by Ian Doescher
Come, friends, and eat! You are most welcome here.
Have eggs and sausage—’tis a hearty feast.
LANG
Thine aspect doth confuse me absolutely.
BANNER
These are enormously confusing times.
LANG
Yea, veritably, yet ’twas not my meaning. 15
BANNER
I do but jest. I know—’tis madness, yea?
The Hulk array’d in shirts and garments plain.
LANG
How, wherefore? ’Tis near inexplicable.
BANNER
Five years ago, we fac’d a vast defeat.
’Twas worse for me, for I lost twice at once: 20
First as the Hulk and second as Bruce Banner.
We all lost, too.
ROMANOFF
—Yet none would blame thee, Bruce,
For thou wert not at fault for our grim loss.
BANNER
None but myself would blame me. All these years,
I treated Hulk an ’twere a great disease, 25
A horrid thing of which to rid myself.
Yet, what if I beheld him as the cure?
For eighteen months within the gamma lab,
I deftly splic’d the brains and brawn as one.
Behold me now, the best of both worlds I. 30
ENTER THREE CHILDREN.
CHILD 1
Excuse me, Master Hulk?
BANNER
—Grand morning, kids!
CHILD 1
May we three take a photo with you, sir?
BANNER
Of course you may, you wondrous little people.
Step in—I prithee, Scott, wouldst be so kind
To take my pic with these big-hearted children? 35
[Child 1 hands her phone to Banner, who hands it to Lang.
Say “green!”
CHILDREN
—Green!
[Lang takes the picture.
LANG
—Well! ’Twas unimpeachable.
[Lang tries to hand the phone back to Banner.
Wouldst take my picture, too, for I am Ant-Man?
[The children stare at each other silently.
They are Hulk fans, and know not Ant-Man, truly.
BANNER
[to children:] He wants you three to take his picture, too.
Would ye this massive favor do for me? 40
LANG
Nay, see how they do shake their heads in tandem.
They stranger danger feel, as well they should.
’Tis fine, I’d make them not uncomfortable.
I want no picture with them, verily.
BANNER
He bears this with immense dissatisfaction. 45
CHILD 2
We shall do it if necessary ’tis.
LANG
Nay, take thy damnèd phone, and there’s an end.
Rapscallions disrespectful, you may flee.
[Lang hands the phone back to Child 1.
CHILD 3
Our thanks unto thee, Master Hulk.
BANNER
—Thank you,
Hulk out!
CHILDREN
—Hulk out!
BANNER
—Behold mine artful dab; 50
My moves colossal grow withal the times!
And listen to your mothers—they know best!
[Banner dabs. Exeunt children.
ROGERS
Bruce, please, about the matter now at hand.
BANNER
Ye would speak of time travel, do-overs?
’Tis massively beyond mine expertise. 55
ROMANOFF
Yet by thy dark arts thou hast pull’d this off—
Thy verdant and yet measur’d character.
Time was when this, too, seem’d impossible.
BANNER
[aside:] Her words remind me of another time
And sting me with the thought of our romance, 60
Which could not blossom midst our peril great.
[To all:] I’ll go with ye and help ye as I can.
[Exeunt.
ENTER TONY STARK ABOVE, ON BALCONY. FRIDAY, HIS VIRTUAL ASSISTANT, IS WITH HIM.
STARK
Ill-tim’d, these friends who came, reminding me
Of all that we did lose five years ago.
Just now, inside my house, I spied a photo 65
Of me and Peter Parker, he who was
More than a brother, something like a son—
A little more than kind but less than kin.
[To Friday:] I have an inspiration to discuss.
I prithee, help me see if ’twill suffice— 70
A final simulation ere I sleep.
Take thou the model we discuss’d before,
Inverting it in shape of Mobius strip.
FRIDAY
Now processing, sir.
[A projection of a model appears.
STARK
—It is nearly there.
Report to me the eigenvalue of 75
This particle, whilst factoring in spectral
Decomposition. This shall take thee time.
FRIDAY
One moment, please.
STARK
—In troth, it likely shall
Not calculate. I am but curious.
[The model changes.
FRIDAY
Thy model render’d is.
STARK
—Incredible! 80
By all that’s marvelous, thy workings show
The model is successful. O, shit!
ENTER MORGAN STARK ON BALCONY, ASIDE.
MORGAN
—Shit!
STARK
I tell thee truly, thou shouldst be asleep.
MORGAN
Shit.
STARK
—It’s a word we shall not speak again;
From only Mother’s lips may it be spoken. 85
She coin’d the term, thus it belongs to her.
MORGAN
Why art thou not abed?
