by Jack Stroke
Joan wrapped Amber up in a big hug until she was able to talk again. Amber had no idea how much time passed. Finally she extracted herself and had a sip of water.
“Thanks, Joan.”
“Of course.” The older woman’s face was full of concern and love. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“I… I was assaulted.”
“Oh, Amber… That’s terrible. Have you been to the police? What happened?”
Salty tears and snot ran down the back of Amber’s throat. “Ellis…”
“Ellis? Ellis assaulted you?” It was subtle, but it was there. Joan moved away, just slightly. “Ellis assaulted you? Where?”
“At their place. I went over to see Megan and Ben and they weren’t there, but Ellis was and he… And he…”
“And he what?” The kindness and concern hadn’t entirely disappeared, but it was drying up fast, replaced by a firmness in Joan’s tone.
“He tried to…”
“Amber, I’m confused. What happened? Did Ellis assault you or not?”
“I … He tried to.”
“He tried to? What is ‘tried to’?” Joan let out a long sigh. “Oh, Amber… I thought we were finished with all this nonsense. We don’t want any more of these silly games.”
“Games?”
“Ellis is Ben’s father. We have to make the best of that. Even you. Oh, you foolish girl. I thought you had learned.”
“Joan, he —”
“He what? Almost assaulted you? Nearly assaulted you?” Joan stood.
“Yes.”
Joan rolled her eyes.
“Why… why don’t you believe me?”
“I would love to believe you. Just like I would have loved to believe you that you weren’t stalking him and making up crazy stories. Or that you had changed and would make a real effort now that Ben is here.”
The lounge room was suddenly smaller, the walls closing in around them. If Amber didn’t do something, they would squash her.
“I didn’t… This isn’t my fault… He… ”
“You don’t always get things your own way. That’s life. Deal with it. Now, give me your glass, I’ll get you some fresh water.”
Amber remained glued to her seat. She wanted to run and hide, except where would she run to? Where would she ever feel safe again?
53
As the sun took over the sky, Amber made her way to the owner’s cottage.
Something wasn’t right. Usually the smell of food hit her on the way in. This morning there was nothing. Joan and Megan were at the table, Megan on her phone. Joan looked like she was about to cry. She had half a grapefruit sitting in front of her, regarding it like the piece of fruit was something she had retrieved from Lion’s kitty litter.
“What’s with the grapefruit?” Amber asked.
“Oh, please, don’t you start as well,” Joan said. “Megan hasn’t stopped going on about it.”
“Mum is trying to be healthy. Although she doesn’t seem to realise she needs to do more than just stare at it.”
“Stop it, Megan.”
“Good for you, Joan.”
“Not much point cooking if there is no one to cook for.”
“Stop being such a drama queen. Ben is only gone for a few days. I’m still here. And Ellis. And we’ll never be rid of Beetroot.”
“I’m not sunburnt anymore, Megan.”
“So? Still funny.”
Joan picked up her spoon, face as sour as what she was trying to eat.
“Don’t know why you’re bothering, Mum. Thirty years ago, sure. But what’s the point now?”
“Stop it, Megan. There is no reason to be cruel.”
A healthier diet wouldn’t hurt Megan either, but Amber stayed out of it.
“Too bad, Amber. You come to mooch at breakfast and there’s nothing here,” Megan said, enjoying herself. “Actually, you can have some of Mum’s grapefruit if you want. She’s not going to touch it. No, scratch that. You probably like grapefruit.”
“I didn’t come for food. I came to speak to Joan.”
“Fine, speak away.”
“Alone.”
“Whatever. I’ve got a hot date anyway.” Megan stood. “Oh, we’re going to Bellies in Port Simmons for brunch. Do you need the address?”
“Why would I need the address?”
“Make it easier for you to spy on us.”
Amber didn’t take the bait.
“Whatever. I’m off to eat some nice greasy food. Sausages and eggs and bacon. Enjoy your grapefruit, Mum.”
She stomped out.
“That girl…” Joan said, spoon hovering.
It was like watching an untrained person attempt to do surgery. The first incision caused the grapefruit to squirt in all directions. Joan put the utensil back down, repulsed.
“What can I do for you, Amber?”
Bugs swarmed through Amber’s veins. She had to jump in and do it. Why couldn’t she be at work right now, killing someone? Even a tough assignment would be easier than this.
“I have to talk to you, Joan.”
“Okay…”
“No, really talk to you, and you have to listen.”
“I always listen.”
Amber moved the grapefruit to the far end of the table, which was a relief for both of them.
“Joan, Ellis assaulted me.”
“Oh, Amber,” Joan said in her well-worn disappointed tone.
“Stop. Just listen to what I’m saying,” Amber said impassively. “I’m not looking for sympathy or any type of action. I simply need you to comprehend this.” She took her time. “He almost raped me.”
“What is ‘almost’ raped?” Still cynical.
“He held me down and attempted to pull my clothes off me. He absolutely would have raped me if Megan and Ben hadn’t got home.”
