Curious Obsession

by Elora Ramirez

  I groan and fall back on the bed, my hands covering my face.

  Boom goes the dynamite, I think.

  15

  You know, I thought we had this psychic connection, you and I.

  I thought you understood me.

  When you found the blog, I thought you’d see. (How clever of you. My audience never amounted to much of anything outside of Reddit threads for that sort of thing and yet, here you were.) But then you read it — all of it. You dove deep into my words and I never felt so seen. I thought you’d understand the depths of my love and how I can take care of you. I thought you imagined it as I did. Sure, those words weren’t for you, but they were for your mirror — they are part of who you are, and so they belong to you too.

  But I guess I was wrong.

  I sit at my desk and watch as you and Jasper pace around each other in the hotel room, the pheromones so potent I can smell them from here. I snarl.

  Fuck the words. Don’t you know you belong to me?

  When you kiss him, I bite my knuckle so hard I can feel the sharpness break skin. The blood trickles down over my wrist and it feels good, seeing this red while watching you make a fool of yourself with a man who doesn’t deserve you.

  He even pushes you away and if I was in my right mind, I would probably do the same.

  But you have me under your spell and it’s all I can do to stay seated and not run to you as soon as he leaves.

  All in due time.

  I hear a thrashing behind me and know Juniper has woken up. I smile again, anticipation thrumming in my fingers to touch her — feel her — own her.

  She catches my eye, the wildness in her gaze a beckoning. I stand up, rolling my neck as I walk over to her.

  She waits until I get close enough to taste her before she opens her mouth.

  “Asshole.”

  I blink. Well that was unexpected.

  “Juniper. I understand you’re confused. I really wish you would—“

  “Don’t. Call. Me. Juniper.” She hisses — hisses! A tingle of excitement brushes across my limbs. Who knew I captured a snake. I hide a smile and rake my fingers through her hair. She jerks away, as if my touch burns her.

  As if I’m too hot for her.

  “You are an asshole. A degenerate. A —“

  I sigh.

  “I thought we’d be able to finally have a conversation. Don’t you know what I did for you? What I saved you from?”

  I open my arms wide, “you have me! Forever.”

  Her eyes widen and a laugh escapes me.

  “I know. It’s a lot to take in — breathe for a moment. I know how excited you are.”

  “You are sick,” she whispers under her breath. She catches the feed behind me and starts crying. “Why….Lavender — why do you? What are you going to do?”

  “Shhh.” I place my finger on her mouth and she wrinkles her nose, turning her head from me. I drop my finger and wrap them lightly around the back of her neck, grabbing a scarf with my other hand. I tie it around her, just tight enough she gets the idea.

  “Don’t worry about Lavender. She’s in good hands. If you’re good, we’ll try tying this around other body parts. Give ourselves a little fun.”

  I hear her breath release and relax. Maybe she’s finally beginning to see. I close my eyes for a split second, inhaling her scent. She rears back her head and hits me in the forehead and I stumble back, the pain is intense.

  “You whore,” I say without thinking. I turn to punch the wall before I retaliate and ruin her.

  My knuckles throb with the impact and she blinks in pain, a red spot forming on her forehead from where she hit me.

  Good.

  “You ungrateful bitch,” I wrap a chunk of her hair around my fist and begin to pull lightly. Her head shakes slightly, trying to free herself from my grasp.

  I laugh. “Don’t know you know you won’t ever escape me?”

  I look her in the eyes, my thumb caressing the skin from her ear to her chin.

  “You’re lucky I still love you.”

  A tear leaks from her eye and I smile, lean forward, and catch the waterfall on my tongue. I feel her tense beneath me and a thrill pulses in my veins. She still wants me.

  And that’s when I realize what you’ve been trying to tell me this entire time.

  You don’t want Jasper. You can’t stand him. What you’re after is me.

  I kiss her on the forehead and make sure her restraints are tight enough. I gather my things and turn off the feed showing you lying on the bed with your head in your hands.

  I won’t need that anymore.

  You’re humiliated, and you should be.

  But don’t worry.

  I’m coming.

  16

  My whole body hurts. It’s probably from how I am curled up in a tight knot, every muscle taut. I ran downstairs after him, thinking that I could do something? I don’t know. It was all instinct. Primal. A desperation for connection. I didn’t catch him, but I was able to pick up Simon’s package while I was downstairs.

  I shove my knuckles into my eyes, the exhaustion taking over. I make a concerted effort to stretch, a yawn escaping out of habit. I rub my face with my hands and run over my interaction with Jasper. Again.

  I can’t believe I kissed him.

  I can’t believe I kissed him.

  It felt like the only option in that moment, like the magnetic force was too strong for our opposing forces. But still. There has to be some circle of hell for those people who fall for someone else while their family member is missing after being kidnapped. The shame is visceral. I squeeze my eyes shut, begging for the images of us together to disappear entirely.

  I can’t believe I kissed him.

  I can’t believe he pushed me away.

