Wanted by Her Lost Love

by Maya Banks

  “Well, I don’t want to talk about either of you. I want you out of my apartment. It isn’t your baby. Get out of my life. I did as you asked. I got out of yours.”

  “You didn’t give me a choice.”

  She looked scornfully at him. “Choice? I don’t remember having a choice either. You made that choice for both of us.”

  He stared at her in disbelief. “You’re a piece of work, Kelly. Still the innocent martyr, I see.”

  She walked over to the door and opened it, looking expectantly at him.

  He didn’t move. “Why are you living this way, Kelly? I can’t wrap my head around why you did what you did. I would have given you everything. Hell, I still gave you a hefty amount of money when we broke up because I didn’t like to think of you being without. But now I find you living in squalor working a job that is far beneath your abilities.”

  A wave of hatred hit her hard. In this moment she realized that she truly loved and hated him in equal measure. Her chest hurt so bad that she couldn’t breathe. Her mind went back to the day when she’d stood in front of him, devastated, completely and utterly broken, while he scribbled his signature on a bank draft and disdainfully shoved it toward her.

  The look in his eyes had told her that he didn’t love her, had never loved her. He didn’t trust her. He didn’t have faith in her.

  When she’d needed him the absolute most, he’d let her down and treated her like a paid whore. She would never forgive him for that.

  She slowly turned and dragged herself over to the kitchen drawer where she kept the crumpled envelope containing the check. A reminder of broken dreams and ultimate betrayal. She’d looked at it often but had sworn she would never walk into a bank and cash it.

  She picked it up and walked back over to where he stood, his expression inscrutable. She crumpled the envelope into a ball and hurled it at him, hitting him in the cheek.

  “There’s your check,” she hissed. “Take it and get the hell out of my life.”

  He bent slowly and retrieved the balled-up envelope. He unfolded it and then opened it, taking out the worn check. He frowned and then stared back at her. “I don’t understand.”

  “You’ve never understood,” she whispered. “Since you won’t leave, I’m out of here.”

  Before he could stop her, she walked past him and slammed the door behind her.

  Ryan stared at the check in his hand in stunned disbelief, unable to formulate his thoughts. Why? She acted as though he was a piece of scum. What the hell had he ever done to her but make sure she was taken care of?

  He glanced around at the efficiency apartment, noting the disrepair and the cheapness of the furnishings. Two cabinet doors were barely hanging on their hinges and there was nothing inside. No food.

  With a frown he stalked to the refrigerator and threw open the door. He cursed when he saw only a carton of milk, half a package of cheese and a jar of peanut butter.

  He hastily rummaged through the rest of the kitchen, growing more furious when he found nothing more. How was she surviving? Furthermore, why was she living like this?

  He glanced back down at the check and shook his head. There were enough zeros in the amount for her to live a good, modest life for years to come.

  The ink had run in several places and it was smudged with fingerprints. But she’d never tried to cash it. Why? There were so many questions running around in his head that he couldn’t process them all.

  Did she feel guilty over what she’d done? Had she been ashamed to take money from him after betraying him?

  Not the best time to develop a conscience.

  One thing was for certain. He wasn’t leaving. There were too many unanswered questions and he wanted answers. Why was she here in this run-down place with a job that obviously didn’t net her enough money to feed herself, much less live a comfortable life? What in the world was she going to do when the baby came? Whether it was his baby or not, he couldn’t allow himself to walk away. Not when she had meant so much to him.

  She wasn’t taking care of herself. He had always taken care of her in the past and he would do it again. Whether she liked it or not.

  Kelly cut behind her apartment complex using the side street. She didn’t go back to work, although it was what she should do. A day’s lost wages wasn’t the end of the world, but the tips she missed would be a blow to her meager savings.

  She needed time to think. To compose herself. And Ryan would only go back to the diner to force another confrontation.

  The rain had stopped but the skies were still cast in gloomy shades of gray with more black clouds in the distance, a sure signal that the rain wasn’t over for the day.

  Tears threatened, much like those ominous storm clouds, but she sucked in her breath—determined not to allow her unexpected face-to-face with Ryan to break her.

  The small playground just three blocks from her apartment was abandoned. No children playing. The swings were empty, swaying in the breeze and the merry-go-round creaked as it rotated slowly.

  She slid onto one of the benches, her mind in chaos from the bombardment of anger, grief and shock.

