Fragile Wings

by Rebecca S. Buck

  Climbing out from beneath the covers, Evelyn remembered, with a sense of relief, that she was alone in the Graingers’ house. They had left for their family’s country house the previous evening. Grace had been given both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off work. For the first time in a long time, Evelyn was free to go through her morning routine and go down to breakfast without fear of an awkward encounter with James or Lilian. She considered this as she went to the bathroom to wash and tidy her hair. Living with the Graingers was becoming difficult. Even if no awkwardness had arisen between herself and Lilian, even if she did not have to contend with James’s attentions, she was beginning to feel as though she had overstayed her welcome. There was only so long she could rely on their hospitality. What alternatives there were, she was not sure. She resolved to ask Jos’s opinion as soon as there was the right opportunity to do so. Jos might have ideas about what work she could find, what sort of home she might be able to afford to rent. Knowing that she had Jos—and her friends—to ask such questions of made London seem much less daunting than it initially had. Ultimately, London was just a collection of smaller towns grown into each other. People worked and rented and formed communities. She could be part of that.

  Having dressed and made herself tea and toast for breakfast, Evelyn sat for a while in the sitting room, leafing through the latest newspaper. She did not want to arrive at Jos’s flat too early or appear too eager, even though she could not wait to see Jos. She thought again of the small gifts she had managed to purchase: enamelled cufflinks, with a modern sunburst pattern in black and white which she thought Jos would approve of, a fine cigar for Vernon, and a large tin of biscuits for any other guests to share. It had been enjoyable, shopping in London, even though it had seriously diminished the small amount of money Edward had given her. She was particularly pleased with the cufflinks, which she had told the assistant in the gentleman’s shop were for her fiancée. She’d left the shop smiling at referring to Jos in such a way. No matter that the assistant had assumed she referred to a man. Jos was more of a fiancé to her than Michael had ever been, no matter her sex. Little did the young man in the shop know. She smiled again now, remembering. In some ways, the secret she shared with Jos was exciting simply because it was a secret, shared only between them and those who were close to Jos. To be part of that was rather thrilling.

  *

  Shortly before midday, Evelyn arrived at Jos’s front door and rang the bell. Moments later, Jos opened the door herself. Evelyn had found herself rather nervous at the thought of seeing Jos again. Any anxiety vanished as soon as she saw Jos’s smile.

  “Evie!” Jos’s greeting was full of pleasure. “It’s so good to see you.” Jos took her hand and pulled her into the hallway. “I’ve missed you.” These words were softer, spoken with more emotion.

  “I’ve missed you too.” Happiness flooded through Evelyn’s body at being with Jos again. It was at once a new and exciting feeling and one that felt entirely natural, as though being next to Jos was something she had needed her whole life.

  Jos pulled her closer. “I should have come to see you sooner. I wanted to after I got your note, but I wasn’t sure what Lilian would think if I turned up at your door.”

  “I understand,” Evelyn replied, still holding firmly on to Jos’s hand. “I only left the note so you knew I was thinking about you.”

  “I know,” Jos replied. “I’ve been thinking about you too, all the time.”

  Evelyn flushed with pleasure. Vernon had not been exaggerating then, when he had said Jos was happy. “Thank you,” she said, unsure how else to respond.

  “No, Evie, thank you,” Jos replied, her voice full of unexpected emotion. She leaned towards Evelyn, seeking her mouth in a kiss that was first romantic and then more passionate. Evelyn felt her whole body respond, as her hand found Jos’s hip, felt the curve of her body, pulling her closer.

  “So, who is it?” came a voice from the top of the stairs leading to Jos’s flat. Evelyn started and pulled back from Jos, but Jos kept hold of her hand and laughed. Evelyn looked up the staircase to find Vernon standing at the top. “Aha, I see. Sorry to interupt the reunion,” he said, turning to go back into the flat.

  “It’s all right, Vernon,” Jos called after him. She turned to Evelyn. “There’s only Vernon here so far, but I am expecting a few visitors throughout the day. Clara and Courtney said they’d pop in, and I think we might even see Dorothy. Not sure about any others so I can’t promise a big party.”

