by Fiona Cole
Hanna linked her arm through mine, and we headed to our ride. I’d offered to meet them there, or even pick Hanna up myself, but she said they always rode together as tradition and begged me not to leave her alone with the sappy couples.
Sitting in the back, watching the way Erik couldn’t keep his hands off Alex, I couldn’t blame her. Before heading to the event, we picked up Ian and Carina. Ian didn’t even bother to be subtle about touching Carina and letting everyone know how hot he thought she looked.
I looked to Hanna to see how she was handling all the PDAs, but she wasn’t even paying attention. She stared out the window, focused on something beyond the sidewalks and city flashing by. Her hands fidgeted, clasped too tightly in her lap, and nerves radiated off her in waves. Every other pass, her thumb would slip under the collection of bracelets and rub at her scars. Not even thinking about it, I rested my palm on hers. Wide green eyes, the same color as her dress, snapped to mine. Her hand relaxed and turned over, linking our fingers.
“Thank you,” she mouthed.
I winked and held on tight. Everyone was too busy with their own significant other that no one noticed the connection. At least, almost no one. Carina’s curious stare took in our hands before rising to meet my eyes, and I quickly looked away, not lingering on her reaction. Holding Hanna’s hand was nothing. Just a friend offering support.
We waited our turn in the line of limos dropping off people ready to spend their money for a good cause. When it was finally our turn, we piled out, quickly making our way inside since none of the girls wore jackets, claiming it would ruin the look.
Hanna held tight to my arm, even after we crossed through the double doors. The vast room hummed with conversation, people mingling around the tall round tables, champagne clutched tight. Some perused the auction items, already placing their bids.
“This looks amazing.”
Hanna smiled. “I’d like to think we get better every year. The donations definitely get better as we grow.”
“Pretty soon you won’t need a simple offering of free food and drinks from a tiny bar,” I joked, referring to our donation from Voy.
She slapped my chest softly. “Oh, shut up. You have a lot more to offer than free drinks at a bar. A night at Voyeur would probably be the highest sold item if it was up for sale.”
“Probably,” I boasted. However, we both knew having a night at Voyeur up for auction at a sex-trafficking event wouldn’t be the most appropriate option.
“Thank you for that, by the way,” she said, nodding back from where we came.
“What?”
“Just holding my hand. Calming me down.”
“It’s nothing. I understand why this means so much, and it’s a huge undertaking.”
“Yeah.” She looked around the room, taking in each aspect I was sure she painstakingly chose. “Erik and I do most of it on our own. Mom and Dad help where they can.”
“Are they here tonight?”
“No. Charity galas aren’t really their thing. My mom’s so frugal, she refuses to buy a fancy dress for one evening.” She laughed before sobering. “Besides, it’s not…how they want to spend their night,” she explained delicately. “We host survivors from Haven, current and past ones, and it’s hard for them to be here and not see Sofia among them. It’s just that time of year. It’s hard on all of us.”
Hanna sniffed, and I laid my free hand over hers where it clutched my arm.
Forcing a smile, not really making it to her eyes, she continued. “Besides, we do our own thing. We have a big brunch the next morning.”
“That sounds good. Brunch is always the best choice.”
Soon after that, Hanna was forced to let go of my arm and do her rounds, schmoozing everyone out of more money. I sat back and enjoyed the free drinks and soft jazz playing from the band.
“How’s your date?” Kent asked, sneaking up behind me.
“She’s not my date,” I deadpanned.
He held up his hand in an okay sign and gave an exaggerated nod.
“Leave him alone,” Olivia reprimanded.
“Thanks, kiddo.”
She beamed but didn’t give me the reprieve I was hoping for. “So, I hear you’re helping her.”
I almost choked on my champagne, the bubbles going down the wrong pipe. I glared at Kent, more than a little pissed he passed on the information to my niece. He held up his hands and pointed to Olivia.
“We all went dress shopping together this week. Girls talk.”