  Why had he come?

  Her pregnancy was obviously a huge surprise to him. There was no faking the what-the-hell expression on his face in the diner. Nor was their meeting some bizarre coincidence.

  She’d given their relationship a lot of thought over the past months, when she wasn’t doing everything possible to make herself forget him. Like that was going to happen.

  She knew several things. One, they’d moved way too fast. From their meeting in the café where she’d served him coffee to their rush engagement, she hadn’t taken the time to be sure of him. Oh, she’d been plenty sure of herself. She’d fallen head over heels from the first look. She’d allowed herself to be swept into a relationship with him, never questioning his commitment to her. Or his love.

  The obstacles then had seemed insignificant. He was out of her league, but she’d naively assumed that love would conquer all and that it didn’t matter if his family or friends disapproved. She would prove herself worthy. She’d fit in with his lifestyle.

  No, she didn’t have his money, his connections, his breeding or heritage. But who even cared about that stuff in this day and age?

  She’d been stupid. She’d put off school, at least temporarily, because she’d been consumed with being the perfect girlfriend, fiancée and eventually wife to Ryan Beardsley. She’d allowed him to outfit her in the finest clothing. She’d moved into his apartment with him. She’d agonized over saying the right thing and being the ideal complement to his life.

  And she’d never had a chance.

  Anyone who thought love was a cure for all things was a misguided fool. Maybe if he’d loved her enough—or at all. How could he ever have loved her when he turned on her at the first opportunity?

  She closed her eyes against the unwanted sting of tears. She’d fled New York and ended up here in Houston. She’d forged a new life for herself. It wasn’t the best life, but it was hers.

  She’d known that she couldn’t go back to school until after her baby was born and so she’d worked and saved every penny for that eventuality. She lived in the cheapest apartment she could find and earmarked all her earnings for when her child arrived. Then she would move into a better place, somewhere safe to raise a child and complete the two semesters she had left of school so she could make a better life for both herself and her precious baby. Without Ryan Beardsley and his filthy money and his horrid family and all the mistrust and betrayal she’d been subjected to.

  Now… Now what? Why was Ryan here? And what would his discovery of her pregnancy mean for her future? Her plans? Her determination never to allow herself back into a situation where she risked so much hurt and devastation?

  She rubbed her forehead tiredly, willing the ache to go away. She was tired, worn thin and in no position to defend herself from whatever onslaught Ryan was preparing.

  Her fingers tightene
d and anger penetrated the haze. Why the hell was she sitting on a park bench hiding? She wasn’t in the wrong. Ryan couldn’t make her do anything he wanted; and, furthermore, he would leave her apartment or she’d get a restraining order against him.

  He had no power over her anymore.

  She breathed in deeply, steadying her shot nerves. Yeah, he’d caught her off guard. She hadn’t been prepared to see him again. But that didn’t mean she was going to let him mow over her.

  Even as she made that resolution, nervous fear fluttered in her chest and tightened her throat. The future that she’d planned suddenly seemed in peril with Ryan’s reappearance in her life.

  If he got it in his head that it was his child she carried, he wouldn’t go away. The problem was, even if she managed to convince him that it wasn’t his child, he’d only assume it was Jarrod’s. That still made the Beardsley family a serious impediment to her future.

  “One thing at a time, Kelly,” she murmured.

  The very first thing she had to do was get Ryan out of her apartment so she could weigh her options. She may not have his money or connections but that didn’t mean she was going to fold at the first sign of adversity.

  A raindrop hit her forehead and she sighed. It had begun sprinkling again, and if she didn’t get back, she’d be caught out in the downpour that was surely coming.

  As she trudged in the direction of her building she cheered herself up by imagining that he wouldn’t be there. That he’d given up and left, deciding she wasn’t worth the effort. She snorted as that thought crossed her mind. He’d already done that once. It wasn’t a stretch that he’d simply dismiss her from his life again.

  By the time she climbed the stairs to her apartment, she was soaked through and her hair clung limply to her head. She shivered as she fumbled with the lock to let herself in.

  It didn’t surprise her to see Ryan pacing the floor of her living room. She stiffened her shoulders just as he whirled around.

  “Where the hell have you been?” he demanded.

  “None of your business.”

  “The hell it’s not. You didn’t go back to work. It’s raining and you’re soaked to the skin. Are you crazy?”

