by Vera Hollins
Even after two months, Kev was still shy around Hayden. It was painfully obvious to everyone how much he was attracted to him.
Hoping to erase the awkwardness hanging in the air, I said, “This band sounds amazing.”
“Yeah,” Hayden said. “They’re Hawks and Roses. They have a YouTube channel where they post their original songs and covers. Their debut album comes out at the end of this year.”
My heart gave a flutter. I also had a YouTube channel with covers and my own songs, and I hoped to release my own album one day. I had yet to show myself in my videos because I wasn’t confident enough to do that, using watercolor pictures as backgrounds.
“Okay, let’s get you something to drink,” Sarah said, leading us to a table with Jell-O shots and other alcohol.
Kev and I grinned at each other as we took shots. “Cheers,” I said, throwing mine down.
Just as I reached for another one, I spotted Blake on the other side of the room, and my breath hitched in my throat. He sat on the couch with a girl on his lap. She leaned toward his ear to tell him something, but he wasn’t paying attention to her. Instead, he was looking directly at me.
I gripped the shot in my hand, growing insecure under his stare. Even with the distance separating us, I could clearly see those cold, cold eyes tracing each part of my body, and I felt naked. I felt like he was stripping me, leaving me with nothing but heat and insecurity. He did this on purpose. He did this to intimidate me since there was no way he would look at me like this because he was attracted to me.
He most definitely found me fat, and I could just imagine the kind of thoughts going through his head. I could bet he was laughing internally at me.
“Today, you messed up big time, Fats, and now? Now it’s payback time.”
His words played in my mind on repeat; I was sure he already had his next humiliation planned. All I wanted was to have fun tonight, but I remembered very well what had happened the last time Blake and I were at the same party, which was on New Year’s Eve. It had ended badly.
I downed the second shot and told myself to ignore him and make the most of the moment. These shots better start working fast.
Kev and I had another one before we went to dance with Mel. I felt Blake’s eyes following me, but I refused to look his way, growing hotter and extremely self-conscious.
My determination didn’t last long. As Kev spun me around, something drew my gaze to Blake, and our eyes met. They met again and again, until the alcohol kicked in and everyone and everything else blurred, the world becoming a mixture of excitement and joy.
It was way after midnight, and I was way drunk. Mel was telling me something as she twirled me around, but I couldn’t make it out. I couldn’t make out anything, and my vision was too blurry. I wondered if Kev’s glasses could make me see any better.
I reached for them and tried to put them on, but they slipped out of my hands, and Mel almost stomped on them. All three of us burst out laughing. Oops.
Sar and Hayden were long gone, probably somewhere getting it on, and I envied her once more. I wished I could find someone I could get it on with… I wished—
“Watch it,” Mel shouted at Masen, Blake and Hayden’s friend, as he danced next to us with some brunette.
He turned around, but his arm never left the brunette’s waist. His seductive smile vanished when he saw Mel. He was three sheets to the wind, if his glassy eyes were anything to go by.
“What’s your problem now?” he snarled at her.
“You bumped into me, you jackass. I almost fell because of you!”
He raised his eyebrow. “Seeing how canned you are, you’re going to fall on your own any moment now.”
Mel’s nostrils widened. She reminded me of a furious dragon, and I wouldn’t have been surprised if she’d started spitting fire at Masen.
Melissa and Masen didn’t get along. No, that was an understatement. Mel hated Masen’s guts, and he didn’t hide just how much she disgusted him. He never missed the opportunity to call her ugly or whatnot. If Mel, who was super pretty, was ugly to him, I could only guess what a girl had to look like for him to consider her beautiful. She had to be Miss Universe.
Masen himself didn’t look bad, which explained the hordes of girls who were always after him and his reputation of being a womanizer. His light bronze skin accentuated his crystal blue eyes, making them more noticeable. His blond hair was short and unruly, and his body was honed into hard muscle. He could easily pass for a model. It was too bad his personality lacked virtues.
