Wanted by Her Lost Love

by Maya Banks

  Ryan knocked tersely on the door to his mother’s home and issued a clipped demand to see her when one of the maids answered the door.

  A moment later, as he paced the floor of the receiving room, his mother hurried in, her brow wrinkled in concern.

  “Ryan? Is something wrong? You didn’t call to tell me you were coming.”

  He stared at her, wondering how he could be so blind about the woman who’d given birth to him. There was no doubt she’d always been self-centered, but he’d never considered her malicious enough to harm an innocent woman.

  Even now, after everything that had happened, he was at a loss for words. How could he possibly convey the depth of his hatred? It boiled in his veins like acid. His family. The people he should be able to count on. They were…evil.

  The irony struck him hard. Kelly should have been able to count on him. But just as his family had betrayed him, he had betrayed Kelly. Maybe he was more like his mother and brother than he wanted to admit. The thought sickened him.

  “Ryan?” she asked again.

  She stopped in front of him and put her hand on his arm, her eyes worried.

  He wiped her hand away and took a step back, choking on his disgust.

  “Don’t touch me,” he said in a low voice. “I know what you did. I know what you and Jarrod did. I’ll never forgive you for it.”

  Her face creased with consternation. She threw up her hand and turned away, her arms crossing over her chest.

  “She’s not who you should be with, Ryan. If you weren’t so infatuated with her, so blinded by…lust, you’d see it too.”

  “You’re not even going to deny it. My God. What did Kelly ever do to deserve what you did to her? She’s lying in a hospital right now. She carries my child, your grandchild. She was pregnant when you sent Jarrod to attack her. What kind of a psychopath does that kind of thing?”

  “I don’t regret protecting my sons,” she said stiffly. “I’d do it again. You’ll understand when your son or daughter is born. You’ll understand why I did what I did. With parenthood comes the knowledge that you’ll do anything at all for your child. You’ll protect them with everything you have. You can’t just stand by and let your child make the worst mistake of their life and do nothing. Come talk to me in a few years. Then ask yourself if you still hate me so much.”

  He was dumbfounded by the lengths she went to justify her actions. They weren’t simply morally reprehensible. They were criminal!

  “I would hope that I never act as you have, that I’d never hurt an innocent woman just because I didn’t think she was good enough. Here’s what you don’t understand, Mother. She’s a better person than you’ll ever be. Not good enough? We aren’t good enough for her. We’ll never be. I just have to hope to hell she’ll accept and forgive me despite the worthless excuse for a family that I have.”

  His mother’s eyes burned with outrage. “You’re a typical man. Thinking with the lower portion of your anatomy. You’re completely blinded by lust, but in a few years you won’t look at her with the same lovesick puppy eyes. Then you’ll thank me for trying to protect you. You can do better than her, Ryan. Why can’t I make you see that?”

  Ryan shook his head, sadness and grief so thick in his chest he could barely breathe. “I’ll never thank you for this. You’re nothing to me anymore. I’ll never subject my wife or children to your poison.”

  Her face whitened with shock. “You don’t mean that!”

  “I mean it. You aren’t my mother. I have no mother. I have no family save Kelly and our child. I’ll never forgive you for this. Stay away from me. Stay away from Kelly. If you ever come within a hundred yards of my family, I’ll forget that you gave birth to me and I’ll have you hauled away in handcuffs. Are we understood?”

  She stared wordlessly at him, suddenly looking every one of her sixty years. If she hadn’t so callously tried to destroy the woman he loved, he would have felt sorry for her. But she showed no remorse. No regret.

  “I have nothing more to say to you,” he bit out.

  He turned and walked away, his mother’s cries for him to stop ringing in his ears.

  He walked out of her house, never looking back. He got into the waiting cab and directed the driver back to the hospital. Kelly needed him. Their child needed him.

  Chances were she’d never forgive him, but he’d make sure she never wanted for another thing in her life. He’d provide for her and their child. He’d spend the rest of his life making it up to her if only she’d let him.

  Kelly awoke to silence. She was so relieved to no longer hear the horrible ringing in her ears that she could weep. The vile headache was gone. It no longer felt like the top of her head was going to explode.

  She was oddly free of pain.

  It took her several moments of staring at her surroundings to discover that she was in a hospital room.

  Then the events leading up to her collapse came back to her in a flash. Her hands flew automatically to her belly and she was only partially reassured to feel the tight ball there. Was her baby okay? Was she herself okay?

