Elijah: The Cooper Brothers

by Ashton, Nikki

  “And you hate her too,” Matty said with a grin.

  “I never said that.” I protested.

  “No, but you do. I can see it in your eyes and the way you said ‘Mia’.”

  I laughed as he impersonated me.

  “Does he know how you feel?”

  I shrugged. “He might have an idea, seeing as I tried to tell him one night in Ziggy’s and I think he was going to kiss me.”

  Matty rubbed a hand down his face. “So he was going to cheat on her too.”

  “No, no way,” I protested. “He couldn’t do it. He kept saying he couldn’t, but then he stopped me and kind of moved forward and then pulled away. I think it was because she turned up, but I honestly don’t think he’d have gone through with it, even if she hadn’t.”

  “Why?”

  I thought about it momentarily, and the reasons were sharp and painful.

  “Because I’ve been a bitch to him, he knows I’d probably never let him forget what happened and because he doesn’t love me. He loves her.”

  The last reason was the one that hurt the most. The one that felt like a barb in my skin. Elijah loved Mia and there was nothing I could do about it.

  “Well if that’s true,” Matty sighed, pulling me against his side, “then you need to move on too, but if you think there’s even a small amount of chance that he might still love you then don’t give up. Talk to him and let him talk too, and bloody well listen.”

  I looked up at my little brother, who was soon to be a dad and was over six inches taller than me and the feelings of pride and respect were overwhelming, but I also felt guilt too.

  “Do you blame me for you losing him?” I asked.

  Matty frowned and shook his head. “No, I blamed him. If he hadn’t done what he did, we’d all still have him.”

  “Yeah, but maybe I should have talked to him.”

  “Maybe, but you saw it with your own eyes, although I’ve gotta say Ames, I still find it difficult to believe. So, I do understand why you didn’t talk to him, why you couldn’t. I just wish…I wish I’d had some time with him, to say goodbye. He was like a brother to me, Ames, and when he disappeared from our lives, you did too and I felt like I was grieving, if that makes sense.”

  I nodded and my heart felt heavy at not seeing before how much it had affected my family, and Matty in particular.

  “I never believed it, well not at first,” Matty said, cupping a hand at the back of his neck. “I knew how much he loved you, worshipped you, but when you were so hurt and pained, I knew it had to be true.”

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  “Don’t be. Just do me a favour and make sure you’re happy. Don’t live a life of regret, especially if you’ve got a chance to change things.”

  We looked at each other for a few seconds, letting our thoughts mull around our heads, until Carla joined us.

  “I was telling Kacey about the pushchair,” she said, hooking her arm in Matty’s. “She said you must be an amazing sister.”

  “She is,” Matty replied. “Buying that pushchair was the kindest thing anyone could ever do.”

  “It’s just a gift, you soppy bugger,” I said, making light of things to avoid crying – again.

  “It’s so much more than a gift and you know it,” Matty said, giving me a soft smile. “Now, who fancies some lunch? It’s on me.”

  As we started to walk away, I glanced over at the baby shop and thought about things that might have been, and knew today had been the start of me moving forward, in more ways than one

  Elijah

  aged 22

  Elijah:Hey gorgeous, sorry but I’ve done something you may not be happy about xx

  Amy:What!!??

  Elijah:I opened the bathroom cabinet while I was having a wee xx

  Amy:And??

  Elijah:Your box of tampons fell out xx

  Amy:And??

  Elijah:They fell in the toilet xx

  Amy:Okay?

  Elijah:I fished them out and put them on the radiator to dry xx

  Half expecting the last message to result in a call, I wasn’t surprised when my phone began to ring, knowing Amy would be on her way home from her new job in the design section in a local department store.

  “Hi.”

  “Please tell me there aren’t tampons drying out on the radiators.”

  Amy sounded a little pained, but I didn’t understand why. I thought it had been an ingenious plan.

  “Yeah, they all fell in, it would have been a total waste,” I explained.