“Jesus.”
“So, do you like her?”
“Olivia,” I growled in warning.
“What? I’m just curious.”
“We’re friends. That’s it.”
“Boring. That’s what she said too. Some of us were taking bets that it was more. I owe Carina five bucks.”
Kent chuckled beside her, and I glared.
“I neither deny nor encourage her. Merely stand by and offer support,” he said like he was pleading the fifth amendment.
“I thought we were friends.”
“The best, and I will choose you every time. Unless I have to choose her. I’ll always choose her.” Somehow, Kent made my niece—the Olivia Witt—blush. “Thankfully, she’d never make me not choose you.”
I groaned. “This is too close to PDA. We had rules to you two dating. Go dance before I get sick.”
Olivia laughed and gave me a tight hug. “It’s okay to like her, Uncle Daniel,” she whispered for only me.
She pulled back with a wink and grabbed Kent’s arm, dragging him to the dance floor.
Scanning the room, I found Hanna shaking hands with another person. I laughed as she eyeballed a waiter walking by with champagne, and I could imagine she’d probably been too busy greeting everyone to stop and drink.
Grabbing a glass for her, I walked up just as the conversation ended.
“A drink?”
She turned to me, reaching for the glass with both hands. “Oh my god. Thank you.” She drained half the glass in one gulp. “I could kiss you.”
I wouldn’t stop you.
I shoved that thought down and covered it with a laugh as I offered her my arm, leading her off to one of the high-top tables at the edge of the room. She gripped the table and lifted each leg enough to roll her ankles under the dress.
“These shoes looked so cute in the store, but I can’t wait to take them off.”
“You could probably take them off and hold them in your pockets. No one would know.”
She laughed before taking a deep breath, looking exhausted with only half the night over with.
“How are you holding up?”
“Good,” she said but paused and let the mask drop for a moment, her shoulders falling a couple of inches. “I’m okay. It’s the ninth year without her this week. It’s…hard.”
“They say time helps soften the edges of our pain. And it does, but it also doesn’t.”
She huffed a commiserating laugh. “Speaking from experience?”
She didn’t look at me when she asked, and I was grateful she couldn’t see the range of emotions washing over me. I avoided talking about Sabrina as much as I could. Kent was the only person who knew of her. Except David, but we didn’t talk enough. It’d been a long time since I’d had to look inside and examine my emotions about her. “Yeah. The girlfriend from long ago,” I finally answered. I don’t’ know what made me explain it. Maybe because Hanna was being so open with me, and I wanted to give her some understanding in return. “I miss the chances I had with her. The chances to make things great and follow through on what we’d said we would.”
“I get that. Sofia always talked about our future. I think it helped her get through. She made me promise I’d do math, even if it made me a nerd.” She laughed softly. “I’d been too cool to be smart before everything. I was only interested in boys.”
“Like most teenage girls. And just for the record, men like smart women. Those math puns get me every time,” I s
aid, faking an exaggerated shiver.
“Shut up.” It had the intended effect, pulling a real laugh from her. “She wanted to dance,” she continued, with a little less sadness clinging to her. “She talked about it all the time, saying that when we escaped, she would be, and I quote, a motherfucking ballerina and fuck everyone who said she was too old. She claimed she’d do pirouettes around them.”
“She sounds awesome.”
Her smile dimmed but didn’t disappear. “She was the best.” She finished her champagne before softly asking, “What did you plan on doing with her?”
I took a deep breath. “Travel was the biggest thing. Which is funny since I barely go anywhere outside of Cincinnati.”
“Then travel. Just because you aren’t together anymore doesn’t mean you can’t travel on your own.”
She said it like it was the easiest thing in the world, and maybe it was. “I should.”
“No. I mean it. Travel. Plan it. I’ll help you. We can do it together.” The words tumbled out like a snowball, gaining momentum in her mind the more she said it.
“What?”
