by J. L. Wyer
I jump up from Ryder's hold and stare down at the four boys; their faces a myriad display of different expressions.
Exhaling loudly, I say, “Look, I’m sorry. I know this must be hard on all of you, too. From the pictures you showed me, I get that we were close friends. I can’t imagine how you all must feel. But please understand how this is for me. This entire situation is confusing and frightening. I don’t know any of you. You’re all strangers to me.” All four boys stand up and I take a wary step back.
“Let's take a breather and regroup,” Julien suggests. “Maybe get something to eat. Then, I think we should all sit down and talk, yeah?”
“What about school?” Ryder asks.
Jay shakes his head. “This is more important.”
Ryder lifts his chin at Fallon. “You got any place you need to be?”
Fallon is the only one of them who has remained impassive the entire time. If I hadn't already noticed the intense way he's been watching me, I would have said he was bored and not wanting to be here. “I'm good. Still on vacation,” he says, with a smirk.
“Yeah, okay,” I relent.
Julien drags Jay out the front door against his angry protestations and tells us they'll be back in five minutes. There’s an awkward silence in the room after they depart.
“It’s good to see you, kitten,” Fallon says to me, breaking the quiet. Kitten? He gives me a half-tip grin that weirdly has me wanting to grin in return, but I don’t. Ryder gives me a tender look of understanding when I meet his gaze.
“You guys can make yourselves at home, I guess.” I point in the direction of the living room. This is so awkward. Is there a decorum on how to treat house guests, especially those who show up uninvited? If so, I'm at a total blank. “Um, want anything to drink? Is bottled water okay?” I offer. As soon as they say yes, I escape into the kitchen, grateful for some space.
Once away from everyone, I close my eyes and bend over at the waist to rest my head on the kitchen countertop. Feeling completely overwhelmed, I count backward from five down to one and repeat the sequence until my hands no longer shake. I remind myself of the promise I made only this morning that I wouldn’t run the next time I saw Ryder. Well, he’s here.
I’m still not sure how to handle the crazy guy who insists I was his girlfriend, though. Okay, Elizabeth, you can do this, I say to give myself a pep talk. I grab two waters from the fridge and walk back into the living room.
Chapter 5
Losing Her All Over Again
Jayson
Julien is cursing me as we walk out to the front yard. “Could you not tell how badly you were scaring her? She’s been through enough. She doesn’t remember us. Things are clearly a big effed-up mess and you aren’t making things easier for anyone, especially her.”
Funny that I don't process anything he's saying because I haven’t really been paying much attention to him. All I can think about is how Liz wouldn’t let me hold her. My fists clench. She’s mine. Not his. Not Ryder’s. Mine. But she doesn’t remember.
I decide that ten seconds away from her is nine seconds too long and I turn around to stomp back up the porch steps.
“Hold on, Jay. We need to talk first.”
“No. I need to get back to Liz.”
“Jay, stop.”
“You don’t understand.”
“Then help me understand.”
I deserve to suffer, I want to tell him. Suffer for what I said to Liz that night.
“The last words I said to her were ‘get out.’ I kicked her out of our house. And for what? For protecting you. For standing by you when you needed someone. For being your friend. What happened to her is on me. It’s my fault, Julien. She needs to know how sorry I am. I will never love anyone else the way I love her. She’s my everything. And I almost got her killed. I'm the reason she was out that night driving.” I sink down to sit on the top step. “What happened to Liz is all my fault.”
“If we’re going to play the blame game, you have to submit my name as well.” Julien stands beside me, his hand resting on my shoulder. I grab it and hold tight as he continues. “I could have stopped her from driving off. I didn’t fight hard enough to get her to stay.”
I look at my twin. We are so alike, yet so different. I guess we all have our own demons we fight.
Julien reverses our grip and helps me to stand back up. “Come on. Let’s go spend time with our girl. She’s here. She’s alive. She’s a sight for sore eyes.”