  “But they’re covered in pee!” she cried.

  I held the phone away from my ear and moved aside to let a lady with a trolley pass me down the aisle.

  “They were in the wrappers. They’ll be fine.”

  “Elijah, really? You think I’d use them after that?”

  “I dunno,” I replied with a shrug. “Don’t see why not.”

  “Well of course I bloody wouldn’t. That’s disgusting.”

  “Okay, so I’ll get you some more. I’m in the supermarket now, what sort do you want me to get.”

  There was a pause on the other end of the line and all I could hear was the faint sound of Amy’s breathing.

  “Amy?”

  “What?”

  “What sort of tampons do you want me to get?” I asked, making my way to the toiletries aisle. “Is it the ones in a blue box or the supermarket’s own – which ones?”

  “Don’t worry about it,” Amy responded, sounding a little tentative.

  “I know what tampons are,” I argued, rolling my eyes. “All I need to know is what brand.” As I reached them, I crouched down to study the boxes. “There seems to be different sizes. Does that depend on the size of your-.”

  “No Eli!” she snapped, cutting me off. “It doesn’t. Now just go and get what we need and forget about the damn tampons.”

  “I said I was sorry, it was an accident, so just let me buy you another box.”

  “No. I don’t want you to.”

  I heard Amy tut on the other end of the line and it pissed me off. I’d apologised, offered to buy more, so what the fuck was her problem?

  “Are you pre-menstrual now, is that what’s wrong with you?” I asked, picking up a box and reading the front of it. “I’ll get super, it’s to do with the flow according to the box and if your mood is anything to go by, they’re exactly what you need.”

  “You did not just say that to me,” Amy roared down the phone. “You cheeky bastard.”

  “Well you’re obviously in a bad mood, I just assumed it was because you had your period and it was a bad one.”

  “I am not in a bad mood,” she hissed. “All I said was not to buy me any tampons.”

  “It wasn’t what you said, but the way you said it, Amy. I’ve been with you long enough to know when you’re in a mood, and you’re in a mood. Now just tell me what damn tampons you want.”

  “I don’t,” she cried. “I don’t want any fucking tampons. I don’t need any fucking tampons, so don’t buy me any fucking tampons, you stupid prick.”

  And then the line went dead.

  * * *

  As I let myself into our apartment, the soft sound of Meadowlark’s, May I Have This Dance drifted from our bedroom. With a sigh, I deposited the two shopping bags in the kitchen and then went to find out how bad a mood my wife was in.

  “Hey,” I said, seeing Amy curled up in a ball on the bed.

  She turned her head to look at me. “Hi.”

  “You in a better mood?” I asked, tensing ready for the fight.

  “I’m not in a bad mood,” was her soft reply. “Did you get everything we needed?”

  I frowned, wondering why she hadn’t flown off the handle. She liked nothing better than getting the last word in an argument, and never backed down from one.

  “You got a bad stomach?” I asked, noticing her arms wrapped around it.

  Amy didn’t respond immediately, but chewed on her lip and pulled
herself into a sitting position. Her eyes were red and her face was so pale she looked as though she’d never seen a ray of sunshine, ever.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, sitting on the edge of the bed and taking her hand. “This isn’t because of the bloody tampons, is it?”

  She shrugged. “Kind of.”

  “What do you mean?” I shuffled closer to her, running a hand over her mussed up hair. “It was just a tiff, Amy. It’s hardly worth getting upset about.”

  “I know, it’s not that.”

  “So what is it then?”

  She drew in a jagged breath before slowly letting it out and lengthening her body to sit up straighter. Taking the remote for the speaker, she turned down the volume of the music and turned back to me.

  “I’m pregnant.”

  As she said the words, a silent plea swept across her face – please don’t hate me, please be happy about this.

  She couldn’t be further from the mark.

  “Really?” I asked, exhilaration and emotion mixing together to make my head spin. “Honestly?”