“You’re more irritating than diarrhea,” Mel slurred, swaying as she took a menacing step toward him with her fist raised in the air.
Masen didn’t move an inch, unimpressed. “Right back at you, Satan. This isn’t WWE. Knock it off.”
He turned around and planted his hands on the brunette’s hips. I couldn’t hear him clearly, but it sounded like he told her not to pay attention to Mel. They continued dancing, completely dismissing her, while she looked like she was about to go nuts on them.
“It’s Sar’s birthday party.” I placed my hand on her shoulder to calm her down. “Don’t do this now.”
Kev twisted his hands together. “Yes, Mel. Leave th-them be.”
She watched them dance with a sneer. “Okay. I won’t do it. I’ll just have to break Barbie’s nose the next time I see him.”
Kev and I glanced at each other, and he shrugged his shoulder. Yep, she was that drunk.
“He didn’t do anything wrong, Mel,” I said. “He’s just dancing with that girl.”
Mel’s brows quirked up. “He did nothing wrong? He exists! He should be wiped off the face of the earth!”
I snorted. “You’re being a drama queen. And remember that anti-bullying campaign of yours, Miss Vice President? What would the student council say if they heard about this? They would call you out on your double standards.”
Her only response was to roll her eyes. The band started playing a ballad, which was my cue to finally go to the kitchen to fetch some water. I was parched, and my feet hurt too much in my high heels. The blisters were going to be a nightmare to deal with.
“I’m going to get some water.”
“Have a nice trip,” Mel said before sticking her tongue out at me.
I wore a goofy smile as I pushed through people, struggling to see anything beyond the hazy lines of my surroundings. The sweat was coating my skin, and I hoped my makeup was in place. If not, I was most probably looking like a clown. I giggled at the thought and sashayed my way into the kitchen, which brimmed with activity.
Some guys played beer pong on the kitchen island, while a blonde girl and a guy who looked old enough to be in college played flip cup on the dining table. There were a few couples kissing, and I exhaled a wistful sigh. I wanted to have someone to kiss, too.
The unwanted memory of my last kiss rushed through my mind, and blush spread all over my cheeks. The lips that drowned me in desire. The hands that reveled in me. And then the words that came out of his mouth that destroyed everything.
I tucked my curls behind my ear and opened the fridge with a pout. Everything about Blake was complicated. The walls around him and his complex past were too high, impenetrable, and dangerous. The depth of contempt in his eyes each time he looked at me was too much, and I asked myself for the hundredth time why I’d had to let him take a piece of my heart.
We weren’t meant to be, and even though Sarah had just told me earlier that he might realize how wrong he was and change, it was hard to get over all the things he’d done to me.
I took the water bottle and placed a cup on the counter, humming to the ballad playing. I unscrewed the cap and tilted the bottle to pour the water, but someone flicked my cup aside, and I jerked back when the water splashed all over the counter and my dress, bumping into someone standing too close to me.
“What—” I started to turn around, but he grabbed the counter and pressed himself against me, two arms corded with muscle cagin
g me in.
I was ready to panic, disgusted by this perverted stranger, when the voice in my ear said, “That dress doesn’t suit you. You’re too fat for it.” Blake. “Your flabby stomach and sagging ass are on full display.”
I closed my eyes shut and squeezed the bottle in my hand tightly. It hurt. It hurt so much, and shame and anger invited more self-hatred and self-doubts. I was more than aware of his hard body behind me, my pulse hammering madly. I imagined dumping the rest of the water from the bottle on his head.
I wasn’t Mel though. Dumping liquids on annoying guys was her specialty.
“Looks like someone couldn’t take their eyes off of my body,” I replied with faked confidence courtesy of alcohol.
He snorted. His lips were so close to my earlobe I got goose bumps. “I didn’t have to stare at you to figure out how fat and unattractive you are.”