She stood tall and pulled her shoulders back, confidence in her decision radiating off her, doing its best to pull me into her idea. “Yeah. Come on,” she coaxed. “Let’s go. I’ll do it with you.”
Humoring her and maybe out of a bit more than curiosity, I asked, “Okay, where to?”
“Hmmm.” She tipped her head and tapped her finger against pursed lips. “Italy,” she finally said.
I laughed and rubbed my hand along the back of my neck. “I uh, I don’t have a passport.”
She blinked with a deadpanned stare, one brow creeping high with judgment I deserved. “How do you not have a passport?”
“I got one,” I defended. “I just let it expire.”
“Daniel,” she reprimanded without heat, slapping my chest.
“I know, I know. I’ll update it.”
“You better.”
Her glare changed to an expectant glare, waiting for my answer about traveling together. “Okay, fine. You win. Where would we go?”
“Obviously someplace in the US,” she joked. “How about two places? I’ll pick one, and you pick one.”
“Okay. You pick first.”
“Hmmm…Let’s do the mountains.”
“That sounds good.” I thought about where to go and remembered a conversation with Sabrina and how much she’d always wanted to hear the waves. She’d made me promise to take her to the beach one day. She just never gave me the chance. “How about I surprise you?”
“Okay.” She nodded, her smile growing. “We’re doing this.”
We were doing this. I was going to travel with Hanna, and the scenarios that flashed through my mind ranged from playing games and laughing to…other things and a lot of moaning. Adrenaline flooded my veins, a heady concoction of excitement tinged in fear of the unknown. But looking down at her wide smile, I didn’t question it.
The music finished playing, and Erik stood on the stage with a microphone. “Thank you, everyone. It’s that time of night to soak up all the alcohol. Dinner will be served in Corbett Tower, followed by speeches from our wonderful guests, and finally the prizes.”
Applause broke out before everyone shuffled to the next room.
“Do you talk?” I asked Hanna.
“God, no. I’m a more behind the scenes kind of girl.”
She struggled to hold my eyes, and I knew there was more than just wanting to stay behind the scenes as the reason she didn’t share her story at these events. “You should. Maybe it would add to your control you’re working on.”
“You sound like Erik,” she snapped. “Always pushing me to stand up and shout everything from the rooftops. I don’t need to talk about it to be fine.”
I knew that. A lot of people did fine without discussing too in-depth. But every time her past came into the conversation, her irritation came with it. The more I observed Hanna, the more I saw a pot bubbling a little too high. I had no doubt she dealt with the biggest of her fears and shelved her biggest issues, but just because the biggest monsters were conquered, didn’t mean the small ones couldn’t do as much damage. The problem was that you sometimes missed them before it was too late.
“Sometimes, talking about it with likeminded people can help.”
She ground her jaw but didn’t face me. “Sometimes, it’s okay to not toss everything out there. Sometimes it’s okay to keep it to yourself. Sometimes we get to keep a box just for us, and that’s okay. I don’t need to tell everyone everything.”
By the end, her chest rose and fell over her heated speech. I didn’t think she’d meant to admit as much as came out in her rant.
I couldn’t blame her for wanting to keep some things to herself. I never really wanted to talk about Sabrina because sometimes the past was easier to pretend to forget. Like it didn’t dabble in the decisions we made every day.
It was easier to pretend it didn’t happen, and that we’re okay if we didn’t talk about it.
Yeah, I understood Hanna’s reasoning to stay behind the scenes better than anyone.
I liked to pretend the past didn’t haunt me either.
I just couldn’t help but wonder how full Hanna’s box was. I couldn’t help but wonder if it was as full as Sabrina’s. I couldn’t help but wonder if I would have been there to help Sabrina open her box that she would have made it.
Maybe that was all Hanna needed, just someone strong and steady to help her face the remaining monsters.
By the end of the night, I’d already thought of plans to help Hanna like I hadn’t helped Sabrina.
