Curious Obsession

by Elora Ramirez

  “I was planning on grabbing some Mediterranean for lunch if you want to join. There’s a decent place off Thayer St.” He shrugs and keeps his face nonchalant.

  I think for a moment.

  “Yeah. Yeah food sounds amazing, actually. Do you mind driving?”

  We make our way down the hall, and I tell myself it’s just lunch — it’s nothing — it doesn’t have to be something because he’s a guy and I’m a girl and we’re going somewhere. I twirl my keys, trying to find something casual to talk about, when I feel like someone is watching us. I turn around suddenly, expecting to see someone following behind, but I only catch a brief shadow disappear around the corner by Juniper’s door. I frown, craning my neck to see if I can catch any other movement.

  Nothing.

  “Everything okay?” Jasper’s voice cuts through the silence and I can feel his breath on the back of my neck. I didn’t realize he was so close and I jump.

  So much for casual.

  “Sorry,” he says, stepping back.

  “No. It’s fine. I’m just…I thought I saw something. It’s nothing.”

  But it’s not nothing. I know it like I know the hairs still standing at attention on my neck and the way my insides bounce against each other, threatening a gag reflex. I try to stay calm and keep my hands from shaking, but it doesn’t work. My nails leave indentations against the palms of my hands and I can feel a sheen of sweat gathering on my upper lip. I glance behind me again as we walk through the door outside, but there’s nothing to prove what I know.

  Someone is watching us.

  I just wish I knew who.

  4

  I watch as they rummage through your things, my curiosity growing by the minute. What do they see? Has your smell lingered? The mix of cinnamon and mint that intoxicated me from the moment we met?

  The detective picks something up from your desk and I bristle. He’s going to ruin everything. I lean in closer, just a bit, so I can get a better view. I wish I could see what they were doing from my perch. One of them looks like that man who followed you around like a puppy — Jasper? I roll my eyes. I know you have something about names. I’m surprised his didn’t turn you off in a millisecond. I half imagine his emotions to be just as porcelain as the stone from which his name comes from. And then there’s this woman. Her frame feels familiar. I haven’t been able to see her face though — but it feels as if I know her.

  Do we know her?

  They weren’t supposed to know so quickly, but I guess it’s a good thing they will understand soon just how much you and I belong together. How necessary it was for me to take you into safe keeping.

  Keeping.

  There’s a strange word.

  It’s an action word meaning to own, maintain, or protect. I’d like to think that’s what’s happening with you and me.

  Me, keeping you.

  Me, owning you.

  Me, protecting you.

  Like a pet.

  They leave your classroom and I fall back into the darkness so they won’t see me, and that’s when I see her.

  My breath stops and the atmosphere turns opaque. For a moment, I forget to breathe. For a moment, I forget where I am and I begin walking toward her, thinking I must have seen an apparition. It can’t be. I left you behind — safe, warm, sleeping in your new bed.

  Beads of sweat pop up on my upper lip and I lick them gently, imagining, just for a moment, they are your tears.

  Her tears.

  She stops for a moment and turns around, looking right at me. I swear she sees me. I hold my breath, watching her expression for any indication that she can spot me in the shadows. Jasper asks her a question and her brows touch in confusion and she shakes her head slightly. She steps back and runs into him and her face blanches.

  I smile. She knows. She sees what you didn’t.

  “No. It’s fine. I’m just…I thought I saw something. It’s nothing.”

  She turns around and rubs her hand against her neck before clinching her fists by her sides.

  She felt me.

  She knows I’m here.

  My heart rate quickens and I blink back tears because this is what connection feels like, Juniper. I could power an entire city with the electricity coursing through my veins right now.

  I can’t wait to get back to you.

  My entire world just expanded in a few moments and you are the only person in the world I can share this with — because your entire world is walking around Providence and I’m going to bring her to you.

  I’m going to keep her. Just like you.

  5

  My stomach is still moving topsy turvy when we get to the restaurant, so I opt for grape leaves and pita chips instead of the falafel I was initially craving. We find a booth and I collapse against the leather backing. I don’t even know if I will be able to finish this food. I’m not even hungry anymore.

  I am just so. unbelievably. tired.

  I finger a pita chip and dip it into the hummus, tasting the salt against my lips when I take a bite. Something ignites inside and I remember the hunger, my insides slowly settling from being spooked at the school. What remains is the constant nagging in the back of my brain.

  Who was it? Who was following us?

  The more I eat, the stronger I feel. The more present I feel. I begin to notice the heaviness of my limbs and how much it takes to simply exist in the moment. I need a break, but there is no such thing. Not now. The emotional weight I’ve been carrying since Juniper disappeared is finally taking its toll. The only thing I want to do is crawl into bed and fall asleep forever. Instead, I blink against the heaviness of my eyelids and try to focus on Jasper. I begin to notice him for the first time. The way his hair curls into a Q on the right side of his forehead, the muscles in his shoulders flexing and contracting when he rearranges himself in the booth, the way his tongue reaches for his food before his mouth does.

  No.

  I choke on some rice and take a swig of ice water.

