by Natalie Ann
9
Private and Protective
“I didn’t think I’d hear from you this soon,” Whitney said when she sat across from Trey in a booth at the restaurant where they were meeting for lunch.
“I’m surprised myself.”
He’d left her house on Monday, gotten home and put Ben in the tub, cleaned him up and got him ready for bed. There were a million things he should be doing around the house but instead found himself on the couch watching Monday Night Football while he rewound the events of the night in his head.
The disgust he felt for what she’d gone through in her marriage stunned him. The worst part was he was sure there was so much more she wasn’t saying. Any man that would do that to his wife didn’t just wake up one day thinking it. It had to have built. Which meant the way her ex treated her couldn’t have been well and he wondered how her family felt about that.
Well, Ryan did beat the shit out of him, so that was something. He wasn’t surprised she was keeping the rest to herself though. She’d always been private and protective. Close with her family. She probably feared they’d end up in jail just like she’d said so she’d take those secrets to the grave with her.
“Not sure how to respond to that,” she said.
“I said I’d be in touch soon. I’m a man of my word.”
“Just not this soon?” she asked.
The waitress came over and they placed their drink and food orders. He liked she wasn’t going to drag it out. He knew she was working and he did reach out last minute. He worked with his father this morning, but then finished up because he had a bunch of errands to run before he picked up Ben.
“I figured why wait? I didn’t have a lot of work with my father today and had time before I finished up my errands. I know my schedule and life is hectic so if I didn’t take advantage of this it’d be a while again.”
“Then I’m glad you’re taking advantage of it,” she said. “Did Ben go down for you without a problem?”
“He did. He’s a pretty easy baby, all things considered. I’ve heard from enough other people to know I’m lucky that he sleeps through the night so well.”
“When did he start for you?”
“About five months old where he didn’t wake up for a bottle at night. I know you want to know the history of Ben’s mother and what happened.”
“If you want to tell me,” she said. “Maybe it hurts too much?”
He snorted. “No. I realized you have no idea and might think there was some lost love or something. I want to clear that up.”
“Oh,” she said.
“Kathy was younger than me. Just four years, not too bad. We met out at a bar one night. Had a few drinks, exchanged numbers and started to date. She was a singer and played in a band. Or went from band to band, then tried to go on her own. She was always trying something.”
“Was she good?” she asked.
“She didn’t make my ears bleed,” he said. It was probably wrong to say that, but Kathy never took anything seriously. For someone who wanted that career or future, she didn’t work as hard at it as he would have.
“Okay then.”
“Anyway. She had all these aspirations, but they never panned out. Or so she said. We weren’t together that long. Just a few months. She was in her fourth band at that point. I’m not sure. There were always fights and excuses from her point of view that caused things not to work out.”
“Then not someone that was easy to get along with?”
“We didn’t have a problem, but I wasn’t looking for much either. Anyway, she found out she was pregnant. I guess I should be thankful she didn’t just go take care of it on her own but told me. She was going to get an abortion.”
“What?” Whitney asked.
“Yeah. I get it. We weren’t in a serious relationship. It wasn’t what she had planned. It was going to hinder her career. I heard it all. I was pissed and told her no. I had a right and would take her to court.”
“Did you?”
“No. I don’t even know if that would have mattered. But she knew I wanted our child. She wanted to leave the area and figured this might be her chance.”
“You had to pay for your child?” she asked, looking horrified.
“More or less. She moved in with me so she could live for free. I said I’d pay all her expenses, but I wasn’t going to pay for separate living places. I’m not rolling in it and she knew. She wanted a lump sum of money more to pack up and leave. She had a full-time job and this let her put the money away on top of it.”
It still made him sick, but you do what you need to in life. She had her plans and he had his.
“I don’t understand carrying a child and feeling nothing for it.”
“Not everyone is hardwired for that life. I had all the legal documents in place before Ben was born. I was getting custody of him. Full custody and she was waving her rights. It was more of an adoption so she couldn’t come back and claim him later. She was in full agreement with it. There was a settlement after Ben was born on top of it.”
“So no worries of her returning?” she asked. “Did you ever doubt if he was yours?”
“I had some doubts. I didn’t think she was cheating, but if I was going all in like this I had to know. She had the paternity test while she was pregnant and Ben is mine. We moved forward. I brought Ben home two days after he was born and Kathy moved out at the end of that week.”
“Where did she go?”
“No clue. A friend’s maybe. The money was transferred into her account. I came home one day after visiting with my mother and she was gone. I never asked and didn’t care. I told her she could stay to recover, but I was home caring for Ben. I’d taken eight weeks off for paternity leave. I don’t think she felt comfortable in the house with us.”
“Did she try to bond with Ben?”
“No. It’s like we were roommates and she stayed in her room while I was there or left. I’d gone to the store to get a few things, stopped to see my mother so she could watch Ben for me. I’d just closed on a two-family house and was getting my place ready first. Gillian was going through a breakup and my family was wonderful through this all. It seemed the logical choice to have my sister live upstairs since she was going to watch Ben when I worked nights.”
