by J. L. Wyer
“Jayson. Stop!” His body is vibrating so hard, I’m surprised the entire library isn’t shaking on its foundation. “Jayson!”
Those liquid, silver eyes morph from menace to heartbreak as they snap to me.
“I’m so sorry. We didn’t want you to find out like this. It’s my fault. It’s all my fault. Please, please just stop.”
“Why Liz? Why him?”
“I can’t explain why.”
“It’s supposed to be me. Me and you. Forever. You’re my soulmate.”
I’m devastated when I see his eyes fill and spill over. My own tears respond to his pain.
“I’m sorry,” I repeat over and over. “Please don’t hate me.”
“You are supposed to remember us. You are supposed to be mine. Our stars were to lead you back to me,” he says brokenly, collapsing down in a chair, a wave of defeat etched over his tear-streaked face.
“Stars?”
Jayson scrubs his hands across his wet cheeks. “Our silver stars. The ones I leave you almost every day. The ones I would hang from our tree. The ones I filled with my love for you.”
“The paper origami stars? Those were from you? But I thought…” I look at Ryder.
“You thought they were from Ryder?” Jayson says incredulously.
I swallow, my mouth dry. That’s exactly what I thought.
Ryder’s face starts to blur. Black creeps in around my periphery. In that blackness are hundreds of iridescent silver stars.
“I thought… I…”
Once again, I hear the study room door open and someone says, “Is there a problem in here? We’ve received complaints of someone yelling.”
I hear Meredith and Trevor, then Ryder and Jayson. Then I hear nothing at all.
Chapter 28
Adventures in Babysitting
Elizabeth
I'm in my car driving down the road. A sudden screeching sound like that of grinding metal fills my ears, along with my helpless screams as my car slams into something hard. My head whips forward and to the side, smashing against the driver's side window.
Startling awake from my dream, I move to wipe my face and feel a stinging tug. Then, I sense movement from the side of my bed. I jerk when a hand touches my face.
“Hey, baby. You’re awake.”
“Ryder?”
He kisses me ever so softly on the lips. It’s a feather-light kiss, just a delicate meeting of the lips. My mouth feels parched. So does my throat. I shift to get more comfortable and feel that sting again. My eyes flutter fully open and I realize I’m not in my bedroom. Ryder isn’t snuggled beside me. I’m not cuddled next to his warm body in my bed. Instead, my ears recognize the beeping of a heart rate monitor, and I see the IV drip line going into my hand.
“Ryder. What?” My throat feels like I ate sandpaper. “Water,” I croak out. He brings a straw up to my lips and I sip gratefully. He kisses my forehead.
I try again. “Am I in the hospital?”
“Yeah.”
“How long?”
“You’ve been out for about three hours. Hold on. Let me call the nurse and text the guys. They just went to the cafeteria with Daniel for coffee and to give Jay a second to cool off. He was getting agitated with the staff, and Jules and I didn’t want to be kicked out of the hospital again like we were last time.”
“Ryder, what happened?”
“What do you last remember?” He gives me an uneasy inspection.
“The library. I had a memory flash. Jayson.” My eyes look to Ryder in panic. “Oh, God. Jayson. Ryder, please tell me I didn’t say what I think I said.”
Ryder sits down in the chair beside my bed and takes my hand in his. He looks tired, and worried. “Elizabeth, it’s alright.”
“But he was so hurt, Ryder. I did that. I hurt him like that.”
“Jayson will be the first to tell you not to worry. He’s fine. I’m fine. We’ll talk and hash things out. It’ll all be okay. I promise.” His words of reassurance don’t help lessen my apprehension.
I shake my head on the pillow, creating a wave of dizziness and nausea. “I didn’t mean to hurt him. Not like that.”
“Let me text them, okay? Just hold on.”
Ryder hits the call button and tells the nurse that I’m awake. She says she will page the doctor and someone will be in shortly. Instead of texting, he calls Julien.
