by Natalie Ann
“Here you go,” she said, then sat down and started to fill her plate. “Yes. I’m not sure when he started to cheat. Could have been all along, or it could have been when I got sick of paying his debts off and told him to get his own credit cards and deal with them himself. After that I didn’t see his expenses and maybe that was my mistake.”
“Or it could be he was more careful about hiding it from you before,” he said. “Did you need to control it all?”
“No,” she said. “I didn’t want to. He assumed that my family was going to take care of us. I think he figured it was a free ride. I’m not frivolous like that. I know it seems like that with the house, but that is the only thing where I knew I’d get what I wanted. For obvious reasons.”
He looked up and grinned. “I didn’t expect any differently.”
“Kevin thought my family was just going to pay for the house. Like it was a free gift or something.”
“That’s stupid.”
“But that was him. No, I didn’t pay full price. None of us did. But we did pay for materials. Little did I know Kevin’s credit was so bad, I couldn’t get the loan even for that. I’d just finished college and started to work full time.”
“You’re joking,” he said. “You had no idea?”
“No. We were living in a townhouse my family owned. Living for free because I wasn’t working much and my parents weren’t thrilled with my fast marriage and wanted to make sure I still finished school and got the start I should have had.”
Again, that didn’t surprise him. “What did Kevin do?”
“He’s a car salesman. That’s how we met. My parents bought me a car for graduation and he sold it to us.”
“Sounds like he did a good job selling a lot more than a car,” he said and regretted those words the minute they were out of his mouth. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s the truth. You don’t know half of it. No one does.”
“Why?”
“It’s embarrassing and upsetting. I didn’t realize I was that bad of a judge of character and that has made me skittish about moving forward. Or getting close to anyone. We had a fast divorce. Not contested. He thought he’d get half the house until he found out it was in my parents’ name. He wasn’t entitled to any of it. He was pissed and another massive fight ensued and he said something that I think he regretted saying.”
“What’s that?” he asked, taking a bite of his own food, then putting some mashed potatoes into Ben’s mouth. So far his son was being better than he thought he’d be. “Or would you rather not say?”
“I find I want to. I think I need to tell you. I know you are wondering why I don’t have children when it’s all I talked about wanting.”
“It’s crossed my mind. You were married, what? Ten years?”
“Close to it. We decided to wait to start a family until I finished college, but once I did I wanted to start trying. After a year I wondered what could be wrong and started to have some tests done. Years of tests and procedures and they couldn’t find any reason why I couldn’t conceive.”
“Was he tested?” he asked.
She put her head down and moved her food around on her plate. “No. Another thing no one knows and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t say it either. But I found out I was pregnant before we got married. Just a few days late and I took a test. It was positive. Before I could get into the doctor’s, I got my period. They ran tests and said that I was pregnant and had a miscarriage, but I was young and shouldn’t have a problem again.”
He wondered if that was why they rushed to get married but then why follow through if there was no baby? Not the time to ask it. “But you did?”
“I did. It was heartbreaking. It caused fights because I felt like I was alone in trying to have a child.”
“Was?” he asked
“Our last fight he laughed at me when he realized he wasn’t getting a dime in the divorce and said he’d gotten a vasectomy.”
“Are you shitting me?” What kind of sick bastard plays on his wife’s emotions that way?
“No. I didn’t believe him. Or didn’t want to. He was a slob and I knew there were a bunch of papers in the basement in boxes when I was cleaning his office out after I found out he was cheating. I went through them and found the doctor’s slip from that day. Not sure why he kept it, but he never threw anything out. He’d had it done when I was on a girl’s trip with my mother, aunt, and Kaelyn.”
“Why didn’t you tell anyone what you found out?” he asked.
“Because Ryan already beat the shit out of him and my parents had to retain a lawyer to get it wiped away. If they knew this, not only would Ryan be in jail, but my father and cousins too.”
He was positive of that and felt the urge to hunt the bastard down himself.
“Damn,” he said. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
“Why are you telling me all of this?”
“I want you to know. I haven’t ventured out much and I know you’re aware I always wanted kids. You were my first love. Things didn’t end the way I would have hoped, but I’m to blame for that and I know it.”
That was the last thing he expected to hear.
8
Never Forget Your First
“I ended things,” he argued. “Not you.”
“Because I scared you,” she said. “I know it.”
Trey looked offended that she’d said that, but she didn’t care. She’d worked up the courage for this dinner with him and she knew he was nervous about it. She’d seen it on his face. She wanted him to know that she had a lot of mistakes in her past and was owning them.
That she was human too.
“Any seventeen-year-old would think it was too much,” he said. “You were talking about wedding gowns and baby names. Hell, you even said your initials would stay the same.”
She flushed over that reminder. “I had stars in my eyes. I’ve been told I’m an old romantic soul. It was wrong of me to pass that onto you at such a young age. You’d given enough clues and statements I was pushing things and I didn’t want to listen.”
