Unexpected: A Love Story

by J. Nichole

  “I’m on my way to the clinic, but can we meet at the Coffee House for lunch?” I asked hoping we could hash everything out in person. He agreed and we hung up.

  The clinic was slower than it had been all week and I was thankful for the time to recover between patients. Dr. Jacobs stopped me before I left for lunch and said, “You did great with Madeline. How’d you like being in the delivery room?” Dr. Jacobs had me check Madeline’s progression and coach her through the delivery.

  I smiled. “It was an amazing experience.” I bit my lip. “But the waiting was near torturous,” I said in all honesty.

  She laughed and put a hand on my shoulder. “That’s actually not the worst I’ve seen. Some stay in labor for much longer.” I started considering what that would be like. Dr. Jacobs went home at some point where I camped out in the hospital, but even being on-call twenty-four-seven may be tough. I tucked that thought in the back of my mind.

  Nick’s bike was outside of the Coffee House when I arrived, and I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer. Inside, I found him at a table near the door. He was sitting with two mugs in front of him. He stood and hugged me before he said, “Hey.”

  “Hey,” I said back. “How was the meeting?” He shrugged his shoulders and I felt even worse if it didn’t go well and I skipped out on it.

  Then a smile spread across his face. “They are interested. We’ll be looking for a location.” I closed my hands around my mouth and squealed.

  “I’m glad it went well and I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” I wrapped my hands around my cup of coffee.

  “I was upset. Like pissed that I hadn’t heard from you. That you didn’t have the decency to even let me know you weren’t coming.” I felt like shit before but those words made it even worse. “When I hadn’t heard from you I was close to leaving the restaurant to look for you.”

  My eyes became teary, because he could have lost his investors because I decided to go home and crash. I had to go home and crash. “The longer I sat in that hospital the more I thought about my work-life balance. Before you it was non-existent, and since you I’ve found a way to make it all work.” I wiped away a tear with the back of my hand. “So I thought.”

  Nick remained silent and I continued. “Working, studying, and being on-call was a recipe for disaster.” My lips turned into a scowl. “I let you down, and failed my certification. The only good thing was the delivery of that baby girl.” I threw my hands up. “Maybe I can’t do it all. Maybe I can’t do this right now.”

  With his hand outstretched he tried to reach for me but I rejected his touch. “One day something will give and I’ll try this whole relationship thing again.” I sipped the remainder of my coffee and said, “I hope everything works out with your investors.”

  “Monica wait,” he said as I rose from the table. But I didn’t stick around to hear him out. I walked to my car without looking back, without giving myself the chance to second guess my actions.

  Chapter 13

  I had two weeks to finish studying for my certification, and this time I was going to be ready. Since breaking up with Nick, I’d been spending my nights, alone just me and my books. For lunch, I was back to eating in the clinic in front of my notes. With every spare minute I had, I used it to focus on the test, and not Nick.

  Except for when it was time to call it a night, and then I was back to fantasizing about him to the backdrop of Mr. Wonderful’s vibration. It was torturous, but if I decided to pursue obstetrics as my specialty it’d be a while before I could balance a boyfriend and the residency.

  If a man did come along, maybe this time I’d wait till it was someone who understood my schedule, my absences, could appreciate me when I was available and not be too hurt when I wasn’t.

  Yeah right, I thought as I prepped the materials for a pap smear. By now, I could prep with my eyes closed. We had a few annual exams a day at the clinic, and I conducted at least one of them per day. I left the room to let the patient undress and when I returned I said, “Alright, I’ll examine your breasts first.” I opened her paper vest and began to feel around for lumps.

  Most patients either were stark silent during an exam looking up above to the ceiling, or anywhere in the room to avoid eye contact. Or they were a chatty Kathy like the lady on the exam table. “My boyfriend checks my breasts regularly, he hasn’t found anything yet,” she said. I nodded my head and told her that’s a good practice ‘cause he may feel something she overlooks. “Yeah, that’s what he said too.” A bright smile crossed her face.

