Falling for the Forbidden: 10 Full-Length Novels

by Jessica Hawkins

  We get a table on the terrace at Roma’s and order spaghetti with scallops in basil-flavored cream. Charlie is working his way through his second Coke float. His eyes shine, and his cheeks have a healthy color. He’s even lost a bit of the flabbiness around his waist.

  “The change in him is remarkable, Kris.”

  She takes a sip of her wine. “He’s a good dog walker. Plus, it saves me a pack of time.”

  “It makes me happy to see him like this. I wish I could do more.”

  “So, what’s with the lunch?” she asks after we’ve eaten, direct as always.

  “I have good news. The university granted me a full bursary.”

  “I thought you dropped out.”

  “I did, but Gabriel said Marie should be back at work soon. I’ll have time to study again, and with the full bursary I won’t need to worry about the shortfall.”

  Leaning back, she crosses her arms. “What’s going on with him, Val?”

  “Nothing.” I pick at my napkin, tearing off small pieces. “Why?”

  I can’t tell anyone what happens behind the closed doors of Gabriel’s house. Especially not Kris. She won’t understand. Hell, sometimes I don’t understand.

  “He’s been to the practice.”

  I still. “Why?”

  “To buy cat and dog food, apparently. He’s got a standing order.”

  “He didn’t tell me.”

  “You’re sleeping with him, aren’t you?”

  I jerk my head up and glance at Charlie, but he’s engrossed in his drink. I can’t lie to her in her face, so I say nothing.

  “He’s a loan shark, and you’re indebted to him for nine years. You want to know what I think? I think you’re his sex toy. His favorite toy. For the moment, he dresses you up––yes, I saw the parcels he carried to my house––and he covers your bills. Hey, I’m not complaining. I need the business. All I’m saying is don’t fall in love with him.”

  I look away to where a mom and dad are having lunch with a cute little girl. “It’s not like that.”

  “How is it? Are you parading around for him in a French maid’s costume? Is that his fantasy?”

  I give her a chastising look. “Stop it.”

  “Every boy eventually grows tired of his toys, even his favorite toy.”

  “I don’t have a choice,” I say in a lowered voice. “He’s not all bad, Kris. I think he tries really hard to treat me well.”

  She leans forward. “He’s a goddamn killer. A criminal. The Breaker, Val. Do you need me to remind you how he kills people?”

  “No.”

  “Don’t sugarcoat him because he’s nice to you. Never forget who he is. More importantly, never forget who you are and what you are to him.”

  “What am I?”

  “Debt repayment. You’re a slave.”

  “Call it whatever you want, but I made a deal to save Charlie’s life. I’ll slave, whore, bust my ass, and work my fingers to the bone to keep him safe.”

  “What about your life?”

  Kris doesn’t know my history. She doesn’t know how Charlie picked me up in the gutter, battered and left for dead, and carried me home for more than two miles. She doesn’t know he sat next to my bed and held my hand every night after my assault when I was too afraid to close my eyes to sleep.

  “I made a choice, Kris. I made a promise to Gabriel Louw. You don’t break your promises to Gabriel. Give it a rest, will you? I’m doing the best I can.”

  “Jesus, Val. If this is your best, you’re heading for a cluster fuck. You cut off your finger for Christ’s sake.” She wipes a hand over her brow. “How is this going to play out?”

  “After nine years, I walk away, get a job, a nice house for Charlie and me, and get out of your hair.”

  “You’re not in my hair, kiddo, but I worry about you.”

  “I know.” I push my chair back, desperately needing air. “I’m taking Charlie for a walk.”

  “I’ll order dessert. Tiramisu?”

  “Sounds good. Come on, Charlie.” I take my brother’s arm and cross the Rosebank Square to stroll down the walkway past the shop fronts. Charlie stops to stare at every window. It’s not as much the objects he likes as the colors.

  “Charlie?”

  He points at a red bicycle in the sports shop. “Loo–look.”