  She laughed and shook her head. “Clearly I am. Or I was. But not anymore. Get out, Ryan. This is my apartment. You have no rights here. You can’t bully your way in here. I’ll swear out a restraining order if I have to.”

  His forehead wrinkled and he stared at her in surprise. “You think I’d hurt you?”

  She lifted a shoulder in a shrug. “Physically? No.”

  He swore under his breath. Then he ran his hand through his hair in agitation. “You need to eat. There’s no food in this apartment. How the hell are you taking care of yourself and a baby when you’re on your feet all day? You’re clearly not eating here. There’s nothing to eat!”

  “My, my, one would think you cared,” she mocked. “But we both know that isn’t true. Don’t worry about me, Ryan. I’m taking care of myself and my baby just fine.”

  He stalked toward her, his eyes blazing. “Oh, I care, Kelly. You can’t accuse me of not caring. I wasn’t the one who threw away what we had. That’s on you. Not me.”

  She held up a hand and hastily backed away. Her fingers trembled and she felt precariously light-headed. “Get. Out.”

  His nostrils flared and his lip curled up as if he was about to launch another offensive. Then he took a step back and blew out his breath.

  “I’ll leave, but I’ll be back at nine tomorrow morning.”

  She lifted one eyebrow.

  “You have an appointment to see a doctor. I’m taking you.”

  He’d been busy while she was gone, and he worked fast. But then for a man like Ryan, all he had to do was pick up a phone. He had countless people to do his bidding. She shook her head in disgust. “Maybe you don’t get it, Ryan. I’m not going anywhere with you. We are nothing to each other. You aren’t responsible for me. I have my own doctor. You aren’t hauling me to another one.”

  “And when was the last time you saw this doctor?” he demanded. “You look like hell, Kelly. You aren’t taking care of yourself. That can’t be good for either you or your child.”

  “Don’t pretend that you care,” she said softly. “Just do us both a favor and leave.”

  He looked like he was going to argue, but again, he bit back the words. He walked toward the door and then turned around to her again. “Nine o’clock tomorrow. You’re going if I have to carry you there myself.”

  “Yeah, and maybe hell will freeze over,” she muttered as he slammed out of her apartment.

  She woke up early as a matter of habit. A quick check of her watch, however, told her she had overslept by fifteen minutes. She would have to hurry to get to the diner by six. After a brief shower, she pulled on her loose-fitting jumper over a shirt and headed for the door.

  She held her breath, almost expecting Ryan to be outside. She shook her head and walked down the stairs. He was messing with her head and making her paranoid. Any thought that she was over him and moving on had been shot to hell the moment he showed up in her diner.

  A few minutes later, she hustled into the diner to see that Nina was already at work serving their early-morning breakfast customers. Kelly donned her apron, picked up her order tablet and headed toward her section of tables.

  For the first hour, she forced thoughts of Ryan and the dread that he’d make another appearance to the back of her mind. Unfortunately, it was obvious that she failed miserably after she messed up three orders, spilled coffee on a customer and retreated to the kitchen to get herself together.

  She’d just given herself a stern lecture, calmed her shaking hands and was preparing to return out front when Ralph burst through the doors, a scowl on his face.

  “What the hell are you doing here?”

  Kelly frowned. “I work here, remember?”

  “Not anymore you don’t. You’re out of here.”

  Kelly paled and stared at him as panic rolled through her chest. “You’re firing me?”

  “You walked out yesterday during our busiest time. No word, no nothing. You didn’t come back. What the hell did you expect? And now you’re back here this morning and I have a diner full of pissed-off customers because you don’t have your head on right.”

  She took a deep breath and tried to steady her nerves. “Ralph, I need this job. Yesterday… Yesterday I got sick, okay? It won’t happen again.”

  “Damn right it won’t. I never should have hired you in the first place.” He curled his lip in disgust. “If I hadn’t needed a waitress so desperately, I would have never hired a pregnant woman to begin with.”

  Oh God, she didn’t want to beg, but what choice did she have? The chances of her finding another job at this advanced stage of pregnancy were nil. All she needed was a few more months, just until the baby was born. By then she’d have enough money to stop working and take care of her baby. She’d have enough money to finish the rest of her classes.

  “Please,” she choked out. “Give me another chance. You’ve never heard a single complaint from me. I’ve never missed work for any reason. I have to have this job.”