I bit into my lip and put the bottle down on the counter with a thud. “You can’t seem to stop talking about the way I look. Are you that obsessed with my body?”
“Obsessed? You think I’m obsessed with your body when I get to sleep with girls who are way better looking than you?” Another snort traveled over his lips. “You’re pathetic.”
I refused to let his words get to me. He was a prick. “Leave me alone.”
He spun me around too quickly and got into my face, creating a whirlwind of emotions within me. I pressed myself against the counter to get as far away from him as possible and tipped my head back so I could meet his gaze. His icy gray eyes promised me pain.
“I won’t leave you alone, because you broke my damn phone screen today. You can’t mess with me.”
“I’ll pay you for the screen. And you’re the one messing with me—all the time.”
He grimaced. “I’m messing with you because I can’t stand you. And don’t think you can just pay for my screen and that’s it. You won’t get away with it that easily.”
He is unbelievable! “You’re sick, Blake, and—”
He grabbed my shoulder. “Now listen to me and listen to me carefully. I’m not that fool Burks who kisses the ground you walk on.”
“He’s not—”
He shook me. “Don’t interrupt me. As I said, I’m not him, so don’t think even for a second you can have me wrapped around your finger.”
A few seconds went by as we glared at each other, our faces only a breath apart, and heat spread through my chest. He looked at my lips. Something feral passed through his eyes that said everything opposite of what had just come out of his mouth, and for a crazy moment, I thought he was going to kiss me.
However, whatever held us together was gone as quickly as it’d come, and again, we were nothing more than enemies.
He let go of me abruptly and stepped away. “You broke my screen today, and I won’t leave you alone after that stunt. So you better think twice before you open your mouth again.” With that, he spun around and walked away.
It was eleven in the morning when I dragged myself out of bed. I felt like I’d been sleeping for ages. I didn’t need to look at myself in the mirror to know my hair resembled a nest and my mascara and eyeliner were smeared all around my eyes. My foul breath was the real winner though.
I brushed my teeth, washed my unusually puffy face, and tied my long hair up in a messy ponytail, ready to haul my way to the kitchen in my PJs. My stomach was howling with hunger.
I hummed the tune I’d just come up with as I descended the stairs. It was a ballad that played in my head on the piano, but I wanted to memorize it and try it out on my guitar later.
“Good morning, sweetheart. You look like you came straight out of the washing machine,” my mom, Julie, told me when I entered the kitchen. She was making lunch.
She wore a sports shirt and sweatpants that showcased her slim hourglass figure, which was a complete contrast to the clothes she wore at work. She worked as a PR manager, and I saw her in formal suits more often than not.
I yawned and picked up my plate of ham and eggs before I slumped down on the kitchen stool. I was dying to wolf down my late breakfast. “Good morning to you too, Mom.”
Her amber brown eyes twinkled with amusement. “Did you sleep well?”
Yes, if you didn’t count two hours of tossing around in my bed and trying to get some sleep after that encounter with Blake at the party. But she didn’t have to know that.
“Like a baby.”
“When did you come home last night?”
I groaned. “Mom, don’t do that.”
“I just want to know. Is that so bad?”
It wasn’t bad, but it was irritating. My mom was the sweetest mom in the world—minus her tendency to be curious about my every move.
“You know I didn’t break curfew.”
“I don’t know that. I was sleeping.”
I sighed. “I didn’t. Cross my heart and hope to die.”
She tossed me a smile over her shoulder. “That’s good. Was there someone who caught your attention?” She wiggled her eyebrows.
I dropped my gaze to my eggs. “Nope.”
“And Kevin?”
“You know I’m not into him,” I mumbled as I chewed with my eyes set on my plate.
“But that boy is so sweet!”
I took a big bite as I thought about the last time Kev was at my house. It was totally embarrassing. We watched American Idol in the living room—or more like tried to. My mom kept coming in and giving him the third degree, and I almost expected her to request he show her his family tree before he professed his undying love for me.
