I kissed her and wrapped my arms around her. “I’m a huge fan of both.”
Cassia snuggled against me. “Is sex always like this?”
I glanced down at her. “What do you mean?”
“It’s intense. I feel exposed when we’re doing stuff. And I can’t seem to get enough of it.”
“The sex I’ve had has never been as intense or pleasurable as it is with you,” I replied honestly.
“That’s not a line, is it?”
“Cassia, I would never bullshit you.”
She finally looked up at me and then laid her head back on my chest as if that was all she needed.
“I don’t have an espresso machine here. We’re going to have to go get coffee.”
“What? I’m going to have to rectify this situation.”
“Please don’t. One of the small luxuries I give myself is being able to pay someone else to make my coffee.”
“You do realize, we have to leave the bed if we go get our own coffee.”
“Oh, no. I think you’ll just go and get us coffee, Mr. Barista.”
I laughed. “I will, will I?”
“Well of the two of us, you’re the one who got off.”
I rolled her over and then covered her body with my own. “I’m more than happy to get you off too.”
Cassia wrapped her leg up around my hip, pulling me closer. “You know, we never had the whole birth control discussion.”
I blinked at her. We hadn’t. And I’d already come inside her once. Not that I cared. One thought of her getting pregnant, and I was already growing hard. She’d be so sexy pregnant with my kids.
Though, I had no idea if she wanted a family.
I didn’t know what she wanted out of life at all, other than her fashion line.
“I’m on the shot. I’ve spent most of my life thinking that I wouldn’t have children. I didn’t want to be a bad parent. It’s not like I had the greatest role models.” She smirked. “I mostly got on it so that I’d have lighter periods. Or, more accurately, to skip them altogether.”
I still got a little thrill of delight out of the fact that I was her only. “You would never be your parents. That’s not you. In fact, you must’ve been delivered by a stork, because I have no idea how they created someone so amazing. It doesn’t add up.”
“You’re sweet. But it scares the crap out of me. I don’t want to be a bad parent.” She blinked up at me. “And obviously, you know that I haven’t been with anyone else but you and my vibrator.”
The sharp turn back to sexy talk made me want to let out a moan. “You have a vibrator?” The idea of her fucking herself with it filled my mind, and I filed the thought away, intent on playing with it. With her.
“Uh, yeah. I have a pretty high sex drive and sometimes I needed to change things up.” Her cheeks were bright red.
“I love when you blush.”
“I’m not blushing.”
I leaned down and kissed her flushed cheeks. “You don’t have to worry about me, about disease. I’m clean. I haven’t been with anyone for over six months. I had a battery of tests run a couple of months ago. I’ve probably got it somewhere on my computer if you need to see it.”
“I trust you.” She looked up at me. “Why has it been so long since you’ve been with someone?”
It was my turn to shrug. “I don’t know. I’ve been focused on other things. And it’s not like I do relationships really. Just really long one-night stands.”
“I wanted to do one-night stands for a while. I was twenty-one, but I could never go through with it.”
I growled.
She blinked at me. “What’s with you?”
“I don’t like thinking about you being with someone else. Or wanting to be with someone else.”
“I’m here with you now.”
“Not that you’ll commit to anything.”
Her eyes narrowed. “You haven’t said anything to me about commitment. Your life is up in the air as much as mine is.”
I sighed. “I know.”
“Then stop acting like I’m talking about dating someone the second I go to New York.”
Oh fuck. My grip tightened on her. I hadn’t thought about the fact that she’ll be in a town full of people, full of men, who would be stupid not to find her attractive. And she was going to be in element of confidence and excitement. She was going to shine. Someone was bound to notice her.
“What is that look?”
“It’s nothing,” I grunted.
“Not sure I believe you.”
I made myself get out of bed before I tried to fuck her into submission. I didn’t want her thinking of other men, but I certainly wasn’t going to put that thought in her head. I didn’t want her thinking about going out there and being wild and free because she hadn’t had the chance to do that. She could be wild and free as long as I was by her side.
Which was fucking possessive and an asshole move.
I kept my mouth shut.
“I’m going to go get us coffee and breakfast.” I yanked on pants.
This jealous, angry, possessive feeling pulsing through me left me almost breathless. I hadn’t felt this way since Nick told me he filmed us having sex. It wasn’t even so much that he’d filmed us, but I fucking hated that the first time I got to see her naked, he also saw her. I’d paid him his fucking money, but I also beat the shit out of him.
“Chris? Are you okay?”
“No. But it’s not you. It’s my own fucking problem. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Then I stormed down the street to the coffee house.
11
Cassia
Chris looked pissed as he stormed out the door. What the hell had just happened?
I pulled the blankets around me not wanting to get out of bed. We’d been having a good time and then suddenly he seemed furious. He said it wasn’t me, but I had to have something to do with his fit of rage, right?
He seemed to get really aggressively angry any time I mentioned other men. He wasn’t jealous, was he? He’d been with a hell of a lot more women than I had been with men. I didn’t like it either, but what good would it do for me to get jealous?
