by J. L. Wyer
“Me too. You make me happy, Ryder.”
…
I come out of the dream slowly, my trembling body drenched in a thick, sticky sweat. No, this wasn’t a dream. I wasn’t asleep. Was I?
After running out of school, I managed to drive back to the house that Daniel and I moved into a week and half ago. I don’t remember coming inside the house, I realize as I lift myself up off the living room floor. Thank goodness, Daniel isn't here. This morning before I left for school, he mentioned that he had some business to take care of in Research Triangle Park and wouldn't be back until dinnertime.
Fully cognizant and aware of my surroundings, I race to the bathroom, managing to avoid stumbling over two boxes that still need to be unpacked. I make it to the toilet just in time for my stomach to heave and empty its contents, which isn’t much, but it’s still pretty gross.
I try to piece together the memories I just had. Most of the images are fuzzy and unclear, like my amnesia is staking claim to them all, refusing to let go. A single image flutters across my closed eyelids. I grab hold of it, not allowing my mind to steal it back from me.
Ryder. The guy from this morning at school. The guy who said he knew me. The guy with the gorgeous black-brown hair, tanned skin, and intense copper-brown eyes. I reacted strongly to him. My feelings were so powerful and overwhelming, they caused me to run away from him. Those feelings were too much. He was too much.
Piling my hair on top of my head in a loose bun, I remove my sweaty clothes and slip on a pair of clean shorts and a T-shirt.
Ryder recognized me. He asked me where'd I'd been. He seemed upset. Does he mean something to me? Were we friends? Were we more than friends? The way I felt when I looked at him makes me think the answer is yes. Yes to all those questions.
Puffing my cheeks out, I blow out a breath. Well, my first day of school is a bust so far. If I leave now, I could still get in most of the day and will only have missed first period. First days are just settling in and getting to know the teacher and fellow classmates, right? It's not like I'll miss anything important. I hope.
It's going to be so freakin' weird being around a bunch of people who know me, even though I can't remember them. Maybe I can find the new guy, Trevor, and hang with him during lunch.
Speaking of lunch, Daniel wanted me to call him and check in, and if he acts according to form, he'll be blowing up my phone if I don't. Just as the thought crosses my mind, my phone rings and it’s Daniel. Knowing I would be in class at this time, why is calling me now?
“Hey, Daniel. What's up?”
“Why are you not at school?” his accusatory voice asks.
I play dumb. “I am.”
I hear some shuffling of papers and then the click of a door closing. “The GPS tracking on your phone says otherwise.”
I totally forgot he turned that feature on so he could locate me in emergencies. However, this is not an emergency.
Coming up with the best bald-face lie I can, I tell him, “I spilled a drink all over myself and came home to change. I was just heading back to school when you called. Would you like for me to take a selfie and send it to you to prove it?”
More shuffling sounds and a loud thunk like he ran into a table or a door. “No, that's not necessary.”
“Um, Daniel. I hate to say this, but it's a bit creepy that you're GPS-stalking me on my phone.”
I hear his loud sigh. “It is, isn't it? I'm not cut out to be a guardian or a parent. I have no clue what to do or what to say. I'm sorry, honey. It didn't even occur to me. I don't know what made me check it. I just had this feeling that something was wrong. I won't do it again.”
“Does that mean I can disable location-sharing on my phone now?”
“How about we make a deal? During school, yes. But after school gets out or if you go out, like on the weekend or at night, then turn it on just in case. Is that a good compromise?”
“I can live with that," I agree. "And Daniel? I think you're doing a fine job. We're both navigating unknown waters.”
“This whole parenting stuff is new to me. If I get out of line or do something John wouldn't, please call me on it. I'm trying the best I can.”
He's got one parenting skill down to a tee: guilt trip. “Daniel, I don't remember what my dad used to do,” I sadly remind him.
He groans loudly in frustration. “I really suck at this!” he proclaims.
