by Vera Hollins
I wiped more tears away, but they kept coming and coming. “Just like you. You saved me.”
His lips fought to hold his smile. He tried to squeeze my hand, but his grip was so weak. “I love you,” he said.
He loves me.
And that was where I lost it. I broke into more tears, sobbing, and I clutched him like he was going to disappear right this second. The paramedics rushed into the room with a stretcher and surrounded us, but I didn’t want to let go of him. I’d never even told him those exact words.
“I love you too, Blake,” I said with a heartfelt conviction, feeling it was too late. His eyes closed of their own volition, and his hand became limp in mine. My panic tripled. No, no, no, no… He had to be okay.
“Miss, you need to move so we can do our job,” someone said, pulling me away from Blake as the paramedics gathered around him.
“I love you so much,” I murmured, reaching out for him, but I grasped only thin air. “I love you, Blake.”
Don’t die.
He didn’t move. He didn’t even breathe.
“We’re losing him.”
No.
“He has no pulse.”
No, no, no.
“Start CPR.”
NO.
Someone made me sit on the couch and told me something, but I couldn’t hear anything. I couldn’t see anything but Blake, and it was like an eternal cold seeped into each part of me and I wasn’t living anymore. They kept compressing his chest, the motion repeating into forever as they placed pads on his chest that were connected to some small device next to him.
“Still no pulse.”
“Apply the AED.”
Everything became muffled, and as I watched them trying to revive him in the countless seconds that rushed by, I lost all hope. He wasn’t waking up.
He was dead.
It was like someone had drawn a curtain over me, and the world lost all sense.
I stared at the therapist across the desk as she wrote something on her clipboard. Each minute brought me little shards of ache. I’d been in her office for the past twenty minutes, but it felt like days, especially after that hour I spent with the emergency doctor as he examined me. I had a huge, ugly bruise where Isaac had elbowed me, but the doctor had determined there was no further damage, so I didn’t have to stay in the hospital.
He sent me to a therapist for discharge counseling, but not before I gave a detailed statement to the cops on what had happened in that house just a few hours earlier, and it was like a fresh round of torture.
Just recollecting everything was enough to suffocate me with pain, which felt like it would never end. I’d seen him die with my own eyes. Just like Emma.
“I need to see him,” I said to the therapist, anxious to get out.
She moved her gaze from her clipboard to me and offered a polite smile. “I understand, but please be patient. You need to go through a full check-up—”
“I’m fine.” I was close to bolting out and going to Blake’s room.
“There may be psychological effects—”
“There are none,” I insisted. To hell with pleasantries.
I couldn’t have cared less about niceties or whether she would see me as desperate or not. I couldn’t care after seeing the person I loved die and come back to life in front of my eyes. Not after having almost died myself.
Somehow, after all of that, all my previous insecurities and doubts seemed so trivial now. So unimportant. It didn’t matter when I was staring death in the face. It didn’t matter when my every second now was a gift—a gift from Blake because he’d saved me. He’d saved my life, completely disregarding his, and it felt like I would never be able to repay him for that. Not in a million years.
There were no more restraints that kept me away from him. There was no more shame or insecurity. Nothing mattered anymore but being by his side and giving him all the love in this world, telling him I forgave him for everything and needed him with me.
The therapist smiled pleasantly. “You may feel okay, but we need to make sure you actually are okay. It’s highly possible for you to sustain trauma after what you’ve gone through.”
I wanted to laugh at her. Or just laugh. Laugh, laugh, laugh. I’d felt like laughing ever since the paramedics applied the AED and his heart started beating again after going into cardiac arrest. He had actually been dead. For whole two minutes, he’d been dead, but the damage that had been done to my heart was permanent. I knew very well the pain of losing him now, and it was stamped into me for good. I never wanted to lose him again. I wanted to laugh until the pain and trauma were just a faint memory.
“Yeah, sure. But can we do that later? You can analyze me all you want after I see him. I haven’t even seen him yet.”