  He looks up, startled. He moves to reach for me then decides not to, his hand hanging in mid air before dropping by his plate.

  “You okay?”

  Not here. Not now. Focus, Lavender.

  I nod and hold up a finger, motioning for him to wait while I chug down my distraction.

  “Wrong pipe,” I sputter before I take another sip. He nods, satisfied.

  The last thing I need is to feel any sort of curiosity or attraction toward Jasper. I sigh, content that I’m not going to cough any more, and place my hands in my lap, tangling my fingers together in an attempt to make them behave because what I really want to do is reach for that curl against his forehead.

  “So how close are you and Juniper?”

  There. A safe topic. Juniper.

  He takes a bite of his tabouleh. “We’ve definitely gotten closer since the beginning of this year. With her teaching Pre-Cal and Statistics, we see each other a lot.”

  “What do you teach?”

  “AP Literature.”

  I blink. He laughs.

  “I know. I don’t look like your standard English teacher.”

  He doesn’t. Although, I don’t have much to measure against. I look at what he’s wearing: skinny grey jeans, a black fitted turtleneck, and a jean jacket rolled with precision.

  “I admit. When I think of English teachers I think of cardigans and loafers. Maybe, if they’re forward-thinking, an occasional tattoo based on literature.”

  Jasper laughs, and I notice the way his face wrinkles around his eyes, framing the sea of green. I feel a jolt of electricity — a reminder — you are sitting with this man because your sister is gone. And yet, I feel pulled to know more.

  He twists his arm to show me the skin under his elbow. Written in type-like font is the word timschel.

  “Thou mayest,” I respond.

  He nods. “One of my favorite books. I guess I fit your forward-thinking stereotype.”

  I manage a smile.

  “At leas
t it’s not Vonnegut. Then you’d just be cliché.”

  He spreads his hands wide in surrender. “So it goes.”

  I offer a small smile.

  “What made you decide to teach English?” I ask.

  “What made your sister decide on math?”

  I hate when people answer a question with a question, but I give him this one. I breathe for a moment before answering.

  “Curiosity,” I manage. “Curiosity and an insatiable desire to help.”

  He wipes his mouth with a napkin. “I can see that. She’s always finding ways to get the students move involved with the content. Senior year is hard — especially spring semester. All signs point to graduation and the malaise sets in deep.” He tilts his head dismissively. “But we were the same, right? At least I was — I couldn’t wait to graduate and get the hell out of town.”

  I shrug. “I definitely had my moments of fear, but yeah, I was ready to move on for sure. Did you study English in college?”

  “Literature and Creative Writing,” he answers. “If I could do anything, I would be writing screenplays. And I dabble in it a little on the side. My grading stacks multiply like bunnies though, so I don’t get as much time as I would hope. Especially being the sponsor of the chess club.”

  I almost spit out an olive.

  “The chess club?!”

  He frowns.

  “Prime example of the newbie being dropped into clubs no one wants to take responsibility over — your sister found herself a sponsor for Pokemon loyalists. Did she tell you that? It nearly drove her insane before another teacher decided to step in because he was legitimately interested. I thought for sure she would take Steve or Scott or whatever his name was up on his offer to join his company.”

  I laugh and then pause.

  “Simon asked her to join his company?”

  He stops mid chew. “She didn’t tell you? I think it’s why they ended up breaking it off initially. He never got over her unwillingness to leave the school. Said teaching was wasting her brilliance.” He rolls his eyes.

  I look out the window. Juniper had mentioned nothing about Simon offering her a role at his company, but she had said plenty about how proud he was of the capital gained for his tiny start up — within six months he would be the CEO of a cloud-based security company that went from ten employees to over 200.

  “She’s one of those people who wouldn’t be able to take what she’s good at and make a fortune, like working in finance or something for a massive corporate company. Even a smaller company, like Simon’s, would be like pushing an ice pick into her brain. She wouldn’t last.” I take a strand of my hair and wrap it around my finger, remembering conversations I had with Juniper about her decision to go into teaching.

  “Her teaching math was more about the students than it was about the subject matter, really. She could have taught anything. She chose this because she’s one of the few people who find it intriguing.” My lips turn upward and a small laugh escapes me and I think about her sitting on the couch, watching Stand and Deliver wrapped in a blanket with tears running down her cheeks.

  “She wanted to be her very own version of Jaime Escalante.”

  “Wanted?” Jasper asks, tentatively.

  My heart stops.

  “Wants,” I whisper. “She wants to be her own version of Jaime Escalante.” My fingers hover above my lips, afraid of what might come out if I’m not careful. “I need sleep.”

  Jasper turns around and grabs a to-go box from the table of supplies behind our booth. Grabbing my unused fork, he begins taking my food and packing it up.

  “What are you doing?” I look at him in shock.

  He points at me with the fork. “You’re done. You’re going back to Juniper’s place. You’re going to walk through the door, put this in the fridge, and collapse into bed.” He focuses again on packing the food before taking another look at me. “You’re exhausted. I’ve known you for like two hours and I can see it plain as day.”

  I gape. Literally. Gape. My mouth flies open and I have no words. I watch as he pulls a pen out of his pocket and writes something on the box before handing it to me.

