The Cowboy's Choice

by Janalyn Knight

  She knew that somehow it was her fault. She didn't love her baby enough or she should have taken better care of herself. Inconsolable, and having told no one in her family about her pregnancy, she had nobody to turn to in her grief.

  Spiraling out of control, she drank heavily, let her grades slip, nearly lost her scholarship, and then made the biggest mistake of her life. She said yes to a date with Chris Kingsly.

  Shivering, Lara brought her thoughts back to the present, wrapping her robe tighter around her. All her pain, her loss, began with Adam Govain's decision to leave her. And now he was back in her life.

  TWO WEEKS LATER, ADAM took a swallow of bourbon as he paced the family room at the ranch. He still didn't know how to encourage Lara to open up to him. Surely their past relationship counted for something. Though they were young, they had truly loved each other. Leaving her had been the hardest thing he'd ever done. It had taken years to get her out of his head.

  Caleb walked into the room. "What's up little brother? You look loaded for bear."

  Adam stopped pacing. "Just a bit uptight, is all." He paused. "You remember Lara and I dated in high school, right?"

  "Sure do."

  "She wanted me to apply at University of California where her scholarship was so we could be together. I was desperate to go to Boston University so that I could work at Boston Medical Center as a medical student and do my residency there at the Trauma Center. You know how amazing that place is."

  Caleb nodded. "I remember there was trouble between you two."

  Adam huffed and his mouth quirked. "If you remember Lara at all, then trouble doesn't begin to describe it. She's not a person of frail emotions. She couldn't understand why I didn't love her enough to go to California. Her family needed the scholarship, whereas, she said our family would pay for me to go to the school of my choice, which was, of course, true. No matter how I explained the importance of the Boston Trauma Center experience to my dream of becoming a trauma surgeon, she still believed I could find something comparable in San Diego and that I didn't really love her. We parted with her bitterly angry with me."

  Caleb squeezed his shoulder. "That must have been hard, brother. But I had no idea things were that bad between the two of you."

  Adam walked over to the bar to fix Caleb a drink. "She may still be mad at me. I need to find out. What I felt for her when I was eighteen, it's like, right here." He slapped his chest.

  "Well, call her."

  "I don't have her number. She has mine, but I doubt she'll get in touch." Adam handed his brother his drink.

  Caleb gestured with his glass. "Wait. I have it. Since we're clients, her assistant just emailed a letter to us about Lara taking over her father's practice, and it had her cell on it."

  Adam grinned. "Good thinking, brother," and followed Caleb into the office.

  While his brother pulled up the file on the computer, Adam created a new contact on his phone for Lara.

  Caleb said, "Here it is," and stepped away.

  Adam quickly typed in the number and saved the contact. "Thanks, Caleb."

  Eve knocked on the open door. "Dinner's ready, you two."

  Adam smiled. His brother was one lucky man. Not only was Eve a dynamic business woman with her own ranching consulting business, she was gorgeous. Her long tawny hair was perfect for her naturally tan-colored skin tone. Golden eyes gave her an exotic look and, just because she was his adored sister-in-law, he didn't dream of her sensuous mouth.

  Caleb caught him watching Eve walk away and grinned. "You'll have a beautiful woman of your own someday, brother. Quit crushing on mine."

  Adam laughed and followed Caleb to the dining room. Annie, their cook from childhood, was setting food on the table. She’d stayed on at the ranch house while Roy and Millie hired someone else to cook for them at the garden home they’d built not far from the main house after Caleb and Eve married. Adam came to the ranch for dinner regularly, and Annie never failed to greet him with a hug.

  Caleb talked about business at dinner, and Adam asked Eve about her next training seminar. Abi laughed and played with her food from her booster seat hooked to the table top. Eve slipped spoonfuls into the little girl's mouth in between giggles and indecipherable words. Adam’s parents, Roy and Millie, who came over for dinner when Adam was invited, adored Abi and talked baby talk to her like the doting grandparents they were. Normally Adam loved having dinner with Caleb and Eve, but tonight, he couldn't think of anything but getting home and contacting Lara.

