A Distant Hope

by Ellin Carsta

  “Let’s be off.” Elisabeth pointed to the door. “And you will do what I tell you and not make any insolent remarks!”

  “Yes, Aunt Elisabeth,” Richard responded sullenly.

  “Good. Now come. And straighten your jacket and pants. Even if you can’t see it, the next few hours will determine your whole future.”

  Richard nodded, looking intimidated. They didn’t exchange a word during the whole ride. Richard became more and more nervous and was visibly uncomfortable, but Elisabeth was completely lost in thought.

  She could not grasp her good luck at how this played into her hands. She’d already formed a plan but didn’t know how to convert it into action. But that had changed thanks to her nephew’s misconduct. She would fight for him as she never would have done under normal circumstances; she’d do anything she could to fend off the ominous punishment—presumably expulsion. She hadn’t figured out how exactly she was going to sort everything out, but she would make a go of it. Not for Richard, God forbid, but for her own sake.

  When the carriage stopped at the school, Elisabeth coached her nephew carefully on what to say. Richard promised he would follow it to the letter.

  “Principal Feldkamp will see you now,” the secretary said after Elisabeth had introduced themselves and urgently requested a meeting with the principal.

  “Good day, Principal Feldkamp. My name is Elisabeth Hansen, and I am this young man’s aunt. Thank you very much for seeing us.”

  Elisabeth saw how apt the nickname Big Cheeks was. The short, squat gentleman did indeed have the face of a hamster.

  “Frau Hansen, it is a pleasure to meet you, though the circumstances are most problematic.”

  “They certainly are.” She held out her hand for him to kiss.

  “Please, sit down.”

  Elisabeth thanked him and chose one of the chairs, Richard the other. She unfolded Richard’s letter and addressed her nephew.

  “What do you wish to say to Principal Feldkamp?”

  “I want to apologize for my childish and inappropriate behavior and accept the punishment for my misconduct. It was my idea, and I request that my friends not be punished for it. I have neglected to show the school proper respect, which is a serious transgression and must have consequences.”

  Elisabeth was pleased. Richard had said word for word what she had told him beforehand. Whatever the scholastic failings of her nephew, memorization wasn’t among them.

  Principal Feldkamp studied Richard carefully.

  “Well-chosen words, Hansen. It was indeed a grave offense.”

  “And that is exactly the reason my nephew will accept any punishment, no matter how severe.”

  “We asked your nephew for the name of the fourth accomplice, but he has refused to divulge it.”

  “Now in that regard, I support my nephew, even if it may appear disconcerting. We Hansens protect those to whom we feel honor bound.”

  “But, Frau Hansen, he is a delinquent and deserves to be punished.”

  “Well now, I would not call this young man a delinquent,” Elisabeth contended. “He probably did not realize the full consequences of his actions until the moment the others were caught. He made a mistake. But now he not only realizes he has done something seriously wrong, he has also learned what genuine friendship, honor, and loyalty mean. A precious possession, don’t you think? If I understand Richard correctly, these are the very values your institution has dedicated itself to. Unless I am mistaken?”

  “He told you that?”

  “Yes, and not only today. For that reason my nephew is ashamed of himself—and for another: the feeling, Principal Feldkamp, that he has disappointed you personally. And that is why he wishes to take punishment upon himself alone, though I told him you will find out no matter what that it was not his idea at all. But a wrong is a wrong and always will be, and Richard recognizes that. We will accept whatever punishment you deem appropriate without argument, even if it should mean that Richard will be denied the privilege of being further instructed at this school.”

  “It wasn’t his idea?” the principal followed up.

  “That is not important. Richard understands that only by dealing impeccably with the present situation can he show that he has internalized the values imparted here and thus show himself worthy of the education that he has received.”

  “His punishment would be substantially more lenient if he says who thought up this wretched prank.”

  Elisabeth looked at Richard. “Would you be so kind as to go outside for a minute so I may speak to Principal Feldkamp in private?”

