by Emily Albert
“Please,” he said quietly, but it was full of feeling. “I know you’re not impressed by me. I know you don’t like me. But just like I don’t know you yet, you also don’t know me. I would like to ask you for the chance for you to get to know me.” He paused. “Most would argue that my brother Adrian is the most important part of my family. I say that’s just the way it works; the eldest gets to rule their home country. But I’ve always been jealous of him… I assume it must be even harder for you, being a twin. If… you know, the incident hadn’t happened, would you have had to take those tests?”
Lenna’s eyes met his, but she did not see him. She could only see her rekindled anger, the threat that her brother might still pose. “You mean my brother killing our mother? That incident?” Marco flushed. “Yes, we were supposed to. I would have become Queen anyway. I’m far more qualified, and the people love me. Remy never even wanted to be king, you know. He wanted to live his boring life. I was born to be Queen.”
She looked away again as she caught herself. How could she have let her feelings slip? She took a deep breath.
Foolish, foolish girl. Learning about you will only make him stronger.
He peered at her long enough that she looked up, really seeing his face this time; it was a mistake.
“I’m sorry… I need a moment. Can you please…” she quietly pleaded.
She saw something in his eyes. Not fear, not submission, but an understanding. Respect. She didn’t want to see it, as she knew it would only make pushing him away harder. But she had seen it. Marco looked thoughtful and said something that made her freeze: “I know it would have been you, no matter what. I’ve known it all along, my queen, just from looking at you.” He seemed satisfied by her pause. “I want to show you something. Will you come with me?”
No, no, no, her guardian beat into her head. Her is tricking you. Trying to draw you in and take you down. Real people… Remember.
She knew her guardian thought engaging with him made her weak. She needed only to form a bond strong enough that Parliament saw it as unbreakable, without forging an actual relationship. Surely following him off to some unknown place in the middle of the night was considered going too far. Still, the words “my queen” rang in her head. The feeling of power it gave her seemed to justify her decision. Even if it didn’t, it made her deaf to her guardian’s scolding.
With only a small amount of fear lingering in the back of her mind, Lenna nodded. Marco’s smile returned, small and modest this time. He gave a courteous nod, stood, and held out his hand to her. Lenna took it cautiously, as if it could have been dangerous just to touch him.
As they walked through the hall, Lenna could feel her hand sweating from the idea of being seen with Marco. Though the people surely loved the new union, it felt scandalous. She figured it was her guardian’s judgement that made her anxious, not the opinions inside the castle.
I’ve known it all along, my queen, just from looking at you, electrified her. It fueled something inside her. She found herself wanting more. Did she want more of him, or more of his words?
I can give you more than that. More than his understanding. I can hand you the world. Choose me.
Marco was leading her outside of the castle. As they walked down the path lined with weary guards, she whispered nervously, “Where are we going?” He did not answer. “I’m still in my night clothes. I don’t have proper shoes on. I hope we’re not going far. You should have let me change.”
“No need. We’re taking my carriage.”
There was an instant where Lenna panicked about not having told her mother where she was going. Essentially, she had no family now. No one who would care as Fay would have if she left with Marco in the middle of the night and got lost, or was taken, or was killed. The realization left her feeling hollow.
I am here. I will care if you die. This is reckless.
When they got to the stable, Marco’s carriage was already set up, two dark brown horses in the lead. Marco nodded to the driver and opened the door to let Lenna in. He followed after her and knocked on the side of the carriage.
After a few minutes of driving, terror set in when Lenna didn’t recognize where they were. She was afraid to ask anything, knowing he wouldn’t give her answers. With the realization that she could, in fact, die tonight, her stomach was a hard knot and her mind ran around in panicked circles. The echoing, You should have listened, stupid girl. You should have left him when you had the chance, only made her feel worse.
Marco finally turned away from the window, but did not completely face her when he said, “I have been to Haeden once before. I came with my family when my parents were doing business with your father. That is how I know where to take you. You’ll like it, I think. As I’ve gotten to know you, I’ve been thinking of it. It’s a far ride, but it’s worth it.”
There was something in his voice that said, “You can trust me.” She tried to take that to heart, but her head began pounding again, reminding her that she wasn’t supposed to be establishing that trust. She was conflicted between letting herself feel safe while facing her guardian’s wrath and listening to its warning about a situation she couldn’t get out of. It was an impossible decision, but either way, she could do nothing but wait. Nothing would happen with Marco after tonight, she decided. She would be ice cold.
She wriggled in her seat, wishing she could jump out the door. The land was becoming less and less familiar. They had been riding for so long that even if she did know where they were, it would take her too long to walk back. And he would go after her. She knew he would.
Stupid girl, stupid girl. Should have listened. Should have been smarter.
Eventually, the carriage stopped. She swiftly opened the door and got out on her own. It was still mostly dark out. They were away from everything that Lenna recognized. She could not see the castle nor the city, only endless stretches of fields and hills. There was one huge peak that it seemed they had partially ascended.
