by Unknown
All Dee seemed to want to do during the day was sleep and read. She barely let Ashley out of her sight, fretting and needing to know where she was at all times. It stung me to think she didn’t trust Mum or me with her daughter.
When Leo didn’t say anything, I tried again. ‘Is there something I can do to encourage Dee to chat more?’ I asked. ‘I wish I could persuade her to relax a bit where Ashley’s concerned. I feel sorry for the little girl. Dee pretty much suffocates her with all that attention.’
‘She’s alright. She might take herself off for a little walk to clear her head sometimes, that’s all.’
‘I have to admit I’m a little concerned about Ashley.’
He studied me for a few seconds, his earlier cheerfulness evaporating. ‘Don’t be, she’s fine. Look, if you’d rather we go elsewhere, you only have to say.’
‘That wasn’t what I meant,’ I said, shocked by his defensiveness.
‘Really, I don’t want to cause you any problems.’
He had totally misunderstood what I was trying to say. It was as if he was determined to be insulted for some reason. I could see I wasn’t going to get through to him today. ‘It’s okay,’ I assured him, not wishing to make things worse.
‘If you’re sure?’ he asked, frowning.
I nodded. I wasn’t sure at all, but Dee was my oldest friend and the least I could do was offer them somewhere to stay, at least for the time being.
* * *
Later that night, Leo barbecued king prawns and scallops. He had placed them in a marinade of oil with a little crushed garlic and lemon for a couple of hours and was in much better spirits.
‘That was delicious,’ I said honestly. ‘You’re a fantastic cook.’ I pushed away my plate, leaving nothing but a couple of scraps of lettuce. I watched as he concentrated on opening a second bottle of wine before topping up my glass.
‘Thanks,’ he said, smiling at me. ‘I wanted to impress you. I’m glad that I did.’
I wasn’t sure, but suspected he might be flirting with me. It was an odd sensation, but not an altogether unpleasant one. He was very handsome, after all.
I cleared my throat. ‘There’s somewhere I want to take you tomorrow morning,’ I said. If we had to spend time together I wanted us to go out occasionally. There was so much beautiful countryside to see around Oakwold and the New Forest, it seemed a waste to spend most of our time at the house.
‘I’m intrigued,’ he laughed.
‘You used to go there years ago,’ I said, giving him a clue. ‘I thought it would be fun to revisit.’
‘I’m not going to the farm,’ Dee snapped, standing up and knocking over an empty bottle of wine. It was the first time all evening that she’d interacted with us in any way.
‘I didn’t mean that,’ I said, horrified. ‘I’d never expect you to do something that made you uncomfortable.’ I shook my head. ‘It’s somewhere else. We’ll need to leave straight after breakfast and I promise you’ll enjoy it there.’
‘We’d love to,’ Leo said quickly before Dee had time to argue.
He went to pour wine into Dee’s glass. ‘No,’ she said, placing her hand over the top. ‘I’m going to go to bed.’ Her mouth drew back in a tight, forced smile. ‘I need an early night if we’re going out early tomorrow.’ She hesitated. ‘Thank you for a lovely meal.’
She sounded so formal. I stood to give her frail body a hug and watched as she walked silently into the house to join her daughter in their room.
Sitting down, I lifted my glass and took a sip. ‘I don’t want you to make her come tomorrow if she doesn’t want to.’
‘It’ll do her good to get out.’ He looked up at Dee’s bedroom window. ‘She’ll come around soon,’ he said.
I doubted it. ‘I hate seeing her troubled.’
‘So do I. She’ll be much better for staying here, I’m sure.’ He looked at me. ‘Thank you for being such a good friend, Sera, it means a lot. I’ve enjoyed meeting up with you and getting to know the adult you.’ He lowered his voice. ‘I know I’m only three years younger than you and Dee, but you two were way above me in the maturity stakes when we lived here in the nineties. I always secretly liked you.’
I couldn’t help grinning at the idea of Dee’s little brother having a crush on me all those years ago. I felt guilty that we’d been so mean to him. ‘Really? I never suspected a thing.’
