by Vera Hollins
“Ah ah ah, not so fast.” He held his phone out of my reach.
“Miss Metts, this isn’t Starbucks,” Ms. Gentry chided, breaking into my bubble of rising anger. I whipped my head around to look at her with burning cheeks. I was mortified that she was taking me to task in front of the whole class. “If you don’t pay attention in my class, you can leave.”
“I-I’m sorry, Ms. Gentry. I’ll pay attention.”
Her eyes narrowed as she scowled at me. “You better do that.”
I clasped my hands together in my lap, wishing my hair could hide me from everyone. I would not cry. I closed my eyes and sucked in a breath. Jess, don’t you dare cry now.
I knew Blake was gloating. He enjoyed putting me in the spotlight, and being in the spotlight was something I absolutely despised.
Marcus gave me a sidelong glance and handed me a folded paper when Ms. Gentry carried on talking about Benjamin Franklin. Hiding it under my desk, I unfolded the paper.
Don’t pay attention to Jones. He’ll stop sooner or later.
I could only wish. Marcus didn’t know that ignoring never got me anywhere with Blake. In fact, it only incited him to harass me more. Still, I appreciated Marcus for not thinking any less of me because of Blake’s put-downs.
Marcus Robinson was in the school choir like me, and he seemed like a nice guy. He’d asked me out the previous week, which had come totally out of the blue because of the long-circulating rumors that he was gay. I told him I didn’t like him and turned him down, but he remained friendly with me.
You don’t know him. He can be very persistent, I wrote under his words and returned the paper to him. I glanced at Ms. Gentry, and thankfully she wasn’t looking in our direction. Marcus unfolded the paper.
I leaned in to tell him not to accept anything from Blake in case he actually sent my photo to his Snapchat, but too suddenly, Blake yanked me away from Marcus by my braid, and I barely managed to stifle a yelp.
I spun around to face him. “What the hell is your problem?” I hissed, trying to be as quiet as possible.
“Burks isn’t enough for you, so you also want Robinson?” he said under his breath, wearing a grimace. “So, you’re fat and a slut.”
I winced, repulsed by his ugly, jealous-sounding words. For once, the urge to put him in his place was stronger than fear, and I blurted out, “Says a guy who’s slept with countless girls. It’s a wonder your penis hasn’t fallen off yet.”
His face fell. His gray eyes narrowed to two menacing slits that cut deep into me, and the rest of the classroom ceased to exist. I could feel it—his next attack.
He gripped the wrist I rested on the back of my chair and got up in my face. “Who the fuck do you think you are?” I tugged my arm back to try to free myself, but it was useless. “You know I can ruin you in a second. It’s that easy.”
“Miss Metts? Mr. Jones?” Ms. Gentry called out, but her voice sounded like it came from far away. Blake and I were too lost in our exchange to care about anyone else, only inches separating our faces now.
“I’ll send your embarrassing photos and videos to every college in the state,” he said quietly so only I could hear him, and a twinge of trepidation mixed with my anger. “No one will accept you. You won’t have any future by the time I’m done with you, so you better think twice before you put my back up again.”
I. Hate. Him.
I hate him so much.
“Mr. Jones! What do you think you’re doing?”
Our teacher stopped above us, but my anger had reached the boiling point and nothing mattered anymore but hurting him. Six months—that was how long it took me not to care about his sick retributions and pain for once.
Six long months, but better late than never.
He had no limits. He had no shame. And he had absolutely no empathy. It was too much, and I couldn’t put up with it anymore. I couldn’t just keep quiet and hide under the covers like a scared kid, hoping the danger would pass. No more.
I glanced at his iPhone on his desk—the phone that was there almost every time I was humiliated. That phone documented my tears, my moments of despair, and my moments of mortification. It was abhorrent.
Pent-up anxiety was like a ticking bomb. It could explode at any moment.
Mine finally did.