“Hey, man. She just woke up.” He hangs up. “They’re heading back up,” he tells me and sits back down. He takes my hand once more between his larger ones. Strong, capable hands that love me.
“I’m not going to leave you, Ryder.”
He just blinks and gives me a timid smile.
“I mean it. I love you. You, Ryder. So do not, for one second, think that anything will ever erase my love for you. I’m yours. You’re stuck with me,” I say stubbornly, and he exhales with relief.
Ryder drops his head onto our joined hands. “Today scared me in more ways than one. I love you. So very much, Elizabeth.”
“You hold my heart. I think you always have.”
He leans over and I sigh into our kiss. As soon as he pulls back, the hospital door opens, and it feels like an entire circus comes parading in. Jayson and Julien come rushing through with Daniel. A nurse and doctor follow close behind. Ryder steps away to make room for everyone to crowd around me. Voices are talking, one on top of the other. Daniel grabs the twins and pulls them away so that the nurse and doctor can get to me.
After a full examination, I'm told I’ll be discharged within the next hour or two. The doctor says my glucose levels came back low, so that’s what caused me to faint. They’ve been giving me intravenous glucose since I arrived and are waiting to make sure my levels are normalized before I’m released. But I know what really happened to me, and it’s something I’m not going to discuss with him. I nod yes to everything the doctor says so I can get out of here as quickly as possible. I’ve had enough of sterile hospitals to last me a lifetime.
I know that once I’m home, however, I’ll have some explaining to do. To have two memory blackouts, one after the other, has never happened to me before now. Jayson is right to be concerned. What if I am driving a car or doing something else when the next one happens? I could hurt someone. I could hurt myself. It’s something I need to seriously think about.
The doctor and nurse leave, and I’m once again surrounded by four men with matching strained faces.
“I’m fine.”
“Holy hell, princess.”
I look over at Daniel and he gestures to Jayson. “I agree with what he said.”
I don’t know why, but I start laughing.
“I’m glad someone finds this situation funny,” Julien grumbles.
“I’m fine. Like the doctor said, low blood sugar. I didn’t eat much today. I should have carbed up after our morning run.”
I allow everyone to coddle and fuss over me for another thirty minutes until I can’t take it anymore.
“Do you guys mind if I speak with Jayson alone?”
Ryder hesitates before kissing the crown of my head. “Take your time. We’ll be outside.”
Daniel kisses my forehead, and Julien smacks a huge kiss on my mouth. “That’s for scaring me half to death. Again. I guess I should call Elijah, too. He’s going to want to see you himself. Let me know when.”
Ryder holds the door open for Julien and Daniel and they all step outside. Jayson remains standing in front me at the foot of the bed, his hands in his pockets. I get a momentary flash of a silver-eyed boy with two missing front teeth hanging upside down from a tree branch.
I roll to the side to grab the controller for the bed, so that I can raise myself up into a more comfortable sitting position. Jayson reaches it first.
“Here. Let me get that for you.” He presses the ‘up’ button until I’m more upright.
“That’s better, thank you,” I tell him.
“Why does this feel weird? We shouldn’t feel weird around each other.”
I reach out and he places his rougher hand in mine, then he sits down in the chair that Ryder vacated. Jayson bends over and touches his forehead to our joined hands, just like Ryder did moments ago.
“Don't ever do that to me again, princess,” he rasps, his voice husky like he's holding back tears.
“I didn't mean to do it in the first place,” I reply, earning me a small chuckle in response from Jayson.
He props his chin up on our joined hands, his gunmetal eyes boring into me with serious contemplation. “Want me to tell you a story?”
I nod, reclining back into the starchy hospital pillow.
“Last summer our families took us all to Hawaii for vacation. The Big Island, not the other ones. You and I made a bucket list of things we wanted to do while there. Remind me to tell you about the black sand beach.”
“What about it?”