Yes, she is. “She looks good, doesn’t she? But what’s with the hair?”
“I like it. I think her pink streaks are sexy.”
I touch my chin where she hit me. “She clocked me good before you guys showed up.”
“That's what you get for scaring her half to death.”
“How do I get her back, Jules, if she doesn’t remember?”
“Honestly? I have no clue. I wouldn’t push her right now. We need answers as much as she does. It’s going to take time. We don’t know how severe her amnesia is or how much she does or doesn’t remember. Like I said. Time and patience. But at least she’s here.”
∞∞∞
“…and then Daniel decided that it would be good for me to come back home to finish school and graduate. So here I am.”
Liz has been answering all of the questions we’ve asked her. We ordered pizza for delivery, but Liz explained that Daniel would be bringing pizza home for dinner tonight and she asked for a house salad instead. It didn't stop her from stealing a slice of pepperoni once it arrived.
“How long were you in the coma?” Julien asks her before rolling his pizza slice like a burrito and biting it in half.
Liz licks grease off her fingers. “A few days. They told me the swelling in my brain was what caused it.”
“Other than memory loss, was there anything else?” This from Ryder.
“Yes,” is all she says, not elaborating. She peels a slice of pepperoni from her pizza and pops it in her mouth.
“How bad is it? Your amnesia?” I ask.
“It’s basically like someone wiped my operating system clean and I was rebooted. I don’t remember anything. Well, that’s not exactly true. I remember things like math and science — school stuff. I can play the guitar and the piano, but I can’t remember how I learned to play. I remember songs and movies. It’s the people, places, and events from before that are missing.”
“You must remember some things. Why else would you pick a Hellcat like mine for your car?”
She chews on her thumbnail while considering Ryder's question. “I guess you’re right. Everything’s just locked away so tightly. The doctors are cautiously optimistic that things will come back to me, but they can’t make any guarantees. I do have flashes of memories. Like tiny little puzzle pieces that I have to string together to make a picture, except there are a lot of missing pieces.” Her gaze goes to Ryder. “I had some flashes of you today.”
Ryder chokes down his food. “You remembered me?”
“Yes.”
Is Liz blushing?
“What did you remember?”
“Umm. I can really only recall a little. Like us driving in a car...and other stuff,” she weakly says into her food before taking a bite. I don’t like how her gaze keeps flicking to Ryder. Jealousy hangs heavy over me like a thundercloud ready to burst.
Clearing his throat Ryder tells her, “I race my car in the Fields. It's an old, unused field owned by Mr. Jacoby, a local farmer, that has been converted into a dirt racetrack. A bunch of us from our school and from Highland High go out there all the time on the weekends. You used to love to come and watch.”
Liz nods her head, her eyes brightening, then she switches course and asks Julien, “How long have you and Elijah been dating?”
“Almost a year. You were actually the first person I talked to about how I felt about him.”
“I was?”
“You were our biggest cheerleader. I’ll never be able to repay you for everythi
ng you did for me and E. You’re truly a great friend, Liz.”
For some reason, Fallon has been quiet the entire time. Now he decides to throw a grenade into the conversation. “It takes a special girl to have three guys completely and madly in love with her.”
The water Liz just drank sprays out of her mouth before she can catch it with her hand. “I’m sorry. What?” She grabs her napkin to wipe the table and spears me with a confused look. “I thought you said I was your girlfriend?”
“You are.” No one misses my choice of verb tense.
“Then what did he mean?”
"I'm sitting right here, kitten."
Liz narrows her green eyes at Fallon. He smiles broadly at her in return.
“First of all, stop calling me kitten.”
He laughs at that and shakes his head, taking a stick of gum out of his pocket and popping it in his mouth. He holds the wrapper up, then crumples it between his fingers.
“I used to smoke. Mostly weed. I quit. Gum seems to help keep the cravings down.”
“Good for you. It’s better for your health,” she replies.