  When I pulled out the forceps, I said, “This may be a tad uncomfortable, but I’ll be quick.”

  “Before I leave, I want to talk about family planning.” I held back the shock I was feeling at her wanting to talk about family planning. I read her chart, she was years younger than me. And she just said boyfriend, not husband. Not like it would matter either way, but I was years away from even thinking about having a baby. Surely disappointing my mama.

  “Sure,” I said as I removed the forceps and told her she could get dressed. “I’ll step back in once you’re finished.”

  Okay, so every minute wasn’t spent focusing on patients or the certification. It was random moments when I thought of my peers starting families when Nick would pop into my mind. Mostly about if we could have made it work had I not hauled off and ran out of the Coffee House that day.

  I fucked up, royally, by not calling him when I missed the dinner, but people fuck up all the time. Right? It had been a while since my last quasi-boyfriend, but we as a people hadn’t evolved into perfect creatures, had we? I was too hard on myself, and Nick came at me hard, but maybe we could have gotten past it.

  Oh well, it’s not like he was knocking down my door with similar thoughts. If I dared to return to the bar this time around, I’m sure the brunette would murk me on sight.

  I tapped on the door before re-entering and spoke with the patient about family planning. “I know he’ll propose soon, and I don’t want a long engagement,” she said as I discussed her birth control methods to allow her to conceive when she was ready, at least try. “I mean, I want to try soon. I know my body would be better off now than if I waited too much longer.”

  I looked away from her as my eyes rolled. “Too much longer?” I looked at her and managed my composure. “Are there family complications I should be aware of?”

  She twisted her lips and narrowed her eyes. “No, I just heard the older I get the harder it would be to conceive.”

  If she’s too old, I must be ancient. That couldn’t be further from the truth. “I see.” I explained to her the added risks as a woman aged, but told her she should have nothing to worry about. But me on the other hand, I may need to keep those risks in mind.

  I walked out of the clinic that day thinking more about Nick than I had in weeks. On my drive home I had to have a pep talk with myself, focus my Zen and chill the fuck out. If having a relationship was tough, doing that with a baby would be unreal.

  As if Mother Earth needed to remind me, my phone rang, and it was Laila with a crying Brooklyn in the background. “We only have weeks till Vegas,” she reminded me. “Just wanted to make sure you purchased your ticket.”

  “You’d be proud of me, I bought it weeks ago,” I said before remembering when I bought my tickets. “Shit.”

  “What?” she asked. “No, no baby.” See, she can’t even focus on a phone call. Imagine if that was me trying to study while the baby was roaming the house. I’d be a hot ass mess.

  I sighed. “Nick bought his ticket too.”

  “You’re right. Shit,” she said. I had finally gotten to a point where the girls weren’t reminding me of their Atlanta intervention. Nicole would still randomly text me with porn references, ‘to help me during the drought.’

  “He probably just won’t show up.” I pulled into my parking spot and sat for a minute, considering what would happen if he did use his ticket.

  “Maybe, or maybe you should just call him and se
e if he plans to.” Of course Laila would offer a logical solution, but one that I couldn’t use. I couldn’t call him now. I’d cave hearing his voice. My focus would be shot.

  “Maybe after my certification.” That would give him a week to cancel his ticket if he had planned on using it still. Obviously, we couldn’t stay in the same room if he did plan to go. At least he’d have a week to reserve a room. “Ugh, I’m going to act like this conversation never happened.”

  That next week, I danced all the way to the car. Like full on twerk mode, and I didn’t care if the security guy at the door was watching. Passing my certification the second time around was better than if I had passed the first, well maybe. I hopped in the car and felt the need to share the good news, and the first person that came to mind was Nick.

  I owed him a call, not to share my news but to ask him about the trip, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Instead I called my mama. “Ma!”

  “Girl, what are you screaming my name like that for?” I could hear the television in the background and I’m sure she was into one of her shows.

