World Devoted

by Emily Albert

  WORLD DEVOTED

  EMILY ALBERT

  Copyright © 2019 by Emily Albert

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any manner without written permission of the copyright owner except for the use of quotations in a book review.

  To my brother Ryan, who always believed I would make it this far.

  One

  Power is compelling. It is enchanting, and enticing, and enabling. It is all this, and inherent for royals. There is gravity in simply sitting on a throne or carrying a crown on one’s head. Ruling comes with a special kind of power that rises one up without them asking for it. At times, Princess Lenna felt this like wings on her back. It was a part of her, and she embraced it.

  Now, when she stepped onto the stage outside the capitol building to make a speech with her family, it flooded in stronger. She stood on one side of Queen Fay with her twin, Prince Remy, on the other side. She tried to look natural as she shifted slightly toward the sea of people in front of them. The closer she got, the greater the thrill.

  Simply being on stage, looking down on her subjects, gave her power and confidence. It was a primal feeling, one that is felt when one is standing over a child. Lenna towered over everyone in the crowd, and it was dizzying.

  They are yours, the familiar voice in her head told her. All yours.

  The voice filled her with pride. She stood up straighter and looked around. A woman in the front waved to her and she smiled, and Lenna smiled back. Fay started to speak. Her quiet voice must have been nearly inaudible to the people in the back, but Lenna saw every eye on her anyway. It was obvious she was loved.

  Fay got out a few sentences that Lenna barely heard. It was not just because of the volume, but because the bold, happy voice hummed inside her, and all she could think was “My turn, my turn, my turn!” It was a terrible thing, she knew, so she tried to focus on her mother. But seconds after she corrected her thoughts, her focus drifted back to the crowd. She didn’t want to look away; it was an astonishing sight.

  She distantly heard her mother pause, then Remy’s voice fill in. His voice was stronger than their mother’s, but still gentle and easy to ignore.

  Mesmerized by the endless mass of bodies—not faces, not people, just things that lived to worship her—she did not hear a single word until what must have been the second or third time Remy said, “Princess Lenna.” The sea faded back into reality and she saw every face staring at her with an expectant look. She wanted to care for every person here as her mother did. She tried to love them as people, but the voice repeatedly pushed the heavy idea of power into her hands, and it was difficult to get past that.

  She had no idea what had been announced, so she simply said, “Yes, so if anyone would like to ask any questions about the matter, please feel free.”

  The people looked at each other with worried eyes and confused murmurs, then up to Fay and Remy for an explanation. They were of no help, as they also looked puzzled. The people eventually settled and started to raise their hands. Relieved, Lenna pointed to a woman near the front. “Hello, what is your question?”

  “This isn’t exactly related to the plan to restore the city buildings… but I think it’s somethin’ we’ve all been wonderin’.”

  “Yes?”

  “This is for Queen Fay, actually. I think we’re all wonderin’ if King Ollivan is gonna come back. He was so good to us. Not that you aren’t—just that you two made a good team.”

  “He isn’t here, so he isn’t King,” Lenna blurted out, then pulled herself back. “But you are correct, this is a question for Queen Fay.”

  Lenna finally took her eyes off the crowd and looked at her mother. Remy was looking at her as well, because she was shaking and nearly crying, her arms wrapped around herself. The siblings and guards surrounded her, and together they left the stage. Once they were far enough away that they could no longer hear the chatter and shouting of the crowd, Lenna dismissed the handful of guards.

  “Are you sure we should leave you?” one of them asked her. “You need to stay safe. Something could happen to you.”

  “We’re far from buildings. There is no one around. It’s all right.”

  “She needs space,” Remy agreed. “We’ll be okay.”

  The guards nodded and left.

  When they found a private spot to sit by a large tree, Lenna and Remy sat on either side of their trembling mother. Remy’s gaze was locked on her as she shut her eyes tight. Every so often her breath caught and she screwed her face up further, seeming to think of a horrific memory. Her deepening wrinkles aged her.