I hadn’t seen him since they rushed us to the hospital. I’d sat next to him in the ambulance, holding his hand as the paramedics talked about how lucky he was because the bullet had miraculously only grazed his head instead of hitting him, and all I could think about was the hilarious irony that had allowed him to keep living. If that bullet had been only a tiny bit lower, it would’ve hit his brain, and he would’ve been dead for good.
The bubbles of laughter rose up my throat, but I suppressed them because I knew if I started laughing now, I would burst into tears and never stop.
The bullet had only taken a piece of his skin, creating a wound on the top of his head that needed five stitches but wasn’t serious according to the doctors. He’d gone into cardiac arrest because of a chaotic heartbeat caused by shock, but because he had been resuscitated quickly, it appeared there was no brain damage. They had mentioned they would keep him under observation for a few days, after which he was free to go home. Free to continue living as if nothing had happened.
But it had happened, and it had marked us forever. It had ensnared us, only this time, we had each other to push through. And it was going to be okay. It had to be.
She sighed and pushed her glasses up her nose. “All right.” I jumped up out of the chair and grimaced when a dull pain pierced through my stomach. “But,” she went on, “I hope we’ll continue our conversation later.”
I nodded at her, already on my way out. “Sure.”
I’d barely stepped out of her office when I got pulled into a hug, and Mom’s brittle voice filled my ear. “You’re all right. Thank goodness.”
“Mom!” I leaned into her, unable to withhold my tears anymore. I cried in her arms, seeking her warmth and support like it was the only thing that shielded me from the hell of this world. I could’ve died and they could’ve lost me…
I clutched the fabric of her jacket. “I love you, Mom. I love you so much.”
“I love you too, sweetie. I love you the most in this world.” She kissed the top of my head, sobbing together with me.
I met Dad’s gaze over her shoulder. His usually stoic face was a picture of pain and fear now.
“We came as soon as we got the call,” he said as he pulled Mom and me into his embrace.
“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Mom asked, stepping away to inspect me for any injuries.
“Yes, I’m okay. I got hit in the stomach, but the doctor said it’s not serious.”
“Oh, sweetie.” She kissed my forehead. “Those horrible, horrible people.”
Dad’s brows pinched together in worry. “They told us you were kidnapped along with Mayor Jones’ son. I just got off the phone with Nathaniel, who confirmed it.”
“It’s true. They showed up in the school parking lot and took us.”
Mom grew pale. “The school parking lot!”
“Why did they target you?” Dad asked, assuming his lawyer stance.
I let out a long exhalation and sniffed a few times, brushing away my tears. As much as I wanted to give them all the details, it had to wait. I needed to see Blake.
“It’s a long story. I’ll tell you later because I need to see him now.”
“Him?” Mom asked.
“B
lake. He saved my life. I’ll see you later.” I turned on my heel, but then I stopped myself and looked at her over my shoulder. “He’s the boy you asked me about. He’s the boy I fell in love with.”
“What?” both my parents said simultaneously, but I didn’t elaborate, rushing to Blake’s room.
I’d just turned the corner when I saw Sarah, Melissa, Kevin, and Marcus coming in my direction. Their worried faces broke into relief when they saw me.
Mel pointed at me. “She’s not a ghost! She’s very much alive. We’ve been looking everywhere for you!”
The sight of them brought on fresh tears, reminding me of everything I could’ve lost.
“You’re here,” I said.
Sar hugged me. “It’s okay. We’re here.”
Mel, Kev, and Marcus joined us, making it a group hug, and we all started laughing. My friends. My beacons in the dark.
“Thank you for coming.”
“Of course we’re here, silly!” Mel said when we separated. “Who would’ve thought you would join Sarah’s ‘kidnapped’ club?” She shook her head. “Those sons of cockroaches. They deserve to be cooked in the deepest pot of boiling water then thrown to rats.”