The old lady’s features softened slightly.
“I need you to know this happened and I’m not making it up.”
“When was this?”
“Does it matter?”
“Answer the question, please.”
“Eighteen years ago. Just after Ben was born.”
“Oh, Amber,” Joan said, reaching across and putting a hand on Amber’s. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I did.”
Joan froze, completely at a loss.
54
Joan crinkled her eyes. “What do you mean you told me?”
“Immediately after it happened. I was upset. I didn’t know where to go. I came and saw you.”
“Where was this?”
“McKinnon Road. You turned me away.”
It was clear Joan had no idea what she was on about, filling Amber with elation and disappointment. She had carried this for so long; how could Joan not even remember? And if she didn’t, Amber felt she was assaulting the old woman with the information, like an unprovoked attack. Still, it was important to plough on.
“Joan?”
“Don’t be silly,” Joan said, ripping her hand away.”If you had told me that, I would remember. I’m old, not senile.”
“I came over to your place. I was crying. Pablo was there. He had no idea what to do.”
“Well, that part sounds true. He was a lovely man but useless. What are you trying to suggest? That I am some sort of unfeeling monster? That if someone I love was upset, I would just ignore them?”
“No… No.”
“What are you trying to say, Amber?”
“That it happened. That’s all. You pushed me away, Joan. You chose him over me.”
“Him?”
“Ellis. And you’re doing it again now.”
“Oh, Amber.” Her face filled with compassion. “You silly girl. I never made any such choice and neither did Megan.”
“But I’m not family. Not real family.”
“Oh, pish posh. You are family to us.”
“But —”
“You were the one who always tried to make it him or you. Neither Megan nor I never
did. I would never choose him over you. Not now, not then.”
“You did and you are. I’m not imagining it. There is an issue here.” She indicated to herself and Joan.
“Maybe… But that has nothing to do with Ellis.”
55
Amber waited for Joan to go on. She didn’t.
“What issue?”
“The issue where you told Ted to cut off my toe.”
Amber breathed out slowly. “I didn’t tell him to cut off your toe. That is not what happened.”
“I was there, Amber.”
“I distracted him, so that Ben and I could try and save your life. Ted was going to do a lot worse than cut off your toe, trust me.”
“Yes, and why was that, Amber? Because you killed his daughter.”
“To stop him killing Ben.”
“And so you shot him in the face with a flare.”
Joan turned up both hands, not interested in hearing anymore.
Yes. That part about the flare was right. Amber went quiet, not sure how they’d ended up here.
“In the face,” Joan repeated eventually.
“It was to save your life. All of our lives.”
“Maybe…”
No, not maybe. Definitely. She didn’t argue the point.
“It’s an issue, Amber. That’s all I’m saying. I don’t want it to be, but it is.”
That made sense. Amber didn’t want what happened with telling Joan about the assault to be an issue either, yet clearly it was.
“What do we do?”
“We figure it out. Work through it. What we don’t do is run away.”
The two women sat there, processing their thoughts. It was a while until Joan spoke.
“Do you know what I remember from that time?”
“What time?”
“Back then, with you and Megan. Before Ben was born. You were trouble. You enjoyed drama, the pair of you. Add Ellis to the mix, and oh boy.”
“You always talk about how lovely I was.”
“And you were. That doesn’t mean you weren’t in trouble. And then Megan got pregnant, and you couldn’t seem to understand things had changed. It’s like you’d all been playing a game. Everyone else realised it was time to stop, but you couldn’t help yourself. You had to keep playing.”
“I never wanted to play. At all.”
“Whatever the reason, you were incredibly difficult, and everybody got sick of it, quite frankly. You didn’t like Ellis and were determined to burn it all down. We tried everything, but you wouldn’t listen.”
“I can be pretty stubborn.”
“You and Megan both. Listen, if something happened back then and I didn’t listen, I’m terribly sorry. It was a challenging time for everybody. But I would never ever deliberately push you away. Not then, not now. We need you. You make Megan a better person.”
“Right. Well, that’s clearly not working.”
“Are you kidding? You should see what she’s like when you’re not around. She needs you here, Amber. We all do.”
They stood. Joan wrapped Amber up in a hug. It was warm and familiar.
“That’s terrible,” she said finally. “About Ellis.”
Like she was just now processing it.
“It was eighteen years ago.”
“Still. What are you going to do about it?”
“Nothing. I’m over it. I just didn’t realise it.”
“Why you stupid girls ever got involved with that boy I will never understand. But whether I like him or not is irrelevant. He is Ben’s father.”
For some reason this sent a chill through Amber. Why? It’s not like this was new information.
“I know.”
“Do you? You never seemed to get it back then.”
“Maybe.” Amber moved to the door. “And Joan? I’m sorry about telling Ted he could cut off your toe.”
“Thank you. As long as it doesn’t happen again.”
Amber wasn’t sure which part Joan was referring to. It didn’t seem worth clarifying.
56
The vial burned a hole in Ben’s leg.