  “What?” I want him to say it. I want to know what’s going on in his head.

  “Pre–pretty.”

  “What’s pretty?”

  “Lo–look.” He points again, getting frustrated.

  “The bicycle?”

  He’s already moved on, stuck in front of a shelf of colorful cycling helmets.

  “Li–like.”

  “Which one?”

  He rolls his shoulders like he does when he gets annoyed and carries on down the path with a brisk pace.

  I run to catch up, taking his hand. “Do you remember how you used to walk me home from school?”

  He hurries on toward the street. Once Charlie is on a mission, it’s difficult to distract him. He throws his whole weight into a task and won’t stop until he’s accomplished what he’s set out to do. I’m longing for the connection we once had. I’m aching to have my brother back, to give him back to himself, but he’s in his own world, and I sometimes wonder if I’m even part of it.

  We stop in front of a red Ferrari parked on the curb. This is what attracted his attention.

  When he puts out his hand to touch the shiny bodywork, I snatch it back.

  “Don’t touch the car. What did I say about touching things that aren’t ours?” “That’s all right,” a male voice says.

  I twirl around to where the voice comes from. The man facing us has blond hair and a tanned face with friendly, green eyes.

  “You can touch it if you like,” he says to Charlie. “It’s mine.”

  The man is as beautiful as his car. It’s the kind of sinful beauty that will make a woman forget her male companion at a party.

  I tug on Charlie’s hand. “We should go.”

  “I can take him for a spin, if you like.”

  “Spi–spin.”

  “Uh, thanks,” I push my hair behind my ear, “but my friend’s waiting for us.”

  “Pity.” He holds out his hand. “I’m Michael.”

  I reach out tentatively, but before I can make up my mind, he folds his broad palm around mine and squeezes. When I don’t say anything, he gives me an amused smile.

  “Your name?”

  “Valentina.”

  “That’s pretty.” He lets me go and shakes hands with Charlie. “You have good taste, eh…” He lifts a brow and waits.

  “Charlie,” I say.

  “Pleased to meet you both. Maybe we can talk about that spin. If you give me your number, I can call when it’s convenient.”

  “Our dessert is ready.” The word ‘dessert’ will catch Charlie’s attention. “Thank you, anyway.”

  Charlie lets me lead him back across the square to our table.

  “Who’s that?” Kris asks.

  “I don’t know. Charlie liked his car.”

  “Ditto.” She waves her spoon at the plate in front of me. “Dig in. It’s delicious.”

  * * *

  It’s hard to say goodbye to Charlie. At least he seems happy. I let that thought soothe me as I cross the street to where Gabriel’s Jaguar waits. It’s Rhett who exits.

  “Hi,” I say, surprised. Gabriel said he’d fetch me.

  “Gabriel’s busy,” he says with a wink, holding the door for me.

  I wait until we pull off into traffic to ask, “Where is he?”

  “Business.”

  A shiver runs over me. Is he breaking someone’s bones? Killing someone?

  Rhett gives me a sidelong look. “It’s better not to ask.”

  “I wasn’t going to.” I glance through the window to escape his piercing eyes.

  “On the upside,” he continues brightly, “we can train.”

  I
turn back to him quickly. “Really?”

  “He’ll be busy until late.”

  My mood picks up. I have to learn how to handle myself. Gabriel won’t be there to protect me forever. Like Kris said, he may grow tired of his new toy sooner than later.

  Rhett changes gears and speeds up when we hit the highway. “Why the sad face? Is your brother all right?”

  “Sunday blues.” I try to smile, but it’s a weak effort.

  We don’t talk for the rest of the way. At home, I change into my shorts and T-shirt and join Rhett in the gym. It’s weird to be here out of my own, free will. The gym represents a place of erotic pain and deep-seated pleasure for me. My body reacts at the thought, sending moisture to my folds. I shake my head and jiggle my fingers, physically expelling the unwelcome arousal at the memory of what Gabriel does to me here.