Sar squeezed my shoulder. “It’s all over now.”
“Are you okay?” Kev asked me. “Did th-they hurt you?”
I couldn’t really tell them my physical wounds didn’t compare to what I felt inside. So I just said, “Yes, I’m okay, but how did you know I was here?”
“A student saw them force you into your car,” Sarah said. “He rushed into the gym and shouted that we needed to call the cops because you and Blake had been taken away, and Principal Aguda called 911. We immediately came here when we heard you were found.”
So the whole school knew about it. It was no wonder there were reporters outside who were trying to enter the hospital to get the scoop.
“I still can’t believe it,” Marcus said. “I thought that student was pranking us.”
“You can imagine Mrs. Aguda’s expression when she heard what he said,” Mel said. “We were at an anti-bullying festival while her students got kidnapped right under her nose! I can already see her organizing an anti-kidnapping festival to make sure this doesn’t happen again.”
“What happened there?” Sar asked with concern on her face that doubled the pain simmering inside me.
“Is it true that Blake died and was brought back to life?” Marcus asked, his eyes wide.
My chest hurt. I didn’t want to remember that moment. I didn’t ever want to talk about that moment.
“It’s true, but let’s talk about that later.” I continued toward Blake’s room. “I’m on my way to see him.”
“We’ve seen him,” Sarah said, walking in step with me.
“You have? How is he?”
“Hayden, Masen, and Steven are with him now. He’s awake, and he’s okay. He asked for you.”
My tears blurred my vision. “He did?” I quickened my steps. I wanted to pull him into my embrace and never let go of him. I felt like it had been weeks since I’d last seen him, and my legs couldn’t carry me fast enough.
“Yep. He even cried tears of joy for you and ordered a hundred bouquets of red roses to be delivered to your doorstep,” Mel said, pressing her hand against her chest dramatically.
I rolled my eyes at her. “Really now?”
She looked at me solemnly. “Cross my heart and never hope to die.”
Kev adjusted his glasses. “He was t-talking to the officers when we saw him.”
“The guys who did this to you are in for a very long time in prison,” Marcus said.
I truly hoped so. Unlike Bobby Q, who was in custody now, Lawrence and Isaac had been rushed to the hospital, but they were under surveillance and would be transferred to jail.
I was relieved Lawrence hadn’t died. Blake’s knife had ruptured his liver, but the paramedics had managed to treat him before he bled out. As for Isaac, the bullet had hit his spleen, but it wasn’t fatal, even though he’d lost a lot of blood. They were both going to recover, but I wanted them to receive the highest punishment.
My heartbeat quickened when we reached Blake’s floor.
“I love you,” he’d said.
His words ricocheted through my mind like fireworks, alleviating the pain. He’d managed to break out of hatred and love me back. We’d managed to find a way to each other. And now that the nightmare was over, we were finally free to get a new beginning.
I didn’t bother knocking, losing my breath when I wrenched the door open and found him lying in the hospital bed with bandages covering his head. He was smiling as Steven talked, and the sight almost made the ball of tension in me burst. For a painful moment, I saw him get shot, fall to the floor, and remain motionless in a heap of blood. My body swayed on my unstable feet as my vision blurred once again.
He’s alive. Alive.
His gaze met mine, and a sharp pang hit my chest. I was barely aware of everyone around us. I was barely aware of anything as I rushed to him, grabbed his shoulders, and pressed my lips to his like he was going to dissolve at any moment.
He responded immediately, his arms wrapping around me and pulling me in so that I was sitting against him as his lips molded to mine. I held him tighter, ignoring the pain in my abdomen, the intoxicating taste of him rolling over my tongue. I love you, I love you, I love you.
“Let’s give them some privacy,” I thought I heard Sarah say, but I couldn’t be sure because I was so lost in him.
The sounds of retreating footsteps filled the room, but we never broke our kiss. I couldn’t stop the tears from pouring out, both happy and sad. All I needed was for us to find some sense after everything we’d been through.