Except that I was. I hated that he had been with other women. That anyone else had touched him.
But we’d it had been seven years. It wasn’t like I’d been waiting for him. Even if nothing had ever happened with anyone else.
I couldn’t even be sure what would happen now. All I knew was, I wasn’t going to be a nun for the rest of my life.
Of course, it so happened that the only person who’d ever lit me up like this was Christopher. But just because I’d been celibate the last seven years, didn’t mean I was going to continue to be that way.
By the time he got back with coffee and food, he seemed a lot calmer. He sat on my side of the bed and dropped off two lattes and a breakfast sandwich.
“I think we should go out tonight,” he said.
“Out?”
“Yeah. Out. We could go play pool. Or go dancing. It’s Saturday. You and I have never been out on date.”
“A date, huh?”
“Yeah. You should take a shower and get all dolled up. I’ll pick you up and we’ll go out. I’ll bring you home. Kiss you goodnight in front of your door.”
I frowned. “You’re not going to fuck me senseless?”
“No, I’ll do that before our date.” He grinned like a Cheshire cat.
“Aren’t you romantic?”
“Hey, if you want to have sex after our date, then you’re going to probably have to buy me dinner and treat me like a gentleman.”
I laughed. “Dating rituals are all dumb. I don’t get how anyone dates and enjoys themselves. Women are ridiculous. Men are stupid. It all sucks.”
“I could send you a dick pic if it would make you feel more at home in dating in me.”
I held up my hand. “I think I’m good. I like your dick in person a lot better than I think I would enjoy it on my phone.”
<
br /> “What about when we’re countries apart? Are you going to miss it? Then would you want pictures?”
“Um, probably not, and don’t think I’m going to send you pictures of my ass, pussy, or boobs.”
“Not even if I begged.”
“Especially not if you begged.” I took a sip of my coffee, wondering whether I’d ever have the guts to take sexy photos. Not with my cell phone, but professional boudoir pictures. Something about the idea of him having intimate, sexy, pin-up photos of me made me want to start researching right away. Instead, I said, “This is good. Thank you for getting us food and coffee.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Why are we going to be countries away from each other?”
He raised a brow at me. “I don’t know. It could happen. Isn’t there some big fashion thing in Paris every year? And Milan or something. I don’t know. Plus, my business can take me all over the world.”
“Are you going across the world any time soon?”
“Actually, yeah. My business partner just sent me tickets to fly to Japan next week.”
Instantly, I felt disappointed. He was leaving.
“How long are you going to be gone?”
“Unsure at the moment. I’ve got a lot to figure out. It wasn’t supposed to be until the end of the month.”
“That’s good if you’re timeline is moving up, though, right?”
“I guess so.”
I didn’t know why I was upset. I would be heading to New York in a couple of weeks. But I thought we would have more time together before we separated. To figure out exactly what we wanted from each other. But even that timeline probably wasn’t enough time to get anything big figured out.
My life was changing daily now, and I didn’t know how to reconcile it all. I had no income coming in, except what Sofia was paying for my time.
And now Chris and I had fallen into this weird, sex/dating thing and we had no idea what we were doing with anything in our lives right now.
“Maybe we shouldn’t go on a date, Chris.”
“What? Why not?”
“Because you’re leaving. And I’ve got to finish the line before the fashion show. Then I’m going to New York. I don’t know what happens after that. And you don’t know how long you’ll be in Japan. I mean, don’t you think we need to take a step back?”
“No.”
“No?”
“That’s what I said.”
“You sound like a petulant child.”
He growled again. “Do we have to figure out everything right this second? I get there are a lot of unknowns, but I’m not ready to give you up yet. I may never be. But we still have some time. Can we just use it to figure out if this is something we want to work for?”
“Chris, aren’t we risking more heartache if this isn’t going to work out?”
“Cin, I’m already there.”
I frowned at him. “Chris, you’ve spent a matter of hours with me. Not days or weeks. You know nothing about me. I could drive you crazy. You’re talking from seven years ago and really great sex in the last twenty-four hours. That’s all it is.”
“That’s bullshit. Don’t tell me how I feel. What is there to know that I don’t already know? What could possibly ruin you for me?”
“I don’t know. What if in six months I meet another guy? Or you meet another woman? What if you decide that you want to live in Japan? I don’t fucking know all the scenarios that could possibly drive us apart. All I know is that right now, everything seems great. But I’m a pain in the ass.”
“You think I didn’t already know that?”
“Fuck you.”
“Fuck you too. You’re burning down the bridge because you’re fucking scared.”
I was breathing hard and frustrated. I didn’t know what to say. Just because I was scared didn’t mean that I wasn’t right. That I didn’t know what was best for me. For him. For both of us. I’d been taking care of myself for the better part of two decades. It wasn’t hard to figure out what could go wrong. And it would go wrong. Everything always went wrong, sooner or later.
I sat down on the end of the bed. “I haven’t had to do this ever. It’s always been just me. I like it being just me.” I glanced over at him.
I couldn’t read the expression on his face.