“It doesn’t look like much yet. But trust me.” There that idea was again: trust. It was getting harder and harder to do that when a warning pounded in her head and the trip was proving it valid. He had led her into the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night. At least the carriage driver was a witness, unless he was part of whatever scheme was happening. Lenna could feel sweat soaking through her nightgown, and her hands shook.
“Follow me. It will be a walk, but not too long. You’re right, I should have told you to put on your walking shoes.” Lenna was grateful she had slipped on real shoes instead of slippers, but they were still not suited for hiking.
Marco headed up the peak. It was not quite a mountain, so it was climbable, but it was no hill. It was grassy until the section toward the top, where it was bare and covered in rubble. There was a crude path leading up and around it. Confidently, Marco walked up, not looking back at her. With the excruciating pain in her head, she followed him at a distance.
You chose to trust him. This could be the day you die. This could be your downfall, following this man up a mountain. You should have listened. You will disgrace me, disgrace your ancestors.
By the time Marco stopped at a small clearing close to the top of the peak, the sky was getting lighter. There was a cliff close by, but the area was wide enough for her to find a safe distance from it.
“Well?” Lenna said.
“Just wait.” Marco said, smiling slyly. He walked backwards toward the edge of the cliff, beckoning her to follow with his arms outstretched. If she fell—if she were pushed—she would die, just as her guardian had said. Remembering how high they had climbed, she kept her feet planted.
Marco stopped patiently. He put his arms down and gave her an encouraging look. It was another look that said, “You can trust me.”
Do you want to die tonight?
She didn’t, and she didn’t want to disappoint her guardian. But she made the mistake again of looking at Marco’s trustworthy face, and she was overcome with curiosity.
It made her creep toward him.
Foolish, foolish girl. You don’t need him. Do you not know this? You’d risk everything for this dangerous, pointless thing? Idiot! You don’t understand what your priorities must be. You are responsible for more than you know!
She felt as if she was being beaten, pushed away from Marco, but she couldn’t help but walk against it. Marco beamed at her.
She braced herself as he led her near the cliff. She stayed at a cautious distance, glad that he was in front of her.
“Come here,” he said gently. “It’s okay. I’m not going to push you off or anything.” He laughed gently.
That’s what someone who would push you off a cliff would say. Don’t you see that? Don’t you see that you’re doomed?
Everything was spinning. I was getting harder to push against her guardian. “I don’t trust you. We have to go. You have to take me back.” She thought briefly about pushing him off before he could do anything to her—it was something her guardian might suggest.
You need him, just not like this. Run.
She was starting to turn around when he said calmly, “I realize that ‘I’m not going to push you off the cliff’ is something someone who is going to push you off a cliff might say. And I apologize for that. But truly, truly, I want you to see this. You have to see it soon, before it becomes day. It is something I think might change your life.”
The calmness and sincerity in Marco’s voice made turn back around. His face was level, yet hopeful. She couldn’t control the jumps in her emotions. How could she decide what to do when one second her instinct was to run and the next all she wanted to do was find out what was over the cliff?
Don’t you dare. Run away.
That part of her tugged at her anxiety, making her feel in her bones that this was all wrong and dangerous. She knew she should listen to it, but then she looked at Marco’s kind, relaxed face and couldn’t help but block it out. He wouldn’t push her. She was being paranoid. What could possibly happen?
She felt herself walking forward, ignoring the fact that her head was pounding worse than it ever had. She rubbed one of her temples and wiped the sweat off of her forehead. Her steps were slow and hesitant, but Marco stood and waited, looking at her fondly.
“Wait,” he said when she was halfway there. “Close your eyes. Follow my voice. Trust me.”
Lenna gave a terrified laugh. “Are you out of your mind?”
Marco sighed. “I don’t know how to assure you that I’m not capable of throwing you off a cliff, but I won’t.” He paused as Lenna looked at him with disbelief. He sighed again, looking resigned. “If I must go here, why would I kill you now? Wouldn’t I wait until I became King so I could take your country? If I killed you, I would have to leave and find another bride… One as good as you. It’s impossible, see?” He raised his eyebrows expectantly.
Her headache continued and the pain spread to her chest. She could take it; Marco’s face was safe. It was the kind of safety she had seen in her mother, in Kendra.
Those real people—their love—end in pain. His will too. He doesn’t care about you.
But Lenna craved that safety. The visible, palpable affection. She had not seen love in someone’s face this intensely since she had lost the most important people in her life. She knew there was no stopping herself now, and it was mostly because she didn’t want to.
She closed her eyes, her heart racing. “Say something,” she said.
She heard Marco’s smile in his voice. “I’m over here. Walk toward me.” He kept talking until she could hear that he was very close. When he stopped, she bumped into him. With a gasp, she jumped back but kept her eyes closed. His touch was jarring.
“Sorry. Okay, are you ready?” He held her shoulders lightly and shifted her around. She didn’t pull away. “Open your eyes.”
She did, and immediately her knees were weak. The sun rose on the horizon, but it was dark enough to see the whole city and surrounding towns lit up. Each building shone with a dull, golden light. She hadn’t realized just how enormous the kingdom was until she saw an aerial view of thousands, thousands of brilliant lights beaming for her.