Jayson gives me such a heated, knowing look that I figure out the gist of what happened on the black sand beach.
“Oh.”
“Are you blushing, Liz?”
Yes. “Shut up and please continue. What was on our bucket list?”
“We wanted to snorkel and see sea turtles; hike to one of the waterfalls on the east side of the island; see the manta rays at Keauhou Bay; explore the lava tunnels; explore Hawaii Volcanoes National Park; take a helicopter ride over the island; drive up to the summit of Mona Kea; and visit the zoo in Hilo.”
“Did we do them? Did we get to do all the things on our list?”
“We did. But do you want to know what the one thing was that you loved the most?”
I nod again, my throat feeling tight as an intense pressure squeezes my chest.
Jayson grins at the memory that only he can see, and for the first time, I'm jealous that those memories are lost to me. I wait for him to finish the story, but instead of continuing, his grin dissolves and turns serious and then sad.
“Do you really love him?”
Oh, God. I shift uncomfortably in the bed but he's still holding onto my hand, restricting my movement.
“Jayson, I never meant to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you. But I’m not going to lie either. I do love him. I can’t explain it. I just do.”
The air charges between us; our playful banter from seconds ago dissipating into something loaded with heaviness.
“And I’m never going to stop fighting for you, or for us,” he tells me with utter conviction. “Your memories are coming back, and one day you’re going to remember everything. When you do, I’ll be there. Waiting.”
“Jayson, we don’t know that. The doctors can’t even predict that.”
“I know that. We found each other when we were six years old. That’s fate, Liz. That’s destiny.”
I don’t answer. The part of me that loves Ryder is terrified that Jayson could be right. But I can’t live in the what if or what will be. I need to live in the now, and my now is with Ryder.
And why me? I want to ask him. Why is he so stuck on me? Why does he want me so much that he’s unwilling to let me go? I’m not special. I’m not the most beautiful. I’m scarred and messed up in the head. Why does he want that? Why does Ryder? Why does Julien?
“Promise me that you and Ryder and Julien will talk.” I tug his hand and he slides closer to my bed. “Promise me that you will not shut Ryder out of our family because of my choice.”
“Our family?”
“Yes. We are a family. It’s like I told Julien — there’s a reason that I fought so hard to live after the car accident. That reason was you, Jayson. And Ryder, and Julien, and even Elijah. I came back for all of you. You’re my family. You promise me right now that we will still be a family. I’ve already lost one family; I can’t lose you guys too.”
“Liz, I have never once denied you anything you asked of me. Perhaps this is karma coming back to bite me in the ass.”
I don’t ask him what he means.
“But I do have faith that when the pieces of the puzzle fall into place, it’s going to be me and you and all our next times.”
“That was written on one of the paper stars. Those really were from you?”
“You had a jar full of them. The stars contain all my wishes for our future together.”
“I hung them from my ceiling. I look up at them every night. Their words are beautiful. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
Jayson stands up, all six plus feet of him, and bends over my hospital bed. His metallic gray eyes snare my forest green ones. The muscles in his arms stretch and contract as he holds himself above me using the two railings on either side of the bed. I notice the small white scar at the corner of his right eye, and a day’s worth of dark stubble on his face. I take in his dark brown hair that curls slightly at the tips. He really is breathtakingly handsome.
“I can’t promise that it will be easy between me and Ryder. My first reaction to anything is to fight back. But I can promise you that I will try. For you.”
“You will?” I feel a bit breathless and I don’t know why.
“Only for you. Because I know,” — Jayson leans in closer — “that one day, your memory will come back. Until then.” He lowers until his mouth is a breath’s-width away from mine. My heart rate monitor starts beeping like crazy and Jayson’s smile blooms like a desert rose. He shifts ever so slightly and kisses my cheek before lifting himself up and stepping over to the door to open it.
“You guys can come back in.”
Julien practically jumps through the doorway, but Ryder holds back, hesitating.