  “Mom,” I groaned. She knew I was taking my certification test. She had a full on prayer circle for me that morning. I was glad God still had mercy on me, even though I did not go to church like I should have. “I passed!”

  “I already knew you would,” she said with confidence. “Congratulations. Now on to that residency.” She mumbled something away from the phone. “Your dad said congratulations, Moni.”

  Next week was the end of my last rotation. I’d really need to make a decision on my residency. I received an offer for residency for all the obstetric clinics I applied for, but something in my gut felt uneasy about obstetrics.

  “Monica,” my mom said. “Let me call you back when this show is over.” I laughed and told her goodbye.

  I bounced all the way home, but when I got there reality set in that I was alone. And that shit sucked. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t want to be alone.

  Chapter 14

  “Dr. White, it has been an honor working with you. I’m honored to have your expertise in the medical community.” Dr. Jacobs smiled and opened her arms wide. I was thankful for her kind words and shocked when the ice that surrounded her for my entire rotation melted in front of me. “Continue to make me proud,” she whispered in my ear as she embraced me.

  “This has been a humbling experience, and I appreciate every lesson you’ve taught me.” It was my last day, and the clinic was giving me a going away. With each of my rotations I got misty eyed when it was over. Each patient I met, the doctors and staff I worked with, made an impact on me. “You all will be missed,” I said as I grabbed a cupcake, one of my favorites from the nearby cake shop. “I will also miss these,” I said holding the lemon lime piece of heaven in the air.

  The day ended with one last visit with a patient, one I hadn’t seen before. An older woman who feared she had a lump in her breast was on the exam table. She would have been my first patient with a serious diagnosis if she was right. “I’m going to examine you, and then just to be sure I’ll have Dr. Jacobs follow-up.”

  “Okay dear,” she said as I began my exam of her chest. I paused when I felt a small, pebble like lump on her left breast. I continued along then told her I’d be right back.

  I found Dr. Jacobs, tears in my eyes and said, “I think she’s right. There’s a lump in her left chest.” She followed me into the exam room and when she stopped in the same area, I knew we all felt the same thing. My heart was crushed for the woman, and I knew I couldn’t put my heart into it. I would never last if every patient took a piece of me.

  “We’re going to send you for a mammogram and further testing. We may need to take a sample to determine if it’s anything requiring treatment.” Dr. Jacobs washed her hands and said, “Go ahead and get dressed and I’ll be back to give you further instructions.” I followed Dr. Jacobs out of the room and she explained the next steps to me, and I followed her back to give those same details to the patient.

  As I walked out of the clinic that day I was drained, emotionally. It was time for a break. Thank God I’d be on a flight to Vegas first thing the next day.

  I threw casual attire along with a few sexy dresses into my luggage before I felt tightness in my chest. I sat at the end of my bed and breathed in through my nose and out through my mouth. The same way I’d instruct anyone else with the same pain. Why was I getting all worked up?

  After getting through security at the airport and to my gate, looking around for the fourth time I realized why I was getting all worked up the night before. I hadn’t asked Nick if he was still going to Vegas. I was nervous about the possibility of sitting next to him on the plane.

  When my zone was called I stood slowly, lingering towards the back so I could watch everyone in our zone board. Then I handed my ticket to the gate agent to be scanned and looked behind me before she called, “Zone three.” And Nick wasn’t behind me, or in front of me. And my chest released the tension without me needing my breathing technique.

  Instead of staring into Nick’s sexy green eyes during the flight, or being graced with his citrusy scent, I sat beside a female with bad body odor. She smelled like she had been a beach bum for far too long. I maintained my distance once we were buckled and I was glad she did too.

  Our trip from Sacramento to Vegas was short, and I didn’t have to study, so I found myself dozing, head bobbing before I drifted off to sleep. When I awoke the pilot was announcing our descent into McCarran, where all my inhibitions would be left on the plane. I was going to get buck wild and celebrate my accomplishments and the end to Nicole’s single life.