He surprised me when he cupped my cheeks and kissed my tear away, and then another, and then one more. My heart was so full of him.
“You died. You actually died right in front of me, and I thought I lost you forever,” I cried out, clinging to his shoulders.
“You didn’t lose me. You’ll never lose me.”
His fervent words hammered happiness into me, and more tears poured out, soaking my whole face.
“How do you feel? Does your head hurt?”
“Yeah, but it’s nothing serious.”
I let out a strangled chuckle. “Nothing serious. The bullet grazed your head. I can’t believe how lucky you were. So lucky.” I chuckled again and again, feeling like I was on the verge of hysteria.
“Hey.” He peered into my eyes with a crushing softness in his gaze. “Hey, I’m okay. It’s strange since that bullet didn’t do any damage other than leaving a nasty scar, but I think I’ll be able to live with that.”
He winked and smiled at me, but I didn’t return it, tracing each inch of his face with my eyes. He was covered in bruises and small cuts, and it hurt just looking at them.
“Are you okay?” he asked me.
“I’m fine.”
He shook his head. “You’re not okay. Come here.” He pulled me against his shoulder, snaking his arms around me, and I sank into him, seeking his comfort and warmth like it was the only thing that could keep me sane at the moment. I shook as I shed silent tears.
“I’m here,” he whispered into my hair as he stroked it. “It’s over now, and it’s going to be okay.”
I clutched his shoulder. “I’m the one who should say that. Look at me. I’m all whiny and crying when you went through a lot worse—”
“Hey.” He made me look at him and smiled softly. “Don’t worry about me. You can cry all you want.” He ran his thumb over my cheek. “I’ll be here to take care of you.”
His words opened the dam, and I couldn’t stop myself from bursting into more tears. I cried and cried as he slowly rocked me in his arms, all that fear, pain, anxiety, and stress flowing out of me. It was over. That horror was over.
My tears had long stopped and dried, but he didn’t let go of me. Peace unlike ever before took over me. I wasn’t going to break. He
wasn’t going to die.
“I was so worried about you,” he said. “I was scared shitless when Isaac went to find you, but I couldn’t do anything to stop him, because Lawrence had pinned me against the floor.”
I leaned back to look at him. “What happened there? With Lawrence?”
“He tried to take my knife, but then Bobby Q pulled out his gun, and I knew I had to act fast if I didn’t want to end up dead. I had to use my knife. It was the only way for me to free myself and fight back before Bobby Q killed me. You saw the rest. What happened with Isaac?”
I took a deep breath and told him how I’d used the rope to defend myself. “I was afraid I’d killed him, Blake. I was afraid I’d gone too far.”
He observed me with awe, a small smile flickering across his lips. “But you didn’t. You just defended yourself. You did nothing wrong.” He took my hand and pressed an open-mouthed kiss to my palm that I could feel all the way through my body. “I’m so proud of you, Jessie. You were so strong back there.”
My chest inflated at the look in his eyes. It felt like I was dreaming, only this time there were no nightmares. Just sweet dreams, which fueled me with hope that tomorrow would be a new day, a better day.
I leaned in and touched my lips to his. This time our kiss was slow and sweet, our lips brushing against each other softly, and I savored the moment.
I was warm all over when I pulled away. “You saved my life. I don’t think I can ever thank you enough for what you’ve done for me.”
He planted a small kiss on my forehead. “There’s no need to. I would do it again.”
He would do it again. I just looked at him, the depths of his searing gray eyes pulling me in. How things had changed between us. From enemies to this. From a person I feared and hated the most to the person I loved and needed the most. I wanted him to know how he made me feel. I wanted him to know I was okay with our past. I wanted to tell him everything.
“I love you,” I started. “All this time I was fighting against it, against the pull, but I couldn’t beat it. I thought I was going to finish school, leave Enfield, and forget about you, but I don’t want to forget about you. I don’t want to be away from you.