by Unknown
* * *
Back at the house, I left the girls playing in the garden and unwrapped our packages with Leo in the kitchen.
‘You’ve spoilt Ashley with all these gifts,’ he said, sounding happy.
‘It’s my pleasure. She has so little of her own here. I thought it might help her feel more at home to have a few personal bits in the house.’
‘That’s very kind of you.’
We put away the shopping. ‘Now, for the picnic,’ I said, washing the grapes and strawberries, before adding them with the melon to Mum’s well-used wicker hamper. Mum had taken me on so many picnics in her old car on afternoons when she had collected me from school. I recalled my excitement at the sight of her old wicker hamper sitting on the back seat, knowing we were off on a ‘mystery tour’. I wouldn’t tell them where we were going because I wanted it to be a surprise.
Next, I rolled up the new towels and took two from the airing cupboard for Katie and me. Finally, we were ready.
‘I know exactly where I’m taking you,’ I said, excited at the thought of our outing. ‘If you don’t have costumes, you can borrow one that Paul left behind. Dee and Ashley can use spares from Katie and me.’
We loaded the car and set off, stopping first at the local baker’s on the edge of Oakwold where Leo bought rolls, then driving out past Beaulieu and into the surrounding hilly countryside. He watched the scenery and pointed out a run-down house, the bright sunshine glowing against the small imperfections in the stone façade and making it glow as if it was on fire.
I slowed down, spotting a roadside stall with an untidy sign letting us know that they had bottles of elderflower juice for sale. I’d stopped here many times over the years and the taste of the sweet drink was like nectar.
‘We must take some of this with us,’ I insisted, when Dee groaned as I stopped the car and got out.
I dropped several coins into a plastic tub and took two bottles. These would make the perfect accompaniment for the food. I handed the bottles across to Leo and set off again.
‘How could I have forgotten the beauty of this place?’ Leo continued, ‘I can’t believe my memories about it are so vague?’
I wasn’t sure. I turned off the main road onto a sloping lane that would lead us down to a quiet spot near the river, perfect for setting up our picnic. The tarmac ended and we continued our lazy drive down a dusty dirt track passing bees and butterflies flitting about the heads of the poppies and cornflowers. Last of all, I took one sharp turn and there was the river.
‘Thank heavens for that,’ Dee groaned from the back of the car. ‘I thought we’d never get here.’
‘It’s lovely,’ Katie said. ‘Do you love it, Ashley?’
I glanced in the rear-view mirror and smiled when I saw Ashley looking at Dee out of the corner of her eye.
‘We’ll have to come here by ourselves, one day,’ Dee said, stroking Ashley’s hair. The young girl looked up at her shyly.
What was it with those two? I couldn’t understand why she was so timid around her mother. I hated to see her fearful of her own mother. Maybe she had witnessed things that caused her to moderate her reactions around Dee. I remembered what Leo had told me and was relieved to be giving Ashley a respite from her life in France.
‘Come on,’ I said, parking the car and getting out. ‘Help me with this hamper and these swimming things.’
Leo went and lifted the hamper out of the small boot. I handed the bags to Dee before unclipping the girls from their car seats and gave each of them a towel to carry.
‘It’s almost two o’clock, we want to make the most of the afternoon,’ I said, catching sight of several sunflowers randomly dotted around the parking area.
‘It’s so hot,’ Dee said, closing the boot of the car and following. There was no need to lock the car, I couldn’t see anyone else in the area.
‘We’ll need to sit in the shade, or we’ll fry in no time.’
I agreed and, spotting a large oak tree, pointed to it. ‘Over there looks shady enough for us and it’s close enough to the water.’
I followed Leo to the patch under the tree and helped him set out the rug and unpack the hamper. Realising I’d forgotten our bag of rolls, I walked back to the car to retrieve them.
After helping Katie change, we walked back to join Leo and Dee. I could see them whispering.
He noticed me coming towards them and cleared his throat. ‘Ready for that swim?’