  “I don’t mind at all,” Evelyn replied. “I’m happy to be here with you.”

  Jos smiled. “In that case, you’re easily pleased. Come on, let’s go and keep Vernon company. He gets awfully twitchy if he’s on his own for too long.”

  Evelyn followed Jos up the stairs, marvelling at how relaxed and comfortable she felt but already decided that this was the best Christmas Day she had ever spent.

  *

  Jos found seeing Evelyn again more exciting than she had been anticipating. Alone on Christmas Eve, she’d almost begun to regret inviting Evelyn to spend the day with her. She wanted to see Evelyn again but spending Christmas together seemed like a step forward into a relationship more committed than she was used to. Usually, even if she was involved, she told her girlfriends that Christmas was a time for family and she wanted to share it with Vernon. Those girlfriends were usually not overly concerned, having families of their own to see. To invite Evelyn into her day seemed rather intimate and she’d worried it would feel like too much.

  Instead, seeing Evelyn at her door had been nothing but a pleasure. She’d forgotten just how beautiful she found Evelyn, just how intrigued she was to find out more about her. To kiss her again was unadulterated joy. She could have taken Evelyn to her bed and spent the day there quite happily, indulging both her lust and her craving for intimacy with her.

  Now, as she watched Evelyn sipping a glass of sherry and conversing easily with Vernon, with whom she now appeared quite comfortable, she smiled to herself. Evelyn fitted well into her world, whilst changing it entirely. That was a combination she’d never managed to find before. There were women who were part of her world and women who wanted to reshape it. But no one who had slotted into her way of life and yet offered her the promise of so much more. True, there was still an uneasy tension in the pit of her stomach. This was unfamiliar territory for her and suggested a time of change in her life. She never handled change well. Yet surely she could overcome her insecurities, for Evelyn?

  The afternoon was relaxed. Jos had not prepared a Christmas dinner but had rather arranged a hearty buffet meal on her dining table, with turkey sandwiches for the sake of tradition, along with a pile of mince pies, but plenty of more interesting options. She wondered if Evelyn pined for home, and her mother’s cooking. She was nervous to ask, worried that she would cause Evelyn pain. And yet she knew she would have to talk through such things with Evelyn at some point. They could not go forward if she was scared to get closer and more emotionally involved with Evelyn.

  For the first hour, Vernon dominated the conversation, as he was wont to do on most occasions. She was content to listen to Evelyn’s responses, describing her home town to him, explaining her decision not to cut her hair as per Lilian’s instructions. His questions were, typically, rather random, but Evelyn was open and comfortable responding to them. Jos mostly watched her, growing more and more familiar with all of her mannerisms. She had a habit of twirling a lock of hair around her finger when she was a little uncomfortable. Her smile came quickly and took a long time to fade from her eyes. When she was thoughtful, she bit her lip gently. Everything Evelyn did was somehow endearing to Jos. Was this what love did, when it was real? Made you notice the most ordinary of actions and consider them wonderful? She had to confess to herself that she was rather enjoying her experience of it.

  Clara and Courtney joined them at about one o’clock. Jos was happy to see her friends and delighted that Evelyn seemed pleased to see them too.
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br />   “Evie! What a delightful surprise!” Clara said, on entering the room. She looked to Jos, raising an eyebrow. Jos had intentionally not told Clara and Courtney of what had occurred between her and Evelyn, partly to enjoy their happy surprise on discovering it. “Jos Singleton, you are a sly beast! Imagine not telling us.”

  “You’re rather presumptious, Clara,” Jos replied.

  “Yes, Evie might be here with me, for all you know,” Vernon added.

  “Vernon, dear, she has far better taste and you know it,” Courtney said, smiling indulgently at him.

  “So I keep being reminded,” Vernon said, with a mock pout.

  “You poor dear.” Courtney turned her attention back to Jos. “It is true though, isn’t it darling? I told Clara it wouldn’t take long. This is simply the best news for Christmas.”

  “Yes, it’s true,” Jos replied, looking at Evelyn, who had not managed to get a word into this exchange yet. Evelyn smiled, and Jos was glad. “You can consider Evie and me an item.” She saw the pleasure in Evelyn’s face.

