by J. L. Wyer
“I’m Firecracker,” Meredith proudly tells everyone. “Elizabeth named me.”
“Like a pet,” Elijah teases her. I pat Meredith on the head, and she pretends to purr.
Meredith is shoving a slice pizza in her mouth like a chipmunk when Darrel comes in from the kitchen with a paper plate in his hand. He sees Meredith and his cheeks turn bright fuchsia. The two of them are so cute.
“God, I want to climb all over him right now,” she whispers to me between bites of pizza.
Ryder is close enough to hear her and starts choking on his food. “Jules, turn the movie on already,” he coughs out, and I just laugh.
Chapter 31
I Just Got You Back
Julien
It’s Sunday evening, the first full day we haven’t all stayed over at Liz’s. It’s funny how I miss her already. I don’t know about my brother or Ryder, but I liked having all of us under one roof; eating breakfast and dinner together, riding to school together like old times. Our families were cool about us sleeping at Liz's. Well, Elijah’s dad wasn’t. Elijah left every night around ten to head back to Highland but would meet back up with us after school. Because he was staying late at Liz’s every night, he has skipped meeting me for runs the past few mornings.
Just like we did before, Ry, Jay, and I sneaked inside Liz’s bedroom every night once Daniel retired to his room; all of us piling in her bed with her. Our parents, Brea, and Jamie came to visit Liz yesterday, and Daniel invited everyone to stay for a backyard cookout. Liz played her guitar for us. Listening to Liz play brought back a lot of memories for me and the guys.
After putting up with us invading his house for days, Daniel finally kicked us out this morning. No more sleepovers. Not for me or Jay, anyway. I'm pretty sure Ry will be sneaking back over tonight. I think Jay knows it too, as he's been practically fuming all day. He and Ryder have called a truce ever since Liz got out of the hospital, but I don’t think that’s going to last much longer. The brewing storm is about to rain down and I’ll be tossed between the two of them in a boat with no paddles. When it comes down to it, will I back my brother or my best friend? I guess the answer to my question comes down to Liz. I will more than likely back whatever she wants. And right now, she wants to be with Ryder. I’m still torn, though, because Jay is my twin and he’s hurting.
Elijah and I watch from the couch as Jay restlessly paces around the family room, waiting for Ry. Ry texted us an hour ago saying he was coming by to hang out for a bit, and I texted him back to warn him about Jay’s mood. My eyes track Jay and I know things are about to go down. I can feel it. Elijah feels it, too. But I’m not going to sit idly by and watch my brother ambush my best friend. So I wait and I watch.
Jay stops pacing and I sit up straighter when we hear a key turn in the front door. We’ve all had keys to each other's houses since we were kids and let ourselves in without knocking.
The thud of my pulse feels like a doomsday clock counting down. Five…the turn of a lock. Four…the opening of the door. Three…the sound of the door closing. Two…Ryder’s footsteps on the laminate wood floor. One.
“You and I need to talk,” Jay demands.
Ryder stops in front of the open archway between the kitchen and the family room. He shoves his hands in his denim pockets. “Say what you need to say, Jay.”
Jay doesn’t say anything. Before Elijah and I know what’s happening, Jay flies forward and smashes his fist into Ryder’s face. Ry stumbles to the side but doesn’t go down, a trickle of blood oozing from his cut lip. Elijah and I are up and pushing between the two of them before Jay can get off another shot.
Jay’s surprise attack helps me make my choice. I stand in front of Ryder and face my brother. “Stop, Jay.”
Jay tries to push past me, but Elijah checks him. Ryder remains calm and acts like nothing happened. He causally walks into the kitchen to get a chilled bottled of water out of the fridge. He places it to his mouth and leans back against the stainless-steel appliance. I’m thankful that Mom and Dad aren’t here. They're off grocery shopping.
“That’s the only shot you’re getting, Jay. I hope it was worth it,” Ryder tells him. “You said you wanted to talk, so talk.”
