by J. M. Walker
An hour later and I pulled up in front of our house. Sunny was still straddling his bike in the middle of the driveway.
I parked, shut mine off, and joined Sunny.
He never looked my way. Instead, he sat there.
Silent and unmoving.
What could we even say?
I loved him. He loved me. Even though he never told me, I knew he loved me in his own way. But we never had sex before. I never even hinted at it. I was fine with him just wanting to share women. It never even crossed my mind to ask for more. And now…it was all I could think about. And my confession last night didn’t help.
“Shade.”
“What?” But I wouldn’t meet his gaze. How could I? I had been with the guy for years and I never touched him. Never kissed him. Never even held him. We shared a hug every now and again but that was it. I wasn’t sure what I needed anymore but I knew that I needed something.
“Look at me,” he demanded, that deep voice of his rumbling right to the marrow of my bones.
I may have been submissive when it came to Meadow but there was no way in hell that I was letting—
“Look at me,” he repeated, his voice firmer.
Much to my dismay, I looked at him. Like a good little boy, I did as I was fucking told. All because I couldn’t help it.
“What’s that look for?” Sunny asked, cocking his head to the side.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I murmured, heading up the sidewalk to the house. The small bungalow held so many memories. Happy times along with the sad. I could only hope that one day it would also have a woman living there with us. And maybe a kid or two.
When I went to open the door, a heavy hand cupped my shoulder.
“Shade, submitting is not a bad thing.”
My eyes snapped to his. “I know that. But I refuse to submit to you. I’ve submitted to a man before and look what happened.”
Sunny flinched like I had slapped him. “Are you comparing me to that fucker?”
“Shit.” I shook my head. “No. You’re not him.”
“But submitting to me makes you feel like you’re with him again. And yet, you submit to Meadow.” Sunny chuckled softly. “Wow, Shade. I knew we had issues, but this is…this is something else.”
“You know that’s not what I meant.” I followed him into the house, wishing he would talk to me.
Sunny continued walking down the hall, kicking off his shoes in the process, and tugging off his leather cut. But he didn’t say anything. No. Instead he closed up. Because that was what he did. Sunny Harrison didn’t say shit when he was backed into a corner.
“Sunny.”
Nothing.
“Talk to me.” I was pressing him, and I knew that eventually my pressing would make him blow but I needed something. Anything from him. Even if it was his full wrath.
“What do you want me to say?” he finally asked, throwing his keys into the wooden bowl our nephew had made us when he was a kid. Jaron, although not blood related, had insisted on making all of his uncles something when he had taken woodworking class in school. I wondered if he remembered that.
“I want you to say something. Anything. I don’t give a shit what,” I told Sunny, focusing back on the issue at hand.
“I’m going to take a shower.” Sunny shoved past me but not before I grabbed his arm.
“What are we doing? We’ve never fought over this shit before.” I released his arm and placed my hand against his chest. His heart beat hard beneath my palm.
Sunny’s brows narrowed. “Something changed last night, and I can’t figure out if it was for the better or for fucking worse.” In a quick move, he wrapped a hand around my throat and pushed me up against the wall.
My breath caught.
“You told me you want me to fuck you.” His eyes dropped to my mouth. “But I don’t know if I can. Can you be with me, knowing that this might not become physical?”
“It’s never been physical,” I reminded him. I took a chance and grabbed onto his hips, pulling him against me. His cock pushed against mine, igniting a burn I had never felt before. Not since fucking Meadow the night before and this morning. Over and over again.
“If we’re going to see Meadow again, we have to lay some ground rules,” he said, his voice raspy. “If we make this a thing and want to include her in on it, we have to talk to her.”
“Communication is key,” I murmured, using the words he had told me so long ago.
“Exactly.” Sunny inched forward, his mouth so close but yet so damn far away at the same time.
“This is getting pretty physical,” I told him, pulling his shirt from his jeans. “Are you…are you good?”
Sunny leaned a hand against the wall by my head. “I care about you, Shade. I’ve always cared about you. Our club brothers have been nothing but supportive of whatever it is that we have but you know it won’t go further than that.”
“I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks.”
He sighed, leaning his forehead against mine. “Yeah, you do. That’s why you’ve only ever been with one man.”
“No.” I pushed away from him. “That’s because he fucking raped me. That’s why I’ve only been with one man, Sunny.” Not letting him get another word in, I stormed down the hall to my own bedroom.
Both of us had rooms across from each other and one that was meant for whoever we decided to include in our duo. We had fucked random women in it from time to time, but it wasn’t the same. We needed someone else. Someone who lived with us. Someone who could put up with our issues and keep us in line. Someone who balanced us out. Someone who was the glue to our broken mess that we called a relationship.
Instead of going to my own room like I had originally planned, I pushed open the door to the room at the end of the hall. My gaze landed on the large bed that had been custom-made. It was a little bigger than a king-sized bed. Perfect for three people.
“Hey.” Sunny came up behind me. “I didn’t mean to bring that shit up.”
“I know.” I shut the door and went to walk past him when he stepped in front of me.
“I didn’t. I’m confused. This whole thing confuses me.”