  I groan and hide my head under one of the pillows, feeling as humiliated as I did when Jeffrey Sanders stood me up for the middle school dance. Except that time, Juniper decided to stay home with me in favor of eating our weight in Ben and Jerry’s and watching Dirty Dancing over and over and over again. It might not have been the time of my life, but I wasn’t alone and I didn’t have to face that heartbreak on my own.

  This time I am definitely on my own.

  What I would give to hear your voice, Juniper.

  I reach for the remote, wanting to see if the news happens to say anything else about Juniper, when my phone vibrates. I look down and see it’s Jasper asking what I want to eat. It almost makes me feel worse: knowing he came over to take me to lunch only to run out of the hotel room so quickly after I kissed him that he changed his plans completely and forgot to clarify what we were eating.

  A flash of embarrassment rakes across my neck and I scratch at the skin, desperate for the heat to go away. I send him a quick text letting him know it doesn’t matter. His choice. I’ve made enough mistakes for the day.

  I hit send before I can think better and then throw my phone across the bed. It starts to ring and I roll my eyes. I almost think about ignoring the call, knowing it’s Jasper trying to mitigate whatever humiliation he’s feeling in the moment, but at the last second I reach across the comforter and hit the green phone signaling connection.

  “Jasper, I told you. I don’t care. It’s fine.”

  There’s silence on the other end of the line.

  “Hello?”

  I pull the phone away from my ear and check to see if we’re still connected. Only then do I realize I’m talking to Dan at the same time he starts to speak.

  “Lavender, it’s me.”

  “Oh. Hi.”

  “Listen. I just spoke with Simon. I also got quite the dossier from Jasper’s friend. I think we have a lead.”

  I hide my curiosity, allowing him to fill in the gaps as he needs.

  “Your sister’s behavior those last few weeks is concerning and shows a potential pattern. She definitely felt as if she was being watched. We’re sensing a familiar countdown that wasn’t there before — almost as if we’re ra
cing the clock for his next move. There’s nothing for you to be worried about….at least not yet. We still have reason to believe your sister is alive. But we’re going to move with more urgency.”

  “Okay. What does that mean, exactly?”

  “We’ve been talking over here and we think we’re going to do the search party sooner rather than later. Like…right now. With the news breaking about your sister, we can ride the media wave and hopefully find something. It might be chaotic with Waterfire happening tonight, but that might actually make our search easier.”

  I blink a few times, trying to get my bearings.

  “Wait. Like right now, right now?” I hear sounds in the background that I’m not familiar with — voices talking about framing a shot and specific messaging for the public. Someone shouts a two-minute warning.

  “Yep. And uh…we need you to stay put for the time being.”

  “I’m staying put,” I respond.

  “I’m serious, Lavender. Part of the escalation we’re seeing with this guy leads us to believe Juniper wasn’t his first, and she won’t be his last.”

  “You think I’m in danger.”

  “It’s not a supposition at this point, unfortunately. It’s pretty definite.”

  I stumble backwards and land on the bed, my hand flying up to my mouth. I try and control my breathing. My limbs grow cold and I fight the fear from taking root. I glance at the window.

  You are as safe as you can be right now. They have people watching — people waiting. He’s no match for them. Just…just breathe.

  Breathe, Lavender.

  I take a breath and clear my throat, but I can’t control the shakiness.

  “Are there still people watching me?”

  “Turn on your TV.”

  I reach for the remote and flip on the television and turn it to the local station, letting out a squeak of surprise when I see Dan staring back at me in the corner of my screen.

  “That-that’s you. You’re on television.”

  “Yeah. I don’t have much time. You can see they're already taking the stage. Pretty much our entire detail is waiting for the official word to start looking, but we do have one or two guys still keeping an eye out for you. Just…be careful. Please. I know you left your room when Jasper left and stopped by the front desk, but no more of that — we need you stationary. Safe. We’ve scrambled together a press release where we will discuss a little about the case and focus on the search party. I wanted to fill you in just in case you stumbled into it.”

  “Stumbled into it?”

  “The press conference. It will be on all major networks locally. I figured you might see it.”

  “Thanks? I guess?”

  He makes a noise I can only assume is a grunt of approval. I bring a shaky hand to my forehead and try to rub some of the tension away.

  There’s a knock on the door.

  “Hey, Dan? Jasper’s here.”

  “Sounds good, Lavender. Stay safe.”

  I hang up without saying goodbye, keeping my eyes on the television screen as I walk to the door and unhitch the lock. I hesitate before opening the door, wanting to delay any embarrassment or awkwardness for as long as possible. But before I can even swing it open, I see a foot wedge into the space between the frame and the door. Confused, I only have a second to wonder why Simon would force the door open with his shoe when I hear a voice snake across my consciousness.

  “Hello, Lavender.”

  17

  What is your weakness, Lavender?

  Are you like Juniper, unwilling to let anyone love you?

  I don’t think so. I think you are a lot like me. You like the chase. It’s why you’re so frustrated that Juniper’s missing. Why you left me notes. This will surprise no one: I know you. Like anything I lack an education on, I have studied you extensively.

  You love it when people love you. You just have a hard time returning the favor.

  Is that why you left Jack?