I stood up before I was even aware of it and grabbed the device I despised so much. I flung it to the floor, relishing the sound of shattering. It was cathartic. His screen cracked in different places, and something akin to satisfaction spread through my chest.
As everyone blended in the background, I raised my head to meet Blake’s gaze, and every positive feeling in me vanished. I actually staggered when I saw the hatred like never before in his eyes. The veins on his jaw bulged out as he fought not to lunge at me.
“Miss Metts, this is preposterous!” Ms. Gentry glared at me with her hand placed across her heart. “I won’t tolerate such awful behavior in my class. And you.” She pointed at Blake. “I’m disgusted by the fact that you’re bullying your classmate and it’s happening right in the middle of my class! I can’t let that go unpunished. I’m giving both of you detention.”
What?! “But he was the one who started it—”
“But you continued it.” She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. “I want to see you both here after school on Monday. Now, out of my classroom!”
“You’ll be sorry for this,” Blake said through his teeth in a voice that chilled me, and I believed him. I truly believed I was screwed. He picked up his phone from the floor and snatched his textbook and notebook from his desk on his way out.
I couldn’t look at anyone, unable to shake off the regret and shame. Only now, the consequences of my outburst dawned on me. I’d never gotten a detention before, and my parents weren’t going to like this at all.
I scooped up my notebook and textbook with shaky hands and shrugged at Marcus, whose gaze held so much pity. I wanted to rewind the last minute and stop myself from throwing Blake’s phone all the more. I couldn’t believe I’d thrown it on the ground!
Still dumbfounded by my reaction, I dragged myself out of the classroom and away from the ceaseless whispers of my classmates. I’d just gone around the corner when someone yanked me with a force that left me breathless. My back slammed into a wall, and my gaze met Blake’s. His hands on my shoulders prevented me from moving.
“What are you do—”
“You think you can mess with me? You think I’ll let you get away with it?!” I flinched as his shout reverberated through the vacant hallway. His six-foot-two body was too close to mine, and my pulse went crazy at his proximity.
I clasped my hands over his to pry them off my shoulders, but he only increased his pressure. “If you hadn’t harassed me, I wouldn’t—”
“Shut up! I don’t want to hear another word coming out of your big, fat mouth.” He curled his lip. “And here I thought I could actually give you leeway after New Year’s. I thought everything would be better if I just treated you like you don’t exist. But you messed up.”
He pushed away from me, but instead of feeling relieved by the much-needed distance between us, I felt like I was suffocating, fearing what could happen next.
Facing away from me, he gave me one last glance over his shoulder. “Today, you messed up big time, Fats, and now? Now it’s payback time.”
“Do you th-th-think she’ll like the bracelet?” Kevin asked me, snapping me out of my gloomy thoughts.
We were on our way to my best friend Sarah Decker’s eighteenth birthday party, but I kept dwelling on the incident with Blake.
“Definitely, and even if she doesn’t, you know what they say: the best gifts come from the heart. I’m sure she’ll love it.”
She would definitely love it because she was someone who valued sentiments over material things, and she was the kindest girl I’d ever met. I owed her a lot because she’d always stayed by my side and stuck up for me no matter what, starting with that “welcom
e party” six months earlier.
I’d always considered myself weak—always resorting to tears and ditching others if it meant saving myself. I felt inferior next to Sarah, but I could never tell her that. I could never tell her I felt even more ashamed of myself when I was around her, so sure no one could ever need me, for how could anyone need a dead weight like me?
Sar never criticized me for being a coward. She never confronted me for bailing on her instead of fighting back against our bullies. She was the girl I admired most because even with all the bullying and difficulties she experienced in her life, she was strong and she kept going. I aspired to be like her, but it wasn’t that easy.
I stopped at the red traffic light and looked at Kev. Ironically, I’d met Kev during another “welcome party”—the one Blake, Masen Brown, and their football teammates threw for him. It was as humiliating as mine with the students circling him and throwing food at him, until Sarah and I intervened and helped him get out of the cafeteria.