“You and I will talk later,” Jayson says to Ryder, his voice tinged with bitterness and a deep kind of despondent anger. “But not now. Liz comes first and she doesn’t need our drama making things worse.”
“Agreed.”
Julien is telling me something about Elijah when the nurse walks in. She’s very young and looks like she’s fresh from nursing school. Her personality is bubbly and kind, and her nametag reads Nurse Jackie.
“Good news, Miss Fairchild. The rest of your bloodwork came back fine. Someone will be in with your discharge papers.” Jackie comes over to take the blood pressure cuff off my arm and disconnect the IV line.
“I get to go home?”
Jackie smiles and pats my arm. “That's right, hon. We'll get you out of here in no time. Remember to follow up with your regular physician soon.”
“Thanks. I will.”
I smile at Daniel and the guys. “Who's ready for a jail break?”
The boys look at each other. “The better question should be,” Julien says, “who gets the couch? Because we're coming home with you. You get your own personal three-person babysitting service. Well, four if you include your uncle.”
“What?”
Chapter 29
Goldilocks and the Three Bears
Elizabeth
After I was discharged from the hospital, Daniel brought me home with the boys in tow. Elijah showed up shortly thereafter, even though it was close to three in the morning. Julien should have warned me that their version of babysitting would be more like prison. I wasn't allowed to do anything. I shouldn't complain, however. After a quick shower, I basically passed out from exhaustion around four a.m. Daniel said he would call Principal Stubbs to let her know I wouldn't be coming into school for a day or two.
It must be past seven in the morning when I open my eyes because sunlight is streaming in through the crack in my curtains. I try to push the bedspread off me so I can get up, but it's caught on something and won't budge. The reason why suddenly comes to me only seconds before I hear his voice.
“You awake?” Jayson asks from the right side of the bed.
I turn my head on the pillow. In the faintly lit room, I can make out his face on the pillow next to mine. “Yeah.”
I pull Ryder’s arm tighter around me as I roll over on my side to face Jayson. Ryder repositions himself so my backside is spooned with his front. I feel his breath on my exposed sh
oulder as he places a tender kiss on the side of my neck at the hairline. Julien is lightly snoring at the foot of the bed.
“Where's Elijah?”
Ryder's sleep-muffled voice answers, “In the guest room.”
“And why are you all in my bed?” Not that I’m complaining.
Jayson pushes a strand of my hair behind my ear. “We kind of snuck in once Daniel went to bed.”
“We used to do this kind of thing all the time when we were younger,” Ryder adds.
After the way I messed up by opening my big mouth yesterday, things between Ryder and Jayson have been eerily calm. I know they’re tabling things for now, but I also know a future confrontation is inevitable, despite their current truce. Jayson has already declared in no uncertain terms that he’s never going to give up on me. He’s never going to stop waiting for me. And I’m terrified of the fight I know is coming between the two of them.
I tap Ryder’s arm to let him know I want to get up. Knowing I won’t be falling back asleep, I might as well make breakfast because I'm starving. Trying not to disturb Julien, Ryder carefully rolls over and slips out of bed. Jayson and I follow.
“Anyone want breakfast?” I yawn.
“I’ll make it,” Ryder says, quietly opening the bedroom door.
Jayson heads to the bathroom connected to my bedroom. “You want in first?” he whispers to me. Julien's snores get louder and I cup my hand over my mouth to stifle my laugh.
I tell him no by shaking my head. He grins and I drop my hand to grin back.
When I walk into the kitchen, Ryder already has coffee brewing. I stop and lean against the entryway that connects the kitchen to the living room. Ryder’s bare, muscled back greets me, his sweatpants riding low and clinging to his hips. I watch as he adds two yellow packets of sweetener to the first cup of coffee and stirs. He picks up the mug and turns around.
“Hey. Didn’t hear you come in,” he says when he sees me.
“Just enjoying the view.”