STARK
—Important shit
I am creating, little chuck of mine.
[Morgan glares at him.
There is a special something on my mind.
MORGAN
Was’t juice pops, Father, that were on your mind? 90
STARK
In faith, it was. ’Tis bold extortion, what
Thou plyest, child—a word thou soon shouldst learn.
What flavor wantest thou? What an idea—
Juice pops at bedtime did play on my mind.
[They eat juice pops together.
Wipe thou thy mouth, ’tis time for slumber now. 95
MORGAN
A story first, I prithee, father kind.
STARK
I’ll tell a story: once upon a time,
Maguna went to bed, and there’s an end.
MORGAN
A horrid story this. Can you do better?
STARK
It is not horrid, ’tis thy favorite. 100
[He kisses her head.
My love for thee is boundless, child of mine.
MORGAN
And I love you three thousand.
STARK
—I am mov’d!
Three thousand—such a sum! ’Tis madness, truly.
Go thou to sleep or I shall sell thy toys.
[Exit Morgan Stark.
ENTER PEPPER POTTS ON BALCONY, HOLDING A BOOK.
My love, holl
a! ’Tis not a competition, 105
Yet quoth our daughter she loves me three thousand.
POTTS
Does she, in sooth?
STARK
—It seemeth thou art in
The low six to nine hundred range, I fear.
What dost thou read?
POTTS
—A book on composting.
STARK
Is there aught new with composting these days? 110
POTTS
The science is absorbing—
STARK
—I’ve crack’d it.
POTTS
T’ensure we speak about the selfsame topic,
What dost thou mean?
STARK
—I’ve solv’d time travel, Pep.
POTTS
What, verily? This is, in equal parts,
Incredible and terrifying both. 115
STARK
It is.
POTTS
—We were so fortunate, we two.
STARK
I know.
POTTS
—Whilst many others were not so.
STARK
Indeed, yet I cannot help ev’ryone.
POTTS
The evidence suggests perchance thou canst.
STARK
If I stop all mine efforts, I cannot. 120
’Tis possible—I need not further go.
POTTS
O, Tony, thou wast never one to stop.
Attempting to stop thee is one of the
Few failures of my truly happy life.
STARK
I have a feeling playing on my soul, 125
Which saith I should put this model new
Inside a lockbox, drop it in the lake,
Forget the matter, and crawl into bed.
POTTS
Yet couldst thou sleep, with such a weight as this?
STARK
Thou know’st the answer, which is why I love thee. 130
POTTS
Unto thy work, dear heart. Thou art my life.
[Exit Tony Stark.
If I could live a simpler, calmer life—
With easy and domestic scenes of bliss,
Wherein my husband were a humble man
Whose will was never motivated by 135
Vaulting ambition, which o’erleaps itself,
With knowledge none of businesses complex,
Or weaponry and threats from outer space—
Would I have call’d the living easier?
And yet, methinks life ne’er so satisfied 140
In such a marriage, drawn so quietly.
And he, sans me, would ne’er have flown so high—
He is a brilliant, complicated man,
Who as a father blossoms more and more.
He’s given much; yet greater hath in store. 145
[Exit.
SCENE 4
In New York, at the Avengers’ base.
ENTER STEVE ROGERS, NATASHA ROMANOFF, BRUCE BANNER, AND SCOTT LANG IN A LARGE ROOM. LANG’S VAN IS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM, AND OTHER EQUIPMENT STANDS NEARBY.
BANNER
The great experiment commenceth now:
Time travel test the first. Scott, start thy van
And all its quantum implements therein.
[Lang opens the back door of his van and a portal begins pulsing.
ROGERS
The breakers all are set. For surety,
The generators full on standby wait 5
For some unfortunate emergency.
BANNER
’Tis well, for if we blow the whole vast grid,
I’d lose not Tiny in the nineteen fifties.
LANG
Excuse me? Is’t conceivable thou shalt?
ROMANOFF
The man but jests with humor bleak. Come, Bruce, 10
Thou canst not say such things and worry Scott.
BANNER
’Twas merely an enormously bad joke.
ROMANOFF
[aside, to Hulk:] Thou were but kidding, yea? Are thy
hopes dim?
BANNER
[aside, to Romanoff:] I’ve no idea, this is time travel,
which
Is greater far than anything I’ve tried! 15
’Tis either all or none a jest. [To Lang:] ’Tis well!
Put thou thy helmet on and we’ll proceed.
One week I’ll send thee back and let thee walk
About for sixty minutes. Thereupon
I’ll bring thee back in but ten seconds here. 20
Is’t sensible to thee?
LANG
—’Tis absolutely
Most unconfusing.