  Lenna’s father had left right after she was born. Though she never knew why, she recognized the traumatic effect it had on her mother. Fay had never felt good, really, but her pain was getting worse. He wasn’t coming back; she was sure her mother knew that just as well as she did. The mention of him had always made her upset, but Lenna had never seen her mother this distraught.

  Remy got her attention with a wave of his hand and mouthed, “Are you okay?” Lenna shook her head and looked away. As he stood and paced, unable to fix the situation, Lenna put her hand on her mother’s and let her clutch it. Patiently she sat, leaning into Fay’s shoulder for her to feel the weight of her support. It was nighttime when Fay opened her still damp eyes.

  The thick darkness made the previously short walk from the stage seem longer. Lenna and Remy clung to their mother, both for their own security and to calm her. They were all silent; the space normally calling for conversation was filled with chilling blackness. When they reached the guards standing by the stage, the men stopped examining their nails or chatting and were swiftly attentive.

  Without speaking, they mounted and began to ride home. In the darkness, Lenna could not focus on her mother’s black, bobbing curls and silky dark skin that usually soothed her. The only thing she could make out was Fay slowly stroking her horse’s neck. Remy rode next to Lenna instead of behind her, and she could see he was just as worried as she was. She smiled at him reassuringly several times, but he was so distracted that she wasn’t sure he could even see it.

  She wanted to tell him that everything would be okay, that their mother would get past all this. Sometimes she believed it, but in this moment, her breakdowns felt too frequent and too severe. It was hard to get the words out, so she stayed quiet.

  She would believe it again, she assured herself. Tomorrow her recovery would feel possible. Her mother had to get better—she would make sure of it.

  ○○○

  From the doorway of her mother’s vast bedroom, Lenna watched her mother rock in her rocking chair by the fireplace. Remy sat at her feet, absently warming his hands, though comfortable spring air filled the room. Neither of their eyes focused on anything. She was used to seeing her mother this way; since Lenna could remember, her mother had been some degree of stressed, sad or hazy. But seeing her innocent brother staring into the fire with an expression that was something beyond worry made her nauseous.

  She walked inside, and the thump of her boots on the floor reminded her of being on stage, towering over everyone and everything. This time, though, there was nothing in front of her but the people she loved, depressed and disabled—quite the feeling of power, she thought as she sighed to herself.

  She sat in a chair close to Remy, who looked up at her with watery eyes. Around them was darkness except for the glowing halo of the fire. It crackled and whispered into the ominous, near-dead room. Lenna stood to light a few candles by the bed.

  She returned to her mother. She was in a sleep-like trance, her huge brown eyes almost closed. They slid from the fire to the wall and back again. “Mother?” Lenna tried, and her eyes shifted closer to her. “Are you… It’s all right. You’re safe
. Would you like to be in bed?” Fay sighed deeply and closed her eyes. They walked her carefully into bed and stayed there for a few moments until Lenna thought she looked more at peace. In the candlelight, Lenna could just barely see her thick, dark hair. She stroked it to comfort them both.

  Lenna wondered if Remy was thinking of the days in the past when Fay would break down at the dinner table, or in the middle of a conversation, or alone in her room, and they would both come in to comfort her. By the time they reached her, she would have already gotten herself together, always smiling at them tiredly and saying, “Don’t you worry about me. I’m doing just fine. I just need a little rest.” She would walk herself to bed and sleep long, long hours. They always knew she was hurting, but somehow it felt better when they were shielded from it, when she was their strong, selfless mother. Now, they needed to be strong. Lenna thought that she could do that.

  “Remy…” Lenna barely heard her mother’s weak voice, but Remy sat on the side of her bed and held her hand. She smiled just enough to get her message across. She picked up Remy’s hand and kissed it. “Thank you both. You’re lovely. I wouldn’t expect any less.”