  Clara looked back to Evelyn. “Welcome to the club, Evie,” she said. “Delighted to have you.”

  “Thank you,” Evelyn replied. Jos thought she was, perhaps, a little overwhelmed by the attention. “I’m very happy.”

  “It’s just the cat’s whiskers, the cherry on the cake,” Courtney said, happily.

  “Darling, your metaphors are mixing again,” Clara said with a smile.

  “Oh, pipe down,” Courtney responded. “I’m excited.”

  The doorbell rang again and Jos descended the stairs to admit Dorothy and her friend, Florence, whom Jos had only met on one or two occasions but was happy to welcome into her flat. Dorothy was an odd character, Jos found, and rather inconsistent in her friendships, but she enjoyed her company, recognising her intelligence and wit.

  When she reached the top of the stairs, Dorothy’s usual immovable demeanour was broken for a moment. “Evelyn Hopkins! I don’t see you for what seems like weeks and then I find you here?” Thankfully, her exclamation ended in a smile.

  Evelyn rose to her feet to welcome Dorothy. “Dorothy! I’m sorry I haven’t seen you—”

  “Oh, I know it’s all Lilian’s fault. She’s stopped inviting you out with her, hasn’t she? Very fickle woman, that she is.”

  Dorothy was nothing if not brutally honest. It was something about her Jos appreciated. She had once thought there was a possibility of a relationship between her and Dorothy, who professed that she could be seduced by men and women equally and sought no kind of commitment from either. However, when she discovered Dorothy leaving Vernon’s bedroom one morning, all possibility of that was put out of her mind. She still liked Dorothy and was certainly the last one to judge her.

  Evelyn, meanwhile, looked a little taken aback at Dorothy’s understanding. “Has Lilian said anything to you?” she asked.

  Clara rolled her eyes, “I still don’t really understand why we all pay so much attention to Lilian. She’s awfully foolish, don’t you think?”

  “She’s been very kind to me,” Evelyn responded. Jos admired the sense of honour that made Evelyn defend Lilian. “She’s let me stay with her rent-free and she’s been very helpful. Until recently.”

  “I don’t say she’s a bad person, not deep down,” Clara replied. “Just quite a difficult one to spend time with. Wouldn’t you say, Vernon?”

  Courtney giggled at Vernon’s brief discomfort and even Jos was amused. Her brother could handle the teasing. He shrugged. “Don’t expect me to defend her. Of course, chivalry dictates that I should, being as the lady isn’t here to defend herself. But our attachment is rather at an end, so I’m the last one to disagree with you all.”

  “I’m one of her better friends and I can’t really defend her myself,” Dorothy added. “Not that she’s not entertaining company and she’s an excellent source of gossip. But no, Evie, she’s not really mentioned you. Which is what made me suspicious, if I’m honest. Lilian talks about everybody, all the time. I can’t think what you’ve done to her. Unless it’s your new friends she objects to, of course.” Dorothy winked and looked at Jos.

  “Lilian doesn’t know about Evie and me,” Jos said, understanding the implication.

  “Oh, so there is an Evie and you, then?” Dorothy said.

  “Yes, there is,” Evelyn said. Jos heard a certain pride in her voice that made her heart glad. Evelyn seemed to like their relationship being known to their friends. That was an excellent sign.

  “How wonderful! And I was the first to predict it.” Dorothy’s tone was entirely self-satisfied. “Of course, Lilian thinks it’s Vernon you’ve got a crack on for, by the way, Evie.”

  Evelyn flushed and Vernon grinned. “Well, I wouldn’t be surprised if she had, it would be entirely understandable,” Vernon said. “You know I’m here, Evie, if that’s where your heart really lies.”

  “Shut up, Vernon,” Jos told him, in the way that only a sister could.

  “Does she really think that?” Evelyn asked, looking concerned. Jos understood that she was still keen to keep Lilian’s good opinion, despite the recent turn their friendship had taken.

  “She did, a week or so ago, which is when we last spoke about you. Was awfully suspicious of you, especially since our dear Vernon hasn’t been treating her so well just lately.”