He kind of does, but then again, so do I. I have to keep reminding myself that Daniel didn't have to step in as my guardian and take care of me after my parents died. He could have let Child Protective Services take over, but he didn't. God, it's so depressing to think that I truly am alone in the world now with no family other than him.
Needing to change the subject before I start to cry and say “screw it” to returning to school, I ask him, “Want me to fix dinner tonight for when you get home?”
“That's alright. I'll pick us up a pizza on my way. I shouldn't be later than six or seven.”
“Okay. I need to get back to school now.”
“Please drive carefully.”
“Always do,” I reply. Especially now that I'm sporadically turning into an amnesia-zombie, I don’t add.
I hang up and immediately disable location-sharing. Then, needing to hear something funny to help wipe away my sadness, I speak into my phone: “Hey, Google. Make me laugh.”
Google Assistant: Okay, here you go. Saw a fella chatting up a Cheetah. I thought, well I never, he's trying to pull a fast one.
That was awful, but at least I'm smiling now. Time to head back to school and hope the day goes by fast. One thing is for certain, however, as I think of the guy named Ryder and the flashes of disjointed memories that I had of him earlier — the next time we meet, I’m not going to run.
Chapter 4
Lost and Found
Ryder
Julien comes rushing over to me and Fallon when he sees us sitting against the hood of my car in the student parking lot. The first bell rang five minutes ago, but I'm not going inside until I’ve talked with Jules and Jay first. But Jayson is nowhere in sight. Where'd he park his truck?
“Was it really her?” Julien asks, a tad winded from his fast sprint over to me.
“Yeah. It was her.”
“How is she? How did she look? Is she okay?”
I wearily collapse back on the hood, my body feeling so very tired but also amped up at the same time. Echoes of Elizabeth’s tinkling laughter rattle around in my brain. Rubbing my hands over my face in a futile attempt to wipe off some of the emotional exhaustion weighing me down, I somehow conjure the words to answer Julien’s questions.
Sitting back up, I tell him, “She looks the same but different. God, I can’t even describe it.” I try to recount what happened for him, even though I’m struggling to wrap my head around everything as well. “I heard laughter and I just knew. I knew it was her. I had just been thinking about her. It was like my brain magically materialized her right in front of my eyes. She was standing next to this guy. When I called her name, she turned around and looked right at me.” I rake my hands once more across my face and look around, breaking my train of thought. “Where’s Jay?”
“We’ll get to him in a minute. Finish what you’re saying first. I need to hear it all.”
“Jules, she didn’t recognize me. She had no clue who I was. Fallon was there. He saw her too. She didn’t remember him either. Julien, what is going on?” My words are barely articulate because I'm choking back tears.
“I have no idea. Hey, Fallon,” Julien finally acknowledges him. "Thought you were done with high school.”
“Just here to see Ry. But I got to tell you, this entire situation with your girl is messed up. I know I was gone all summer, but did you guys really not know where she was?”
“Her uncle took her someplace. We never could find out where to.”
Julien's phone makes a loud applause sound to notify him of a text coming in. As he reads it, his eye
s grow concerned. “Jay found out where she lives. He's heading over there now.”
“How did he find that out?”
“When we got here, he parked at the front visitor's lot. All he said was that he was going inside to find Darrel.”
Darrel is a computer geek who did some not-too-legal infiltration of social media sites for Fallon last year. Darrel was the one who helped get the video of the fight with Marshall taken down. I have a feeling Jayson must have asked Darrel to hack into the school's student records to get Elizabeth’s address.
“Tell Jay to send you the address and that we're right behind him.”
“He already sent it,” Julien informs me, showing me the screen.
“Fallon, if you're coming with, hop in the back. Let's go.” I have a bad feeling about what’s about to go down.
∞∞∞
Elizabeth
Not even a minute after I hang up the phone with Daniel, there's pounding on the front door.
“Elizabeth!” a guy’s voice shouts my name. More pounding. “Liz! Liz! Open the door!”
Each pound against the door is like a boom of thunder. My body jerks at every hit his hand makes against the door.
Pound. Pound. Pound.