“Possibly. You look good,” he tells her. Both Ryder and I tense up. I've always thought Fallon liked Liz a little too much for my comfort. He was always messing with her whenever they were in the same space. I've never quite understood Ryder's friendship with him.
“Thank you,” she replies, all polite. His grin deepens.
“You're welcome, Elizabeth.”
She sits back on propped arms. “Ah, so you can say my actual name.”
He laughs, seeming to enjoy their banter. I give up on figuring out what's going on.
“Seeing as you're here with them,” she points at me, Ryder, and Julien, “I take it you and I were friends too?”
“Not quite,” he replies.
“So, what were we then?”
“Hard the explain.”
“You really are a very difficult person to have a conversation with, Fallon.”
“But I'm a hell of a lot of fun,” he teases.
Liz rolls her eyes. “So, is anyone going to explain about the previous comment regarding three guys being in love with me?”
Fallon's smile is huge. “Ask them,” he tells her.
Her eyebrows raise when she sees our red-flushed faces. “Oh my God. My old life was like a crappy telenovela,” Liz mumbles. “Did we date too?” she asks Ryder.
“No!” I assert a little too loudly. “Just me.”
“Hmm” is her only response. She looks at her phone. “Oh, crap. I didn’t realize how late it was. I need to call Daniel for a check-in. Be right back.”
I watch her grab her phone off the floor and walk down the hall. She looks phenomenal, pink-tipped hair and all. I can't seem to accept the fact that she's really here. I've missed her so much.
As she passes the sofa where Ryder's sitting, it looks for a second like she’s about to curl her pinky around his hand that's hanging off the back of the couch. She hesitates, then pulls her hand back and disappears into a room at the end of the hallway. While waiting, we sit in silence and eat; well, Ry, Jules, and I do. Fallon is too busy looking at his phone.
Liz comes back after a few minutes. “Alright. That's taken care of. I think we should get back to school and try to at least salvage a couple of hours,” she says.
“Not me,” Fallon tells her. “I already graduated.”
“What were you doing at school this morning then?”
“Wouldn't you like to know?” he retorts. “What’s your number?” Fallon segues from one topic to another so quickly, it makes my head spin.
Holding her phone in her left hand, Liz plants her fists on her hips. “Why?”
“Why not?” he challenges her.
“Fine,” she replies with a huff and slaps her phone in his hand. “Just enter your contact information.”
“Can I get in on this as well?” Julien asks, taking out his phone.
“I don’t see why not,” she hesitantly replies.
After exchanging numbers with the guys, she cautiously approaches me. “Do you want my number too?”
I pause, realizing how awkward I’ve made things for her today. “Do you want to give it to me?”
“Do you think I should?”
“God, I’ve missed your sassy mouth.” Her mouth, her touch, her kisses, her laughter. I missed Liz so damn much.
Instead of taking her phone, I hand her mine. She opens up the contacts menu and starts typing, then gives it back. “There you go. My number is under Miss Sassy.” She smiles at me. A genuine, honest-to-goodness smile aimed right at me.
“Can I hug you now?” I ask her.
My request has her backing away from me a couple of steps, and it about kills me not to reach out and grab her to bring her back in. The physical distance between us may only be a couple of feet, but the emotional distance feels like thousands of miles.
“Alright,” she finally says, and I thank whatever higher power is up there.
Liz makes me come to her for the hug, but I don't care. My arms are finally able to wrap around her. My hands are finally able to touch her. I inhale her sweet jasmine scent. “I’ve missed you so much, princess. I’m so happy you’re back,” I whisper into her hair.
From the tension in her body, I can tell the hug is making her uncomfortable. When she starts to squirm, I reluctantly release her. It is enough. For now.
Julien asks Liz about meeting up for lunch this coming Saturday and she says yes.
“Want me to drive you back to school?” I ask her as we all walk out the front door and she locks up behind us.
“No thanks, Jay. I'll drive myself.”
“Jayson.”
