Bedfordshire Clanger Calamity
Page 17
Albert had been watching the two dogs but looked up to see the café’s owner advancing toward him. He shot her a smile and gave Rex’s lead a small tug to let him know it was time to go. Feeling like John Wayne, he said, ‘There’s no thanks necessary, Ma’am.’
‘But you are the one who proved I was innocent. If not for you I might have spent the rest of my life in jail.’
Albert couldn’t argue the point, not without pedantically pointing out she would probably be out in fifteen years. He smiled again and shrugged his shoulder. ‘You were innocent. Helping was the right thing to do.’
There was nothing she could offer him that could ever repay the service he had performed, but she closed the distance to him and wrapped him into a hug. ‘You are a special man, Albert. A very special man. If you ever need anything, no matter where you are. Just call and I will be there.’
A minute later, as Albert made his way up the road and back toward his accommodation to collect his belongings, he felt special. The day was already being replaced by twilight and if he were a younger man, he might have jumped in the air and clicked his heels together. Instead he settled for ruffling Rex’s fur.
York beckoned. It was time to move on.
Walking away from the café, he felt satisfied that he had done the right thing by hanging around to unpick the mystery. But at the same time, he was perplexed by what he hadn’t been able to work out. Francis confessed to killing Joel Clement, but why had the café owner been targeted in the first place? Why then had they come back for Victor Harris? Furthermore, who was it that thought Albert was a high-value target? He might have solved the case, but there was something else going on that remained hidden.
Thinking back to Stilton, Dave the daft security guard had stolen all the cheese, but he hadn’t done it for himself. There was someone else pulling the strings even though Dave wouldn’t admit it. Watching clouds roll across the hills in the distance, Albert made a promise to himself that he would take a broader view and see what else he could find. His children had access to the national crime database, perhaps there were other inexplicable food-related crimes in the recent weeks or months.
It was something to think about, anyway.
Epilogue
Several hours later and almost two hundred miles away, in a location that wasn’t marked on any maps, Earl Bacon was not in a good mood. The late evening news was showing an article about a police chase and terrible accidental death in the small Bedfordshire town of Biggleswade. He already knew about it, of course, his B team were there to watch.
They were deployed the moment he got a sniff that Eugene and Francis might struggle with their task. His disappointment was such that he’d chosen to abandon his quest to gain a clanger baker. He suspected now that the delicacy might leave a bad taste in his mouth, much as the last few days had.
The B team, a man and a woman, were coming back to him, not picking up where the others had left off as was his direct instruction. The old man and his dog could be directly linked to two of his plans failing already, but in a moment of clarity, the earl let him go. He needed to focus on collecting the rest of his larder. There were more chefs required, more raw ingredients needed, and better security, that was paramount. Security was the primary reason he called the B team away from catching the old man. They could have taken him, but he wanted them to focus on recruiting a new B team now that they were suddenly the A team.
Savagely, he sliced into his thick piece of Japanese Wagyu beef prime fillet. He’d taken a herd from a town outside of Kyoto, using a team to steal over two hundred head of cattle in the night. They’d brought them all the way to his lair and snuck them in without anyone in the world knowing where they had gone. Two hundred head would keep him going for the rest of his life if the breeding program worked as he expected. He had two good butchers tucked away below ground as well as veterinarians, cattle wranglers, and a host of other staff to deal with all the foods he needed. He had to feed them as well, of course, it wasn’t just him that had to survive.
That was his offer: the chance to survive the coming apocalypse. None of them believed him. Not one. He was saving them, but they cried about their families. When he started, he tried to calm them by bringing their families along: saving the entire bloodline, but they hadn’t been happy with that either, so now he didn’t bother. He was merciful, he was divine, he was the only one who knew the truth.
There was still so much to do, and he alone had the will to see it through. The old man and his dog were insignificant in the greater scheme. He just needed to keep that in mind and stay focussed.
Carving off another piece of his exquisite melt-in-the-mouth steak, he could feel his pulse slowing. Then an image of the old man surfaced again, and he stabbed his knife into his steak so hard he broke the plate in two. Screaming to the sky, he raged. ‘There will be a reckoning, Albert Smith. I still want my cheese!’
The End
Author’s Note
Good day, dear reader,
I hope you enjoyed this story. Writing this note, I am sitting on my couch with the rest of my family asleep upstairs. I assume they are asleep; I should say. My wife might be awake because Hermione, our daughter who turns four months in two days, might have decided she wants milk, in which case neither one is getting any sleep. And my son, Hunter, who turns five in just a few weeks, has his father’s imagination, and struggles to sleep because he is battling time travelling alien robot dinosaurs.