Kev and I had grown close in record time, especially because I saw my own weaknesses in him. He reminded me of myself—shy, insecure, plagued by the feeling of inferiority—which was all the more reason why I wanted to get stronger and be there for him. I learned through Sarah what it meant to fight for friends, and I wanted to fight for Kev. He also had a passion for music and sang in the choir, and it was cool to finally have someone who could fully understand how much music meant to me.
I flashed him a smile. “That new shirt suits you.” The elegant black shirt he wore was a far cry from his usual tartan plaid shirts that swallowed his rawboned 6’3” build.
He blushed. “Th-Th-Thanks. My mom bought it for me. I didn’t want to wear it, b-b-but she insisted.”
“Your mom has a good taste.”
“But I don’t like it.”
“I get you. My mom also likes to surprise me with new clothes I don’t always like.” I accelerated when the light turned green. “Still, you look good. I’m sure chicks will dig you tonight.” I winked at him. “And guys.”
He crossed his arms over his chest and remained silent, letting me know once again how touchy this topic was for him.
Kevin was bisexual, and he’d been struggling to accept his sexuality for years. He’d realized he also liked boys when one boy told him he had pretty blue eyes in third grade, and he had a crush on that boy for a long time. His classmates picked on him for it, making him ashamed of something no one should ever be ashamed of. Nine years later, he was still confused about his emotions.
There was another reason why Kev didn’t want to talk about guys or crushes, and that was because he crushed on both Sarah’s boyfriend, Hayden, and me. It was beyond awkward, and sometimes, I didn’t know how to act or what to say, hoping he would crush on someone else who would be able to reciprocate his feelings. And to think that Blake thought there was something between Kevin and me. If only he knew.
“Wow. The party is already in full swing,” Kev said when we reached Hayden’s house.
I shifted my car into park at the end of a long row of vehicles that clogged the driveway. The addictive beat of the music blared through the walls, filling me with energy and euphoria. It was a given that I loved everything that had to do with music, which was one of the reasons why I enjoyed parties. There was nothing better than loud heavy-bass songs that sent my blood rushing through my veins and set my body on fire. That was freedom.
“Let’s not forget Sar’s gift.” I grabbed the silver bracelet with flower charms wrapped in silver decorative paper from the glovebox and stepped outside.
“It’s cold,” he said as he wrapped his arms around himself, despite his thick winter jacket. I, on the other hand, wasn’t fazed by the cold, even though I wore a tight-fitting dress that hardly reached mid-thigh and a short coat. I was willing to bet it was because of my excess fat, which hugged me and kept me warm most of the time.
My high heels clicked on the pavement as we approached the house, my anxiety returning in full force because I would see Blake. He was inside and most likely hooking up with some model-worthy girl, and I didn’t doubt he would do something to make me regret coming to my best friend’s party.
I rang the bell and adjusted the strap of my purse higher on my shoulder. “How do I look?”
“You look p-p-perfect.” Aww. He was such a precious cinnamon roll.
“Don’t you think I look fat in this dress?”
He shook his head vigorously and pushed his glasses up his nose. “No! You aren’t fat at, at, at all, Jess.”
A certain person would beg to differ, but it was sweet of Kev to make me feel better about my looks. “Thanks. You look good too. Your hair looks good slicked back like that.”
The door opened before he could answer me, and Sarah appeared before us.
“Happy birthday!” I squealed and wound my arms around her skinny frame to pull her into my embrace.
She hugged me back. “Thank you, Jess. You smell nice. Is that a new perfume?”
“It’s my mom’s. Chanel No. 5.” I drew away to look at her with a grin.
She looked gorgeous in a dress that was similar to mine, only hers was blue while mine was burgundy. It emphasized her slim waist and perfectly proportioned hips, which I would never be able to have. All I had was the flab on my waist that I was clearly flashing to the world in this daring dress, although my mom had assured me I was beautiful. I also didn’t fail to notice how her long legs looked even longer in high heels. My short, tree-trunk-like legs would never—not in a million years—look as good as hers.