  I grabbed my duffle and strolled off that plane with my head held high. We agreed to meet by baggage claim and the sounds of the rolling slot machines served as my music while I walked to meet them. “Bachelorette weekend can begin!” Laila shouted as soon as she saw me.

  “Let’s do this,” I said. I looked at each of them and asked, “Where are the guys?”

  Nicole waved her hand in the direction of the doors. “They went ahead of us. We’ll meet up with them for dinner late tonight.” I was relieved I could prolong my seventh wheel status for a few more hours.

  “First stop, the Venetian,” I said as we walked to the curb for our waiting black Expedition.

  “And no quickies before the day party,” I warned as we rode the elevator to our suites.

  The suite was gorgeous, and almost as large as my apartment. My lips twisted as the loneliness of the room kicked in. I felt like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone 2.

  I grabbed my phone and blasted Cardi while I dressed in my first outfit for the weekend, bathing suit and a fitted maxi dress. After a once-over in the body mirror, I smiled and took a deep breath. Time for a drink.

  The day party at Drai’s Beach Club was like a flashback to our college days. “Your glass is empty,” Nicole noticed from her side of the cabana. She called over our server and ordered more mimosas. “As soon as your stomachs are prepped we need to step up our game.” She looked at her champagne flute. “It’ll take me forever to get drunk from this.” We all laughed.

  The music was a mix between west coast and east coast, hip hop and top 40, but as soon as we heard Beyoncé we were all up dancing like we were auditioning for her next tour. While I was winding it back, someone rolled up on me and I gave him a show. Dipping it low and grinding on him till the song faded off. And when it did Jennifer, Nicole, and Laila all stood watching.

  The guy leaned into my ear and said, “Damn. You did that.” I giggled, trying to get past the fact that I was completely out of breath and my thighs were on fire. “Can I give you my number?” he asked.

  I turned to get a better look of him, and he wasn’t bad. Not my type, but he was nice enough, so I dug my phone from my purse and saved his number. By the end of the weekend maybe he could be my plus one. “Alright, Gavin,” I said as he walked away.

  “Shit,” Jennifer exclaimed. “That was
one helluva dance.” She fanned her face. “I may have to go to the room to cool off from all of,” she twirled her hand in my direction, “that.”

  I grabbed my chest and plopped into my lounge chair. “Don’t worry. That’s all y’all get.” I laughed. “I ain’t young no more,” I said as I rubbed circles into my thighs.

  “Oh no, heffa.” Laila added, “We are partying all weekend.” She narrowed her eyes at me. “Remember?” I was super charged about the trip. I wanted to make Nicole’s bachelorette weekend exactly what she would want. An unadulterated party.

  We turned it up a notch, switching from mimosas to margaritas, and by my second margarita I couldn’t even feel my legs. We danced through every song, even finding moves for Taylor Swift’s song “Look What You Made Me Do.”

  Walking back to the Venetian wasn’t an option so we hailed a cab, and crammed inside. “I’m going to fuck Bryan all over that suite tonight,” Nicole said with her head leaning against the window. I had no reason to doubt she’d be on the bed, the couch, the loveseat, with the windows wide open daring anyone to watch.

  “But not till after you see those sexy Australian men,” I slurred.

  Sexy they were. We had prime seating in front of the stage, with Nicole decked out in her bachelorette sash and cream, lacy jumpsuit. Nicole was all the way live yelling, “Yaasss,” as each entertainer took the stage. We were cheering and shouting along with her. The men were gorgeous, almost made me consider a life with an Aussie.

  “Do we have a Nicole, in the house?” A few women shouted, but we knew the tall Australian dressed in fireman boots and suspenders was looking for our Nicole. We pointed her out and she waved her hands in the air before he descended from the stairs grabbing her by the hand and taking her on stage.

  A chair was brought out and he sat her there, where he gave her a private show that I’m sure had her hot and heavy ‘cause I was excited and I was just a spectator. He shook his head between her legs to finish off his performance and by the end she walked off that stage with her eyes wide open. “I need to get to Bryan ASAP,” she said over the music.