  Amy nodded. “I didn’t forget to take my pill, I don’t know how it happened, I swear-.”

  I dragged her into my arms and kissed her, cutting off any words or thoughts of an apology from her.

  “Oh fuck,” I cried, gasping from our kiss and my excitement. “Seriously, I’m going to be a dad?”

  She gave me a hesitant nod, all the while her eyes were searching my face. She needn’t have worried, because I was happier than I’d ever been. My stomach was a knot of excitement, thinking about what was happening inside her, the life that we’d created. I felt ten feet tall. A bigger and better man than I’d ever thought possible.

  “You’re okay about it?”

  “Okay. Fuck Amy, this is amazing. I can’t believe it.” I kissed her again. “I know we hadn’t planned it, but shit, who cares. How long, how many weeks, or whatever it is?”

  Moving from my arms, she reached across to her bedside table and pulled open the drawer, pulling out a pregnancy test kit and handed it to me. I stared down at it, looking at the little window I read, Pregnant 2-3.

  “Does that mean you’re having two or three?” I asked, feeling the colour drain from my face.

  Amy giggled. “It says weeks, you idiot.”

  I looked again. “Shit, yeah, so you’re either two or three weeks?” My hand shook as I looked down at the white stick again.

  Amy nodded. “I took the test yesterday, when you were at work. I realised the other day that I hadn’t had a period, so I bought it a few days ago, but was too scared to take it.”

  “Why?” I asked softly, cupping her cheek.

  “I thought you might be mad. I’ve only just started my job, we’re still living in this apartment, and we’ve only been married for two months; lots of reasons.”

  “Amy,” I whispered, kissing her forehead. “I’m bloody ecstatic. This is the best news ever, I swear. I love you more than anything in the world and you having my baby only makes me love you more – if that’s possible.”

  “You promise?” she asked, her voice cracking as her slim hands gripped my t-shirt.

  “I promise.”

  “Oh god, Eli, we’re having a baby.”

  Tears were in Amy’s eyes as she gazed at me and I didn’t think I’d ever seen her look more beautiful.

  “I love you,” I whispered against her lips. “I’ll always love you, for the rest of my life, don’t ever forget that.”

  “I might remind you of that when we’ve not had any sleep for weeks on end and we’re screaming at each other.” She giggled and wiped at her nose with a tissue.

  “All the sleepless nights will be worth it, especially if it’s a little mini you that’s causing all the trouble.”

  This time when I kissed her, it was deeper and longer, leaving us both breathless.

  “By the way?” I asked, finally pulling away. “Did your tampons dry out okay?”

  Amy laughed and hit me with a pillow, both of us falling back onto the bed and wondering with excitement how our life was going to change in a few months’ time.

  Elijah

  aged 28

  “You really don’t have to do this,” Sam said as we loaded up my truck with boxes from Mia’s apartment. “If it isn’t what you want, just tell her.”

  I stopped what I was doing and glared at him. Of course it was what I wanted, I was moving on. It was time.

  “I do want her to move in. I wouldn’t have asked her otherwise,” I said, pinching the bridge of my nose.

  “You hardly asked her,” he replied, raising an eyebrow.

  “Doesn’t matter how it came about, it’s what I want. I love Mia and want her to move in with me.”

  Sam let out a long breath, shrugged, and carried on loading the truck and we carried on in silence until Mia appeared five minutes later.

  “That’s the last of it,” she said, grinning at me. “All done.”

  She wasn’t bringing any furniture with her as her apartment had been rented furnished, so it was only her boxed belongings that we’d had to move. I probably could have done it alone and saved myself a lecture and a morning of knowing looks from Sam, but I hadn’t been sure how much stuff she had – plus my brother owed me a favour.

  “Okay,” I said, rubbing my hands together. “Sam and I will go ahead in the truck and we’ll see you back at my…sorry our place.”

  Mia giggled and reached up on her tiptoes, kissing me quickly. “I’m so excited. I’ll see you there.”