ROGERS
—Scott, good luck. All’s ready.
LANG
Indeed. As am I, Cap’n America.
[Exit Scott Lang into the time portal. Banner begins pressing buttons on the equipment.
BANNER
A count of three, no greater: three, two one!
ENTER SCOTT LANG FROM THE PORTAL AS A BOY.
LANG
Nay, gentles, this is manifestly wrong. 25
BANNER
Fie, what colossal error have I made?
ROMANOFF
Who’s this boy, shrouded neath distress? Is’t Scott?
[Exit Scott Lang into the time portal again. Banner presses more buttons.
ENTER SCOTT LANG FROM THE PORTAL AS AN OLD MAN.
LANG
My back! Embarrassing, I am grown old.
ROGERS
What is this? Maturation gone too far!
BANNER
May I have space? My grand plan hath not work’d. 30
ROGERS
Canst bring him back just as he was before?
BANNER
I work upon the matter even now.
[Exit Scott Lang into the time portal again.
ENTER SCOTT LANG FROM THE PORTAL AS A BABY.
ROGERS
It is a mewling, puking baby, Hulk.
BANNER
Colossal’s thy mistrust. This here is Scott.
ROGERS
But as a baby!
BANNER
—He’ll grow big with time. 35
ROGERS
Nay, bring Scott back, or ev’rything is sunk.
[Exit Scott Lang into the time portal again.
BANNER
When I say stop the power, make it so—
This last and greatest try shall save the ship.
ROMANOFF
By heaven, this is grim beyond belief.
BANNER
Thus speaks the Hulk: kill thou the power now! 40
[Romanoff shuts off the power.
ENTER SCOTT LANG FROM THE PORTAL IN HIS ORIGINAL STATE.
LANG
Somebody urinated in my pants.
ROMANOFF
Thank God, the man is back from shadowlands.
LANG
I know not whether ’twas the baby me
Or geriatric me who did the deed.
Mayhap, I do confess, ’twas but me me. 45
BANNER
Time travel, ha! The giant myst’ry solv’d!
I see this as a vic’try absolute.
[Rogers walks aside to be alone.
ROGERS
[aside:] Shall all our work and mourning be for naught?
Lang’s own experience grants hope to us,
But if we cannot crack the science needed 50
Our hope shall be in vain, the world still lost.
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Would that we had more answers, further aid,
Would we had further opportunities,
Would that what is were not, yet something else,
Would that, by wishing, we could alter fate. 55
Alas, if ’twere the way of things, we should
Not call it life, but simple puppetry.
ENTER TONY STARK IN HIS CAR, DRIVING CLOSE TO ROGERS.
STARK
I have arriv’d, so wherefore this long face?
A guess I’ll proffer: he turn’d to a baby.
ROGERS
Among some other variations, true. 60
What art thou doing here? Wouldst thou not stay?
[Stark gets out of his car.
STARK
It is the paradox of EPR.
Instead of pushing Lang through time, ye might
Have, rather, wound up pushing time through Lang.
’Tis curious and difficult as well, 65
And someone should have caution’d ye against it.
ROGERS
Thou didst, had we but listen’d.
STARK
—Is it true?
Did I so warn? Then, heav’n be prais’d I’m here!
Regardless, I have fix’d the pesky problem.
[Stark shows Rogers the device attached to his hand.
A functional space-time positioning 70
Device. I want but peace—resentment is
Corrosive and my soul grows to despise’t.
ROGERS
Yea, my soul, too.
STARK
—It may be possible
These Stones to repossess, yet thou must know
My true priorities: to bring back all 75
We lost is my firm hope; to keep all I
Already found thereafter I must do,
At any cost. ’Twould also be a boon
If I would not expire in the attempt.
ROGERS
Thy words sound like a deal I’ll gladly take. 80
[They shake hands. Stark opens the trunk of his car and pulls out Rogers’s original shield, which is underneath various children’s toys.
Ah, Tony, I’m unsure I should accept it.
STARK
Inapt, my friend, for he made it for thee.
I, too, must have it out of my garage
Ere Morgan useth it as sledding gear.
[Rogers takes the shield.
ROGERS
My thanks and humble gratitude, good Tony. 85
STARK
I bid thee, keep it quiet. I’ve not one
For the whole team—and when I use that phrase,
“Whole team,” a query doth arise anon:
We shall a whole team have, I trust. Is’t so?
ROGERS
We work upon that even now, forsooth. 90
[They return to Romanoff and Banner. Lang steps aside to eat his lunch.
ENTER ROCKET AND NEBULA IN THEIR SHIP, THE LANDING OF WHICH BLOWS LANG’S LUNCH AWAY.