Poor Kev couldn’t even imagine why she was so interested in him. He was the only boy I’d brought to my house since my ex- and only boyfriend, Rory, so it was no wonder she thought there was more to Kevin’s and my friendship than there actually was.
“But I don’t like him.”
“Oh well. When are you going to invite him to our house again?”
“Mom, stop it. I won’t fall for him, if that’s what you’re thinking.” I chuckled. “We’re just friends!”
My dad, Owen, walked in the kitchen. “Who’s friends with whom?” he asked.
I glanced at him with my mouth full of eggs and bacon and got another reminder that I’d gotten the short end of the genetic stick. Just like Mom, he looked too handsome for someone in their forties with his defined chest, broad shoulders, and solid muscles, proving that weekend jogs really pay off. I had his deep blue wide-set eyes, freckles on the nose, and lighter complexion, but I’d gotten my mom’s sand-colored hair, perky nose, and luscious lips.
I had a pretty face if I excluded my double chin and chubby cheeks, but the rest of my body… My mom, my therapist, Mel, and Sar always told me I looked gorgeous and had great curves, but it was hard to believe them. The mirror didn’t lie, and the mirror showed a fat stomach, cellulite, and huge flabby thighs. It was hard to love those parts of myself.
“I’m friends with Kevin.”
He took a water bottle from the fridge. “He’s a good kid. You should invite him here more often.”
I groaned. “Dad, not you too.”
He raised his hands in the air. “What? I’m just saying. He can have a positive influence on you. You know school is important.”
Count on my parents to underscore hanging out with good kids and getting good grades. My family and relatives had tried to drill into my head their high expectations of me my whole life, and they never even asked me what I wanted to do with my life.
My dad was a lawyer, and he represented important public figures. He owned a law firm that had merged with another hotshot firm from Enfield, which was why we had moved from my hometown, Bridgeport, to Enfield. It was only natural for my dad to think I was going to follow in his footsteps.
This was why I hadn’t yet told them I’d applied to a few music colleges. I was still gathering the courage to tell them about it, and my stomach knotted each time I thought about that moment. It was going to be disastrous.
“Spea
king of school,” I started quietly, “there’s something I need to tell you.”
Dad stopped halfway through the kitchen door. “Tell us what?”
“You look like you’re about to drop a bomb on us. Are you pregnant?” my mom joked.
I snorted. At this moment, even that felt better than the truth. I wished I could delay telling them about the detention, but my dad would be so angry if I didn’t tell them now.
“I got detention.”
They frowned and glanced at each other. “Detention? But how is that possible, Jessica? What did you do?” Mom asked.
It was almost like they expected me to say Gotcha! There’s a hidden camera. I wished there were a hidden camera and this weren’t real. I wished I hadn’t thrown Blake’s phone on the ground to start with.
“Jessica?” Dad prodded, his tone revealing an impending argument.
I should’ve finished my breakfast first. I pushed my plate with the half-eaten eggs aside. “I threw my classmate’s phone on the ground.”
Mom brought her hand to her chest. “Jesus.”
Dad’s face turned so grim I felt like I’d committed a felony. “Why did you do that?”
I kept my eyes firmly on my plate, bristling at his rising voice. My parents weren’t aware of how much I was bullied in school, because I was too ashamed to tell them all the details. They thought it was something temporary and insignificant, something that would pass if I ignored it. They told me to ignore bullies and focus on my studies and they would leave me alone. Little do they know.
I’d mentioned Blake to my mom once, and all she told me was to stay away from him and report him to my teachers. As if it was that easy. As if Blake cared about school authorities—he was the authority, all thanks to the cash his parents threw around in the name of school donations.
“The boy I told you about,” I began, glancing at Mom. “He bullied me in class again today. He didn’t stop no matter how much I pleaded for him to. He was horrible…so I just snapped.”
The silence in the kitchen was too loud. “So you just snapped,” Dad repeated.