“Was it because we were each other’s firsts?” he asked.
“I don’t know. They say you never forget your first. Maybe that was part of it. We’ve both moved on from that.”
“I hope you’re not blaming me for picking an asshole husband out since he was right after we split?”
“God no,” she said loudly causing Ben to jump. “Here, I’m done eating. Pass him to me so I can have fun and feed him. You eat.”
He hesitated and handed his son over. “Just wanted to make sure,” he said.
“I can own my mistakes. Getting pregnant was an accident. Looking back, Kevin was pissed. I wasn’t on the pill and there must have been an issue with the condom.”
“Once the baby was no longer in the picture, why did you get married?”
“I was in love. I didn’t see the side of him that came out after. He wasn’t happy about the pregnancy, but it happened. He knew I wanted kids. He also knew I was going to finish college.”
“You didn’t want to stay local, why did you?”
“I didn’t at first. You know that. It was another thing you and I talked about. You wanted to stay here and do your thing and I wanted you to go with me.” More silly ideas in her head back then. “I went away that first semester and we dated long distance. I had plans to transfer back when I found out I was pregnant. He’s the one that said we should get married. That he missed me.”
“Missed what he could get out of your family maybe?” he asked.
“Definitely that. As I said, he thought he was getting a free ride. I let him assume it and that was wrong of me. There was no talking him out of it happening though. I had a lot of debt no one knew about and it’s taken care of now. I finally put my foot down. We didn’t have the best marriage.”
“Obviously, if he let you believe there was something wrong with you that you couldn’t get pregnant.”
<
br /> “No reason to go into more details. I know many thought I was stuck-up or saw myself as better than others in school. I really wasn’t.”
“No,” he said. “It’s you had so much more and people saw it and wanted it.”
“They did. Never you though. I also know it bothered you at times.”
He nodded his head. “We don’t come from the same place. I couldn’t give you what you wanted or saw yourself having in life.”
“What? Messed up relationships? Money doesn’t seem to change that. I just told you all the dirt in my closet. I wasn’t looking at money back then.”
“No. I’ve had my fair share of bad relationships too.”
She wanted to know about Ben’s mother but figured he’d tell her if or when he was ready. Maybe she died and it was too painful.
“My point is—I asked you here because I wanted you here. Yes, I want to play with this cutie, but I didn’t know you had a child when I brought pizza to the firehouse. I was going to get a better look at you again.”
“Did you like what you saw?” he asked, grinning.
“Obviously. I always did. I’m not the same person I was in school. I don’t see rainbows and unicorns anymore. I’m not planning my life out in steps and years either. Nor do I try to do that for other people. I’m going day by day. It didn’t work out so well for me before on more than one level.”
“So you’re saying that so I’m not running scared?” he asked, laughing.
“Just making a statement. And maybe we’ve talked too much about the past. Though I don’t date much, even I know talking about exes on the first date is a no-no. I thought I’d clear the air.”
“I hurt you and I was wrong for that.”
“You were honest. You were kind with the way you ended things and though I didn’t think so back then, I was a kid. We were both kids.”
“Maybe you weren’t the only one that was hurt,” he said.
“I wondered.” She’d thought he was in love with her, but it could have just been words back then.
“Why don’t we change the subject for now? I think Ben is full.”
“I figured as much since he keeps turning his head from the spoon,” she said. “Do you want something to drink, Ben?”
Trey pushed the bottle of milk close to her and she handed it over to Ben. He put it in his mouth and started to drink it fast. “He’s a guzzler.”
“Bet he was a puker then.”
“At first. He didn’t like I took it away from him every few ounces to burp. When he wants something, he goes for it. Now that he is crawling, he’s into everything.”
“I’m sure.”
Trey stood up. “I’ll clean up if you want to hold him.”
“You don’t need to do that,” she said, standing.
“Sit. I don’t need to do a lot of things in life and do them anyway. You went all out and cooked us dinner. The least I can do is clean up.”
If she thought he was sexy walking up her steps carrying his son with a diaper bag over his shoulder, having Ben sitting on his lap while the two of them ate and he alternated bites, then it was nothing compared to him cleaning the table and loading her dishwasher.
He had on a pair of jeans that fit him well and a T-shirt that hugged him even better. His biceps were bigger than years ago. Probably through hard work more than a gym.
“I feel your eyes on me,” he said, turning.
“Caught,” she said. “You look good.”
“Same,” he said. “So we talked about you changing, but I don’t think you did that much. This house looks exactly like I thought it would from your style years ago.”
“It mostly was, but I made more changes four years ago.” No reason to have any sign of Kevin having been in the house. “By the way, it’s mine now. I don’t want you to think my parents support me. They don’t. They helped because I was young and I guess in their own way they didn’t think the marriage would last. It’s probably best I didn’t have kids.”
Once the divorce was final, her parents signed the house over to her. She’d taken a mortgage out to pay them back the remaining balance from the payments she’d been making.