“I knew there was a reason I loved your sister.”
“She has been a rock. There is no doubt there. Anyway, that’s the long and short of my story.”
“You haven’t heard anything since Kathy left?”
“From her? No. Just whispers that she was out of the area, but she wasn’t from around here anyway. She was originally from Vermont. I’m not sure where she is, but she has no ties or connection to Ben or me anymore. I guess when it was said and done, it was more like a surrogate transaction.”
“One that wasn’t planned,” she said, then moved back when their food was delivered.
“No. If Ben didn’t end up being mine, she probably would have ended the pregnancy or given him up for adoption. But he was mine and I wasn’t letting him go. As you said, plans in life don’t always work out.”
“No. And as much as I love to plan, I’m not doing it anymore. I hope you don’t think that. Or if I start to, I want you to tell me to slow down.”
He laughed. “I’ve got no problem having my voice heard. You know that.” He reached his hand over and grabbed hers. “I don’t know what I want or what can come of this. But I watched you with my son and I thought, shit, this is what she always wanted. This is what she talked about all those years ago and it scared me back then. Now, not much scares me other than not being able to give my son everything he needs.”
“I’m not after Ben. I don’t want you to think that.”
“I know. I don’t think it. I guess what I’m trying to say is that you had a vision and I didn’t see it. You did and it didn’t happen. But now I’ve seen a glimpse of it and something in me is saying I should give it a try. I’m not saying that because Ben needs a woman i
n his life either. It goes both ways. I just want you to know what I’m thinking. We’ve both got a lot of baggage and hurt feelings in our pasts.”
“We do,” she said.
“You more than me. I’m sorry for what you went through. I’m sorry I hurt you before.”
“I told you I understood.”
“Understanding doesn’t negate it from happening though. I need to know if you have or can forgive what happened? Forgetting isn’t going to happen, but forgiving has to come or we go nowhere.”
“No, it doesn’t negate it,” she agreed. “And yes, I forgive you for your actions at seventeen if you can say the same to me?”
“I can.” He picked his burger up and took a bite and tried to weigh his words. “So, what is the next step? Or is this it?”
“I’m not planning anything other than day to day. I know you’ve got a lot going on in your life and if you want to find some time for me in there, I’d love it. If you decide it’s not the right time, then I understand too.”
But he didn’t think she would. And it was not what he wanted anyway. “I’d like to see where maybe this could go if you’re willing.”
“I am. You get to call the shots this time,” she said. “I’m just along for the ride.”
He laughed. “I doubt that. But I start my next rotation tomorrow. I’ll be out of work on Monday morning.”
“And you sleep, right?”
“Not much. If we can get some sleep at the firehouse we do, but it’s not great. Gillian brings Ben to daycare for me on those mornings and then I get him when I’m up for the day.”
“Who has him on the weekends when you work?” she asked.
“Gillian or my mother. It’s a balancing act.”
“If you trust me, I could give them a break and take him for you sometime. I’d love it. Or am I moving too fast?”
“No. You’re not. He’ll spend the night with Gillian Saturday night and she’ll keep him while I sleep on Sunday morning. The following weekend though, I work Friday and Saturday day. So we can play it by ear if you think you can handle him for ten hours.”
She laughed. “Ten hours?”
“Eight to six days, six to eight nights.”
“Bring it,” she said.
10
Testing The Waters
Ten days later, Whitney wasn’t feeling so confident with her “bring it” statement though.
She’d had Trey and Ben over for dinner twice more, and she talked enough with Trey to get an idea of Ben’s schedule.
She’d told him not to bring a playpen that she’d gone and bought one. She didn’t want him having to lug too much stuff and worried he’d get upset or fear she was rushing. But she’d said, “I need it anyway for when Ryan has a baby.” He seemed to buy it and maybe he was happy because there was a big bag of stuff that came with Ben for the day.
More like two bags.
One full of toys, clothes and diapers. The other full of food and utensils.
Good grief, she thought she’d be equipped for this but then realized playing with a baby for a few hours at someone’s house and watching one for a full day without having a ton of things at your disposal was completely different.
“So are you going to explain this to me?” Whitney’s mother asked at noon. She’d caved and called her mother to help her try to get Ben down for his nap. Right now they were feeding him his lunch and he seemed calmer than he was.
“You know I’m watching Trey’s son.”
“I do. I also know that you went on a few dates with him, but of course that is only because you told me thirty minutes ago. It’s not like you to keep secrets anymore.”
“It’s not a secret. It’s more like we were testing the waters. No reason to jump faster or assume anything. It’s been a few dates.”
“Dates with Ben on them too?” her mother asked.
“Yes. I told you that.”