  “Yes, Aunt,” Richard said, standing up straightway.

  “Thank you.”

  She waited until he’d closed the door before turning back to the principal.

  “I should like to tell you something in confidence, Principal Feldkamp, and I ask you urgently that my words not leave this room.”

  “I give you my word on it, Frau Hansen.”

  “One only has to look into your eyes to know that you are the kind of man one can trust.” She took a deep breath as though speaking her next words would be difficult. “Richard is going through a difficult time. I presume word has spread about it already . . . Richard’s mother is, how shall I put it, not particularly stable at the moment.”

  “What’s the matter with her?”

  “A nervous disorder, presumably. She has had problems for years, the poor woman, and her husband, Georg, my brother-in-law, suffers with her. The burden on the family is enormous. It weighs so heavily that I have decided not to live with my husband in Cameroon—where he runs a very successful plantation—but to support my sister-in-law and protect my nephew and my niece as much as possible. They are helpless, of course, as far as their mother’s conduct is concerned.”

  “How terrible! I had no idea. I did hear that your husband runs a plantation in Africa and you live in Hamburg, but the rest was unknown to me.”

  “It is hard on all of us. And I sympathize with my sister-in-law, who often is unable to help herself, as . . .” She broke off. “No, I cannot discuss the details.”

  “No need to, my dear Frau Hansen. I understand fully, most fully.”

  “Thank you, Principal Feldkamp.” Elisabeth brushed a tear aside with her finger. “I must say it is a relief to be able to speak openly here.”

  “If I had known the family’s situation, I would, of course, have assessed Richard’s lapse completely differently.”

  “You are most kind.”

  She leaned forward, laid her hand on his, and squeezed it quickly before sitting back upright.

  “But Richard doesn’t want special treatment. He made a mistake, and he knows it. I would like you to understand his emotional state and that he only allowed himself to be talked into this stupid prank because his friends offered him a degree of support. Which I likewise try to provide. Of course, it’s not easy to be there for everyone—my daughter, my brother-in-law, his children—and protect Vera, Richard’s mother, from herself, if you understand my meaning.”

  The principal shook his head. “I have seen your sister-in-law on several occasions. It would never have crossed my mind that she suffered so behind her flawless comportment.”

  “You cannot tell by looking, it is true. Do you know, I sometimes think if people knew how she really is, it might be easier on her. Of course, I am aware that you must tell Richard’s teachers about his mother’s condition. But I implore you to ask your staff to swear never to speak to Vera or Georg about this directly—they would be humiliated.”

  “I give you my word.”

  “As it is, I suppose many of them will guess what afflicts Vera. But please understand me: I wish to protect my family.”

  “You are sacrificing yourself, Frau Hansen. That must require a great deal of strength. Do please look after yourself.”

  “Of course, it has become more difficult since my husband has been in Cameroon. Now here I am, a wife without a husband and no longer a welcom
e guest. But I can endure it if I can help Vera in this way.” She wiped the corner of her eye again.

  “If there is anything at all I can do to make your life any easier, I will gladly do it. Please do not hesitate to turn to me in complete confidence.”

  “I thank you. I should like to know how you intend to punish my nephew.” She forced a smile.

  “It was just a prank, and nobody was harmed,” he summarized. “I will issue a recommendation to caution him in hopes that he will not be led to behave so mischievously ever again.”

  “And what consequences might this caution bring with it?”

  “None. This was not the first time your nephew has attracted attention. But in view of what you have just told me, I am impressed at his mostly irreproachable behavior. He needs strong people around him now who will help him find his way. We at the school will do our best to support him.”

  “I can scarcely believe it. You are a most understanding man, Principal Feldkamp.”

  “Well, well, it’s the least . . .”

  Elisabeth stood up, as did the principal.

  “I shall place no further claim on your time. I hope that we will have the chance for another conversation under pleasanter circumstances.”