  She blinked harder to bring the room more into focus. There was light shining through a crack in the bathroom door. A glance at the blinds told her that it was dark outside.

  Then her gaze fell on the chair beside her bed and she found Ryan staring at her, his gaze intense. She flinched away from the raw emotion shining in his blue eyes.

  “Hey,” he said quietly. “How are you feeling?”

  “Numb,” she answered before she could think better of it. “Kind of blank. My head doesn’t hurt anymore. Are my feet still swollen?”

  He carefully picked up the sheet and pushed it over her feet. “Maybe a little. Not as bad as they were. They’ve been giving you meds and they’re monitoring the baby.”

  “How is she?” Kelly asked, a knot of fear in her throat.

  “For now, she’s doing fine. Your blood pressure stabilized, but they might have to do a C-section if it goes back up or if the baby starts showing signs of distress.”

  Kelly closed her eyes and then suddenly Ryan was close to her, holding her, his lips pressed against her temple.

  “Don’t worry, love,” he murmured. “You’re supposed to stay calm. You’re getting the best possible care. I’ve made sure of it. They’re monitoring you round-the-clock. And the doctor said the baby has an excellent prognosis at thirty-four weeks’ gestation.”

  She sagged against the pillow and closed her eyes. Relief pulsed through her but she was so tired she couldn’t muster the energy to do anything more than lie there thanking God that her baby was okay.

  “I’m going to take care of you, Kell,” Ryan said softly against her temple. “You and our baby. Nothing will ever hurt you again. I swear it.”

  Tears burned her eyelids. She was emotionally and physically exhausted and didn’t have the strength to argue. Something inside her was broken and she had no idea how to fix it. She felt so…disconnected.

  Ryan drew away, but his eyes were bright with concern…and love. But was it enough? What was love without trust? He wanted her. He felt guilty. He wasn’t a jerk. He had feelings and it would destroy him now that he knew the truth. But he hadn’t trusted her, and Kelly wasn’t sure if they could even forge a relationship when this much hurt and betrayal was involved. Maybe they’d been stupid to even attempt it.

  “What’s going to happen?” she whispered. “Do I have to stay here? Do I go home?” She bit her lip because she wasn’t sure where she’d go. Her relationship with Ryan was a big question mark, but she had no place to go except home with him. And her baby’s health came first.

  He took her hand—the one that she wore his ring on—and thumbed it absently.

  “You’ll stay here until a decision is made about your health. But the doctor said that if you go home, you’ll be on strict bed rest for the rest of your pregnancy.”

  Her expression must have reflected her horror and her fear, because Ryan leaned over to kiss
her forehead again. He held her hand and rubbed his thumb over her knuckles.

  “I don’t want you to worry, honey, okay? I’ll handle everything. We’ll go someplace warm and beautiful and all you’ll have to do is lie on the beach or in a comfortable chair and watch the sun set. I’ll hire a personal physician to oversee every part of your care.”

  Her brow furrowed and she could feel the pain creep back into her head.

  “Ryan, we can’t just go off to some island paradise somewhere. Ignoring our problems won’t fix them.”

  He stroked a hand over her forehead, smoothing her hair back. “Right now, all you need to concentrate on is feeling better and carrying our child for as long as you can. And what I need to concentrate on is removing as much stress from your life as possible.”

  She opened her mouth to respond, but he kissed her lightly, silencing her.

  “I know we have a lot to work out, Kell. I had no idea how much when I said this before. But right now let’s put our differences aside and concentrate on our baby and your health. Can we do that?”

  Her resistance slid away. She nodded slowly, not withdrawing her hand from his.

  Despite what had happened in the past, she didn’t doubt for a moment that he cared deeply about her and their baby. And he was right. No matter what had to be worked out between them, their child came first.

  Eighteen

  “I’m reluctant to release Miss Christian from the hospital,” Kelly’s doctor said grimly as he stood outside her hospital room. “She’s shown marked improvement. Her blood pressure is normal. The baby is showing no signs of fetal distress. I’d say she has a good chance of carrying the child the full forty weeks. But I’m not comfortable releasing her yet.”

  Ryan rubbed the back of his neck. “What can I do to make it possible? She’s unhappy here. She’s not herself.”

  The doctor nodded. “That’s precisely why I’m concerned about releasing her. At least here I can be assured she’s getting the care she needs. She’s not in good spirits and I’m deeply concerned about her stress level. It’s imperative that she not be placed in any situation that causes her undue distress.”