I was happy to bathe in my T-shirt and shorts, so didn’t bother to put on my swimming costume. I picked Katie up and carefully stepped into the cool water. There had been so little rainfall for the previous few months and such heat that the water level was very low and the current light. It was a shame for the farmers having to water their animals further downstream, but for us it was perfect for swimming and paddling about.
‘This is bliss,’ Dee said, closing her eyes while clasping tightly hold of Ashley’s hand.
‘Why haven’t you brought us here before?’ Leo asked, lying back and resting one arm on the bank. ‘I could have done with this every day of our stay.’
Dee laughed. ‘I’m quite happy not to have to drive all this way every day, thank you.’
‘It isn’t far.’ He glared at her as if daring her to argue. ‘And it’s worth the drive.’
Katie giggled as Leo splashed water in our direction. I held her around her waist, lifting her and swinging her out of the way of the drops of water and then back again for his next gentle onslaught. We enjoyed the coolness of the water against our hot skin for almost an hour.
‘Right, that’s enough now,’ I said lifting her up towards the bank.
Katie wriggled and pleaded to stay in the water. ‘More, Mummy.’
‘Two minutes, Katie. No more,’ I said as Leo and Dee got out and went to sit on their towels.
Eventually, our skin began wrinkling, so I lifted Katie out of the water and onto the bank, the sun glinting off her wet shoulders like diamonds on her golden skin. I ignored her insistence that she hadn’t finished playing in the water.
‘We need to eat something,’ I said, aware that Leo and Dee were whispering again. She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye, said something else and then both focused their attention on me. It was unnerving. ‘Is something the matter?’
‘No, why?’ Leo said, forcing a smile.
I draped a towel around Katie’s shoulders, which she instantly shrugged off. Shaking my head, I started making up our rolls. ‘Hand out the plates.’ I told Katie to keep her out of mischief to give myself time to think about Leo and Dee’s odd behaviour.
‘This is just what I needed,’ Dee said, coming over with Ashley to join us under the shade of the leafy tree. ‘Thanks, Sera.’
Seeing her so relaxed made me wonder if I was being a little over-sensitive. I handed her two plates.
‘The fillings for the rolls are in there.’ I pointed to the small cool box in the hamper, sitting back on my haunches and watching as she caringly put together a small plate of food for herself and Ashley. Maybe all she needed was the peace and quiet of the English countryside, days out with nothing to think about but relishing the sunshine. I hoped so, because these were things I could give her.
I wished I’d brought a camera with me. I watched Katie eating and lay back, closing my eyes, listening as she laughed, chattering away to Ashley who surprised me by speaking a little in a mixture of French and broken English.
Dee hummed tunelessly to herself. I opened one eye and watched Ashley picking at her food. Leo lay back on the rug, closed his eyes and dozed off, snoring lightly. For once, being in their company was relaxing.
‘I don’t mean to be as snappy as I am, Sera,’ Dee said quietly, breaking the silence. ‘I’ve had a difficult time and I think I need to work on myself a bit.’
I knew how it felt to be forced into a situation you hadn’t chosen. ‘Then you’re in the perfect place,’ I said, patting her arm. ‘You take all the time you need.’
We all had another swim to cool down, and wash off the stickiness of the melons from the girls’ faces, before piling back into the car and setting off for home. Both girls fell asleep during the journey. I was happy. Today had gone better than I had hoped. I even felt as if I’d made a breakthrough with my childhood friend.
‘Can we stop for a moment?’ Leo asked, not very far into the journey. ‘I want to take in this view.’
I was happy to oblige.
‘You’re lucky to live here, Sera,’ he said as we stood side by side looking down through different coloured fields to the church steeple standing proudly in the middle of the next town.
I murmured an agreement, enjoying the scene ahead; the sun shining on the river like a silvery ribbon cutting through the countryside. ‘I am,’ I admitted. ‘This is the perfect place for me to bring up Katie. It was a bit awkward moving back in with Mum initially, but I’m glad she insisted we return to live with her.’
‘Maybe Dee and I should buy a small place near here. Then we could be neighbours.’