  “Ready?” Rhett walks around me like a boxer measuring his opponent.

  “Give me your worst.”

  He laughs. “You’re a funny one.”

  I fling around and punch him in the stomach. “Like this funny?”

  My knuckles hurt, and he doesn’t even flinch. Before I know what’s happening, he kicks my feet out from under me with a swift swing of his leg, making me land on my ass with a humph.

  “This move is child’s play, perky tits. You’ve got a far way to go before you can handle my worst.”

  “Okay, short dick.” I hold out my hand for him to help me up.

  He only laughs at the diminutive name. When he’s halfway in the motion of pulling me up, I yank hard, using the momentum to bring him down to the floor. He does a graceful shoulder roll and flips his leg over me, pinning me face down on the mat.

  He chuckles. “You’ve got spirit, I’ll give you that, perky tits.”

  “Fuck you, short dick.”

  “Wanna see? You’ll take back your words.”

  “No thanks. Kicking you in the balls when your pants are around your ankles won’t be fair play.”

  He laughs again. “Yep, you’re funny.” He gets to his feet and pulls me up by my arm. “We’ll start with some basic defense moves, and when you’ve gotten the hang of them, I’ll teach you how to use an attacker’s strength to beat him.”

  The minute I’m up, I kick at his feet like he did with me, but he catches my leg, holding me captive.

  “You’re a quick learner, and you’ve got more courage than brains, but let me do the teaching. I don’t want to hurt you.”

  I hop around on one foot to keep my balance. “It’ll take a bit more than that.”

  “As I said, more courage than brains. You’re small. You’ve got to learn to fight clever.”

  “Okay.”

  He releases me. “Ready?”

  For the next hour, he drills me. By the time he calls it a day, I’m sweating.

  “You better have a shower. Gabriel will be home soon.”

  “I want to learn to use a gun, too.”

  He props his hands on his hips and regards me from under his eyebrows. “Valentina.”

  “It’s a big, bad world out there. I won’t live here forever.”

  After a moment, he sighs and shakes his head. “In for a penny, in for a pound.”

  I’m happy with my progress. Finally, I’m getting out of my vulnerable bubble. There’s just enough time to shower before Gabriel enters my room.

  He walks up and stops flush against my back. “How was your weekend?”

  “Good.”

  He pushes my hair aside and kisses my neck. “We’re having a dinner party at home on

  Tuesday. It’ll be a late night.”

  “Okay. Do you have a menu in mind?”

  “Magda will brief you. It’s important to her.” He doesn’t need to say more. He wants me on my best behavior. “Don’t forget your checkup tomorrow.”

  I dress the wound religiously, but it’s still red and puffy.

  He puts his arms around my waist and pulls my back against his chest. “Bend over and put your hands on the wall.”

  His tone is clipped, like when he’s desperate and can’t wait. My body grows deliciously warm and wet. I bend my back and brace myself on the wall. He lifts my skirt up over my waist and jerks my panties down. The metal clang of his belt sounds in the room, followed by the scratchy pull of his zipper. His cock pushes against my folds. Without warning he plunges forward, impaling me in one, hard thrust. My back arches from the friction.

  “Fuck, Valentina.” He holds still, either to give my body time to stretch around his too large penis or to get a hold on his control.

  “Take me as you want,” I pant, unable to keep still for much longer.

  “Oh, I will.”

  Gripping my hips between his palms, he pulls out almost all the way and slams back in. Pleasure ripples through my womb. He wastes no time in working me up to a climax, fucking me hard. When I come, it’s explosive, but so is his release. He grunts and keeps going until his cock is too soft to stay inside me. Only when his shaft slips out does he go on his knees and suck my clit into his mouth. It’s impossible to come again so soon, but he’s relentless. He has his teeth on my clit and his fingers in my pussy and ass. Our sounds mingle until there’s only the unique blend of our moans in the room. He makes me come again in his mouth, driving me to the edge of pleasure. My legs can’t carry my weight. When I collapse, he catches me around the waist and carries me to bed. He holds me until it’s dark outside, and then he fucks me on my back and on my hands and knees until my throat is hoarse from screaming. My body is depleted. I can’t give him any more, but I want more from him. I’m insatiable, and he’s to blame.