  “If you give her the okay to travel I plan to take her away. Someplace warm where she’ll never have to lift a finger. I can have a medical team fly us to the island and once there, I’ll have a private physician to monitor her care as well as have the local hospital completely apprised of her condition and needs.”

  The doctor went silent as he seemed to mull over Ryan’s suggestion. “Perhaps that’s the best idea. It’s cold and a bit gloomy right now. Maybe the better weather will lift her spirits and she’ll regain her strength. It’s not good for her or the baby if she gives birth now when she’s verging on depression.”

  It made Ryan’s heart ache to think of Kelly being sad and depressed. He’d do anything at all to make her smile again.

  “Give me your okay and I’ll make immediate arrangements for us to leave the city,” Ryan said quietly. “I want only the best for her and I’ll do whatever it takes to make her well again.”

  The doctor stared hard at him and then lowered his clipboard to his waist. “I believe you, Mr. Beardsley. Tell you what. You give me the name of the physician you hire as well as the name of the hospital that will be overseeing her care and I’ll have her medical records transferred. I’ll want to talk to her physician personally and make sure he’s aware of the severity and the complexity of the situation. I’ll also want to make sure the hospital is prepared to take the baby at the first sign of distress. And that they have adequately trained personnel for this situation.”

  “Thank you,” Ryan said sincerely. “Kelly and I both appreciate your attention in this matter.”

  “Just take good care of her. I hate to see the young lady so sad.”

  Ryan nodded, his chest tight. He’d take good care of her, no doubt, but it remained to be seen if he could make her happy again. Still, he wasn’t about to give up. He’d turned his back on her once. Never again would she have any cause to doubt him. If it took him forever, he’d make damn sure she knew she could count on him.

  Kelly sat in the armchair by the window in her hospital room and stared out as snowflakes drifted down in crazy little spirals. Though it was plenty warm in her room, a chill crept over her shoulders and she shivered.

  “Do you want a blanket?” Ryan asked.

  She turned her head in surprise. She hadn’t expected him back, though she should have known he wouldn’t be gone for long. He’d been a constant presence over the past few days, always there, anticipating her every need.

  “Sorry if I startled you,” he said in a low voice.

  “You didn’t. I just didn’t hear you come in.”

  He moved in front of her and perched on the windowsill. He shoved his hands in his pockets and then leveled a stare at her.

  “I just finished talking to your doctor. He’s willing to release you.”

  Her eyes widened in surprise.

  “There are conditions, of course. He’s very concerned over your health.”

  She frowned. “What conditions?”

  “I’ve already made all the arrangements. I’ve taken care of everything. There’s nothing you need to worry about. Just concentrate on getting well and regaining your strength.”

  She shook her head, trying to clear some of the constant fuzz that seemed to permeate her brain lately. She’d existed in a fog ever since her collapse, and worse, her fatigue had grown worse. Something inside stirred, though, as though she ought to protest, but she couldn’t summon the mental energy to do it.

  When she remained silent, Ryan continued on.

  “We’re leaving the city. An ambulance is going to transport you to the airport where a medical team is going to fly us to St. Angelo.”

  Again she shook her head in silent denial. And she finally found her objection.

  “Ryan, you can’t just leave here. It could be weeks before I have the baby. You can’t hover over me for so long. Neither can you leave your work. Your life is here.”

  He slid to his knees in front of her and gathered her hands in his. “My life is with you. You and our baby are my absolute priority. I have people who are more than capable of running things in my absence. I have business partners who are more than willing to step in and take over any matters needing my attention. We’ll be minutes from the resort construction site, so I can easily oversee any issues that arise there.”

  Nothing had been said of the night she’d collapsed after her emotional breakdown. It had been a carefully avoided issue, as was the matter of their future…and his brother. She could see the torment and the terrible guilt in Ryan’s eyes, but he didn’t broach the subject and neither did she. She couldn’t do it without upsetting herself and, above all else, the doctor had warned her against becoming distressed. She couldn’t afford another complete loss of control like the night she’d ended up in the hospital.

  So she’d locked everything behind an impenetrable wall of ice and indifference. Any time she felt her emotions rising, she turned them off and didn’t offer objection or resistance.

  And she’d do the same now. Her heart told her to object, to not allow him to take over and whisk her away. She was tired of being hurt. But it simply took too much effort and she’d expended all of her strength.

  “Kelly?” he asked softly. “What are you thinking, honey?”

  She moved her gaze until it rested on him. His brow was creased in concern and he was staring hard at her as if he was trying to reach in and pluck out her thoughts.

