Veronica

by Johanna Spyri

  CHAPTER VI.

  LAME SABINA GIVES GOOD ADVICE.

  Veronica's teacher, Sabina, had been a hunchback from her birth, and hadbecome lame when still young; she had used crutches since she was twentyyears old. Like many persons who suffer under physical disabilities, shehad clever penetrating eyes, and on this day, she often raised them fromthe work which she was pursuing with indefatigable industry, to glance ather pupil, who sat opposite. Veronica was at work on the same piece whichshe had had at home on the previous night, that night which she hadpassed in such sad forbodings.

  After many inquiring glances, Sabina at last said thoughtfully:

  "I'm puzzled about you, Veronica. That piece of work you are upon, iswonderfully well done; every stitch is perfectly even, the cloth and thesilk are as white as snow; yet you must have done most of it at night, foryesterday afternoon you were not nearly so far along. Whatever you putyour hand to, succeeds. Yet your eyebrows grow more and more scowlingevery day, and your eyes blaze out as if there were a thunder-storm about.What ails you, child? You are the handsomest girl in all the country roundwhen you have a pleasant expression; and you are as tall and straight asa young fir-tree. Don't you know that?"

  "What good does it do me?" asked Veronica, and scowled worse than ever.

  "What good? if you did not have it you would know what it is worth,"replied Sabina, quickly. "I can tell you that. Now smooth your forehead,Veronica, and listen to me. I will tell you something that will make youfeel better and happier. An Industrial School has been established inFohrensee and it is proposed to connect with it a work-room for women.They want a teacher and superintendent, and have offered me the place, butI am not strong enough for it. I have told them that you are fully equalto me in skill and knowledge of the work, and a hundred times my superiorin freshness and strength and executive ability. There is no doubt thatthe place is at your disposal. You can lead the life of a lady, Veronica.Your fortune is made."

  For the first time since Sabina began to speak, Veronica raised her eyesfrom her work. She shook her head sadly and said,

  "Not my fortune."

  "'Not my fortune!'" repeated Sabina angrily, "when I tell you this placeis yours! Your fortune is made."

  "I cannot grasp the fortune that is offered me," said the girl, and bentover her work again.

  Sabina's searching glance seemed to try to penetrate her inmost thought.

  "What sort of an expression is that you are using, Veronica? Where did youlearn that? I never expected to hear such words from your lips. It is notlike you. What put that into your head, child?"

  "I will tell you something of my experience, and then you will understandwhy I use this expression," said Veronica quietly. "When I was only alittle girl I learned a motto which ran thus:

  'Fortune stands ready, full in sight; He wins, who knows to grasp it right.'

  I saw that 'fortune' was something good to have, and I wanted to find outhow it could be grasped. I asked Cousin Judith, and she told me it must begrasped like everything else with our hands, that is to say, through work.From that time forward I was eager for work as other children are forplay, and the older I grow, the more I strive for the good fortune thatcan be grasped by work. Even on Sundays I often go to my room to sew, andI shut my door, for my mother does not like to see me sew then. I work onand on, just as long as I can sit at it, even into the night; sometimestill one and two o'clock in the morning; yet I do not find the fortune Iwant. When my hands are busy, my thoughts wander where they will, and Imust follow them. But they do not lead to 'fortune,' but only farther awayfrom it. This offer may bring me a fortune in money and position, but thatis not the fortune I want. 'Fortune' for me, means happiness."

  Sabina had not lost a word of this sad story.

  "Yes, yes, I understand you, Veronica," she said sympathizingly. "I knowsomething of this too. Judith told you the truth, but only one half thetruth. Fortune is grasped by the hands, it is true; but the Fortune whichyou long for, that is, Happiness, is to be gained in other ways besides. Iwill tell you an instructive little story, and if you will take thetrouble to grasp it, not with your hands, but with your thoughts andunderstanding, you will be able to work it out for yourself and get someprofit from it. It is part of the story of my own life. I have had so muchthe same experience as yours that I cannot help hoping that what I foundgood for myself, may prove good for you."

  "When I was about your age, Veronica, I was so unhappy that I cried myselfto sleep every night. Can you guess why? No, for one understands only thesufferings that he has himself experienced, and cannot imagine those ofothers. Well, it was because I was a hunchback! I remember as if it wereyesterday, when I first came to a perception of my misfortune; when Ifirst learned that I was different from other children, and must remain asone apart, all my life. We were all coming out of school one day, and alittle quarrel arose between us children, and one of them said to me in ascornful tone, 'Hold your tongue, Sabina, you're only a hunchback.' Fromthat day I never knew a happy moment, and I grew timid and avoided everyone; if I saw any one looking at me, I thought he was scoffing at mebecause I was a hunchback. I kept away from other children, for if one ofthem laughed, I fancied she was laughing at my deformed shoulders. If anystranger was kind to me, I thought that it was because my hunch had notyet been seen, and that as soon as it was, kindness would be changed forcontempt. I looked at the figure of every one I met; all were straightexcept myself. I felt that I was the most miserable creature in the world,and I saw no hope of ever being otherwise all my life long. Once one ofthe school children died, and all her schoolmates walked in the funeralprocession to the church. I would not walk with them, but hid myself amongthe grown people; for every one was looking at the children and I wantedto escape observation. I heard one woman say to another: 'It is lucky thechild's mother has so much to do; she will have no time to think about hersorrow, and she will get over it the sooner,' Then it came to me like aray of hope, that if I had work to do, I might forget my sorrow too. Imust have work. That very day I begged my mother to let me learn to work.She was pleased, and sent me to take lessons in sewing, and I followed itup till I could do all sorts of fine work, and had as much employment as Icould wish. I often heard people say, 'How finely Sabina is getting on!'But how do you think it was with my spirits? Just as it is with yours now,Veronica. Oh yes, you needn't look at me so with your great eyes. I knowexactly what you are thinking. You think that my trouble never can havebeen equal to yours. People always think that their own sorrows are theworst. I sat and sewed just as you do--early and late; my work wasperfect; I had no rival. I knew that it was good, and I rejoiced over itin a half-hearted way; but what good did it do me after all? The thoughtthat I was a hunchback, was always in my mind. It was like a stream oftroubled water flowing through my heart; it spoiled everything. 'Alwaysdeformed, never like other girls,' I never forgot it for a moment. So itwent on till I was about twenty years old, and then came on the trouble inmy foot, and I was confined to my bed for many months. Oh! how bitterly Isuffered! Was every misfortune to fall on me alone?' I thought. How couldI foresee that this very trouble would turn out to be good fortune forme?"