  After she rolled over and appeared to be drifting to sleep, Lenna regretted not getting her out of her tight corset. She seemed too numb to mind. Remy touched her back briefly, blew out the candles, and followed Lenna out of the room.

  When the two reached the hallway, they slid down opposite walls to the floor, almost in unison, and stared at each other through the dim candlelight. “What are we going to do?” Remy asked, his voice shaking. Lenna felt like an older sister, like she had to be responsible for her brother and have the answers to every problem. The truth was, she knew just as much as her twin.

  “I don’t know, Rem.”

  After a long stretch of silence, Lenna said, “Why do they keep torturing her with questions about Ollivan? He abandoned us. He’s gone, and he isn’t coming back.”

  “You really believe that?”

  “What do you mean? You think he’s coming back after all this time? He doesn’t want us—you must know that.”

  “Don’t say that. Obviously, Mother saw something in him. I’m sure he was better than you’re imagining. Something probably happened, but he’ll come back. Why wouldn’t he?”

  Lenna gave an exasperated laugh. “You think he was perfect because mother liked him? Look where that got her. She loved him and trusted him, and he left her here to be like this. I have no desire to ever meet him. I don’t care if he’s alone and dead somewhere.”

  Remy shrugged. “He’s our father.”

  Lenna sighed and stood. “Look what he did, Rem.”

  Tomorrow, she reminded herself. Tomorrow things would be easier.

  TWO

  Lenna ran her hands along the polished arms of the tall king’s throne, then gripped the carved ends. Her light brown skin was almost the same color as the polished wood—it was made for her, she thought. As she rubbed the arms, she heard a deep laugh somewhere buried in her head. It sounded like a man on top of the world, throwing his head back as he scanned everyone below him.

  She looked up with a small grin at her mother sitting next to her in the queen’s throne. The crowd in front of them filled with the nervous energy of people waiting to speak to the royals. The throne room with its wide-open space and shiny, white tiled floor echoed even the quietest murmur.

  Fay nodded to a woman in the front. She walked toward them, trying to smile. “Majesty,” she began shakily. Fay smiled back at her. “I hope you’re well. I wanted to know if… if you are ill. And if… well, since there is no king, if you cannot rule one day, who will take the throne?”

  Several heads nodded. There were murmurs of curiosity, and people shuffled closer. Lenna was suddenly alert. She eyed her mother’s position in the throne that could one day be hers.

  Fay looked ahead calmly. “I am well, thank you. You do not need to worry about the stability of your queen, or this country. There should be no concern about illness. When the day comes that I can no longer rule—and that day will not come soon—it will be decided between my two twins, Prince Remy and Princess Lenna, who will take my place.”

  Fay’s voice had a soft, light accent that differed from everyone in the room, including Lenna. It came from her home country, Amoretta, but was slightly diluted from her many years in Haeden. It always stuck out pleasantly when she was surrounded by natives.

  The woman started again hurriedly, “How will you decide?”

  “A very long time ago, Parliament decided that if there were to be twins, they would perform tests to determine who is most fit to be King or Queen. It will involve personality tests, gauging of skills, among other things.”

  “Well, we don’t see Prince Remy much… but Princess Lenna is always at these meetings and—”

  “Thank you again for your concern,” she repeated, dismissing her with a polite nod. The woman returned to her friends in the crowd.

  They are yours.

  Lenna swelled with pride.

  Fay looked at a lanky, white-haired man who held something in his hands. His stained clothes hung loosely off his bony body, and he was covered in wrinkles that showed his hard life. Still, his lips remained in a faint smile. He gestured toward them. “May I?”

  “Go ahead,” Fay said to him.

  He approached the two thrones as if approaching a wild dog. He looked at Fay and Lenna, then the guards to tell them he wasn’t a threat. He handed them each a string of beads with a large wooden amulet hanging in the middle. Lenna could smell the fresh wood as he handed her the chain. She fingered the disk that hung heavy among the beads. It was smooth, made of a pale wood with a fine grain. It presented the circle of the gods, engraved with seven shapes along the outside, one for each god. The various circles, straight and wavy lines, and crosses were familiar to her. Her mother’s gift was an identical amulet.