“Liz, are you in there?” the guy yells.
Clearly, he knows me because he's saying my name. I carefully inch my way to the front door. My hand shakes as it hesitantly hovers over the doorknob. Stupidly, I open it.
A very tall, very muscular, very handsome guy startles when he sees me. His wild silver eyes lock on me and before I can even blink, his arms band around me so tightly, I can’t breathe. And then he’s kissing me.
“Jesus, baby. It’s really you.” His mouth crashes back to mine and I try to pull away, but his hold on me is too strong.
“Let go!” I shout, struggling with all my might for him to release me.
“Liz, it’s really you,” he says and kisses me again.
The initial shock of him kissing me wears off, and I’m able to think clearly once more. I try to recall what a girl is supposed to do when she's being accosted like this by a guy. Stomp down on his foot? Kick at his knee and drop down? Go for the eyes? How am I remembering this stuff, and why am I not doing it already?
Since he won't let go of me, instinct finally takes over. I shove him back with both hands, curling my right hand into a loose fist, and striking out. Either this guy saw it coming or his reflexes are lightning quick. He dodges the swing I aimed at his nose but doesn’t see my open left palm fly upward under his chin. It’s like hitting granite. Ow! That really hurt.
The guy makes a grunting sound and looks at me with bewilderment. “Liz?”
A black Hellcat similar to mine pulls up in the driveway, and three guys get out. My gaze cements on the one person I recognize. I push past the crazy guy and fly down the porch steps heading straight for Ryder. Jumping into his arms, I hold on tight. Why? I have no idea.
“Help me,” I beg him.
Ryder’s arms band around me protectively. “Jay, what are you doing?”
One of the other boys who arrived with Ryder comes around the side of the car toward us. Wait. How did the crazy guy change clothes so fast? Am I having another blackout episode?
The doppelganger looks at me with an expression so full of emotion, it makes me tighten my hold on Ryder even more. He brushes a hand down my hair in a soft caress. My eyes track him, and I do a doubletake as he walks over to block the path of the crazy guy. There are two of them? Same faces and height, but clearly different people. The doppelganger has shorter hair, his body is leaner, but still packed with muscle. He and the other, more menacing version of himself start yelling at each other, exchanging shoves and curses.
“Both of you, knock it off!” Ryder tells them.
The third guy has dark blond hair and mesmerizing blue eyes. It takes me a second to recall that I saw him this morning in the school hallway with Ryder. The third guy forces his way between the twins to break up their argument. As I cling to Ryder, my body begins to tremble wildly as a cold chill takes over — more than likely caused from the adrenaline high I was on.
“You’re safe, Elizabeth. Nobody’s going to hurt you,” Ryder’s deep voice promises me. I drop my head to his shoulder and a calm comes over me. I nod, letting him know I heard him and believe him. He’ll keep me safe.
“Don’t let go,” I whisper.
“I won't,” he whispers back.
“Liz. Baby. Please. Look at me,” the crazy guy pleads.
“Jay, shut up,” his doppelganger snaps at him. “Give her a minute.”
“Can I take you inside?” Ryder asks me. I nod against his shoulder again.
As Ryder carries me past the other guys, the crazy one reaches out to me. “Here, give her to me," he says and tries to take me from Ryder's arms. I flinch away from his outstretched hands, and the doppelganger grabs his look-alike's arm and pulls him back.
Ryder takes me inside the house and sits down on the floor near the front door, bringing me with him. The other three shuffle in. The blond guy makes a move to shut the door until I yelp out, “Don't!”
There are now four strange men in my house, and even though I feel safe with Ryder, I need to know that I have an easy escape route open just in case.
“Elizabeth, I know things must be confusing for you right now. It’s the same for us. You’re acting like you don’t know any of us,” Ryder says to me.
“I…I don't.” I turn in Ryder’s lap to face the other guys who are now sitting on the floor across from us. “I don’t know who any of you are. I don’t remember.” All four boys’ eyes widen in disbelief.
