Mary Anne and I screeched together.

  And Mary Anne added, "Of course, it doesn't make us feel better."

  "Even though I was busy and missed Kristy's birthday and Kristy Day and a whole lot of other things? I hardly saw you guys at all."

  "But we thought you were happy spending time with your boyfriend," I said.

  Claudia reddened. "I'm not sure he was my boyfriend. At least, I'm not sure he considered me his girlfriend. I think I was someone convenient to spend the summer with because his friends were away. Only I didn't realize that until just recently."

  "Oh, there must have been more to it than that," said Mary Anne. "I mean, I saw how he was looking at you at your birthday party."

  Claudia smiled fondly. "Yeah. We did get off to a good start. We had fun for a while, but..." She trailed off and began picking apart a pinecone. "Um, guys, I have to ask you a question: What happened to us? I mean, to our friendship? Ours," she said, pointing to Mary Anne and me and then to herself.

  "Excuse me, what?" I said.

  "Oh, Kristy, you heard her," said Mary Anne.

  "I know."

  "We have to talk about it," said Claudia.

  "Well, what happened to it is that all of a sudden you're interested in stuff like makeup and clothes and - and boys!" I exclaimed. "And Mary Anne and I..."

  "Aren't," Mary Anne supplied.

  Claudia smiled. "I wouldn't say it happened all of a sudden. But whatever. It doesn't mean we can't be friends. I do have to find out how to make room for all of my friends in my life, though. Being chosen by Frankie - because that's what it felt like, like he selected me from all the available girls in the world - was really exciting. A boy going into ninth grade singling out a girl who was going into seventh, and being impressed by her art, and wanting to go places and do things. It was like we were in our own world. That felt so special that it sort of expanded until there wasn't room for anyone else, even though I missed the things the three of us used to do together." Claudia exhaled loudly. "But then these last few days... after Frankie's final phone call... these last few days have been just awful. I don't think I've ever felt this bad, not in my whole life, and all I wanted to do was talk to you guys. But I was afraid to call you. I thought maybe you'd say 'I told you so.' Or even worse, that you wouldn't really care anymore. And I couldn't have blamed you. Then you called, Kristy, and the second I heard your voice I knew everything would be all right. I knew that even if the three of us are in different places at least we're still on the same side."

  Mary Anne glanced at me. "I guess we did feel like you didn't want to be our friend anymore," she said to Claudia. "Or maybe like you didn't want us to be your friends, if you see the difference."

  "Either way it isn't true!" cried Claud. "I've missed you so much!"

  "You have?" I couldn't help saying.

  And Mary Anne added, "We missed you, too!"

  "What is true," continued Claudia, "is that we're not the same people we used to be. Mimi said kids grow up at different rates. But they all do grow up eventually."

  "I think we'll have to try really hard," said Mary Anne thoughtfully, "to stay friends even if we keep changing."

  "Do you think we can do that?" I asked.

  "We'd better be able to," replied Mary Anne. "Anyway, here. I'll tell you a good thing that happened this summer: baby-sitting. Now I can baby-sit just like you guys. I don't even need a sitter of my own when I sit," she added, glancing at Claudia.

  "That was
a weird day," commented Claud.

  "Maybe now my dad will get rid of some of his other rules," Mary Anne went on.

  "'I believe in miracIes!'" sang Claudia.

  I heaved an enormous sigh and said, "Well, I'm glad we had this talk, but you know what? Everything still feels, I don't know, unfinished. Like, what is going to happen when we go back to school tomorrow? You have other friends now, Claud, and, I'm sorry, but I don't think Mary Anne and I are ever going to be fashion plates. My mom always talks about the glue that holds people together. You know, common interests or experiences or whatever. What kind of glue is going to hold the three of us together?" I paused. "And then there's Watson. What's going to happen with him and Mom? That's another unfinished thing. I know they're serious about each other. I wish I had a crystal ball. I'd like to look into it and see next month or next year.... "