“Yeah, Sunny.” I sighed. “I get that.”
“No.” He cupped my shoulders, pushing me against the wall. “I don’t think you do.”
Much to my surprise, his mouth came down on mine.
Hard.
***
(Sunny)
I had no idea what the hell I was doing. Did I want to fuck Shade? Did I want to take our friendship, hell, our relationship, to the next level? I wasn’t sure but what I did know, was that I wanted him. In some way, shape, or form. Maybe sex would eventually happen. I wasn’t sure, but I needed slow. As impatient as we both were, slow was how we were going to take this. Because his friendship came first and foremost.
When my mouth landed on Shade’s, his body stiffened and I thought I had fucked up. I went to pull away but his hand cupped my nape, tugging me against him.
Taking a chance, I licked along his bottom lip before closing my teeth and giving it a gentle nip.
He jumped, pulling me closer.
The kiss deepened, a groan falling between us. Maybe even a growl. I wasn’t sure. I didn’t care. This was…nice. Needed in a way.
“Sunny,” he whispered before the kiss could turn into anything more.
I leaned back, brushing my thumb along his swollen bottom lip. “I don’t know what I’m doing but whatever it is, I’m glad I’m doing it with you.”
He gave me a small smile. “Same.”
Stepping away from him, I cleared my throat and rubbed the back of my neck. “I need slow though. I can’t lose you and I’d rather be friends than for me to fuck this up and lose you completely.”
Shade rolled his eyes. “We’ve been through hell together, Sunny. Remember? And I know you’re an asshole, so I can’t see you fucking this up.”
I chuckled, punching his arm.
“O
w, fucker.” He rubbed the spot I hit. “You can’t kiss me and then hit me.”
“Try me.” I stepped up to him, hooked my arm around his shoulders and kissed his cheek. “Thank you for being patient with me.”
“Always.” Shade wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me against him. “You will never have to worry about not being able to take things slow with me. I get it.” He released me and started walking down the hall. “I’m going to call Greyson and check in. See if he needs us for anything today.”
“Okay.” I gave myself a shake, thankful that turned out better than I thought it would.
While Shade called Greyson Mercer, the president of Hell’s Harlem, I took a long, hot shower. As much as I didn’t want to wash Meadow off of me, I needed the scalding liquid to ease my aching bones. I had no idea why she liked older men. I was grumpy, mean as fuck, and my bones hurt. All the damn time.
Once I finished my shower, I quickly got dressed and joined Shade out in the living room. He was sitting on the couch on the phone, with his head in his hands.
“Yeah...No. He never said anything more than that.” Shade looked up then. “Hold on.” He set the phone on the coffee table in front of him and pressed a button. “Sunny’s here and you’re on speaker.”
“Good. Sunny, I was just filling Shade in on the fact that Tanner decided to make an appearance last night,” Greyson explained. “It seems Meadow riled him up.”
My back stiffened. “What?” I knew what that meant too. It meant that Tanner had taken a liking to her. Well over my dead fucking body.
“What did he say?” Shade asked, his voice coming out rough.
I sat beside him. When our knees touched, a spark of need shot through me. It was unexpected. I almost pulled away when Shade’s hand landed on my knee.
He glanced at me then, but I refused to meet his gaze. I didn’t know what I was doing, and I didn’t need his questioning stares making it worse.
“He said that he ran into the both of you and met this tiny little thing that had a mouth on her.” Greyson paused. “Listen, I can’t control what you do outside of the club. Hell, I can’t control you within the club either but when it comes to Meadow, I can’t protect you if something happens to her.”
“We won’t hurt her,” I told him.
“I know you won’t, but you also know Tanner and his sick fucking ways.”
I grunted. “We’ll watch out for her.”
“We will,” Shade said, leaning back against the couch. “Have you heard anything else?”
“Jaron’s supposed to be meeting up with—hey, beautiful. What’s wrong?”
“Sorry to interrupt,” came his wife’s reply in the background. Their voices became muffled when Greyson covered the phone. “Guys,” Grey said, coming back a moment later. “I have to go. Eve got food poisoning after eating some bad meat.”
“Shit. That’s the worst. Hope she feels better,” Shade said, grimacing.
“Grey, you should really learn how to clean yourself and maybe that won’t happen to her again,” I threw at him.
“Ha. Fucking. Ha.” Greyson chuckled. “See you this weekend?”
“Of course,” Shade and I said in unison.
We said our goodbyes and Shade disconnected the call.
“What do you think Tanner wants with Meadow?” he asked, stretching his long legs out in front of him.
“I have no idea, but I don’t like it. At all.” I scrubbed a hand down my face. “Maybe we should talk to her.”
“Or we wait and see if he actually does anything? He could have said more to Grey last night but…”
“We’ll wait so he can take care of his wife.” I had always liked Eve. She kept Greyson on his toes and never gave him a hard time whenever he went on a ride with us. Although he was retiring as president soon, she had supported his club life ever since we met her so many years ago.
“Yeah,” Shade said.
A moment of silence fell between us.
Was this how it was going to be? We shared a kiss and now it was…weird.
“You’re making it weird again,” Shade said, nudging me in the shoulder.