  "The doctor came to see me constantly; he took as much interest in my caseas if I could have paid him handsomely.

  He noticed that I was industrious, that I did not lie idle even when I wasin great pain. It pleased him to find me always with work in my hand. Whenat last the acute attack was over, and the doctor told me that this wouldbe his last visit, he told me also that I was lame for life. At first Icould not walk at all; but bye and bye I learned to use my crutches. WhenI offered the doctor the money that was due him for his attendance, hesaid we would not speak of that; that we both had to work, but with thisdifference, that he was sound and whole, while I was not. He took my handkindly, saying that it was hard for me not to be able to take anyamusement after working hard all the week; not to go out with the otherson Sunday; and that if I cared for reading, his wife had a great many
nicebooks which she would be glad to lend me, and they would make the Sundaysless tedious. I did not really care for reading; I preferred sewing as youdo, but I accepted the doctor's offer and went to his house. His wife wasvery kind and gave me a book at once, bidding me come as soon as I hadfinished it and get another. I began to read the very next Sunday, and Ibecame so deeply interested that I scarcely laid the book down all day,and even during the week I took it up as often as I could find a sparemoment. It was an account of foreign countries and nations; how theylived, and their manners and customs. I was particularly interested toread about how the women were treated in different places; how in somecountries they are sold and bartered for cattle or wool or cloth, and howthey belong to their husbands just as if they were furniture, and theirhusbands can treat them just as they please, as we do cats or dogs. And insome places, it said, a wife has to be burned when her husband dies,because she is only a part of him and has no value of her own after hisdeath. Oh! how many strange things there are in the world, to be sure! Ibecame hungry and thirsty for knowledge. The doctor's wife lent me onebook after another, and in each there was something new and wonderful. Ilearned how terrible the condition of women had been everywhere until ourown Lord Jesus Christ came into the world, and taught that one soul wasas much worth as another, all equal, man and woman, lord and servant; thatevery individual must be free, one as well as another; and that two peopleshould be joined together only by love, and not as a matter of ownership.But even now-a-days there are still countries and islands where men makenothing of killing and eating each other, and the women are bought andsold like goods. It is only where the influence of Christianity haspenetrated, that there is true equality of womanhood. You can imagine theflood of new ideas that crowded in upon me as I read, and I assure youthat I was able to forget sometimes for many days that I was a hunchback,and when I did remember it, the thought had lost its sting. I dwelt uponthe many privations and sufferings of others, till they seemed to outweighmy own trouble so that it dwindled in my estimation; and gradually I beganto see the good side of my lot. How independently I could live supportingmyself; what a wealth of interest was opened to me through my reading, andin fact how fortunate I was, and blessed beyond many another! Yes,Veronica, I can assure you that I am now a happy woman, with a heartfilled with gratitude to the good God for the blessings he has sent me.And so I say to you, my child, from the fulness of my own experience, thatyou have no right to go about looking like a thunder-cloud; you with allthe freshness and beauty of your young life!

  Tell me do you owe our Lord God something or is He in debt to you? Haveyou nothing to thank him for? Others can see how much you have to lookforward to. Get yourself together, girl, and try to give your thoughtsanother direction."

  "I should be only too glad to do so," said Veronica, who had listenedintently to every word that Sabina had said. "Have you any such book asyou describe, that you can lend me to read?"

  Sabina was well pleased at this request. She had a book close at hand,which she had just finished reading, and from which she expected greatthings for the young girl. Veronica was moved by Sabina's glowing words,to believe that her future might be happier, and that the clouds ofdespondency which had overshadowed her, were about to be dispersed.

  She lost no time, for she was in earnest. She opened the book that veryevening, and began to read. But her sanguine expectations were notfulfilled. She read the words, she understood their meaning; but it was asif she heard them at a distance and through them all, louder than allelse, sounded something in her ears and in her heart that drowned them. Itwas the flow of the troubled waters, as Sabina had said. The waves rosehigher; their noise increased, until Veronica lost all hearing andunderstanding of what she was reading. Still she persevered; perhapsbye-and-bye it would come right. Alas! was not that the house door openingand shutting again so softly late in the night? She flung the book aside;walked rapidly back and forth in her chamber for awhile, then unfolded hersewing, and worked steadily on and on, until the morning broke and a newday called her to its duties.