He raised an eyebrow. ‘You weren’t supposed to.’
Enjoying the moment, I settled back into my chair, my heart rate calming slightly. ‘I like having you around, too,’ I said, realising it for the first time. ‘It’s good to be able to reminisce about when we were young messing around at your mum’s farm. I’ve missed not being able to do that.’
‘Dee doesn’t like to talk about it.’
I couldn’t understand why. ‘That’s a shame,’ I said. ‘I wished many times we could go back to how it was then. I had a fantastic life until your family disappeared.’ I didn’t add that I’d battled for the following decade trying to find them; willing Dee to come back.
‘Yes, well sometimes things happen that you’d rather forget.’ He took a large gulp of his wine and stared out towards the woods at the back of the garden.
‘What things?’ I said, eagerly.
He closed his eyes. ‘Leave it, Sera.’ Then opening them, he gazed at me as if lost in thought. ‘Some things are best left in the past.’
‘But…’
His expression changed. ‘What’s the story with Henri?’
‘What do you mean?’ I asked, taken aback by the sudden change in topic.
‘He seems a little intense, that’s all.’
‘Mysterious, maybe,’ I said, trying not to sound defensive.
‘You seemed close to him when I met him that time in the woods.’
I wasn’t used to being questioned by anyone apart from Mum. I could feel my hackles rising. ‘I haven’t known him long at all.’
‘Look, it’s nothing to do with me, but how well do you know him?’ he asked.
I didn’t like being interrogated in this way. ‘Henri is a friend.’ I looked away from him. ‘I don’t know everything about him, that’s true. In fact, I know very little,’ I admitted to myself as much as Leo. ‘But I go by my instinct and he’s been kind to me and Katie, and I’m happy with that.’
‘I didn’t mean to offend you.’ He smiled apologetically. ‘I suppose I just want to look out for you.’
‘I’m not your sister, Leo.’ I could tell he meant well. ‘It’s very gentlemanly of you, but I’m used to looking after myself. Just be my friend, I don’t need a protector.’ I smiled to soften my words. I didn’t want us to fall out. ‘Let’s talk about what we’re doing tomorrow instead, shall we?’
* * *
That night I lay in my bed mesmerised by the shadows swaying gently on the ceiling. The large pine tree outside my window was barely moving, but it lulled me and allowed my mind to wander back to being with Marcus. I had missed him for so long that I wasn’t sure if I could ever truly feel deep love for anyone else. Leo was familiar to me; it was easy to trust him. I could hardly believe I was even contemplating how it might feel to become close to a man again. I pulled the covers over my shoulders and closed my eyes. When sleep evaded me yet again, I let my mind wander.
Could I finally be reaching the end of my grieving process for Marcus? Was that possible? I would always miss him and what might have been, but I was beginning to think that it might be time to take a chance and see how it felt to share experiences with someone else.
I thought of Henri at the pool and wondered again what he had been about to tell me. He was so mysterious and very different to Marcus, who had been very sociable, always wanting everyone to have fun. Leo, on the other hand, was familiar and I liked the way he linked me to a past that I still yearned for. I sighed. Henri intrigued me, though. He was unlike anyone I’d ever known before and I couldn’t help being fascinated by him.
Chapter Twe
lve
2018 – Oakwold, New Forest
Sera
‘Mummy,’ Katie chirped from the end of my bed. I pushed myself up onto my elbows, squinting when a shard of light streaming through a gap in my curtains blinded me. How long had she been sitting there playing with her dolls? I must have slept deeply not to have noticed her earlier. ‘You didn’t wake up,’ she said, frowning, her fair hair sticking out all around her face like a halo.
I smiled at the golden-haired child, so precious to me, and wished for the umpteenth time that her father was here to enjoy her funny ways and strong personality.
‘Yes, poppet, I was very tired.’ I glanced at my bedside clock and gasped, throwing back my duvet and jumping out of bed almost in one movement. ‘Come on, Katie,’ I said, pulling on my dressing gown over my bed shorts and vest. ‘You’re going to be late for pre-school if we don’t get a wriggle on.’ I lifted her up, tickling her under her ribs and making her giggle.