Elijah softens his grip on Jay’s arm. “You good now?” he asks him before releasing his hold completely. Elijah stands beside my brother, shoulder to shoulder. I guess he has chosen sides as well, and I scowl at my boyfriend. He and I are going to have our own talk later tonight.
Jay wipes his knuckles down his jeans. I can tell that he hurt his hand punching Ry.
“You’re a back-stabbing jerk, you know that Ry?” Jay spits out.
“You’re kidding me, right?” Ryder scoffs in disbelief. “Not too long ago, I poured my heart out to you about my feelings for Elizabeth, and you ran off in the night and stole her away before I had could get a chance to tell her how I felt.”
“I couldn’t steal something from you that was never yours to begin with. She chose me, Ryder. Not you.”
Ryder’s eyes narrow, their usual light brown color charring to an ominous black. “And now she’s choosing me,” he replies gravely.
Jay takes a menacing step towards Ry but stops himself. I’m afraid of the half smirk that forms on his face and I know he’s about to go for the jugular.
“I made Liz a promise and I will not go back on that promise. But know this — she will never be truly yours. I was her first love. Her first kiss. Her first time.”
Ryder physically flinches as Jay’s words hit him like a literal slap to the face.
Jay pauses, spearing Ryder with a gaze full of spite. “Her memories are coming back. She’s remembering. And there is no kiss, no touch, no word you will ever give that will prevent her from running back to me the minute her memories return. It’s only a matter of time. So enjoy your second chance while you have it, knowing that I’ll always be right here waiting for her to come back to me.”
I’m floored by what Jayson says. My brother may be an act-first-and-think-later kind of guy. He may be rash and reckless; determined and controlling. But he has never been purposefully cruel.
It breaks my heart when I see the hurt on Ryder’s face caused by Jay’s vitriolic words; each one like an arrow shooting straight through Ry’s heart. For the first time in my life, I’m ashamed of my brother. I want Ryder to say something. To defend himself. Defend his love for Liz and what they have together. But he says nothing because Ryder has always been the better person. I, however, am not. I may be the peacekeeper of our group, but I won’t stand by and allow Jay to hurt my best friend.
“You have it wrong, Jay. You knew full well that Liz loved Ryder when she was with you, and not once did she stray or cheat.” I use the words Liz said to me at the beach. “But right now, in this time and this space, she loves him. She wants to be with him. She made her choice, and she chose Ryder. She will not run away from the promise her heart made to him, memory or no memory.”
“Babe, I have to agree with Jay. If Liz gets her memory back, she’s going to break Ryder’s heart.”
“I think you need to shut up, E. You have no idea what you’re talking about. I know Liz. You don’t.”
“I have supported your feelings for Liz for years, Jules. I know you love her, too. But I trust you. I trust us. You have no right to talk to me like that.” Elijah stares me down, hurt and emotional, waiting for an apology. It’s one that I can’t give him right now.
He shakes his head. “Fine. You know what? Call me when you want to discuss this rationally. You’re too involved, Jules. You need to step aside and let Ryder and Jay settle things themselves, however they see fit. And without any interference from you.” Elijah cuffs Jayson on the back. “You need me, you know where to find me. Call me anytime.”
“Thanks, Elijah,” Jay tells him.
I remain stoic as I watch my boyfriend walk out. It’s then that I realize that Ryder is no longer in the kitchen. How did he leave without any of us noticing?
&nb
sp; ∞∞∞
Elizabeth
The guys not being here with me today felt weird. I had gotten used to them invading my space, messing up the toothpaste tube, and leaving the toilet seat up which was every, freaking time. Call me crazy, but those little things have me missing them and their messy chaos.
The sun is setting, and I walk out onto the back patio, phone in hand. I'm about to text Ryder to see if he wants to come over when I come to a stop. The man I was just thinking about is sitting on the steps that lead down to the backyard. His shoulders are hunched, and he’s staring out into the forest that lines our back property.
Ryder hears me coming up behind him and turns his head to look at me. My brilliant smile turns into a gasp when I see his swollen jaw. Dammit it, Jayson! I knew things were going to explode between the two of them, but I hadn’t expected it to be so soon, or so violent. It’s only been half a day since they left. Barely ten hours.