I wasn’t sure if it was the notion of seeing Dee more, or the thought of them moving from Mum’s and getting their own place, that appealed most.
I noticed the lowering sun reflect off the roof of a house and felt pretty sure it was Henri’s. I wondered why I hadn’t seen him for a while. I had popped to the farm a couple of times earlier in the week to say hi, but he had been out. The last time I pushed a note through his letterbox saying to give me a call if he wanted a chat, but hadn’t heard from him. I hoped he was okay.
Leo nudged me. ‘You okay?’
‘Yes,’ I said, dragging myself back to the present. ‘You should come here when the town is shrouded in mist some mornings. It’s magical.’
He looked at me, went to say something and then changed his mind. ‘We’d better get those two sleepyheads home to bed, they’re exhausted.’
Dee smiled at him when we joined her in the car. ‘It was a good day,’ she said before resting a hand on each of our shoulders. ‘Thanks, Sera.’
I looked at Ashley and Katie, two little girls with such different experiences in life and my heart squeezed in pain. Whatever Dee’s difficulties and however she saw fit to treat Ashley, I needed to support her for the little girl’s sake. For now, I needed to hold my tongue and put Ashley’s feelings before my own. Let her enjoy some of the things Katie took for granted. Let her be as carefree as she could be. While she had the chance.
Chapter Eighteen
2003 – Oakwold, New Forest
Young Sera
‘You take this note to Hazel, you hear me?’ my mum said on yet another stinking hot day.
I was glad of the excuse to get out of the house. I was sick of being there with no one to talk to while Mum lay in the shade and learnt her lines. I didn’t mind getting clammy and sweaty on my walk to the farm, even if the heat did make my hair go frizzy.
‘Sera, are you listening to me?’ She gave me a disapproving look and tapped the envelope in my hand.
‘What does it say?’ I asked, before she had the chance to give me a deadline for my return home. I held it up to the living-room window to try and see through the thick cream envelope she’d sealed shut.
‘Never you mind,’ she snapped. ‘Just make sure you don’t forget to hand it to her personally. I want to be certain she’s read it.’
Intrigued by this out-of-character approach to Dee’s mum, I stared at her open-mouthed. ‘But Mum, you hate Hazel,’ I said, confused. ‘Why are you writing to her?’
‘I don’t hate her.’ She frowned, something she didn’t often do as the thought of wrinkles horrified her. ‘And stop looking gormless, the wind will change if you’re not careful and you’ll end up looking like that for the rest of your life.’
I stared at her suspiciously. ‘Why won’t you tell me what it says?’
She narrowed her eyes. ‘Stop being nosy. Do as I ask, or you can stay here and I’ll take it to her. You can do chores while I’m gone.’ She knew her threat would work. I pushed a strand of hair away from my face and hurried to the door. ‘I’ll be expecting a reply too,’ she shouted before I managed to escape unscathed. ‘So don’t think you can go and read it with that daughter of hers.’
I stopped and turned to her, my hackles rising at her nastiness towards my best friend. ‘Why don’t you like her?’
She rubbed her temples with her fingertips. ‘I do. It’s this heat, it’s getting me down. Now stop answering me back and get a move on. Make sure you give it to her.’
I crammed the envelope into my denim shorts pocket and ran out of the house, through the garden and out of the heavy wooden gate. Sometimes she really got on my nerves. I didn’t understand why she was so horrible about that family. What had they ever done to her?
Hazel and Mum were so different, I mused as I walked into the field. I never would have found a collection of Angelique books in Mum’s bookshelves. Hazel never seemed to work. I was sure Mum would be more relaxed if she didn’t have to travel away on location so often. She was never carefree enough to dance through the wildflowers, like I’d spotted Hazel doing many times in the small field closest to her farmhouse.
Everything about Hazel was light and fun; she even smelt amazing. In fact, the scent of patchouli and sandalwood emanated throughout her untidy farmhouse. With her wild curly hair, she was like a gypsy princess from one of my childhood fairy tales.