  As soon as politely possible, he said his goodbyes and headed to Ft. Stockton. He'd never bought a house since moving back to Texas, always thinking that at some point, he would move to a big city and work at a hospital with a Level I trauma center. So, the high-end rental he had suited his needs. The beautiful twenty-foot by forty-foot cobalt blue infinity pool edged in natural grey slate had been a definite selling point. He enjoyed the exercise it gave him in between his busy work schedule.

  Back at home, he changed into shorts and sat with a drink in the dark on the back patio, considering his options. Should he call Lara or just send a text? He wanted to talk to her. Hearing her cool, contralto voice at the reception had sent desire thrumming through him. It had always set him off. As skittish as she seemed, a text would probably be better, though. Pulling up her contact, he typed:

  Lara, Adam here. Caleb gave me your number. I hope you don't mind. I can only imagine how hard it is to lose such a wonderful father. I'll face that myself someday, and I dread the pain of it. You've been on my mind. More accurately I should say, I can't keep my thoughts from you. Lara, I hate how things ended between us so long ago. Your parents wouldn't give me your number when I called. Now that I’ve found you, it's like I'm eighteen again. I want—no I need—to talk to you. Will you ... please?

  He sent it before he could change his mind. A moment later the status changed to read. Now that was one more thing he knew about this older Lara. She must have an iPhone too. He stared at the screen, waiting a minute, then another. Nothing happened. She wasn't answering him. His gut churned. She had to. She couldn't ignore him. Gulping the last of his bourbon, he strode into the house to make another drink.

  Outside again, he paced the yard, lit only by the recessed lights of the pool. The sound of the pool's natural rock waterfall usually relaxed him, but not tonight. Bending down, he pulled a weed from the base of a large stone bird bath. The sonar sound of his text alert went off. Pulse racing, he opened the message screen. He let out a whoosh of air when Lara’s name popped up.

  Adam, I wouldn't wish the loss of a parent on anyone, yet I am coping. Thank you. I get it about being eighteen again. I feel it, too, and it makes me terribly sad. I don't want to revisit that time of my life. Please understand. Lara

  She was sad? He had to talk to her.

  Lara, I hate it that you're unhappy. Let me see you—speak with you. Please.

  He stared at the screen as if intense scrutiny would make her reply. Minutes passed and still nothing. Returning to his seat on the patio, he laid the phone on the table and took a long swallow of his drink. Times like this were when he envied people who smoked. His nerves jittered, keeping him on a knife's edge of anticipation. What would he do if she didn't get back with him? He couldn't let her go. A high-pitched text tone came from his phone.

  Hearing from you—seeing you—brings back my past, Adam. I put that pain behind me so long ago, and now, with you, it surrounds me again. I'm not angry. I'm not that young girl who couldn't understand your choice anymore. I'm happy that you've become the person you wanted to be.

  He turned this new information over in his mind and couldn't make sense of it. If she wasn't angry, where did her pain come from?

  "I'm sorry you're hurting. I want to help. I think if you spend some time with me, I can make things better. It would mean so much to me, Lara.

  Holding his breath, he waited for a response, but none came. He exhaled, setting his phone down. He'd pushed too hard. In silen
ce, he finished his drink. As he stood to go inside, his text tone sounded.

  Coffee? I'm in court Thursday but otherwise I'm free.

  He thrust his fist in the air. Yes!

  I'm off tomorrow. How about Brown's Cafe by your dad’s office? Three o'clock?

  Standing in place, he waited.

  See you there.

  Pulse racing, he changed into swim trunks and dove into the pool, slicing through the water, covering the length in seconds. Turning, he headed back, making lap after lap, until the energy her acceptance had given him had passed.

  Relaxed now, he could think. Lara had offered him a tiny opening. With it, his quest for the key to her past began.

  Chapter Three

  LARA ARRIVED EARLY at Brown's Wednesday afternoon, needing to find an internal calm before Adam walked in. Plagued by mistakes all day, she hoped getting this meeting under her belt would set her back on track.

