One Unknown

by One Unknown

  “If angles rule, what is God?”

  “God is nothing but a concept by which we measure our pain. An invented being who we claim is perfect and all-powerful. They order us, ‘Be imitators of God,’ a lie well suited to keep us striving to reach an impossible goal and torturing ourselves when we fall short of that perfection. The idea of God is the sole wrong for which I cannot forgive mankind. Even I once believed this lie. I said, ‘I will be like the most High.’ With difficulty, I learned the error of my ways.”

  He dropped his voice, muttering to himself, “Kam hongey is bisaat par hum aisey bad qumaar. Jo chaal hum chaley woh nihayat buri chaley. (There may be few gamblers as bad as I, whatever move I made proved to be very bad) Be-semai I-melaIkt Kidusan (I heard the angles singing) Maut Se Pehlre Aadmi Gum Se Nijaat Paye Kyon?” (Before realizing the truth how can one obtain liberation?)

  He turned to me again, an angry look on his face, “You can prove the existence of God in any way you wish, but if he existed, he would be the greatest tyrant ever. He starves us with his goodness. He holds a feast but denies us the smallest scrap from his table and He often dashes the cup from our lips. Knowing nothing but joy He gives us nothing but misery.”

  Chapter 30: Happiness

  I was afraid then, terrified by these words, by their truth or their impersonation of truth. I had no answer. And I wanted an answer more than I had ever wanted anything. I remained silent, but I did not retreat. Then, in my darkest hour, I heard Jacob’s voice behind me and I knew that I would survive.

  “Leave him alone,” Jacob said, his voice filled with righteous anger. He stepped between us. I knew then that Belial would take flight, for even the devil could not stand against Jacob.

  I was wrong. Belial smiled and appeared unafraid, “You join us at last, Mashiach Ben-HaM'vorakh.”

  Nor did Jacob back down. He raised his palms to heaven and said, “Sa’luk, your battle is with me, not with him.”

  Belial shook his head, “Your generation has passed. I will not waste my time on futile tasks.” He pointed an accusing finger at me, “My battle is with this one. Are you so afraid your disciple will join with me?”

  Now Jacob smiled, “I fear this less than if you tempted me. However, I will not abandon my child. Say what you will.”

  “Fine,” Belial said, “let us argue, let us debate together. I will take both of your souls.” He turned to me, “You have told me that you seek happiness. I know your kind, those who unknowingly stumble into despair. I offer you blessed happiness and a life more joyful than that of any man. I only ask you to give up that which will ruin you; I only ask you to do that which makes you happy. I have found what you seek. Hear and obey me or forever regret.”

  Jacob answered for me. “We do not seek the easy life that you provide. If simple happiness is our goal, then we rob ourselves of the benefits of pain and disappointment. True joy appears only after a lifetime of both happiness and sadness.”

  Belial acknowledged Jacob’s words, but spoke directly to me, “He asks you to join with him in suffering. He is right, for suffering is the best human beings can hope to attain. Very narrow and paltry is human happiness, nor is it worth the effort.”

  Again, Jacob answered for me, “I do not deny that the world is full of hate and evil, but from the dark center we can dig up enough small seeds of joy. Nothing is bad unless a man thinks it is bad. Even in unhappiness, there is nothing which can adversely affect a virtue which one truly desires.” He placed his hand on my shoulder, anchoring me against the buffeting winds of fate, “Do not be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good.”

  “And you call me mad. Listen to him. You have already lived a life of hopelessness and constant `What ifs’; I can see it in your eyes. Take what I offer, take it now. I will suffer for you. Suffer no more for men like him. I offer you perfection without charge. Take it now.”

  “You must not steal from others. You must follow your own way to your destiny. Yes, we may find whatever we wish by harming others. We may easily take the harvest they have grown but are unable to protect. That way lies evil and, in the end, true despair. You must cultivate your own garden, and, with difficulty, dig up the roots of happiness without harming others. The little happiness that you produce with your own broken hoe is better than the plenty another gives you.”

  That was the end. They both fell silent. I knew both spoke the truth. There was but one answer, “I will continue to live my life the way I have been and just wait and see.”

  Chapter 31: Control

  “I understand,” Belial said, “I do not agree but I understand. You want to be a martyr. You envy the suffering of Christ. You too want to suffer for the good of mankind. Therefore, come, listen, and accept your destiny.”

  He led us back up towards the church. There beside the eastern wall he placed a screen. Thousands of images flashed on the screen showing all of the glorious accomplishments of our race. I glimpsed all the works of human ambition: the great monuments, the seats of authority, gold, desire, and power entangled with all.

  When my eyes had taken their fill, Belial said, “All this power I give to you, and the glory with it. For I have received exclusive power over this world and I can give it to whoever I wish. All of this can be yours.”

  “You offer me rule over the world? How will this cause me pain?”

  “Do you not realize that with great power comes great responsibility? Everyone to whom much is given, of him will much be required. Look again.” As I looked, the scene changed. I saw the suffering of the world: disease, poverty, war, hate, loneliness, boredom, and all kinds of other problems.