Beyond the city, the castle was a huge mass, shining the same way. The thought of all the tiny people living among the lights was remarkable. She was above it all. She was big. So, so big.
The feeling of Marco’s hand was light on her back. Involuntarily, she leaned into it. She was too enthralled by the sight to be embarrassed.
“This is all yours,” he whispered.
Lenna let out a shaky sigh, one of bliss and disbelief. Her guardian had always told her that, but Marco showed her. The kingdom was grand. Her kingdom was grand.
Her heart was still racing, but with excitement now, not terror. Her ecstasy overrode her pain; everything that was hers soothed her body and mind. The protesting voice became quieter, though it was clear it would always be present. This was betrayal on both her and Marco’s part, but she couldn’t move from his touch. She couldn’t look away.
Twenty-Three
Lenna looked out at the city from her balcony, biting her nails. The view wasn’t the same as it had been from the mountaintop. She couldn’t forget the feeling of Marco’s hand on her back. When her guardian scolded her, its only effect was making her feel guilty.
She searched for distractions, even the smallest ones. That one tree had turned an even brighter green with the summer. That man walking just outside the castle had the most outrageous shirt on. Why was he wearing that? What could his name be? Where was he going?
See all this? You have all of it without him. He will only take it away.
Finally something caught her attention: a carriage coming down the road toward the castle. It was pulled by one brown horse and one gray horse. Every carriage from a stable near the castle was drawn by same-color horses. The odd colors meant that the carriage was from somewhere in the middle of nowhere. It was unheard of for someone like this to approach the castle, even for open meetings.
Nonetheless, the horses marched forward. The driver squirmed. It wouldn’t have been noticeable if Lenna hadn’t been trying to cling on to every detail. He knew he didn’t belong here. Some people stopped to stare.
Lenna stood, leaning on the railing to try to get a better look. From the second story, she had to squint to see details. The carriage was old and rickety. The window had no curtains, so peering in was as easy as looking at the carriage. Even from this far away, Lenna got a glimpse of a pale man with white hair. He was looking down into his lap. Then, as he got closer, she could see his forehead was resting in his hands.
He kept his head in his hands until he got close to the guards, then he put his head up, still not looking out the window. Having seen the unusual visitor, the guards were already running over to stop it. She couldn’t hear what they were saying to the driver, but it was plain to see that after he responded, the guards were perplexed.
Finally the guards stepped back, following the carriage all the way through the gate. Once they were inside, the pale man got out slowly, looking around with caution. Two guards from the huge cluster that was forming took him by either arm. The man let himself be captured without a struggle.
Fear hit Lenna harder than confusion did. Why did they let him in only to seize him?
With a forced look of confidence, she made herself move. A guard found her halfway down. He was out of breath, looking unnerved. “Highness,” he started. He took a moment to collect himself.
“Come on, who is he? What’s going on?”
“Uh… Um… Your Highness, you really must come see.”
“No, I told you to tell me what was going on.”
He wiped the sweat off his forehead and his flickering eyes would not meet hers. All he could do was stammer out incomprehensible sounds.
“Now! Tell me now! Are you disobeying me?”
“No, of course not. I’m sorry. It’s just… It’s probably nothing. We can just send him away, it’s really not
a problem…”
“If you don’t tell me who he is and what he wants, maybe a swift kick from one of those odd horses will force it out!”
He finally met her eyes, but he was shaking. “Okay, okay. I apologize for my anxiety, your Highness. He says that… Well, he says he’s your father. He says he is Ollivan Greyor.”
Lenna eyed the guard, thinking there must be some mistake. “No, that can’t be right. It must be some sort of joke. A trick. How do you know he wasn’t lying?”
“The older guards… they recognize him.”
Lenna pushed past him and stormed down to the front of the castle. There, the white-haired old man stood waiting. Surrounded by guards, he should have looked defeated, but he seemed sure of himself. Tired, maybe, but not defeated. When he looked up at her, his green eyes were placid and sad. After a moment though, something in him seemed to click and his eyes lit up. He scanned her royal red dress and expensive jewelry. Stuck on her face, he opened his mouth to speak, then obviously thought better of it.
Lenna put her arms across her chest, suddenly exposed. “What’s happening?” she asked, trying to make her voice sound bolder than she felt.
The guards all shifted on their feet until one spoke up: “This is Ollivan Greyor, our former king.” When he said this, he sounded so certain that it made Lenna shiver. The guard was old, probably about the same age as the white-haired man before her. He was tall, wrinkled, and gray-haired. He had a gnarly scar running across his face that told everyone just how seasoned he was. Despite his age, he stood tall, looking sharp and watchful.
“Why do you sound so sure?” Lenna narrowed her eyes.
“Because I am sure, your Highness. This is Ollivan Greyor, just as I remember him.”
Most of the guards were young, and they were wide-eyed and flushed. Just like Lenna, they were probably either babies or not yet born when Ollivan reigned. There were several other older guards, however. Each of them nodded when their peer spoke.