  When the waitress put water and a menu in front of her, Lara said, "I'm expecting a friend as well." Friend was a polite word, but was he a friend, really? Their parting years ago wasn't friendly. She took a sip of water. Maybe, after all this time, he could become a friend. It was up to her to decide if she wanted to give him that chance.

  A moment later, the woman brought another water and menu.

  Lara thanked her and looked out the cafe window in time to see Adam stepping out of his truck. Her heart slammed her chest wall, then picked up speed. Today he wore slacks and a dress shirt with the sleeves rolled back. How could casual be so damn sexy on a man? But that was Adam. He oozed sensual. His dark eyes, now narrowed in the sunlight, could see into her soul. No one had ever known her like Adam had. She shivered and clasped her hands in her lap, looking down. This meeting was such a bad idea.

  Footsteps approached, and she looked up, her gaze snared by piercing brown eyes. "Hello, Adam."

  Sitting down, he reached across the table. "You okay? Something wrong?"

  "No. I'm fine." She sucked in a breath. Having him here so close—his scent, his powerful body, his voice—they were overpowering. With forced calm, she said, "Did you work today after all?"

  Glancing down at his clothes, he said, "I stopped by the hospital for a few minutes before I came here. I'm the ER Department Head so when things come up, even if I'm off, sometimes I need to go in."

  "Congratulations. I didn't realize that."

  The waitress came by, and Adam ordered their coffee, asking Lara, "Would you like dessert?"

  "Oh, no, thank you." Her body buzzed like a power line. Having him so close set off every nerve she had. Her body didn't feel friendly at all.

  Adam opened his napkin, refolded it, and put it under his spoon, fidgeting.

  That wasn't the Adam she remembered. He had always been so sure of himself.

  "Lara, thanks for agreeing to meet with me." Pausing, he picked up his spoon, and laid it down again. "I called you. Back then. Your parents wouldn't give me your number."

  She took a drink of water. "I told them not to."

  "They said that." He picked up his fork and stabbed designs into his napkin. "It took me years to get over you, Lara. At least, I thought I got over you. Now that I'm with you, I don't think I ever did."

  A sick feeling hit her stomach. What if she'd heard those words years ago? At the beginning? She might have made a different decision. He would have left school—

  messed up his life. And for what? Their baby died.

  Returning her hands to her lap, she met his gaze. "Adam, I'm sorry I was so awful to you before you went to Boston. It was incredibly selfish of me."

  He reached across the table again. "No, I understood where you were coming from. But I didn't want to break up. We could have gotten together at Christmas and in the summers for a week or two. We could have worked it out."

  She sighed, remembering the pain of letting him go, and shook her head. "Adam, I'm quite sure you haven't changed. You're a driven, highly-focused individual. You would have tried hard to make our relationship work, yet, maybe not the first year, but the second or third, school would have won out. Unlike you, I knew that. I couldn't bear to lose you by inches. I chose the more brutal way—all at once."

  The waitress set cups in front of them and poured their coffee.

  Lara added sugar and cream to hers. She concentrated on stirring so she didn’t have to look at him. "So, you've become a successful surgeon, just like you planned."

  Adam smiled. "Boston gave me an amazing start. During medical school, I was able to work in the Trauma Center at Boston Medical and was lucky enough to be accepted for my residency there. When I started my career, the hospital hired me. The Trauma Center is a state-of-the-art facility, and I worked with some renowned surgeons."

  The joy on his face as he spoke of his early career confirmed the rightness of her decision to keep her pregnancy a secret. "What brought you back to Texas?"

  He took a swallow of coffee. "Dad had a heart attack. A serious one. After that, I didn't feel right living so far from my family anymore. The hospital here had an opening, and I took it."

  Her nerves had settled some. Learning about Adam and his success released the tightness in her chest. A smoky curl of sadness wound its way through her. Her life might have been so different. She sipped her coffee. "Our little St. Anne's Hospital must be quite a change after your trauma center."