I always envied Sar for the way she looked and wished I could be so effortlessly thin. My therapist had said all of us were unique and I should appreciate what I had, but it was hard not to compare myself to others.
“You look amazing, Sar,” I told her. “That’s a killer dress.”
“I could say the same. Everyone will be drooling over you.”
Everyone but the person I want to, my treacherous mind chimed in, but I refused to listen to it.
“Happy b-birthday, Sar,” Kev said with a goofy smile as he hugged her.
“Thank you, Kevin. That shirt suits you.”
His eyebrows furrowed. “I don’t like it. I’m only wearing it b-b-because my mom b-bought it and wouldn’t take no for an answer.”
“Seriously, you look good in it.”
“This is from Kev, Mel, and me.” I handed her the gift.
Her brown eyes turned soft, and her pink glossy lips curved in a huge smile. “Thank you so much, guys. Now let’s get inside before we freeze to death.”
Kev and I linked our arms and entered. The hallway was packed with teenagers, and the sounds of “Ink” by Coldplay played by a live band boomed all around. We left our jackets in the entryway closet and followed Sar through the throngs of people to the living room. I couldn’t stop grinning, elated by the music encompassing me. Nothing could beat the way I felt when I listened to the music I liked. It was an unlimited source of inspiration.
The large living room was even more packed and filled with cigarette smoke that stung my eyes. The band played in the corner, while most of the people danced in the middle of the room.
“Jess! Kevin! My dear babies!” Mel emerged out of the dancing crowd with a red Solo cup in her hand. “I was beginning to think aliens had finally come to our precious planet and abducted you. You took forever to get here!”
I giggled and let her pull me into an almost suffocating hug. Melissa Brooks, my other best friend, was as witty and childish as ever.
“I’m sure you’d cross the whole galaxy to save us. Also, if you keep hugging me like this, you’ll squash me. Although, I wouldn’t mind it if it would cut my weight in half.”
“Girl, you don’t need that. You’re perfect just the way you are.” Mel singsonged a melody of her own, shaking her curvy hips as she pulled away from me. She looked amazing in a gray Green Day shirt, black faux-leather leggings, and Doc Martens with a rose pattern on the s
ides.
Sar rolled her eyes. “Mel is already drunk, so don’t mind her.”
“Maybe I’m drunk, but that only means double awesomeness.” Kevin and I fell into a fit of chuckles at that.
“That’s true,” Kev said. “It’s like awesomeness is your s-s-superpower.”
“You bet it is! Superman got nothing on me!”
My skin tingled with strange awareness, and I looked around us, my pulse picking up. I always reacted this way whenever Blake was nearby, but before, it was out of pure fear. Now? Now it was because of something I refused to acknowledge and fiercely hoped would disappear. I could almost feel his eyes on me, expecting to see him any moment, but I found Hayden Black’s gaze instead. He was headed our way.
He looked handsome in a dark gray T-shirt and jeans that fit his muscular form very well, demonstrating why he was considered one of the most attractive and popular guys at school. A few scars dotted his face—most of them a memento of the night he left the gang—but they did nothing to diminish his good looks. My eyes went to the tattooed words and various small shapes decorating his upper arms. They intrigued me, but I’d never asked Sar about their meanings because I guessed they were too personal.
I was curious whether Blake had any tattoos, though there were hundreds of reasons why I shouldn’t have been interested in that. I looked around Hayden, but Blake was nowhere in sight.
He stopped next to Sarah and slipped his arm around her waist, pulling her against him. “Hey, Jessica.”
“Hey,” I said as I smiled at Sar, who was positively glowing next to him. She wore a radiant smile that spoke volumes about how happy Hayden made her feel. It was touching, even more so after everything they had gone through together. She’d rarely smiled when I first met her, but these days she couldn’t keep a smile off her face.
Hayden nodded at Kev. “Burks.”
Kevin blushed, his eyes downcast. “Hello, Hayden.” Melissa and Sarah glanced at each other.