  When I look down, I see his number and a note.

  “In case you need anything,” he mumbles, his ears turning red around the edges.

  “Thanks,” I croak. I’m blushing now. I feel the heat creep its way across my cheeks and temples and I make a quick escape, not even saying goodbye before I realize with absolute mortification that he was my ride to the restaurant and mentioned he would drive me home. I feel like a middle schooler, and I’m suddenly angry at how adorable Jasper acted when he gave me his phone number. I walk back into the restaurant to see him still sitting at our booth, glancing around awkwardly.

  “Um. Are you still willing to give me a ride?”

  He nods and, without saying a word, gets up from his seat and motions me to his car. I throw my bag and the box of food in the back seat, nearly knocking both over onto the floorboard. My phone pings and I see it’s a Calendar invite for something at work. I don’t even care. I decline quickly, reminding myself to send a follow-up email later.

  Who am I kidding? It’s already 3pm. Later means tomorrow, most likely. Any anger I felt has dissipated into a shaky exhaustion and I’m fighting to stay awake as we drive the route back to Juniper’s cottage by the sea in silence, hoping against all logic that she’ll be waiting for me when I get there.

  .::.

  I wake up to the sound of my phone. I nearly fall off the bed trying to disconnect it from the charger. I have that heart-racing-from-being-woken-up-suddenly feeling and I take a shaky breath before answering.

  “Juniper?”

  The line goes silent.

  “Hello?”

  “Um. Hi. Sorry, Lavender. It’s Jack.”

  I move the phone away from my ear for a moment so I can tap it against my forehead in frustration. Of all the calls I had to answer. It’s Jack. My ex.

  “Oh. Hi.”

  “…did I wake you?”

  “Yeah. I uh…I thought you might be someone else.”

  Translation: I really wish I wouldn’t have answered this call.

  “Sorry about waking you.” I can hear the noise of the street and I know he’s walking into work. I check the time on the clock hanging on the wall and raise an eyebrow.

  It’s 10am. I can’t remember the last time I slept this late — or this long. All I remember from yesterday is collapsing into bed after Jasper dropped me off with the reminder to sleep. I rub my face, trying to shake the grogginess out of my brain.

  “Well it’s too late and I’m up so…what do you need?”

  He pauses at my tone and I roll my head, stretching my neck and feeling the muscles waking up. I can’t hold on to his feelings right now.

  “Jack?”

  “Yeah. Uh. Sorry. I was just checking in with the proposal for Stephanie from IronClad. I know everything is happening with your sister, but do you have it?”

  “Stephanie should have the edits in her inbox. I sent the mock-up to her yesterday.”

  “Oh.”

  I roll my eyes.

  He continues, slightly clearing his throat. “So uh….how is your sister? Have y’all found her?”

  Translation: I’m asking about your sister. I can’t remember her name, but I’ll still appear thoughtful. Also, I want to know if you’re there with anyone, even though I know your sister is the only family you have left, so I will subtly include this within my questions.

  “No, Jack. We haven’t found her yet.”

  It’s suddenly clear that Jack calling doesn’t have anything to do with Stephanie from IronClad missing her project. I lean my head against the wall behind me and massage my face with my hands. Relentless. He was relentless.

  The worst of it? He never wanted to call me when we were together. For three years, I was the one chasing him. And then he decided he wanted to chase Chloe, and that was that. Juniper was ready to fly out and go C
arrie Underwood on his ass, but Chloe ended up turning him down and since then, he’s been trying to rectify his mistake.

  Relentlessly.

  “Oh. Babe. I’m so so-”

  “Jack.”

  “Yeah?”

  “I need you to not call me anymore.”

  “You’re on my team, Enny. What am I gonna do? Just ignore you not being here?”

  My lips curl in disgust. God I hate that nickname. It doesn’t even make sense.

  He lets out a small laugh like he can’t believe he’s even having to explain. “I just wanted to get an update to make sure we’re on track and to make sure you were doing alright.”

  I ignore his feeble attempt at sympathy.

  “Stephanie is taken care of — next time use email. Or get someone else to call and check in with the status of the proposal. Anyone but you, Jack.”

  “Ouch.”

  “Yeah, well. Apparently you didn’t get the hint the last few times. You broke up with me, remember? You can’t keep doing this. And please….stop calling me Enny. That’s not my name.”

  “Whatever, Lavender.” I heard him swipe in to the office and knew he’d be getting off the phone soon. He might be trying to fix what he did with me, but that didn’t change the fact that he also wanted Chloe to know he was still interested if she ever changed her mind. And chatting with me on the phone would not fit that profile.

  “I need to go.”

  “Yeah. Sure. Thanks for keeping me updated on the profile. I’ll need you to send those edits as soon as possible. We’re already running late and Stephanie isn’t the most patient person to work with here.”

  I shake my head. Unbelievable.

  “Tell Chloe hi, will you?”

  I hang up on him and throw my phone across the room, waiting for the satisfying thunk of it hitting throw pillows agains the wall. I bury my head in one of the pillows and scream. And then, out of nowhere, Juniper’s voice fills my head.