  Adam laughed softly. "I admit it was a shock. When I first got here, St. Anne's was only a level IV trauma center. In other words, we basically did triage and shipped our patients to a larger hospital."

  Her old Adam, the whole-hog enthusiastic one, spoke now, and she swallowed a smile. "What did you do?"

  He drank some more coffee, and his phone rang. Glancing at the number, he frowned and declined it. "I spent time becoming familiar with the setup, and came up with a plan. After gaining approval from the board, I enticed a friend of mine from medical school to move down here. He's an anesthesiologist and was going crazy with the pace he kept in Boston. In addition, his wife wanted him to spend more time with his family. Then I hired another ER doc—a young man just starting his career. Adding these two to our existing team gave us a much more robust response capability. Finally, I increased the education for the nursing staff and other personnel on the trauma team. We now treat most traumas on site and are ranked as a Level III Trauma Center."

  "That's wonderful, Adam. The hospital is lucky you chose them." He was an amazing man, but then she'd always known that. Losing him nearly cost her her mind. She looked down at the table as her heart beat dragged. The what-could-have-beens overwhelmed her. Pushing her cup away, she said, "I need to get back to the office. I enjoyed visiting with you, Adam." Reaching into her purse, she pulled out her wallet.

  His broad hand covered hers. "Lara, I've got this." He paused. "I did all the talking this afternoon. Let me take you to dinner. I want to hear about you."

  A stab of dread hit her, taking her breath away. "That would take two sentences. My life is unbelievably boring."

  He continued to hold her hand. "Still, say you'll come. It would mean the world to me."

  God, nothing had changed. The man still drew her like iron to a magnet. She could never resist him. He’d said he felt like he was eighteen. Being with him now, she was a teenager again. She remembered her bare body laying against him. His large hands caressing her, knowing just how to awaken her passion—his gentle kisses turning into raw, hot exchanges of pure lust as they made love in the back of his truck.

  But, delving into her past, their first year apart, that she wouldn't, couldn't do. "Adam, if I say yes, we don't go back to the past—to when we left for college. Okay? That time—those years—they're too painful for me. Promise?"

  He went still, his eyes traveling over her face, as if looking for answers. "Agreed. For now. Are you free Saturday night?"

  She nodded.

  "I'll pick you up at eight."

  She walked out of the cafe, mixed up, screwed up, and unab
le to believe she'd said yes to dinner with Adam. The man was her kryptonite. All of her woman power melted into a puddle of goo around him. Damn, she hoped he kept his promise. She desperately needed the past to be the past again.

  LATER THAT EVENING, Adam pulled himself out of the pool and walked to the table for his towel. He'd expected the swim to take his whirling thoughts from Lara, but it hadn't worked. As he dried off, he picked up his phone to check for messages. Dammit! Demi had called again. The woman blew up his phone with texts. Today alone, he’d declined six of her calls. He dreaded the scene she would make when he told her that he wouldn't be seeing her anymore. After fixing a drink, he dialed her number and went back out to the patio.

  She answered. "Adam, why didn't you pick up my calls? I tried to reach you all day."

  "I couldn't have this conversation while I was at work."

  "I texted you, too. Couldn't you even text?"

  He blew out a breath. "Listen, Demi, we've always had a good time together. But I was honest with you. You don't want kids and I do. I like you, but I'm ready for something else now."

  "What?" Breathing heavily, she said, "You can't just dump me, Adam. We've been seeing each other for months."

  "Demi, look—"

  "No, you look, you bastard, you can't throw me away like trash. I—"

  "I don't think you're trash, Demi, I like you. I just don't want to see you anymore."

  "You used me, you sorry—"

  Losing all patience, he said sharply, "I used nobody. I was honest from the start, and you were perfectly happy with our arrangement. We've been fuckbuddies, at best, Demi, so don't act like it was anything more. You're a nice person, and I don't want to hurt you. Let's leave it there."

  He knew she wouldn't take him turning her down well. He was angry, but a little sorry for her, too. She wore her emotions loud and proud, just like Lara used to when she was young. It was probably what had attracted him to Demi to begin with. That and her rocking hot body.