  “Now you understand,” Belial said, “I offer you control over a world filled with evil and suffering; you with your goodness will cleanse it. You will force the people to do only good. Your soul will be lost, but you will save the souls of all as long as you live. Are you brave enough to be a propitiation?”

  As I wavered, Jacob saved me. “Again, demon, you offer an easy solution and a light burden full of peril. That there is much suffering in this world no one disputes, but we must not seek to overcome evil with evil. We must have faith humanity can mend its own faults.”

  Belial let his eyes linger on the screen as it left the present and confirmed the history of human misery. “Kyrie eleison!(Lord Have Mercy) How long, how many years, prophet, do you wish to give them? How many deaths, how much suffering before you understand that good cannot ever arise out of evil. Until you recognize that we live in a fallen world and humans are, by nature, evil? Look around. We call ourselves civilized, but the strife about us proves our error. We have wired up the whole world, established contact throughout, created everywhere the possibility of co-operation and mutual understanding. Still the world is filled with hate and misunderstanding. The closer we become, the more we suffer. Know mankind for what it is.”

  “Enough,” I said, “There is no reason for this. You ask me to bow down before you. Even if I agree, you will have power above me, evil will remain in the world.”

  “You misunderstand,” Belial said, “I do not promise as before. If you agree, I will bow down to you. The evil will bow before the good and you may banish me from the world. It will be yours alone. Just give me what I want and no one gets hurt.”

  They awaited my answer. I said, “What worth kingship without peace of soul.”

  Chapter 32: Suffering

  After my words faded, there was silence in heaven for half an hour. A silence not filled with uncomfortable fear but rather a soft silence like that just before sunrise. I kept my eyes downcast, seeking an answer through prayer. “Please, Lord, if you exist, make me strong.”

  Finding hollow strength, I lifted my eyes to Belial. I was surprised to see the look of anguish on his face, the fear and hopelessness in his eyes. “I pity you,” he said, “and it is out of pity I do this. I did not want to hurt you. Viens-tu du ciel profond ou sors-tu de l'abîme, Ô Beauté?” (Do you come from deep heaven or do
you come from hell O beauty?)

  I did not need him to translate. I knew what he offered. What else did I desire above all? Mary. A chance to live without her always breaking my heart. “Can you really make her love me?”

  “Impossible,” Jacob said, “freewill forbids you to control another person.”

  “Does it?” Belial said. “Just because it is impossible for God does not make it impossible for me. God chooses not to control anyone because he loves us too much to steal away freewill. His love makes him weak. I have no such dilemma. I have never used this authority before, but this is a vital time. Demand my offer and I will grant it. You know I cannot lie about these matters.”

  “What are the conditions?” I said.

  “She will love you as much or as little as you wish. Without my command, she will never notice you.”

  “I know,” I said.

  “I offer even more,” he said, “for I am a charitable man. When you learn her faults, when you tire of her, or when you want more than her worship, I shall grant it. Anyone, everyone will adore you.”

  Again, Jacob placed his hand upon my shoulder, but now it trembled. “Do not be overcome by selfish desires. You know too well the ache of living without love. This has taught you the true meaning of love, that without some sorrow or pain no man may live in love. If you wish to be loved, love. Happiness cannot arise from selfish love. Happiness is spiritual, born of truth and love. It is unselfish. Therefore, it cannot exist alone but requires all humanity to share it.”

  “Do not let him trick you,” Belial said, “this is your last chance. Seize it or you will live every day begging and pleading for someone to release you from the darkness. You will face the world alone.”

  “I know,” I said. “This is my answer: “Real love is like the truth, sometimes it prevails, sometimes it hurts.”

  Chapter 33: Teachers

  When we arrived at the next city, Jacob handed out maps with different areas circled on each one.

  “What is this?” Simon asked.

  “Now that you have received your message,” Jacob said, “you are no longer merely followers. You must become teachers. Not even the greatest master can go even one step for his disciple. The disciple must experience each stage of developing consciousness. True understanding is not an accumulation of knowledge; it is an awakening of consciousness that goes through successive stages.”

  “What?”

  “Each of you will go out and preach to a different part of the city. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.”

  All of the other disciples, except John, seemed overjoyed at this prospect. I was terrified. After the others left, I approached Jacob.

  “Jacob, I can't do this. I can’t preach. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor now. I can’t give a speech in front of people. I can barely hold a normal conversation.”

  “Do you know the doctrines?”

  “All I know is that I know nothing.”

  “To know yet to think that one does not know is best. It is better not to know and to know that one does not know, than presumptuously to attribute some random meaning to symbols. Don’t worry. Preach my Gospel at all times, and if necessary, use words. Keep to the subject and the words will follow. Trust in yourself, you know more than you think you do. God will be with you.”

  “But what if I say the wrong thing? What if I twist God’s truth? What if I can’t say anything at all?”

  “Do not be afraid. An error can never become true however many times you repeat it. The truth can never be wrong, even if no one hears it. If you are not able to say anything, then smile. A warm smile is the universal language of kindness. Then do something wonderful, people might imitate it. Let your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more.”

  “What if I can’t? What if I fail?”