Pushing my feet into my flip-flops, I carried her downstairs and sat her at the kitchen table. ‘What do you want today? Toast with an egg on top, or porridge?’
She stuck her tongue out and shook her head. ‘Yuck. I hate porridge. Want egg and soldiers.’
I put a couple of eggs in a pan of water and poured her a glass of milk and made myself a cup of coffee. ‘Do you think you’ll finish the rabbit painting at school today?’
‘You’ve been painting a rabbit?’ Leo asked from the doorway.
‘Yes.’ Katie smiled at him, proud of her accomplishment. Her smile faltered when she noticed Ashley standing silently behind him. Katie glanced up at me. ‘Ashley wants an egg?’
‘Would you? Un, um, oeuf?’ I asked the silent child. She nodded slowly. She barely seemed to eat anything, so I was happy she was joining Katie for breakfast. I walked over to her and took her hand. ‘Come and sit down with Katie and I’ll make you both a lovely runny egg with soldiers.’
Katie watched Ashley take a seat and lowering her voice, explained. ‘I don’t go to school, it’s pre-school and they’re not really soldiers,’ Katie told the confused child. ‘They’re pieces of toast and butter that we dip in our eggs.’ She acted out what she was saying. ‘It’s yummy.’
‘You slept well?’ Leo asked, coming to stand next to me by the range.
‘Eventually,’ I said, checking the eggs. ‘Then rather too well, I’m now running a bit late.’
‘This is such a peaceful house. Even though it’s on the edge of the town and cars drive past most of the time, I go into a deep sleep as soon as my head touches those pillows.’
I was happy to hear he was so relaxed. ‘Good, and Dee? Have you seen her yet this morning?’ I did my best to sound upbeat.
‘Not yet, but I’m sure we will do soon. She’s not one to get up late usually, but I think she’s struggling to settle in here. I’m afraid us all being together again feels a little foreign to her, too.’
I served the little girls their breakfast and then, leaving Leo to watch over them, I ran upstairs to have a quick shower and change, giving Dee a reminder that we would have to leave soon.
* * *
I asked Katie if she would like a day off from pre-school to come out with Ashley, Dee, Leo and me.
‘No, thank you, Mummy,’ she whispered, I presumed not to offend Ashley. ‘My knee is much better.’
I was hoping to ask Dee to let me take Ashley to drop Katie off at pre-school. She was still in bed though, so I took Ashley with me into town to buy some fruit and pastries. It was another sweltering day, so I treated her to a cool drink. We were walking out of the supermarket hand in hand, when one of the bags broke and several tins of tuna rolled away from me towards the parking area. I bent to salvage a bag of oranges and some tea, but it was difficult doing it with only one free hand. ‘Damn.’
‘I will bring them to you,’ I heard Henri say when I struggled to put what I had retrieved into the other bag, hoping that wouldn’t break too. I did my best but ended up dropping other bits. ‘For pity’s sake.’
I could hear his deep laugh as he grabbed the shopping I kept dropping. ‘Stop,’ he said, smiling broadly at me. ‘One minute.’
I watched him limp into the shop and come out seconds later with two new bags. ‘These are better.’
‘Thank you,’ I said, relieved to be able to stop making an idiot of myself. I helped him finish packing everything with Ashley clasping tightly onto my hand. ‘I didn’t think you shopped here?’
‘On occasion.’ He gave Ashley a crooked smile. He raised the bags and indicated my car. ‘I will carry these. You are well?’
I walked next to him towards the car. ‘Yes, thanks. I’m taking my guests to a market today, to have a look around.’ He waited for me to open the boot of my car, and lowered the shopping into it, closing it for me. He checked his watch. ‘I will leave you to your day.’
‘I’ll bring Katie to see the puppies soon.’
* * *
Back home to collect the others, I walked into the house to hear screaming and crying coming from the kitchen. I had barely closed the door, when Dee raced through the hall and skidded on the hard tiles, grabbing Ashley and clinging on to her. The child looked terrified.
‘Where have you been?’ she screamed at me, spittle at the sides of her mouth. ‘How dare you take her without asking my permission first?’