The thing was tiny, about the size of those little sauce sachets that come with sushi. It was red-hot, searing his flesh through the fabric of his pants.
“You okay?” Nicole asked.
“Sure.”
They were sitting on the bed in her room, leaning against the bedhead. Legs outstretched.
Ben had arrived about twenty minutes earlier. The security guard asked his name and business. Ben was convinced he was done right there. The guy had to have seen right through him. Know what he was up to. Or would frisk him and find the vial. Surprisingly, Ben was allowed in and made his way up to Nicole’s bedroom with her.
“Is this okay?” he asked on their way.
“Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Is… Is your dad home?”
“Who knows? Does it matter?
He supposed not. And besides, the house was so big it could take him a full couple of hours to find them if he was around. He was tempted to ask to see the ballroom, just to have a look at what it was like with no people. As just another room in the house.
They were sitting on Nicole’s bed. Close. Legs touching again.
“Don’t be nervous.”
“I’m not nervous.”
“You’re cute.” She held his hand which immediately became as hot as the vial on his leg. “Relax, tiger. Haven’t you ever been in a girl’s bedroom before?”
Not one he was about to kill, that’s for sure. Ben caught himself. He very nearly came clean. The whole thing almost came tumbling from his mouth. No filter at all. Not intentionally, it just almost spilled out.
He would be nervous enough in a situation like this. Alone with an attractive girl, in her bedroom. That would be different nervous though. Was he supposed to kiss Nicole? Despite the desire, he couldn’t bring himself to. It felt wrong somehow. She was so pretty. Would it help if she was ugly? Made things easier?
Ben took a selfie with the burner phone. She looked good. They both did.
Nicole put her head on Ben’s shoulder and giggled. “I can hear your heart…”
“Okay.”
“In your shoulder.” She giggled again.
Probably right. He had just spotted her water bottle, and it wasn’t making him feel much better.
“How do I do this?” Ben had asked Shake earlier.
“Put this in her drink.” Shake held up the vial.
“And?”
“And nothing.”
“Will she taste it?”
“Tasteless.”
“Are you sure?”
“You want to test and see?”
Ben scowled at Shake, not in the mood. “How does it work?”
“You put it in her drink, she drinks it.”
“The poison.”
“You sure you want to know?”
“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.”
“That’s not necessarily true… It replicates a seizure. At some point in the next forty-eight hours she will —”
“Won’t that be obvious?”
“How so?”
“If she has never had a seizure before.”
“No one has ever had a seizure until their first one. That’s the way seizures are diagnosed.”
Ben breathed deeply.
“It’s a job, Benny. Think of it like that. Get in, do what you’ve gotta do and get out. Of course, that’s easy for me to say, but it’s almost impossible to do, especially on your first assignment.”
“Thanks. You’re a great help.”
“That’s all this is. A job. The rest is in your head.”
It felt real enough, back there in the crappy motel room, but here, now, right on the precipice… Ben gulped.
“Thanks for coming over,” Nicole said. “I would have been, like, so bored.”
She leaned in and kissed him. He kissed back. Except he couldn’t feel his lips. Oh, God… If he did t
his, could he kiss her after? Did he run the risk of poisoning himself? Why hadn’t he thought to ask Shake that? Although if he had, he could imagine Shake’s response.
“Nikki?” The voice came from the hall and struck Ben like lightning.
“Yeah, Daddy?” She grinned at Ben. “It’s fine. Relax.”
Nicole got up and let herself out.
The water bottle was right there. Now was his chance. Ben pulled the vial from his pocket. He was liable to spill the whole damn lot, his arm was shaking so much.
“Come on. Calm down,” he said aloud. It didn’t help.
What did Amber do in these situations? Had she ever poisoned someone like this? Someone so… alive? So…
‘Come on. Don’t think about it. It’s just a job,’ he told himself, mimicking Shake.
He had the water bottle in his other hand, both the bottle and the vial now shaking violently. He could hear them talking outside the door.
Wait a minute… Was this the right move? What if Nicole didn’t drink from the bottle? This could be yesterday’s water. She might tip it down the sink. Even if she didn’t, how was he supposed to make sure she drank it? Or was that overthinking everything?
Outside the door, the conversation was wrapping up. It was now or never.
Was Ben doing this or not?
57
Amber sat outside cabin six in the morning sun. Paradise by the Bay was the same. The buildings hadn’t rearranged themselves. Across the road the tide marched in and out as always. The sun shifted slowly in the sky. That was the only noticeable difference, and yet somehow everything had changed. A weight had been lifted from Amber’s shoulders. So heavy. How had she not realised she had been carrying it all these years?
Around her the air was cleaner. The warmth of the sun on her skin so much more vivid. Crazy. A whole world of possibilities opened up. They weren’t there before, were they? Amber could do anything, be anything.
Joan’s little hatchback pulled up. If she had to guess, Amber would have said Megan and Ellis were arguing. If they weren’t, their conversation was certainly animated.