  “It was an honor for me, Frau Hansen.” He made a gesture of kissing her hand.

  “Goodbye, Herr Feldkamp.”

  Elisabeth walked to the door, paused for a moment to brush away a few tears, and left the office.

  “Come, Richard,” she said simply, and after saying goodbye to the secretary, she and Richard left the school.

  “Well?” Richard asked after they were on the way home.

  “I think I shall have to stand by you more often in the future. And I expect a radical change in your behavior.”

  “Yes, Aunt Elisabeth.”

  “Do not just say, ‘Yes, Aunt Elisabeth,’ but comport yourself accordingly. You’ll refrain from any nonsense in the future and will work harder. Yes, your father will find out about this, but I will see to it that you receive no further punishment.”

  “And what’s my punishment from the school?”

  She looked at him, and a smile played around her lips. “You will receive a caution.”

  “And what else?”

  “Nothing else. That is everything. Your behavior will have no further consequences.”

  Richard’s eyes grew large. “How did you do it?”

  “I can be very convincing when I need to be. Keep close to me in the future.”

  “Thank you,” Richard gasped, relieved. “Honestly, thank you very much!”

  She nodded.

  “Aunt Elisabeth, may I ask you something?”

  “Certainly.”

  “Why are you helping me?”

  “Because you are my nephew, and I see that your mother doesn’t support you sufficiently. Excuse my frankness. Best if that stays between us.”

  “Of course.”

  “Good. I will offer you the future support that she can’t or won’t give. Just rely on me. Things will sort themselves out.”

  Richard was impressed. He’d never heard his aunt talk like that, and he couldn’t recall her ever taking any special interest in him. But that she cleared up this matter so efficiently drew a measure of admiration from him—most of all because there were no consequences for him. Maybe she wasn’t as cold as he’d thought after all and it was just not in her nature to show particularly warm feelings for him and Frederike. His aunt had fought for him and intended to stand by him in the future. He made a decision not to disappoint her.

  When they arrived at the villa and stepped down from the carriage, he offered Elisabeth his arm.

  “About time I began to act like a man,” he declared.

  She smiled at him. “That, my dear Richard, would be very much to my liking.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Vienna, Mid-August 1889

  Dear Georg,

  We are finally ready; the office is now open. Who would have thought it would drag out for so long? Therese and I are relieved because there were times when we doubted this would end well. The water damage from the defective pump was considerable, and after we’d fixed the pump, we had to wait a month for everything to dry before we could go back to work. That was stressful not just for both of us, but also for the friends helping us renovate. I feared that someone wouldn’t show up the next day or that I might lose friends if a sharp word happened to escape my lips out of impatience. But they are all still there and celebrated joyfully with us at the opening ceremony. Now that most of the work is complete, and we can finally do business properly here, Therese and I hope to get a little rest.

  Do you know when Robert will be in Germany so we can all celebrate our wedding together? How are things at home and with the company? Is the warehouse still well stocked? I can now store more beans if you’d like to send a shipment. The supply I’ve got left will hardly last until Robert brings in the next harvest.

  We hope you are all in the best of health and that we may soon expect a letter from you. We haven’t seen one another for far too long, and as soon as the business and the café permit, we’d love to come to Hamburg for a couple of days. I miss you all very much.

  With all my heart,

  Your loving brother Karl

  Karl sighed as he read the letter through and placed it in the envelope. What he’d written was an understatement. Recent months had demoralized him and Therese. They were exhausted, not just from the heavy work but more from the setbacks caused by the water damage and the ensuing delays. At times they’d forgotten how to laugh, in the truest sense of the word, so that the joyfulness that prevailed between them had given way to tension. Karl firmly made up his mind that this must change. He intended to do everything possible to return to the easy cheerfulness that had brought them together at the beginning.