  He pulled out an envelope from his shirt pocket and thrust it toward her. “Here’s your final check, minus the hours for yesterday’s disappearing act.”

  She took it with a shaking hand and he turned and walked out of the kitchen, the door swinging wildly behind him.

  Anger and frustration overwhelmed her. Ryan was still ruining her life, months later. She yanked off her apron, tossed it in the direction of the hook and then left through the back entrance, squinting when she was nearly blinded by sunlight.

  As she walked back toward her apartment, she stared at the envelope in her hand. Despair weighed her down until each step felt unbearable. Her damn pride. She should have taken the check Ryan had given her. To hell with him and his nasty accusations. That check represented a way for her to finish school and provide for her
child.

  She had every reason to refuse it. To tear it up into little pieces and shove it under his nose. Maybe that’s why she’d held on to it for so long because a part of her wanted the satisfaction of throwing it back at him.

  It had been important to her that he know she wasn’t some whore to be bought, but what had that got her? A dead-end job that sucked the life out of her on a daily basis and a shabby apartment that she never wanted to bring her child home to.

  Enough with her pride. Ryan Beardsley could go to hell. She was going to cash that check.

  Three

  Ryan mounted the steps to Kelly’s apartment, grimacing as he took in the missing handrail and the shaky stairs. It was a wonder she hadn’t already fallen down them. He wasn’t entirely expecting to find her home, but he’d stopped in at the diner in case she’d gone to work, only to be told by a surly man named Ralph that she wasn’t there.

  It annoyed him that her door wasn’t locked. He pushed it open to find her on her hands and knees, peering under the rickety recliner. She made a sound of frustration and then pushed herself upward.

  “What the hell are you doing?”

  She shrieked and whirled around. “Get out!”

  He held out a placating hand. “I’m sorry I frightened you. Your door was unlocked.”

  “And so you thought you’d just come on in? Did the art of knocking escape you? Get a clue, Ryan. I don’t want you here.” She went into the kitchen, opening and shutting cabinets, obviously looking for something.

  He sighed. It wasn’t that he’d expected her to be any more compliant today, but he’d hoped after the initial shock, she’d be a little less…angry.

  When she got back down on the floor again, a surge of irritation hit him once more.

  He crossed the room and leaned down to help her to her feet. “What are you looking for?”

  She shrugged off his hand and wiped her hair from her eyes. “The check. I’m looking for the check!”

  “What check?”

  “The check you wrote me.”

  He frowned and reached into his pocket for the folded, worn piece of paper. “This check?”

  She lunged for it but he held it higher out of her reach.

  “Yes! I’ve changed my mind. I’m cashing it.”

  He put his hand out to ward her off and shook his head in confusion. “Sit down, Kelly, before you fall. And then tell me what on earth is going on here. You wait this long, throw the check in my face and tell me to take my money to hell with me and now you’ve changed your mind? Are you crazy?”

  To his utter surprise, she slumped down onto one of the small chairs that accompanied the two person table in the kitchen and buried her face in her hands. To his further dismay, her shoulders shook and quiet sobs erupted from her bowed head.

  For a moment he stood there, unsure what to do. He’d never been able to stand it when she cried. An uncomfortable feeling settled in his stomach and he dropped down to one knee to gently pry her hands from her face.

  She looked away, seemingly discomfited by the fact he was witnessing her breakdown.

  “What’s wrong, Kelly?” he asked gently.

  “I lost my job,” she choked out. “Because of you.”

  He reared back. “Because of me? What the hell did I do?”

  She whipped her head up, her eyes flashing. “Your standard line. What did I do? Of course you did nothing wrong. I’m sure this was all my fault, like everything else that went wrong in our relationship. Just give me the check and get out. You won’t ever have to be bothered with me again.”

  He stared incredulously at her. “Do you honestly expect me to just walk away now?” He shoved the check back into his pocket, his lips thin as he controlled the urge to lash out at her as she had done to him. “We have a hell of a lot to work out, Kelly. I’m not going anywhere and neither are you. The very first thing we’re going to do is go to the doctor so you can get a decent checkup. You don’t look well. I can’t be any more blunt than that.”

  She slowly stood and stared him in the eye. “I’m not going anywhere with you. If you won’t give me the check, then get out. We have nothing more to discuss. Ever.”