“You don’t need to explain those things to me.”
“I don’t but I am.”
“We can lighten things up. Are you still a big reality TV show fan? Wasn’t Survivor your favorite?”
Funny how he remembered that about her. Her ex-husband couldn’t sit and watch TV with her, but Trey did.
“I am. Do you still watch it?”
“Sometimes. Not much. It’s not like I’ve got a lot of free time for TV.”
“True. Well, not sure if you caught the season a few years ago where a local was on the show. Parker Reed?”
“A few episodes. It was hard not to and the guys at the firehouse were talking about it and her. Local celebrities, even if it’s just a few minutes of fame, get attention.”
“Very true. I loved her. But how’s this for being a small world? She’s in a relationship with Evan.”
“You’re cousin Evan?” he asked.
Ben tossed his bottle to the floor, it being drained now, and was wiggling to get down. She figured maybe it was best to let him move and set him down but got on the floor next to him. “Yes. She bought a house across the street from him in the summer. It’s not common knowledge, but she’s pregnant.”
“Oh,” he said, grinning.
She smiled. She wasn’t hurt over that. That so many in her family were having kids. Her time would come. She was positive. There didn’t seem to be a reason why it wouldn’t, but she couldn’t tell that to anyone either.
“Accidents happen,” she said.
“They do.”
Ben sat back and started to rub his eyes and let out a few shouts. “Is he okay?”
“Tired,” he said.
The dishes were all loaded up and the pans in the sink. He started to run the water to wash them and she stopped him. “Please. Leave them. I can take care of it. I appreciate you cleaning the table and counters, but you didn’t have to.”
“I’m a little OCD about messes now. I guess having a kid causes that. I don’t like leaving things around that he can get into. It feels like my house is full of toys as it is.”
“It’s refreshing to find a man that likes things neat.”
“Don’t compare me to others. I don’t want to come up short. But sure the hell don’t compare me to your ex.”
There was some anger in those words. “I’m not. I won’t. You won’t come up short and I wish you’d get that out of your head. It was said as a joke. I suppose I’m going to have to watch my words better. Just like I wasn’t sure what to say in a text to you and I called before I chickened out.”
He tossed the hand towel on the counter and moved over to get on the floor with them. Ben was moving everywhere and she was following along. “I’m glad you called. I’m still not sure why you did.”
“Yet you showed up anyway,” she said.
“Maybe I wanted a home-cooked meal?”
“You had no idea I was going to cook anything like this. I could have ordered pizza.”
He laughed. “But you didn’t. You made things that you knew I liked. Things that Ben could eat.”
“But I didn’t think to get a toy for Ben to entertain him,” she said.
“I don’t believe that. I think you thought it. And then you decided against it. That maybe you felt it’d be rushing things like you tried to tell me you aren’t doing.”
Shit. How the hell did he figure that out? “Maybe.”
“What do you have here?” he asked, picking his son up before he took off on a four-legged dash, and then stood.
She stood up too. “I don’t know. My messy life is finally getting back on track.”
“And mine needs a lot of detergent,” he said.
Which still didn’t tell her anything about what was going on with him. “So that means this was a one-time thing?”
“
Do you want it to be more?” he asked, moving closer to her. He was getting in her personal space and she knew he was going to kiss her.
She wanted him to.
“I do. It seems to me I told you a lot about myself and all I know about you is you’ve got a ten-month-old son and work two jobs.”
“You know this,” he said, his mouth closing in on hers. It was soft and gentle just like it was all those years ago the first time they’d kissed.
But then he nudged her mouth open and his tongue slipped in and she was transported back to her teenage years and wishing she could pull him to her bedroom and lock the door.
When her head was yanked to the side by a tiny fist with a chunk of her hair, she started to laugh. “Not sure if he isn’t happy someone is touching his daddy, or he wants the attention.”
Trey released her hair from Ben’s fingers. “Probably the attention more than anything.”
She reached for Ben and took him back, started to blow raspberries on his belly, then make loud smacking kisses on his cheeks. Ben rewarded her with a few big belly laughs. Those noises she’d always wanted in this home.
“Definitely the attention.”
“I know you’ve got to get him home. It’s probably close to his bedtime.”
“In thirty minutes. I need to clean him up too. I like to keep him on a schedule.”
“Very sweet.”
“More like practical if I want to sleep. My life isn’t all that glamorous. Just so you know.”
“I don’t know where you think mine was or is.”
“So I take that as we want to try this again?” he asked.
“You do owe me some information on you to be fair,” she said, testing the waters.
“I do. It’d be easier to have you at my place...”
“But your sister would see because she lives upstairs. Is that a problem?”
“I don’t know yet,” he said. “But I’ll be in touch soon.”
He kissed her one more time, packed up Ben’s stuff and then left for the night.
She went back to the kitchen to finish cleaning up and had to stop herself from dancing around on the floors all giddy like she did when she got her first kiss from Trey so many years ago.