“I know.” He was so damned in tune to me, it was like he could hear what I was thinking before I even said anything. Another sigh left me.
“Hey.” Shade linked his fingers in mine, holding my hand between us. “I’m good with slow, Sunny.”
“Fifteen years is more than fucking slow. It’s not even a snail’s pace.”
“I don’t give a shit about that.” He lifted my hand. “Look at this.”
I looked. I looked fucking hard.
Both of our hands were calloused from work. I was a mechanic, so my hands were always dirty no matter how many times I cleaned them. They had become stained from years of working on cars, bikes, and even rigs.
“Meadow never pointed out my dirty hands,” I mumbled.
“She probably doesn’t care. They aren’t even dirty. They’re stained.” Shade turned his body toward me, dropping our hands on his lap. “I liked seeing you with her.”
My body stirred at the memories of the night before. So much pleasure erupted between the three of us. It had never been like that with any of the other women we had shared.
“What’s different about her?” I asked, pulling my hand from his. “We just met her, but it was so damn perfect, I want more. And I don’t know why.”
“I don’t know either, Sunny.”
I rested my arm across his lap, wanting more but scared to even hint for something.
“You know you’re the only person I’ve ever opened up to. Even though we’ve never had sex, you still know more about me than…than…”
I met his gaze. “I know.”
Shade stood from the couch. “Beer?”
“Sure.”
He nodded, headed to the kitchen, and came back a moment later with two beers. He twisted the caps off of both and handed me one before sitting beside me.
He turned on the TV, flipped through a couple of channels until settling on an old horror movie that we had seen countless times thanks to another club brother and his wife having an obsession with them.
“I like this one,” Shade said, taking a swig of his beer.
I liked the movie too, but I couldn’t concentrate on it. No, instead, all I could think about was his lips pressed up against the head of the bottle. Or how the cords in his thick neck worked with each swallow. Or how a drop of liquid leaked out from the corner of his mouth. He wiped it away and was about to stick his finger between his lips when I stopped him.
The move had been so quick, I surprised myself.
Shade’s eyes widened. “What are you doing?”
Instead of answering him, I brought his hand to my mouth and stuck his finger between my lips. Licking the drop off of his finger, I kept my eyes locked on his. I didn’t know what had possessed me to make such a move but when Shade’s pupils dilated, and his nostrils flared, I knew I had made the right choice.
***
(Shade)
This was new. For him and for me. Although I had been with a man, that had been years ago, and it didn’t turn out well.
Sunny released my hand, sitting back. “I…I’m not—”
Before he could close up on me, I grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him against me.
“Shade,” he said, his voice raspy.
“Just shut up and kiss me.” I cupped his nape, pulling him forward.
“Slow,” he ground out before he covered my mouth with his. Although he had insisted on taking things slow, he pushed me back, deepening the kiss.
I groaned, sliding my hands down his broad back.
Sunny pushed his way between my knees, rubbing his pelvis against mine. A growl sounded, I wasn’t sure if it had come from him or me.
Wrapping a hand around my jaw, he tilted my head and split my lips apart with his tongue.
“Sunny,” I whispered against his mouth.
He relea
sed me, staring down at me with eyes that had never been hungry for me before. “I’m sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?” I asked, licking my lips.
“I want slow, but I also want…” He sat back on his ankles, pushing a hand through his hair.
“Hey.” I sat up, my gaze falling to the large bulge in his gray sweatpants. I swallowed hard, knowing that if we ever took it further, he would hurt. And it would hurt so fucking good. “I don’t know how Meadow did it. Taking both of us.”
Sunny stood and sat behind me. Pulling me back against him, he wrapped his arm around my middle. “I could feel you inside her.”
I smirked. Sitting up and taking a chance, I looked at him. “I want…”
“What?” Sunny cupped himself. “This? Because as hard as I am, I don’t know if I can do that. Not tonight.”
“I know. I can wait. I just…” I took a chance and reached out to him. I placed my hand on his knee, sliding it up to his inner thigh.
His breath hitched but when he didn’t push me away, I continued. I could feel his gaze burning into the top of my head, but I refused to meet his stare, knowing that I would lose this moment of bravery if I did.
His cock jumped beneath the fabric of his pants, hardening the higher my hand went.
“I want to touch you,” I told him, licking my lips.
“Do it,” he growled, laying back against the arm of the couch.
My heart hammered in my ears, knowing this would be the next step and we wouldn’t be able to go back from this.
My fingers brushed over the hem of his shirt, slipping beneath the fabric and running along the waist of his pants. Moving to my knees, I towered over him, lifted the hem of his shirt, and reveled in the way his abs jumped under my scrutiny.
Lowering my mouth to his hip, I licked along the hard edges. When he didn’t stop me, I continued.
His breathing picked up, his fingers tightening on the cushion beneath us.
Pushing my hand beneath his shirt, I splayed it across his heart.
I licked and bit. Sucked and nibbled. My mouth traced every inch of his lower stomach. My tongue dipped between the creases of his abs, dove into his belly button and devoured every inch of his torso.
Taking a chance, I looked up the length of his body.