  As we watched her go, I heard Sam take a breath.

  “Not a word,” I snapped. “I don’t want to hear it.”

  * * *

  When we got back to the house, Mia was already there, rolling two suitcases down the driveway, with another bag over her shoulder. I pulled the truck up and jumped out.

  “Mia, let me help you with those.”

  She turned and shook her head, a huge smile still on her pretty face. “No, it’s fine. I’ll just take these upstairs and then I’ll come and help you unload the boxes.”

  “Sam and I will do that,” I replied, reaching her and handing her the door key. “You get unpacked. Where do you want them all?”

  She looked over at my truck and then with her head angled to one side, took a moment to think about it.

  “What about the garage? Then I can unpack them one at a time, they won’t be clogging up the spare bedroom, and whatever I decide I don’t want or need can stay in the box and either go the tip or charity.”

  I nodded. “Sounds like a good idea. There’s nothing in them you need now?”

  “Nope. Everything I need on a day to day basis is in these bags. Oh, the two boxes with red labels, can you put those near the front as I’ll want to unpack those first. They’re books and photos.”

  “Sure.” I pinched between my eyes, trying to rid the thudding ache.

  “That’s brilliant, thank you.”

  Her voice was light and airy, and that coupled with the way she was bouncing on her toes, showed me just how exciting this all was for her. She loved me deeply, I knew she did, she’d been the first to say it and said it all the time. I, however, was a little more guarded and hadn’t told her until a month after she’d said the words. It wasn’t that I hadn’t been feeling it, but I’d felt cautious after Amy, even though it had been over four years since she’d gone.

  Losing the woman I’d loved since I was seventeen, the woman who I’d thought I’d be spending the rest of my life with, shattered me. It caused me pain so intense that there were times I’d have gladly gone to sleep at night and never woken up. I just couldn’t envisage a life without her, so when Mia came along and I realised I hadn’t thought about Amy for a couple of days, it scared me.

  There was no doubt that Mia brought light into my life, but how could I have possibly loved Amy if this petite, dark-haired, pretty woman, with her smiley face and giggle could make me forget so easily. That’s why it was hard to admit t
hat I had fallen in love with Mia, because I wasn’t totally sure that’s what it was. Half of me considered it more gratitude because she’d taken the darkness away, but slowly and surely, I began to trust my feelings and said the three words I knew she was anxious to hear.

  “So, it’s the garage then?” Sam asked, as Mia disappeared into the house.

  “Yep. Just pile them up at the back. She’s going to unpack them gradually. There are two with red labels, they need to go at the front.”

  “Okay.” Sam saluted me and made his way back to the truck.

  As he reached it, I heard his phone buzz with a text. He pulled it from his pocket and looked down at it and then looked up at me.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Nothing. It’s fine.” He shook his head and turned his concentration back to the boxes in the back of my truck.

  I walked over to him. “Go on, tell me.”

  He sighed heavily and handed me the mobile. A text showed on the screen from an old workmate of his, Maxwell. As I read it, I felt my stomach lurch and a small quiver started in my hand which was holding the phone.

  Maxwell: Just looking at your bros ex-wife! I’m sitting in The Miller and she’s in here with her friend having lunch. Fuck she’s hot. I’m going to go over to work my charm. Will keep you posted lol

  I knew it wasn’t my business any longer, but I wanted to rush around to the pub and smash Maxwell’s face in. He was a fucking player who treated women like crap and wasn’t even deserving of the shit on the bottom of my shoes, never mind Amy’s. I knew of at least two kids he had that he never saw, and his last girlfriend, whom he lived with, he’d dumped by fucking text when he moved in with someone else.

  “You better fucking put him straight,” I growled, practically throwing the phone at Sam. “He goes anywhere near her and I’ll fucking end him.”

  Sam raised his eyebrows and nodded slowly. “Okay then, and do you want your new live-in girlfriend to know that too?”