  “I’m a terrible person,” Vernon said.

  “Yes, you are,” Dorothy said, “but I don’t think I blame you. Lilian’s been very difficult in recent times.”

  “Hasn’t she just?” he agreed.

  “Why are we all talking about someone who isn’t here, anyway?” Courtney said. “How about we put a record on the gramophone and drink some more sherry? It’s Christmas!”

  Jos was glad of her interuption. She could see the tension rising in Evelyn’s expression and did not want her to dwell on Lilian, or what was being said about her. She went over to her gramophone and selected one that began with Jelly Roll Morton’s “Black Bottom Stomp,” guaranteed to lighten the mood and bring some festive spirit to the occasion. Then she went to stand by Evelyn, holding her fingers lightly, to reassure. Evelyn squeezed her hand back and turned to look into her eyes. She saw nothing but happiness there, reflecting the feeling in her own heart.

  *

  Evelyn felt Jos’s hand grasping hers and her heart soared. Yes, she was a little frightened of what Lilian thought about her, of being the subject of gossip. But it was difficult to mind anything much with Jos by her side, with Jos so open about their relationship. To be in a room full of people who knew that there was something between them, and who were happy about it, was a rather wonderful feeling. She felt like a butterfly spreading its wings after emerging from the crysallis. The happiness in this room was sunshine; she needed to overcome any fears and to fly.

  The afternoon was so delightful that she almost forgot to miss her family and her home. She ate far too much delicious food, drank too much sherry, and found she could hold her own in conversation, even with the likes of Clara and Vernon, who delighted in making sport of their words. She was pleased to see Dorothy relaxed and laughing and thought her new friend, Florence, though rather quiet, seemed very interesting. In the middle of the afternoon, they were briefly joined by Abigail and Gisela, the latter of whom insisted on sharing homemade Christmas stollen, her mother’s own recipe, with them.

  Despite the lively conversation and laughter of the afternoon, Evelyn felt the connection with Jos throughout. She was always conscious of where in the room Jos was, who she was talking to. Often, she looked in Jos’s direction to find Jos looking back at her. On several occasions they found quiet moments, just to stand close, and there was more than one stolen kiss in the hallway. Every moment of contact, every exchanged glance felt special.

  As darkness descended outside, Clara and Courtney took their leave first. Evelyn wondered what the rest of their Christmas would be like, once they reached their clearly happy home, alone. Dorothy, Florence, a
nd Vernon all departed at the same time, since they would be walking to their homes in the same direction.

  “Enjoy the rest of Christmas,” Dorothy said, leaning in to plant a brief kiss on Evelyn’s cheek. “I’m quite sure Jos will keep you entertained. I’m almost envious.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous, Dorothy,” Jos put in. “And enjoy the rest of the evening yourself.” Evelyn saw the smile they exchanged and wondered what there had been in the past between the two women. There was still a lot she did not understand about the group of friends she found herself part of, but she looked forward to learning more of those mysteries, of counting these people as her community for a long time to come.

  “Thank you, Dorothy. Hopefully I’ll see you soon. Perhaps at the Orchid.”

  “Perhaps, I suppose it’s rather dependent on Lilian.”

  “I should hope patronising my establishment is not entirely dependent on Lilian Grainger,” Vernon said. “That would be terribly bad for business.”

  “Oh, don’t worry, Vernon. We’ll still come to see you.” Dorothy patted him on the shoulder. “We’d miss you terribly if we didn’t. Now, come along, you can escort two ladies home.”

  “How gentlemanly of me to offer,” Vernon replied. “Thank you, Joselyn dear, for a lovely Christmas. I will see you soon. You too, Evie. Delightful to get to know you today.”

  Evelyn smiled, for once seeing Vernon without his contrived facade. “You too, Vernon. See you soon. Nice to meet you too, Florence.”

  “The feeling’s mutual,” Florence replied. “It’s smashing of you all to be so welcoming. Dorothy said you were all nice people and I wasn’t to be shy.”

  “Oh, we’re not all nice, my dear,” Vernon said. “Some of us are quite the opposite, if you ask nicely.”