She looks at me quizzically. “Pardon?”
“You always called me Jayson. Not Jay.”
“Oh, okay. Jayson.” Music to my ears.
“Ryder?” she calls out just as he, Julien, and Fallon are getting into his car. He grabs the top of the driver's side door and stands back up.
“Yeah?”
Liz circles around the open car door and hugs him. He looks unsure about what to do, his eyes glancing my way. Then he hugs her back.
“I'm not going to run anymore,” I hear her tell him, leaving me wondering what she meant by that.
∞∞∞
Julien
“We need to tell our parents,” Ry says to me.
I’m sitting in the passenger seat of his car while Fallon sits in the back. “We need to sit down and talk about what happens next.”
Liz is back. She’s here. No more searching or wondering or worrying. But she doesn’t remember us. Our girl is lost in an ocean of darkness and we are helpless to save her. There’s a tangle of emotions that has been flowing through me since I saw Liz this morning: Fear. Anger. Guilt. Happiness. Fear that she will disappear again. Anger at her uncle for taking her away and not telling us where she was. Guilt for not stopping her from leaving that night. Happiness because she’s back. But what happens next? With her? With us?
Ryder comments, “At least we now know what happened to her.”
“I know, but amnesia? It’s like losing her all over again,” I lament.
Liz waves as she passes us on the left side in her red Hellcat. Jayson is right behind her in his truck.
“What if she never remembers?” Fallon says from the back seat.
That's a question that I know has played through all of our minds today.
Ryder slows down so that Liz and Jay can merge back into our lane.
“What we need to do is be there for her in whatever way she needs. Elizabeth isn’t lost to us. I refuse to take that defeatist viewpoint. Our Elizabeth is in there. She’s not gone.”
I roll my head on the headrest to look at him. “How can you be so sure?”
"Think about it. She trusted us enough to be alone with four guys she doesn’t remember. She spent ages going through all the photos we showed her and asked questions about each and every on
e. She talked to us about Durham. She even bought a Hellcat,” Ry muses with a chuckle. “I’m still not over that one.”
He’s right. Liz is still in there. We haven’t lost our girl. One question amongst many remains: How can we help her remember so we can get our old Liz back?
Chapter 6
All Eyes on Me
Elizabeth
As soon as I walk inside the school building, all conversation stops as dozens of eyes, some shocked and wide, fixate their attention directly on me. Or perhaps they're staring at the three guys flanking me like my own personal armada of bodyguards. Jayson reaches for my hand and my steps falter, causing my shoulder to brush against Ryder's arm. We must have arrived during the bell change for lunch because the hallways are full of students. My heart is thudding so loudly, like the pounding rhythm of a heavy metal song, that I can actually hear it.
Principal Stubbs is standing out in the main hallway in front of the reception office. Her brows crease when she sees me. “Miss Fairchild. May I have a word, please?”
“Yes, ma'am?” I ask, walking over and trying my hardest to ignore the staring eyes around me.
She points a severe look at Ryder, Jayson, and Julien. “Gentlemen, I'm not going to write you up for tardiness, but do not make this a habit your senior year. Now, please report to your homeroom teacher to check in and then head to the lunchroom.”
When I met Mrs. Stubbs the other day, she was very polite and quick to smile. Today, however, she is in principal mode — all business and no-nonsense.
"But Mrs. Stubbs —" Jayson begins.
"Now, Mr. Jameson. You too, Mr. Cutton." She turns back to me after she has made sure they obeyed her request. Switching from principal to caring adult, she asks, “How are you doing today, Elizabeth?”
“I'm doing alright, I guess. A little overwhelmed,” I admit.
She nods her head. “Mmhmm. I can imagine. Would you like to tell me why you are just arriving to school now?”
I swish my right foot back and forth along the crack on the beige linoleum floor. “I was actually early, but left to go home and change clothes.” Using the same lie I told Daniel, I tell her, “I spilled a soda on myself.”