17
Hanna
The knock at the door didn’t surprise me. What did surprise me was how long he’d waited to come. I took my time, folding a pair of leggings, and placing them in my suitcase.
I let another knock bang against my door before finally opening to a scowling Erik.
“What the hell is this?” Erik held up a paper and pushed past me into my apartment.
“By all means, come in,” I muttered, gently closing the door.
“Hanna. Why do you need two weeks off from work? Are you okay? Did something happen?” He fired a new question each time he turned direction in his pacing.
“I’m fine, Erik. I’m just taking a vacation. The first one I’ve taken in four years.”
He stopped and studied me like he could scan my insides like an MRI on the hunt for an issue. I loved Erik, but he took the protective big brother to a whole new level. And he did it with as little tact as possible. “Where are you going?” he barked.
Behind his bite was concern wrapped in misplaced guilt.
He blamed himself a lot for not being on the family vacation we’d taken—the one where Sofia and I snuck out to a bar and never came back. He’d bailed at the last minute because of work, and he never forgave himself. It didn’t matter how many times I told him we would have found a way to sneak out even if he was there.
So, now he was here. All. The. Time.
I loved him for it, but I’d hoped time would soften him around the edges. It hadn’t, and my irritation grew with each outburst when I was nothing but safe. Trust me, no one prepared for the worst-case scenario more than I did.
“Relax, Erik. The first stop on the trip is to Asheville at a super cute cabin. I’ll send you the address if it makes you feel better?”
“A cabin? In the woods? Alone?”
I had to inhale as deep as I could and walk away, not at all surprised when he followed. Knowing the next answer I gave would probably send him on the crazy train, I used my most innocent voice and avoided his eyes by folding another shirt. “No, I’m going with Daniel.”
“Daniel?” he roared. “Daniel? The owner of the sex club? Is taking you to a cabin in the woods?”
“It’s not a sex club.”
“You know what I mean,” he growled. “What are you even doing, Hanna?”
“He’s my friend.
What’s the difference between this and going with Alex?”
He huffed a disbelieving laugh and threw his arms wide. “Alex doesn’t want to fuck you. Alex doesn’t claim friendship when all she wants to do is get in your pants.” Grinding his jaw, he dragged his hands over his face. “I’m going to fucking kill him.”
Throwing my shirt in the suitcase, I turned with my hands on my hips. “Erik, stop. I’m fine. We’re just friends.”
“Don’t be so stupid, Hanna. Don’t be so naive.”
I slowly pulled back, my brows joining my hairline, and glared in wide-eyed shock. “Excuse me,” I said dangerously low.
“That’s not…shit. That’s not what I meant.”
“No, no. Tell me how you really feel. Don’t stop now.”
“Dammit, Hanna,” he growled again, his palms slapping his thighs. “You know you’re smart. But you’re putting yourself out there for the first time. It’s new, and I don’t want someone to take advantage and hurt you.” His eyes pleaded with me to hear him, to understand, and I did, but it didn’t make it better.
“I know I haven’t done this before. I know how inexperienced I am. But inexperience doesn’t make me stupid.” I relaxed my posture and tone. “I know what I’m doing. If you think either one of us is going into this without knowing where the other one stands, then you don’t know me at all. I’ve analyzed every scenario and talked it through.”
“I just…I love you, Hanna. I don’t want you to get hurt or not be taken care of.”
He didn’t want someone who didn’t know what I’d been through to be careless and put me in a position that could send me into a panic attack.
“He knows.”
Erik stopped pacing and turned to me; his jaw dropped. “What?” he whispered.
“He knows. He knows my fears, and he respects them. We both wanted to travel—hell, it was my idea. We’re both getting something out of it that has nothing to do with each other. We’re just partners in our trip—traveling companions.”
“You told him?”
“I mean, he knew enough just being around us. It’s not a secret among our circle, but yeah, I’ve talked to him about it. He’s actually been teaching me self-defense classes.”