  Why you let Juniper leave California?

  I’m in the car now, eyes on your hotel window, amazed at how easy it was to track you down. But then again, it’s the hunt that always thrills me.

  Juniper figured that out quickly. Just yesterday she asked me how many times I’d done this before, and I quickly kept her mind off the others before her by telling her she needn’t worry. You two are all I need.

  Something catches my gaze and I see Jasper walk out of the lobby. I look down at my watch, making note of the time. I shift in my seat when I realize just how close I am to you. How close you are to being in my arms. My blood runs electric, knowing it’s time. I take a deep breath, steadying myself as I open the car door.

  The thing about the hunt — about predators — is that we intrinsically know our prey’s weakness. For Juniper, I knew it was only a matter of time before she let go of Simon and found herself more vulnerable.

  For you, I knew it would be the exact moment you decide to grab hold of Jasper. A smile crosses my lips as I step out of the car, eyes on the woman struggling with carrying her luggage and newborn. Unable to tame it, her hair flies with the wind and I know she’ll be perfect. With two large steps I’m next to her, reaching out my hand.

  “Oh my goodness,” I whisper, pointing my eyes at the sleeping newborn. “Let me help you, please. My wife and I have a little one at home and I know how exhausting this can be.”

  She laughs under her breath, gladly handing over a few bags.

  “Thank you. So much.” She adjusts herself, pulling the baby close to her chest, and I step into a cadence beside her right as the man who has casually concealed himself behind the tree less than five feet away looks up and gives me a brief head nod.

  I know it like I know the strands of hair on your head, Lavender: I’m so close to you I can almost taste you and you have no idea.

  Love has always been your downfall.

  .::.

  When you open the door to the room, my heart stops.

  God, you’re beautiful. Everything about you.

  You stumble back, surprised, and I take that opportunity to walk in and close the door.

  “Hello, Lavender.”

  You open her mouth to scream but can’t —your fight or flight has kicked in and your entire body shakes, trying to find an exit. Your iPhone drops on the carpet and I reach down to pick it up, putting it in my pocket. I swallow to keep from laughing.

  This is going to be so much fun.

  “How did you—how—”

  “Did I know where you were? How to find you? That you’ve been waiting for me?”

  I walk closer and watch as your eyes dilate with fear. I take my hand and touch your face, snaking my hand down your cheek and to your collarbone. Your eyes close when I grab a piece of your hair and rake it through my fingers.

  “You should have known I was watching. You sent me those signs.”

  You shake your head, confused. When you flinch because my hands tighten around your hair, my breath hitches. Everything about you is art.

  “I didn’t - signs?”

  “The notes, Lavender. Breadcrumbs straight to your heart.”

  Your eyes turn dark and you pierce me with them. You look so much like Juniper right now and my heart swells. I can’t believe how lucky I am to have both of you.

  “You’re sick,” you whisper.

  “No, love.” I lean into your ear. “I’ve never felt better.”

  You try and fight me, but it’s no use. You struggle against my weight and ohmigod if you feel this good against me now? I can’t imagine what your skin will feel like against my own.

  “Jasper’s coming — and Simon — they’re coming and they’ll —” you let out a gasp and I pull you against my chest to feel the whimpers echo against my shirt.

  “Shhhhh….” I whisper, reaching behind and grabbing your neck. Your pulse is going crazy and it’s driving me mad.

  “Here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to walk out to my car. You’re not going t
o do anything stupid because you know Juniper is still with me and I can do whatever I fucking want to her if you’re not around.”

  You nod against me and I take a deep breath, relishing your movement against my body.

  “I’ve waited so long for this, Lavender.”

  You let out a sob and I know you have as well. And when the needle pierces your skin, you look at me once more, and I swear my entire world shakes beneath the power of your gaze.

  Finally, you are all mine.

  Juniper

  18

  No one knows why I moved to Providence. Lavender thinks it’s because I had this undying need to get away from her and become my own person. And part of this is true — we’ve done nothing but be together and do everything together for as long as I can remember. There were times when I wasn’t even sure I could breathe without her reminding me to exhale.

  But it’s not the real reason.

  The real reason is that, for once, I wanted to be the one who ran away from the truth. For so long, I tried to power through it. I did counseling and learned all of the tricks; I joined book clubs and support groups and hired a life coach. None of these worked. On the outside, I looked strong. Healed. Resilient. But on the inside, I was as stormy as the ocean in front of me. Grief crashed against every rocky abyss and took me out constantly.

  I sigh, staring out into the Atlantic. I miss the warmth of the Pacific. I miss laughing with Lavender and how easy it is to exist next to someone who just….gets you. I hear footsteps behind me and my skin grows cold. I fight from looking to see who it is, because I have a feeling I know and I’m wishing — hoping — it’s not him. When I feel hands on my arms I stiffen, only to relax half a beat later. I’d know that touch anywhere.

  Simon.

  I catch his eyes and smile. “Hey, babe.” I lean forward and kiss his cheek, the stubble tickling my lips. He slides back a little and inspects my gaze. Frowning, he roots himself in the sand to really study me.