  He handed Fay another one. “For Prince Remy.” Stepping back, the man said in a lively voice, “These are for your protection, if you’ll have ‘em. No need to wear ‘em, just keep ‘em close. They’ll make the gods look out for you your whole lives.”

  Fay looked like she was about to thank him, but Lenna asked, “Protect us from what?” Fay glanced at her sideways, eyes narrowed. She felt as if she was the only one who didn’t know some family secret, or a private issue that was not to be discussed.

  “Well…” the man stammered and looked toward Fay for consent. “From… from the demons that plague you—No, not you specifically! Forgive me! No one can really be sure which of you holds the demons.” He glanced at Fay, then collected himself. “Some people struggle with evil, evil demons, but the gods will protect those who do—”

  Not demons, but a guardian. I am your guardian.

  As people waiting began to whisper, he looked all around him with paranoid eyes. Fay said to him simply, “Thank you,” and he backed away from them, then scurried out.

  “Thank you,” Lenna echoed softly after she caught herself in a haze.

  She had seen her mother fall apart—in fact, many people had seen her fall apart—upon hearing of her absent husband. She wasn’t sure, however, how anyone could draw demons from that occurrence, or how religion could help her mother overcome her loss.

  Lenna scanned her mother, trying to read her expression, but Fay kept herself collected as she signaled the next man forward. Patiently Lenna ran her hands along the string of beads in her lap as her mother addressed the rest of the concerns, questions, and gifts.

  ○○○

  There were harsh shadows at the open entrance of the stable as Lenna walked in; it was a bright, hot day for early spring. She seldom visited the stable, and she forgot how big it was—the main aisle was a long tunnel, dozens of stalls lining either wall. She had always felt the building was unnecessarily tall, but the artfully placed beams on the peaked ceiling were beautiful.

  Now shielded from the sun, she turned around and looked up at the castle. She had
never truly studied it from the stable. It was built on a hill surrounded by a wall that rivaled the height of the castle itself. The castle was mossy and so worn that it was charming. It towered above everything, intimidating the tiny people around it. It was something to be respected. From the corner inside the walls where the stables stood, she had a full view of the front of the castle.

  Walking into the shade of the stable, Lenna’s eyes relaxed. She smelled the sharp, musky smell of hay. Some stablehands swept the wood floor of the endless aisle while others polished tack. Lenna walked directly to her own horse’s stall and loitered by it until the man cleaning her saddle left. It was odd that he cleaned her saddle when the only time she ever used it was to ride into the city to make announcements. It was a splendid thing, deep brown with shining silver buckles and embellishments, perched on an equally clean stand near the stall door. When she inched closer to look in the stall, her gray horse eyed her warily and put his head up.

  Lenna hadn’t been near this stall since she was young, when her mother had urged her to learn to ride. There had been riding lessons and days of relaxing with her mother around their horses, but she had never enjoyed it. In fact, she would have been afraid to be with her horse on her own. Now, she realized, the animals were not so big and scary. The stall doors did not even come up to Lenna’s chest. She approached her horse, looking from his kind eyes to the shining gold nameplate fixed next to the door. It read, “Pegasus.”

  The name instantly called to Lenna’s mind the moment she had named him. With no name, she had never considered this dappled gray horse to be hers. He had simply been a vehicle for her to travel or spend time with her mother, but his name turned him into Lenna’s property. No one else was allowed to ride him, only exercise him from the ground if he needed it. She could not recall the exact story her mother had told her, but she had chosen the name one night as she lay in Fay’s bed. Lenna had been old enough to read, but her mother read to her anyway. Pegasus, her mother had explained, were like horses, and Lenna had groaned. These horses, however, had wings and magical powers. They could fly anywhere they wanted.