  “I’m tired,” she said honestly. And weak. Heartsick. Unsure of what she wanted. Battling over what was best for her baby.

  So many things that she wouldn’t admit because it simply took too much effort to explain.

  He touched her cheek, caressing gently. “I know you are, baby. I have no right to ask this of you, but I’m asking anyway. Trust me. Let me take care of you. Let me take you away. You loved it on th
e island.”

  How easy he made it for her to cede control. He was offering her everything she’d ever wanted. His love. His care. Fantasy. He was offering her a fantasy. But fantasies never lasted. They’d already done this once. Escaped from reality for a few idyllic days on the island, but when it was all over they’d had to return to the cold reality of their lives.

  “I want to stay there until I have the baby,” she said quietly. She didn’t want her baby born here. She didn’t want to be surrounded by people who despised her. She didn’t want her child exposed to the animosity she herself had been a victim of.

  “Already arranged.”

  Her eyes widened in surprise.

  “Come with me, Kell. Trust me. At least for now.”

  Maybe she could stay on the island after the baby was born. Surely Ryan saw the impossibility of them having a relationship by now. But she and the baby could live there. They wouldn’t need much. A small cottage or even an apartment. As soon as she was back on her feet, she could find work. She’d waitressed. She wasn’t afraid of hard work.

  And when Ryan wanted to see their child he could come to the island. For a man with his own jet and a resort that would be completed within a year, it wouldn’t be a hardship to visit his child often.

  Encouraged by having a goal, a plan, she nodded.

  Ryan’s relief was palpable. He leaned forward to kiss her, but she turned her head so that his mouth glanced off her cheek instead.

  “I have to leave for just a little while,” he said when he pulled back. “I need to finalize all the arrangements for our departure and make sure your needs will be met for the entire trip. I’ll be back as soon as I can. Is there anything I can bring you?”

  She shook her head and he rose but before he walked away, he stroked a hand over her hair. “I’ll do anything to make you smile again, Kell.”

  Before she could respond, he turned and walked quietly from the room, leaving her to stare out the window as it snowed.

  The flight and subsequent transportation to the villa on the beach was seamless. Ryan had ensured that she was given every consideration. She was endlessly pampered and waited on and when they arrived on the island, they were greeted not only by the physician who would be monitoring her care, but a personal nurse who would reside at the villa with her and Ryan.

  When Kelly got her first look at the sprawling villa, it took her breath away. They drove through a gate and down a winding driveway that was lined with lush, gorgeous flowers. Just for a moment the driveway paralleled the beach before it ended in front of the main house.

  The house couldn’t be more than a few steps from the beach. The idea that she could walk out the back door and be on the sand sent excitement coursing through her veins.

  Ryan insisted on carrying her inside. He cradled her close as he walked through the front door and she craned her neck to take in the interior.

  Instead of showing her around, he took her to the glass doors that led to the wraparound porch in the back. As she had suspected, there were only three stones marking the very short pathway from the porch to the sand.

  As soon as she stepped onto the porch, the breeze from the water ruffled her hair. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, savoring the tang of the salt and the lush, warm air that surrounded them.

  “It’s beautiful,” she breathed.

  He smiled. “I’m glad you approve—because it’s yours.”

  She went still in his arms and locked her gaze with his. For a long moment she was too stunned to find her voice. When she finally did, it came out as a croak. “I don’t understand.”

  He eased her down onto the steps leading to the sand. Then he sat beside her as they stared over the shimmering blue of the water.

  “I bought it for you. For us. This is your house.”

  She was at a complete loss for words. The numbness that she’d worn for so long was melting away. It was as if the warmth of the sun was thawing the ice and with it, brought new awareness. She saw things more clearly. She saw Ryan. She saw him making a huge effort to make her happy. To take care of her. Hope began to beat inside her chest, but she pushed it back, afraid to give it free rein. She didn’t dare make assumptions.

  “But Ryan, you live in New York. Your life is there. Your family is there. Your job, your business, your friends. You can’t just move here because we had a few days of happiness.”

  “Can’t I?” he challenged.

  He picked up her hand and laced his fingers through hers. “There’s a lot you don’t know, Kelly. I didn’t want you to know at the time. You were dealing with enough stress in the hospital. I’ve cut my brother and my mother out of my life. Out of our lives.”

  “Oh, Ryan.” Tears swam in her eyes. No matter how much she despised them, she had never wanted this for him.

  He wiped a tear away with his thumb. “Don’t you dare shed a tear for them or