Even though I’m mad as hell at Jayson, I try to lighten the mood with a joke. “I hope you got in a good lick, too.”
“Not in the mood, Elizabeth,” he grumbles and faces back around.
“Ryder?” I cautiously inquire, squatting down behind him, moving my hands up his back to rest on his shoulders. What happened between the two of them tonight and how do I fix it? “Baby, please talk to me. You’re kind of freaking me out.”
I knew the baby would get him. It affects him just as much as it does me. He stands up, and I rise up with him. His chin falls to his chest, and his curled fists drag his knuckles up and down the sides of his jeans.
“I can’t lose you,” he whispers.
I slide around his side to stand in front of him, craning my neck back so I can see his face. I splay my left hand above his heart and take his right fist in my other hand, bringing it to rest above where my own heart beats. I want him to make the connection of our hearts being tied to one another’s.
“You’re never going to lose me,” I declare, hoping I can get through whatever invisible wall he has erected. “What’s brought this on? What did Jayson say to you?” I go up on tiptoe and kiss the hollow of his neck.
“Jesus, woman. Stop kissing me so I can think.”
Not on your life, I want to tell him. There is no universe that exists where I will not want to kiss this man every second of every minute of every day.
“Ryder, please talk to me.”
He shakes his head ‘no,’ and my green eyes meet the devastated amber of his own. Ryder needs something from me. Reassurance, maybe? Comfort? Love? Lucky for him, I am more than capable of providing all three.
I come closer so that my front is pressed to his. “I don’t know what nonsense Jayson put inside your head, but I’m going to show you how much I want you.” I kiss the underside of jaw. “How much I love you.” I kiss the side of his mouth. “How much I am yours and only yours.” I cradle his face and bring it down to mine so I can kiss the crease of his brow. “And you’re going to tell me what happened tonight so that I can show you those three things again, and again, and again, until you believe them.”
Ryder lifts me up in one lithe movement and sits me down on the patio table. I wrap my legs around his waist when he steps between them.
Fisting his T-shirt with both hands, I tug him closer. “Why do you think you’re going to lose me?” I ask him.
“Something Jay said. It struck a nerve.”
“Let me rephrase that. What precisely did Jayson say?”
“He reminded me that he was your first in everything.”
“I don’t remember him that way, Ryder. You are my first.”
His breath shudders out with relief and he begins to relax.
“What are the three things I told you, Ryder?”
“You said you want me.”
“And?”
“You said you love me.”
“What was the third thing?”
“You’re mine.”
When he says that, I kiss him hard. “Yes, Ryder. I am yours.”
Chapter 32
A New Friend
Elizabeth
Ryder is reclining on the couch with me spooned against him and his arm possessively wrapped around my waist. After our heart-to-heart and one very hot and heavy make-out session, we came inside and snuggled up together on the sofa. I can't recall what we've been watching on the television because we haven't stopped kissing each other yet.
I pull back slightly. “Ryder?”
“Yeah, baby.”
“You believe me, right? That I’m yours and I love you. Don’t let Jayson get in your head. Trust me when I tell you that he and I will have our own talk.”
“You don’t need to fight my battles for me, Elizabeth.”
“I have a feeling that this is also my battle. Besides, isn’t that what couples do? Fight for each other and stand by one another?” For some reason, my questions earn me a very long, toe-curling kiss.
“Yeah. That’s what they do,” he agrees.
“Remember your promise to me — that if you ever find yourself falling into a dark place, you come find me and talk to me first.” He nods and caresses my arm before resting his hand on my hip. We soon fall asleep in that position.
I wake up a few hours later, restless from a dream — or maybe it was a memory — of Jayson in a tuxedo taking a knee in front of me beside the Eiffel Tower.
I carefully ease out of Ryder’s embrace so as not to wake him. Even in the dark, I can make out the slight swelling on the side of his mouth. I lean over and plant a feathery kiss to the bruise. Scrubbing my hands over my face, I grab my phone from the coffee table to check the time. I silently groan. One in the morning. I’m still too restless to fall back to sleep. I look over at Ryder again. Despite the swelling, his face is relaxed and peaceful. He’s the most beautiful man I have ever seen. My girlie heart sighs and I shake my head at myself. Ryder takes such good care of me. He takes care of everyone. My guy is selfless and good and kind to the core.