  It wasn’t only the heavy workload that strained the couple’s relationship. There was another reason, presumably more critical, though Karl hated to bring it up to his wife. Clearly, she exaggerated when she said they had enjoyed only a few cuddles and caresses. Yes, they had made love fewer than a dozen times in the months they’d shared a bed. But wasn’t that reasonable, given all the work they had to get done? As much as he loved his wife, he hated that she brought up the subject time and again. She was almost obsessed, as if nothing were more important in the life of any married couple. That was absurd. It bothered him most of all that Therese’s questions made him feel guilty, though she always said she didn’t mean to. And just as often, when they did make love, he couldn’t achieve the necessary stiffness. Therese had been understanding, and they both faulted the workload. But in his mind, Karl was anxious about it; he was tortured by the feeling he wasn’t a real man.

  Therese had asked him once if he would go to a doctor to see if there was a potential cause. He dismissed her harshly, saying it was ridiculous and that any further questions on the subject would not be tolerated. Therese had stormed out in anger and hadn’t returned until some hours later. Karl lay on his side and feigned sleep. But he heard her creep into bed and cry softly.

  What could he do? He’d known for some time that something wasn’t right. And he didn’t want a doctor to confirm it under any circumstances. The few times he’d made love with Therese had been a strenuous effort. He’d had to summon images in his mind’s eye to excite himself and give himself some rigidity for a while, images that did not include his wife. Karl felt bad about it because it seemed like cheating on Therese, although it was only in his head. He couldn’t understand it. Therese was attractive, beautiful, in fact; had a kind disposition; and loved him. And he loved her in return and felt devoted to her. But he didn’t have the least interest in sleeping with her.

  How long could he keep Therese close before she rejected him completely and their marriage would become like so many others that lasted only because of exchanged rings and a piece of paper? He asked himself bitterly if it made any sense at all to stage a second
church ceremony to celebrate their wedding again when their marriage almost looked as if it had failed already. But he didn’t want to give up just yet. He had to make it work, to banish those images from his mind that made him hate himself so much. They brought him nothing but grief and prevented him from having the life with Therese that they wished to have. He must put an end to it!

  He brought the letter to the post office. On the way home, he went over everything in his mind thoroughly one more time. He did not want to lose Therese. Everything had to change from that day on. His wife deserved to be happy. And he, too. He would see to it. Therese was the most important person in his life. He did not want to lose her; he must not.

  When he opened the apartment door, he heard voices in the kitchen: Therese’s bell-like laughter and a man talking. She gave another merry laugh.

  “Good evening,” Karl said as he entered.

  “Ah, my dear brother-in-law, you’re back!” Florentinus got up, hugged him, and clapped him on the shoulder.

  “I had some business in Vienna and didn’t want to miss an opportunity to see you two.”

  Karl was genuinely happy. Florentinus had kept his Christmastime promise and visited them often. He’d become a welcome guest at their apartment the past few months.

  Karl gave Therese a tender kiss on the mouth. “Good evening, my little sunshine.” He nearly always called her that and was just as reliably rewarded with a smile.

  “Good evening. I’m afraid I haven’t started dinner. Florentinus and I lost track of the time talking.”

  “There’s sure to be something edible,” Karl said, giving her another kiss, this time on the forehead.

  “Since I’m the cause, I’d like to make amends by taking us all out to a restaurant,” Florentinus said. “Come on, you two. It will appease my guilty conscience.”

  Therese and Karl looked at each other, and Therese nodded. “I hope you’ve enough money on you. I’m hungry as a horse.”

  Karl quickly washed up. Therese used the time to pin up her hair again and put on some eau de toilette Karl had given her for her birthday. The three of them then went to Piaristenkeller, a fine, old, traditional Viennese restaurant. Therese ordered the day’s special, while Karl and Florentinus both chose veal schnitzel with sides. They drank a bottle of wine and ordered a second before the first was finished. The pressure of recent days seemed to vanish into thin air; they were carefree and exuberant. Therese and Karl kept touching one another lovingly during the meal, exchanging glances and tender caresses.