Mr. Sponge's Sporting Tour
Page 66
CHAPTER LXVI
MR. SPONGE AT HOME
Sponge was most warmly congratulated by Sir Harry and all the assembledcaptains, who inwardly hoped his marriage would have the effect of'snuffing him out,' as they said, and they had a most gloriousjollification on the strength of it. They drank Lucy's and his health ninetimes over, with nine times nine each time. The consequence was, that thefootmen and shutter were in earlier requisition than usual to carry them totheir respective apartments. Sponge's head throbbed a good deal the nextmorning; nor was the pulsation abated by the recollection of hismatrimonial engagement, and his total inability to keep the angel who hadridden herself into his affections. However, like all untried men, he wasstrong in the confidence of his own ability, and the sight of his smilingcharmer chased away all prudential considerations as quickly as they arose.He made no doubt there would something turn up.
Meanwhile, he was in good quarters, and Lady Scattercash having warmlyespoused his cause, he assumed a considerable standing in theestablishment. Old Beardey having ventured to complain of his interferencein the kennel, my lady curtly told him he might 'make himself scarce if heliked'; a step that Beardey was quite ready to take, having heard of adesirable public-house at Newington Butts, provided Sir Harry paid him hiswages. This not being quite convenient, Sir Harry gave him an order on'Cabbage and Co.' for three suits of clothes, and acquiesced in his takinga massive silver soup-tureen, on which, beneath the many quarteredScattercash arms, Mr. Watchorn placed an inscription, stating that it waspresented to him by Sir Harry Scattercash, Baronet, and the noblemen andgentlemen of his hunt, in admiration of his talents as a huntsman and hischaracter as a man.
Mr. Sponge then became still more at home. It was very soon 'my hounds,'and 'my horses,' and 'my whips'; and he wrote to Jawleyford, andPuffington, and Guano, and Lumpleg, and Washball, and Spraggon, offering tomake meets to suit their convenience, and even to mount them if required.His _Mogg_ was quite neglected in favour of Lucy; and it says much for theinfluence of female charms that, before they had been engaged a fortnight,he, who had been a perfect oracle in cab fares, would have been puzzled totell the most ordinary fare on the most frequented route. He had forgottenall about them. Nevertheless, Lucy and he went out hunting as often as theycould raise hounds, and when they had a good run and killed, he salutedher; and when they didn't kill, why--he just did the same. He headed andtailed the stringing pack, drafted the skirters and babblers (which he sentto Lord Scamperdale, with his compliments), and presently had the unevenkennel in something like shape.
Nor was this the only way in which he made himself useful, for NonsuchHouse being now supported almost entirely by voluntary contributions--thatis to say, by the gullibility of tradesmen--his street and shop knowledgewas valuable in determining who to 'do.' With the Post Office Directory andMr. Sponge at his elbow, Mr. Bottleends, the butler--'delirius tremendous,'as Bottleends called it, having quite incapacitated Sir Harry--wrote offfor champagne from this man, sherry from that, turtle from a third, turbotfrom a fourth, tea from a fifth, truffles from a sixth, wax-lights fromone, sperm from another; and down came the things with such alacrity, suchthanks for the past and hopes for the future, as we poor devils of theuntitled world are quite unacquainted with. Nay, not content with givinghim the goods, many of the poor demented creatures actually paraded theirfolly at their doors in new deal packing-cases, flourishingly directed'TO SIR HARRY SCATTERCASH, BART., NONSUCH HOUSE, &c. _By ExpressTrain_.' In some cases they even paid the carriage.
And here, in the midst of love, luxury, and fox-hunting, let us for a timeleave our enterprising friend, Mr. Sponge, while we take a look at aspecies of cruelty that some people call 'sport.' For this purpose we willbegin a fresh chapter.