An idea forms in my head and I tiptoe down the hallway to my bedroom. I can hear Daniel's soft snores through his closed bedroom door.
Sitting down on my bed, I open my contacts on my phone. Finding the name that I want, I type a quick message and hit send.
Me: It’s Elizabeth.
I don’t expect to get a response since it’s past midnight, so I’m surprised when one comes through almost immediately.
Fallon: Kitten?
Me: Do we have to go thru that again. Stop calling me kitten.
Fallon:
Fallon: Color me surprised when I say u r the last person I expected to text me.
Me: Well, this is new Elizabeth.
Fallon: Haven’t seen my boy all week. He ok?
Me: That’s why I’m texting u. Things are hard for him right now.
Fallon: What do u need me to do.
Just like that, I think. Just “what do you need me to do.”
Me: Something fun to distract him. Any ideas?
Fallon: Oh Elizabeth, u have no idea how dangerous those words are.
Fallon: I’ll get back in touch.
Me: Thanks Fallon.
Fallon: A secret for a secret?
Another flash of déjà vu hits me, but it makes me more curious than anything else.
Me: I’m game.
Fallon: I really like the new Elizabeth.
Fallon: What’s your worst fear?
I recline back against my pillows. My worst fear? I bite my lip. I have so many. Such as: fear of the night of the car accident; fear for my sister and wanting to know if she is alright; fear of losing Jayson and Julien; fear of losing Ryder. But my worst fear of all…
Me: Getting my memory back.
Me: Your turn.
Fallon: Having u think I’m worthless.
Me: What?
Fallon: Goodnight kitten.
Me: Fallon. Wait.
I stare at my phone for a good half hour, waiting for Fallon to reply.
&nb
sp; “Babe? What are you doing up?” Ryder asks from the open doorway, yawning hugely. He shuffles into my bedroom and plops down beside me on the bed. I’m able to hide my phone under my pillow before he sees it.
“Couldn’t sleep,” I tell him.
“Aren’t you supposed to go running with Julien in a few hours?”
I completely forgot about our five-a.m. run. “I’m supposed to. Maybe I should cancel, especially after what happened between you and Jayson.” I rest my head on his chest and his arm naturally wraps around me.
“Jules actually stood up for me against Jay.”
“I’m glad.” I will make sure to give Julien a big hug when I see him later.
“Come on. Let's get under the covers. You need to sleep.”
“Okay.”
I’m able to fall asleep in Ryder’s arms, but thoughts of Fallon’s text have me dreaming about sitting with him on a bench swing having a similar conversation. A secret for a secret.
Chapter 33
Not That Girl Anymore
Elizabeth
“How is he?” Julien asks me as we amble down the path side by side.
After jogging two miles, we slowed down to a walking pace so that we could talk about what went down last night between Jayson and Ryder. It’s the beginning of October and mornings are quite comfortable. A blanket of clouds hangs low, a precursor to the rain forecasted for later today. A few other joggers give us small waves as they pass by.
“First, why don’t you tell me what Jayson said to Ryder last night?” I counter.
Ryder was still asleep when I left this morning, so I wrote him a cute note and left it on my pillow. I wrote several more and placed them strategically around the bedroom where he would find them after he woke up. Well, the notes weren’t exactly cute. Some were love notes, while others were filled with promises, most of them naughty.
Daniel was already up, so I made sure to tell him that Ryder was asleep in my bedroom. I have to hand it Daniel; he’s been really cool about things. Most parents would flip out knowing that their daughter and her boyfriend had slept in the same bed. As much as Daniel worries about me, he’s also very understanding and unconventional with his parenting techniques. Since Daniel and my dad were brothers, how alike were they? Would my dad be as understanding as Daniel has been about Ryder staying over? As the big sister, would my parents have been stricter with me than with Hailey?