Ben was sitting in his booster seat that Trey had remembered to bring this time and was gobbling up his lunch. He was making a mess, but she found it endearing and had taken multiple pictures on her phone. Not to mention the dozen or so selfies she took with Ben on the floor.
“And how are things going?”
“Slow but good. Everything is slow.”
“Tell me more about how he ended up a single father,” her mother said. “Or don’t you know?”
“Of course I know. But please don’t say a lot. I’m not sure who knows what or what should be known.” When she was done telling her mother the story, she ended with, “Crazy, huh?”
“Commendable. A single guy with two jobs raising a child on his own.”
“There are plenty of women who do that,” she argued.
“You’re right. But you don’t see it as often with men. He’s a special person.”
“I always thought so.”
“You’re falling for him again,” her mother said. “You just said it was slow.”
“It is slow. I loved him before. You know that.”
“He was your first everything. I get it. But you also know he broke things off because you had ideas in your head he didn’t share. Has it crossed your mind maybe he has them now? That it’s hard to do this alone?”
She didn’t want to get mad her mother said that, but she was. “I don’t think that. And it’s insulting you do. Just because Kevin used me doesn’t mean Trey did or would. And besides, he already made it clear he wasn’t looking for that.”
“I’m not saying that,” her mother argued. “I’m asking if you think that. Or did before he clarified? Did you ask him to answer that?”
“No. I didn’t think it or ask him,” she said firmly.
There was no reason to say all the talks they’d had about Trey not feeling like he fit in in her family. Or didn’t measure up. He’d felt that before and she knew he did again. He’d already said he didn’t want to be compared to anyone. She could only tell him he was crazy so much before she gave up.
She just hoped he got it because she didn’t want to give up either.
Ben reached for his bottle and started to down it. “Dang,” her mother said. “He’s pounding like you did wine when you kicked Kevin out.”
She laughed. She had to. “I know. He’s got a big appetite. Isn’t he such a doll?”
“He is. It’s not as easy as you thought it’d be, is it?”
“I’m sure if he were mine and I worked up to it, it wouldn’t be so hard. But he’s so active and I don’t have a lot to entertain him. I feel like I can’t get anything done.”
“Welcome to the world of motherhood. I’m glad that Trey has help from his family.”
“Me too. I’m not sure what they think of Ben being with me today. I didn’t ask. I’m almost afraid to.”
“Why?” her mother asked. Ben finished his bottle and tossed it down and then laughed. Her mother got up and wet a paper towel to clean Ben’s face and hands.
“I don’t know what Trey has told them about me. Or why he broke up with me all those years ago.”
“I’m sure they know, Whitney. We all saw the same thing.”
She didn’t need the reminder of how smothering she was back then. No more though. She wasn’t with Kevin and wondered if that had been a mistake and why he cheated. Then she told herself to stop thinking that. Her ex-husband was a dick. And that was one of the nicer things she could say about him.
“I’m not that way anymore. I told Trey that too.”
“I’m sure you did. Words aren’t the same as actions though.”
“So you think taking Ben for the day is showing that I’m going to be clingy again?” Did she make a misstep on this?
“No. I don’t think that. I think it’s sweet you wanted to spend the day with Ben and give his family a break. I’m just saying all your actions will prove the words you say.”
“I know. I’ll be aware.”
“He looks like he’s ready for his nap,” her mother said when Ben started to rub his eyes.
<
br /> “Trey said right after lunch he normally goes down. The way he eats, it’s probably like Dad after Thanksgiving dinner.”
Her mother laughed. “Most likely. Don’t forget to change his diaper first.”
“I know,” she said, pulling Ben out of the booster seat and putting him on the floor. Yep, he wanted to roll away and managed it naked from the waist down. On top of that, he started to pee on her hardwood floors and her mother burst out laughing.
“Oh, I remember those days with Ryan. When you undo the diaper, don’t take it off until you have another ready to put under him and flop over fast before you secure it.”
“He thinks it’s funny,” she said, watching Ben giggle and then try to reach for the wet spots on the hardwood.
“Of course he does. He’s a boy.” Her mother went to the sink and got some paper towels and cleaner.
“Thanks.”
“No problem.”
Once Ben was changed, she put him in the playpen, gave him his stuffed elephant, a pacifier, and covered him in a light blanket.
It didn’t take long for Ben’s head to go down and his eyes to get all droopy.
“Look at that,” her mother said. “How sweet.”
“I know. I could just stand here staring at him,” she whispered.
“But you won’t because you might want to use this time to get a few things done.”
“True. I’ll throw some laundry in if you want to stay with him.”
“Sure.”
She ran upstairs and started a load of towels, happy that she didn’t have to carry things up and down the stairs. She’d thought of it all when this house was being built. Yes, she planned it but didn’t realize how hard it might be.
When she came back downstairs, her mother was in the kitchen with a bottle of water. “All set now?”
“Yes. Trey said Ben normally sleeps at least two hours.”
“Don’t plan on it in a different environment.”