  My heart aches with something I can’t name when he leaves me. I lie in the dark until I can’t suffer it any longer. There’s only one thing to do. I sneak through the dark house to his room. He’s standing in the doorframe, waiting, as if he expected me. Jumping into his arms, I cling to him. I’m a stranger to myself, not understanding this woman who can’t breathe without her captor. He wraps his arms around my ass to hold me up and kisses me long and sweet. Gently, he lies me down on the bed, pulling me to his chest. Only then, safe and happy, do I fall into an exhausted sleep.

  * * *

  The doctor’s appointment is at four the following day. As I get ready, Gabriel calls me on the internal intercom and summons me to his room. If we don’t leave soon we’ll be late. Why does he want to see me now? Before I can knock, he opens the door. I freeze with my hand midway in the air. A disposable sheet is laid out on the daybed, and a gurney with monitors and scanners stands next to it. The same doctor from before, Samuel Engelbrecht, waits in the room.

  I look at Gabriel for answers, but he says nothing. He only pulls me inside and closes the door.

  “Undress and lie down,” the doctor says.

  I assumed I was going to see the doctor who operated on me at the clinic, and what

  Gabriel’s doctor demands doesn’t make sense. “You need me to undress to examine my finger?”

  Gabriel takes my hand. “After what you told me, I want to make sure you’re all right. You could’ve suffered internal injuries you’re not aware of.”

  A blush works its way up my neck, warming my cheeks. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I didn’t want to stress you.”

  I pull my hand from his. “This isn’t necessary.”

  His eyes turn hard. “Get your clothes off, or I’ll take them off for you.”

  I’m so humiliated I don’t know where to look. I don’t doubt for a minute Gabriel will execute his threat. Angry tears burn in my eyes as I turn my back on them and pull off my trainers, uniform, and underwear. Draping my clothes over the armrest of the chair, I lie down on the daybed.

  The doctor approaches with a probe. “Bend your legs.”

  I do so grudgingly, avoiding Gabriel’s eyes. The doctor pulls a condom over the probe, lubricates it with gel, and inserts it gently in my vagina. The scanner beeps to life. He says nothing as he examines me. He o
nly gives Gabriel a nod when he pulls the probe free. My abdomen is next. I am not sure what he’s looking for, and I can’t imagine why Gabriel wants to know if the rape damaged my body. After the ultrasound, the doctor takes my blood pressure and weighs me. It’s when he brings a needle to my arm that I start protesting again.

  “What’s that?”

  Gabriel takes my wrist, brushing his thumb over my pulse. “It’s a vitamin boost.”

  “I don’t need it.”

  “I told you already, your health is my responsibility.”

  There’s a note of steel in his voice. He’ll hold me down if he has to. I don’t have a choice but to accept the injection and whatever is in it.

  With the injection done, the doctor lets me get dressed and makes me sit on the bed to examine my finger. His face is blank, but he stares at the wound for a long time.

  “I’m going to prescribe a stronger antibiotic. I want to see you every day.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “A small infection,” he says, as if talking to a child. “You’ve got to keep it still. Don’t use the hand.”

  I bandaged it tightly when I wrestled with Rhett, and we were careful. I’m also cautious with the housework.

  The doctor looks at Gabriel. “Any chance you can keep her still for a couple of weeks?” The set of Gabriel’s jaw is enough to give us the answer. Magda will never let him.

  “Well, then.” The doctor starts gathering his equipment. “Tomorrow same time?” “Yes,” Gabriel says.

  When he’s gone, I gather the courage to confront Gabriel. “Why?”

  “Don’t make me repeat answers I already gave you.”

  “Isn’t he going to take his apparatus?” I motion at the gurney with the monitors.