She’d never choke me with hairspray, or spend hours making sure everything in her house was exactly in its place. No one cared at the farm if the furniture was a bit dusty, or the beds were left unmade for a day. Nothing was ever done on the spur of the moment at my house. Hazel’s farm was fun. She seemed to conjure up a party seamlessly, her guests dancing and laughing in the field, or in the barn where candles standing in makeshift holders nailed onto the walls flickered their light in the old building. Mum’s idea of a party was dull people standing around our living room holding cocktails, with me doing circuits of the room offering canapés.
Dee must have been waiting for me to come out of our garden, because as soon as I’d gone several yards, I saw her in the field.
‘We’re going to the pool in the woods,’ she shouted, waving me over to her.
Irritated with Mum, I was in no rush to deliver her letter. I waded through the long grasses to join Dee. I noticed Leo ambling along behind her as if he was trying not to be noticed.
‘Hi, Leo,’ I said guiltily when I saw his scabbed knee through his worn jeans. ‘Sorry again for pulling you out of the tree the other day.’
‘It’s okay,’ he mumbled, shuffling his feet in the dusty ground.
Dee glanced at her brother. ‘Come on, ignore him. He’s just weird. Do you like my hair?’
‘It’s great,’ I said, envious that she always managed to get her hair to look better than mine. ‘You’re so lucky having curly hair, mine’s so flat with just a bit of frizz.’ I stared enviously at the colourful silk scarf tied around her head. ‘Is that one of your mum’s you’ve nicked?’
‘Yeah.’ She giggled and punched me playfully on the arm.
‘Maybe you could come to my house the next time Mum’s away and we can try bleaching our hair?’ I said bravely.
Remembering the letter I was supposed to deliver, I added, ‘I need to take something to Hazel.’
‘Can’t it wait?’ Dee asked, waving a fly away from her face.
‘Do you think your mum might have another party soon?’ I asked Dee, as we ran through the field.
‘Tonight maybe,’ she said, stopping for breath. ‘You know what she’s like.’
I pictured the sixty or seventy people at her most recent party. Someone had lit a bonfire in one of the nearby fields and everyone carried a chair, or old piece of tree trunk to sit on.
‘Do you have that cigarette on you?’
Dee glanced back to make sure Leo wasn’t near enough to hear us. ‘I don’t want him splitting on us and telling Jack I’ve nick
ed this,’ she said, stopping right next to me. She slowly pushed her hand inside her front pocket, carefully extracting the rolled-up cigarette we’d pinched from him the night before when he wasn’t looking.
‘Do you think we should?’ I giggled. I liked Hazel’s boyfriend, he was fine with us as long as we didn’t bug him and Hazel at the parties.
‘We’ll lose Leo and smoke it in the woods,’ she whispered.
I’d once heard my mum commenting that Hazel spent her life surrounded by noise to block out her past. I couldn’t imagine it being true, however.
I touched my pocket lightly, feeling the letter underneath the material. ‘I really should give this to your mum,’ I admitted reluctantly.
‘Mum’s writing songs again and wants some peace,’ Dee said. ‘We have to stay away from the farm for a bit.’
‘You must be excited that she’s writing songs again?’
‘None of her other songs have ever done anything,’ Dee pouted. ‘She gets really down when something doesn’t work out. I wish she wouldn’t have these bouts of trying.’
‘What does Jack think?’
‘He thinks it’s a good thing,’ Leo said. ‘He says she’s got a beautiful voice and should make the most of it.’
‘Why don’t you bugger off,’ Dee shouted, pushing him roughly on his shoulder. ‘Sera and I’ve got stuff to talk about.’ When he didn’t change direction, she added, ‘Private things.’
‘You bugger off.’ He glowered at her and stomped off on a different path.
‘Good,’ she said. ‘Now we can smoke this and see what it’s like.’
We ran towards the shade of the wood, jumping over stinging nettles and flowers. I was a bit nervous to see what would happen when we smoked Jack’s odd-smelling roll-up, but ran through the trees enjoying being cool for a change.
‘I really need to deliver this to your mum,’ I said, unable to forget the letter as I guiltily pulled it from my back pocket and waved it in front of Dee’s face.