Mr. Sponge's Sporting Tour

by Robert Smith Surtees

  CHAPTER LVII

  THE DEBATE

  It was just as Mr. Sponge predicted with regard to his admission to NonsuchHouse. The first person who spied his note to Sir Harry Scattercash wasCaptain Seedeybuck, who, going into the drawing-room, the day after Mr.Sponge's visit, to look for the top of his cigar-case, saw it occupying thecentre of the mantelpiece. Having mastered its contents, the Captainrefolded and placed it where he found it, with the simple observation tohimself of--'That cock won't fight.'

  Captain Quod saw it next, then Captain Bouncey, who told Captain Cutitfatwhat was in it, who agreed with Bouncey that it wouldn't do to have Mr.Sponge there.

  Indeed, it seemed agreed on all hands that their party rather wantedweeding than increasing.

  Thus, in due time, everybody in the house knew the contents of the notesave Sir Harry, though none of them thought it worth while telling him ofit. On the third morning, however, as the party were assembling forbreakfast, he came into the room reading it.

  'This (hiccup) note ought to have been delivered before,' observed he,holding it up.

  'Indeed, my dear,' replied Lady Scattercash, who was sitting gloriouslyfine and very beautiful at the head of the table, 'I don't know anythingabout it.'

  'Who is it from?' asked brother Bob Spangles.

  'Mr. (hiccup) Sponge,' replied Sir Harry.

  'What a name!' exclaimed Captain Seedeybuck.

  'Who is he?' asked Captain Quod.

  'Don't know,' replied Sir Harry; 'he writes to (hiccup) about the hounds.''Oh, it'll be that brown-booted buffer,' observed Captain Bouncey, 'thatwe left at old Peastraw's.'

  'No doubt,' assented Captain Cutitfat, adding, 'what business has he withthe hounds?'

  'He wants to know when we are going to (hiccup) again,' observed Sir Harry.

  'Does he?' replied Captain Seedeybuck. 'That, I suppose, will depend uponWatchorn.'

  The party now got settled to breakfast, and as soon as the first burst ofappetite was appeased, the conversation again turned upon our friend Mr.Sponge.

  'Who _is_ this Mr. Sponge?' asked Captain Bouncey, the billiard-marker,with the air of a thorough exclusive.

  Nobody answered.

  'Who's your friend?' asked he of Sir Harry direct.

  'Don't know,' replied Sir Harry, from between the mouthfuls of a highlycayenned grill.

  'P'raps a bolting betting-office keeper,' suggested Captain Ladofwax, whohated Captain Bouncey.

  'He looks more like a glazier, I think,' retorted Captain Bouncey, with alook of defiance at the speaker.

  'Lucky if he is one,' retorted Captain Ladofwax, reddening up to the eyes;'he may have a chance of repairing somebody's daylights.' The captainraising his saucer, to discharge it at his opponent's head.

  'Gently with the cheney!' exclaimed Lady Scattercash, who was too much usedto such scenes to care about the belligerents. Bob Spangles caughtLadofwax's arm at the nick of time, and saved the saucer.

  'Hout! you (hiccup) fellows are always (hiccup)ing,' exclaimed Sir Harry.'I declare I'll have you both (hiccup)ed over to keep the peace.'

  They then broke out into wordy recrimination and abuse, each declaring thathe wouldn't stay a day longer in the house if the other remained; but asthey had often said so before, and still gave no symptoms of going, theirassertion produced little effect upon anybody. Sir Harry would not havecared if all his guests had gone together. Peace and order being at lengthrestored, the conversation again turned upon Mr. Sponge.

  'I suppose we must have another (hiccup) hunt soon,' observed Sir Harry.

  'In course,' replied Bob Spangles; 'it's no use keeping the hungry brutesunless you work them.'

  'You'll have a bagman, I presume,' observed Captain Seedeybuck, who did notlike the trouble of travelling about the country to draw for a fox.

  'Oh yes,' replied Sir Harry; 'Watchorn will manage all that. He's always(hiccup) in that line. We'd better have a hunt soon, and then, Mr. (hiccup)Bugles, you can see it.' Sir Harry addressing himself to a gentleman he wasas anxious to get rid of as Mr. Jogglebury Crowdey was to get rid of Mr.Sponge.'

  'No; Mr. Bugles won't go out any more,' replied Lady Scattercashperemptorily. 'He was nearly killed last time'; her ladyship casting anangry glance at her husband, and a very loving one on the object of hersolicitude.

  'Oh, nought's never in danger!' observed Bob Spangles.

  'Then _you_ can go, Bob,' snapped his sister.

  'I intend,' replied Bob.

  'Then (hiccup), gentlemen, I think I'll just write this Mr. (hiccup)What's-his-name to (hiccup) over here,' observed Sir Harry, 'and then he'llbe ready for the (hiccup) hunt whenever we choose to (hiccup) one.'

  The proposition fell still-born among the party.

  'Don't you think we can do without him?' at last suggested CaptainSeedeybuck.

  '_I_ think so,' observed the elder Spangles, without looking up from hisplate.

  'Who is it?' asked Lady Scattercash.

  'The man that was here the other morning--the man in the queerchestnut-coloured boots,' replied Mr. Orlando Bugles.

  'Oh, I think he's rather good-looking; I vote we have him,' replied herladyship.

  That was rather a damper for Sir Harry; but upon reflection, he thought hecould not be worse off with Mr. Sponge and Mr. Bugles than he was with Mr.Bugles alone; so, having finished a poor appetiteless breakfast, herepaired to what he called his 'study,' and with a feeble, shaky hand,scrawled an invitation to Mr. Sponge to come over to Nonsuch House, andtake his chance of a run with his hounds. He then sealed and posted theletter without further to do.