The doppelganger leans over and places a hand on his look-alike’s knee like he's giving him a silent command. “Liz, what do you remember?” he asks me.
My lips press together and form a thin line, hesitant to answer. I don’t know these guys, and right now, I’m scared out of my mind.
Ryder gently turns my chin with his finger so that my eyes meet his, and I get lost in the warmth of their golden-brown color. A snapshot from one of the memories that besieged me earlier clicks into place.
“You make me happy, Ryder.”
I find myself telling him, “I remember waking up. I had been in a coma. I was in a car accident.”
“We know,” Ryder speaks softly to me. “But you just disappeared. We were with you almost every day when you were in the hospital. And then you just vanished.”
I hesitate once more before answering. “I woke up in a hospital in Durham.”
With slow, deliberate moves, Ryder takes out his phone from his side pocket. Showing me what he’s doing, he scrolls to a folder named Elizabeth and taps it. Then he taps on an image thumbnail. A picture with me in it pops up on the screen. I’m standing with him next to the black Hellcat that’s currently parked in my driveway. His arm is around me and my arm is encircling his waist. His head is tipped back in laughter and I’m smiling up at him. We look happy. I drag my fingers down the screen, trying to infuse the image into my brain.
“That looks just like mine,” I remark.
“What does?”
“The car. Mine is red.”
Ryder pulls back, shock on his face. “The red Hellcat parked outside is yours?”
A small grin tips my mouth when I think about my car. “Yep.”
“Liz,” the doppelganger says to get my attention. “Do you remember me at all?”
I shake my head no.
“I’m Julien.”
As he’s speaking to me, I’m swiping from one picture to the next on Ryder’s phone. I stop on one.
“Is this us?” I show Julien the picture.
“How can you tell that’s me?” he asks, looking at his twin.
“The hair.” I keep swiping. I come to one of me on a swing. A huge tree is behind me and so is the crazy guy, Jay. I hold the phone out. “And this is you?”
“Yes.” He moves to lean in, but Julien holds him in place.
I look at the fourth guy. “And who are you?”
“Fallon,” he simple states.
I turn back to Ryder. “You said today you’ve known me since you were nine.” He reaches up and pushes a lock of my hair behind my ear. Jay growls — yes, literally growls.
“We met in third grade. You’ve known Jay and Jules longer. You guys have been best friends since you were all six. We lived on the same street. We all grew up together.”
“You are my girlfriend, Liz,” Jay interrupts, his tone hard and desperate. Now it’s his turn to show me pictures from his phone.
I don’t know how long I sit there looking at photo after photo. There are hundreds of pictures. Some of me alone. Some of me with Ryder, Julien, and Jay. Most are of me and Jay. Intimate ones. Us kissing. Us holding each other. Selfies of us snuggled in bed. I ask Julien to see his phone. His has as many pictures of me as it does of him and another guy I don’t recognize. Oh. They’re a couple, I realize.
“You guys make a cute couple,” I comment to Julien.
“That's Elijah. He goes to Highland High.”
“Liz.” Jay again. “Please, sweetheart. I’m dying here. I need to hold you. Can I please hold you?”
“Why?”
Why would I let this stranger who forced himself on me, touch me again? I know what I saw in the pictures. I saw images of me and him together as a couple. But right now? I feel nothing. He’s a stranger to me. He’s the scary guy who barged into my home uninvited and unwelcomed.
“What do you mean why?”
“Jay, chill,” Julien warns him.
“Liz, you’re my girlfriend!”
A spark ignites inside of me. It grows and burns until it’s a raging inferno. Seventeen years of my life are an empty void, but I won’t allow this guy to bully me into feeling something that I can’t just because of things that once were. Things I don’t remember.
“I’m sorry if my amnesia upsets you. I’m sorry if my nonexistent memory causes problems for you. But I’m the one who can’t remember. You can’t barge into my house — into my life — and demand I feel something that doesn’t exist for me! Screw you! I may have been your girlfriend before, but I am not now. Jesus, I don’t even know who I am!”