“It doesn’t have to be that way.”
“Doesn’t it? I can’t trust anyone but myself. And maybe Brayden.”
“Who is Brayden?”
“My best friend and until like a week ago my boss.”
“Do you have any friends that are just friends?”
“What the hell are you implying?”
“Look, you’re right, I don’t know your life, but you seem like you’re isolated. You worked three jobs. You haven’t dated anyone. Which I’m not complaining about. Your best friend is your boss. What happened to you, Cin?”
I stood up, shooting him a glare I stomped into the bathroom and slammed the door behind me.
The tears were instantaneous. Who the fuck was he? What gave him the right to judge the way I chose to live, when he was hardly any better?
I collapsed on the floor unsure of what else to do. Maybe I had made myself an island, but that was how I liked it. It was how I was sure to keep my sanity. No one could hurt me if I was an island.
Chris knocked on the door. I didn’t say anything, I just blubbered.
He came through the door and squatted down in front of me. “Cin, what’s going on?”
I looked up at him through watery eyes. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know anything anymore. My life had been flipped upside down by opportunity. Who knew it was such a burden?
Chris didn’t say anything more. He pulled me to my feet and then lifted me into his arms. No one had ever carried me. I was always afraid I would break someone’s back if they lifted me up.
He deposited me on the bed and a moment later he was pulling me against him as he slid in behind me. He just held me while I cried. I couldn’t seem to stop—the tears just kept coming. I couldn’t remember the last time I cried. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a day off where I didn’t have a million other things to do.
At first it seemed so novel. I would watch television and hang out with Chris. But now I realized it left me feeling lost. Like there was a pile of things just waiting for me.
Everything Chris was saying to me, made sense. And I didn’t even necessarily disagree with him. But it left me feeling pathetic. Of course, no one loved someone who was pathetic like me.
I don’t know how long we laid there, but eventually the tears dried up. I might’ve I fallen asleep for a little while. When I came to again, Chris was still holding me. He never left.
The embarrassment settled in and I didn’t know what to do.
“Davenport?”
“Cinnamon?”
“What are we doing?”
“I’m not entirely sure. Do you want to go back to the marathon? Do you want to talk stuff out? I’m trying not to do anything to make you cry again.”
The sad thing was, even though I was exhausted, I felt better. I’d always heard crying was cathartic. I never thought so, but maybe it was.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to go to pieces.”
“I don’t mind.”
“You have to mind. Guys don’t like it when girls cry.”
“No, assholes don’t like it when their women cry because they’re usually the cause of it. A woman crying doesn’t scare me.”
I laughed.
“Stop thinking that anyone has a say in what’s happening between us right now.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Sure, it is. No one has a say in our relationship except for you and me. If you want me to leave, then I will. But here’s the thing. I don’t think you want me to. I think you like what’s happening between us and you’re letting all the obstacles act like reasons for us not to be together instead of realizing we have some hard work ahead
of us. I guarantee, we’d have hard work no matter what. I know you’re not scared to roll up your sleeves and work hard. So why are you running? You don’t run from a challenge.”
I sniffled. “I’m not running away. I’m being cautious.”
“Being cautious is acceptable, but don’t lock me out because you think there’s a chance it might go bad. We have time to get to know each other. Let’s just take the time we have and use it wisely.”
“You understand that I’m terrible at self-care, right?”
“I’m not at all surprised by this. But I’m here to help you figure it out. And to ply you with lattes, any time you need.”
I wiped the tears from my eyes. “Could we just watch something for a while?”
“Yep. But first you have to agree to go on a date with me.”
I let out a shaky sigh. “All right, but there better be really good dessert.”
His arm tightened around me. “I promise, you will not be sorry about dessert.”
“Is it your penis?”
He burst out laughing and it made me smile. I loved making him laugh. I’d always loved making him laugh. He wasn’t always an easy audience.
“Turn on something before I show you just how much you’re going to like my penis.”
I was the one laughing this time.
* * *
Chris left a couple of hours before our date.
Our first official date.
I’d gone on a few dates when people wanted to set me up or a guy asked me out. It didn’t happen often, but I’d gotten all dolled up and went out. The dates were mediocre, usually mixed in with awkwardness. A couple of guys hugged me at the end of the night. Another couple of guys got handsy before the night was even over, before I felt like we even had a connection and could be attracted to them.
But I’d always been attracted to Chris. Most of the camp counselors were, even a couple of the guys. Never in a million years did I think he would look my way.
The night we became friends, things changed between us. And shortly thereafter the flirting started. I didn’t know what to make of it at first. In fact, I thought for sure I was delusional. Katy Meyers had a huge rack and a tiny waist. All the guys drooled after camp counselor Barbie. And then there was super athletic Jane who could play all the sports and loved to run around in a sports bra all the time. She flirted with everyone. Every other girl was thin and had something to bring to the table. Me, I was Fatty Cassie, the quiet nerd who worked on my designs in my sketchbook by the lake when we had downtime.
Billionaire Barista: Love Demands a Holiday Page 10