  “I am not afraid of that.”

  Chapter 34: Failure

  I failed. I really tried but I failed. No one wanted to listen to me as I preached. Everyone either avoided me or looked at me as if I was crazy.

  I wouldn’t have been so discouraged except that everyone else seemed to have some success, especially Simon. He said many people listened to him and agreed with what he preached. I hoped he was lying but I could tell he wasn’t.

  I went to Jacob again, “I totally failed.”

  “No you didn’t, not yet. Stumbling is not falling. You must try again.”

  “Please don’t make me. I can’t do this.”

  “You can and you will. You just have to believe in yourself. You need to change your view of what you are and what you can do.”

  “I can’t do anything. I have never succeeded at anything. Can’t you understand that I’m a worthless failure.”

  “No you’re not. You succeeded today even though you seemed to fail. Success is never final and failure never fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts. The virtue lies in the struggle not in the prize. Try and fail, but do not fail to try. In the end, we are remembered by our successes but we are defined by our failures.

  Chapter 35: Truth?

  “Consider this story.”

  There was once an honest thief who wanted to steal a large golden bell located in the center of his town. The bell was made entirely of gold and inscribed with the words “true or false.” The thief knew the bell was very valuable even though no one in the town had any use for it.

  The thief couldn’t lift the bell and had no way to carry it. Therefore, he decided to break it into pieces. He took a large hammer and hit the bell. The bell did not break but it rang loudly. The thief did not want others to hear so he covered up his ears.

  The authorities arrested the foolish thief, but no one ever forgot the beautiful sound the bell made that day.

  Chapter 36: Time

  We met many wonderful people on our journey and I wish I could tell you about all of them, because good people still remain in the world. However, due to my poor writing ability and the consequences of space and your attention, I pass over most of them. I cannot pass over the Malones, Bob and Linda. I feel they have something to teach us.

  The Malones were a wealthy couple. They were both in their seventies and had been married for fifty years. She had come to believe, but he had no use for God.

  One day I found Linda watching the road waiting for Bob and Jacob to return.

  “Why are you sitting there?” I said, “They won’t be back for another hour or so.”

  “I know,” she said, “I just don’t want to lose track of time and miss him. All of our time is precious together. Who knows how many years we have left?”

  “Haven’t you already lived together for over fifty years? Isn’t that enough time?”

  “Yes, but life moves too quickly, fifty years is a very short time.”

  “Not for me. My life moves too slowly, but maybe because it is empty.”

  “Age and youth look at life from opposite ends of a telescope. Believe me life is too short. You must seize every minute because it is ending one minute at a time.”

  “Life is too long when you feel only grief and pain.”

  “Not if you look at life correctly. I count only the bright hours and those are too short. As you live longer, you will forget your pain. Shadow passes, light remains. Usually we allow the days to pass by unnoticed. We like to see the days pass even though we don’t want to reach the last one. We wait for what will never come, until it is too late. We barely glance at each day and say, ‘This isn’t what I’ve been looking for.’”

  At that moment, Jacob and Bob came into view. “See you were wrong, she said getting up, “they have returned early.”

  Jacob and Bob were arguing about something. “I tell you,” Jacob said, “God has put you on this earth for a reason, you just haven’t found it yet. Don’t you know that?”

  “I know that I’ll live and I k
now that I’ll die. God has decreed those things, but the in between is mine. I won’t let God ruin the short time I have on Earth.”

  “Will you not even listen to what I have to say?”

  “No, you cling to your ways and I’ll cling to mine. I don’t believe in God anyway and you cannot prove that He exists.”

  “Of course not. A God that let us prove his existence would be an idol. You can only have faith in God.”

  “I have faith in nothing. Don’t need it. Don’t want it. All I have is doubt.”

  “Doubt isn’t the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith. The greatest religious teachers were doubters.”

  “I know nothing of faith. I am too old to change. I am too old for God.”

  “You know all that is necessary. The years teach much which the days do not know. A man is not old until his regrets take the place of his dreams. Necessary patience in seeking the Lord is better than that you lead life without his guidance. I am here for a purpose. Today my purpose is to convince you God has a plan and you are part of that plan.”

  “I am ready to listen,” Bob said.

  Linda smiled, “He is beginning to believe. There is still time.”

  Chapter 37: Destruction

  Soon after leaving the home of the Malones, God destroyed me.

  We were in another city and Jacob had sent the disciples out to preach as he always did. I was still the worst preacher of all but my preaching was growing in depth and I was getting better.

  Around noon, a small crowd had gathered to listen to me and I was giving a decent sermon on good and evil. Halfway through, I noticed my father standing at the back of the crowd. I faltered in my speech when he nodded to me in recognition.

  I finished my speech, Jacob would not want me to quit. I don’t know what I said. Fear overwhelmed me. I was afraid my father would force me to come back home.

  When I finished, my father approached me. His eyes looked weary and tired of life. We hugged awkwardly.

  Words poured out of me, “Dad I’m sorry, I don’t know what- I couldn’t- I have to do this, please don’t make me leave, you don’t understand how my life was before.”