I couldn’t believe her reaction. ‘We only popped out to the shops. We can’t have been gone more than half an hour.’
‘Don’t do it again, do you hear me?’ Her wide eyes blazed with fury. I nodded, not daring to upset her further by arguing.
I left her to take Ashley to their room. Frustrated with Dee’s dramatics, I went to find Mum, confiding in her about my plans for the day and hoping she’d join us.
‘I’ve got lines to learn today.’
I looked at her out of the corner of my eye and suspected she was fibbing. I didn’t blame her; she must be desperate for time alone in her own house, especially after this latest bout of hysteria. Making the most of the others being out of the way, we sat down to enjoy a cup of tea.
Mum looked at me. ‘You do know she’s insane, don’t you?’
‘That’s a little harsh, Mum,’ I whispered.
‘We’re ready now,’ Leo shouted from the upstairs landing. He came down the stairs with Ashley in his arms, I saw Dee following close behind them, her face puffy from crying. I couldn’t help feeling a little guilty about instigating her upset but kept quiet. ‘We’re going on an adventure,’ he said, smiling at Ashley.
The child didn’t react, but looked at him as if she might cry. I couldn’t understand it. Katie would have been jumping up and down and giggling. She wouldn’t mind what we were doing; the anticipation of going out in the car to do anything remotely fun would be enough.
Leo saw me watching Ashley and frowned. ‘We’re all different, I suppose.’
It saddened me to see so little joy in the child’s face. ‘Come on, let’s go.’
Leo made small talk during the journey. We wound the windows right down, but the heat in the air did little to cool us. The roads were dusty, which added to our discomfort, but I hoped that once we arrived at the market they would agree that it had been worthwhile.
Dee and Ashley sat in silence in the back of the car for the entire time, while Leo and I made small talk about how the usually lush plantation on either side of the road looked dull due to the coating of dust.
‘We need some rain desperately,’ I said, thinking of the farmers and growers who were contending with this unprecedented heat.
Ashley started to cough and I reached back to the basket I’d placed behind my seat until I felt the neck of a bottle of water. Lifting it, I said, ‘Dee, can you give this to Ashley.’ She took it from my hand and undid the top, passing it to the little girl. ‘Sorry, Ashley,’ I said, wishing I had decent air-con in my car and could close the windows. ‘We’ll be there very soon.’
Moments later I spotted se
veral ponies ambling by the side of the road and slowed the car right down. I pointed them out to Ashley. ‘Look, ponies. Aren’t they pretty?’
Ashley watched them walking, the hint of a smile on her drawn face.
* * *
Finally, we arrived at the old country estate where we were headed.
‘It doesn’t look very inviting,’ Dee said as I slowed before the ivy-clad entrance.
I checked that there wasn’t a car behind me in my rear-view mirror and stopped. ‘They do wonderful cakes,’ I said, determined to remain cheerful and make the best of the day. ‘Imagine how incredible this place used to be decades ago.’
The ornate gates were now rusted open and the enamelled family crest above the metal archway mostly worn away. I put the car in gear and drove through the tall gateposts. Some of the stones were missing and I wondered how long it would be until they completely collapsed.
Leo smiled thoughtfully. ‘This place looks familiar,’ he said, as the chatter and shouts from the stallholders trying to grab the attention of passing shoppers became louder the closer we got to the marketplace.
‘It should do. We occasionally came here as children,’ I said, relieved one of them was being positive. ‘It wasn’t as run-down then but they still held summer fêtes and folk festivals.’
I turned right and took the short bumpy lane, past old tenants’ cottages, and turned into a stony car park. We eventually spotted a space between two other cars under the shelter of a gnarled oak tree.
‘This is the market,’ Dee said, hurriedly stepping out of the car, forgetting about Ashley. It was so out of character I wasn’t sure how to react.
Leo followed her. I went to Ashley, taking her hand in mine. ‘Here, you’d better put this on,’ I said, picking up the peaked cap from the car seat and putting it on the little girl’s head. ‘We don’t want you to get sunburnt, do we?’