Whatever the case, they are in bed, and I hope they are relaxed.
Rex and Albert are a joy to write, their adventures are just beginning as in my head I already envisage a second series of these books. Rex has a habit of waking me in the night, giving me daft ideas for story lines because he’s got it into his head that he is the star of the show. Of course, he is right, but I can never admit that to him, his head is inflated enough already.
It is late summer here, where a heat wave of unparalleled intensity has dominated England for several weeks but may finally be over. There was rain today, falling onto my parched lawn where it will struggle to penetrate, and the temperatures have cooled. Yet despite that, it was still too warm for me to work in my log cabin.
I have several new series planned, my over-active imagination suggesting new ideas all the time. Some will make it onto paper, others will not, but those that do, ought to be crackers. Those that follow me on Facebook, Amazon, or via my newsletter will find about what is coming first.
I wonder did you spot the Blue Moon reference at the start of the book? The name Maddie Hayes might mean nothing to you, but growing up in the 80s, Moonlighting was the series that dominated my adolescent years. I have made a habit of sewing small Easter eggs into my books. Some get commented on, some are too obscure, but I wonder if one day a person will discover a pattern to them.
If you read the passage about Bovril and wonder what the heck it is, then your best bet is to perform an internet search. It is a beef paste which can either be turned into a hot drink or spread on toast. Oddly, I cannot stand the flavour now, but I ate jar upon jar of it as a child. I have employed the technique of plastering a blob onto the bath to keep a large dog calm in the past and will profess that it works very well.
Take care
Steve Higgs
History of the Bedfordshire Clanger
Bedfordshire Clanger gained a reputation as suet pudding (suet crust dumpling) wrapped in sweet filling at one and savoury filling at the other. Many people mistakenly considered it as another flavoury pasty, but it was different.
It first came into existence in the 19th century when the locals of Bedfordshire were trying local dishes from districts to come up with something new and thus Bedfordshire clanger was made.
From its early years, Bedfordshire Clanger intrigued the labour and working class in the area as everyone liked to hang out at a place where light food was served and since Bedfordshire Clanger was the newest and lightest of them all, it became an everyday staple of workers
, specially labours.
Interestingly, the makers of Bedfordshire Clanger were women who first made this dish for their working-class husbands who, most of them, belonged to agriculture. In the 19th century, the mid-day meal was necessary for the working class as it came between their working hours or duty. Therefore, the wives were concerned about the diet of their husbands and thus brought this delicious dish to this world.
Today, Bedfordshire Clanger has become the symbol of recognition for Bedfordshire and portrayed as the ‘defining food of Bedfordshire’.
There are different stories that history reveals to us about the name of Bedfordshire clanger. Some historians say that the word clanger referred to a word describing the mistake of adding two different fillings one sweet one savoury, but no one has come forward to support it with facts.
The most prominent naming theory that is most likely true is that the ‘clang’ means ‘eating voraciously’ in Northamptonshire dialect. It fitted best to describe the likeness of the 19th-century workers and was called Bedfordshire Clanger.
A similar dumpling was known in parts of Buckinghamshire, particularly Aylesbury Vale, as a "Bacon Badger". It was made from bacon, potatoes and onions, flavoured with sage and enclosed in a suet pastry case, and was usually boiled in a cloth. The etymology of "badger" is unknown, but might relate to a former term for a dealer in flour. "Badger" was widely used in the Midland counties in the early 19th century to refer to a "cornfactor, mealman, or huckster". The same basic suet dumpling recipe is known by a variety of other names elsewhere in the country; "flitting pudding" is recorded in County Durham, "dog in blanket" from Derbyshire, and "bacon pudding" in Berkshire and Sussex.
A baked "clanger" featured as a signature bake in episode 8 of Series 8 of The Great British Bake Off.
Recipe
Ingredients
The filling
1 small gammon joint (around 750g or 1.5lb)
2-3 bottles of cider (around 600ml or 20 floz)
1 bay leaf
2 sage leaves
2 apples
1 white onion, finely sliced
25g (1oz) butter (for onions)
Pinch of salt (for onions)
1 ½ tsp brown sugar (for onions)
3 apples, peeled and quartered
3 tbsp brown sugar
10g (1/2oz) melted butter
¼ Lemon, juice
1 tsp cinnamon
10g Dijon mustard
The Pastry
400g plain flour
2 eggs, one for glazing
4g salt
130ml water
85 g suet or vegetable shortening
50g butter, chilled and grated
Method
Place the gammon in a deep pan with the cider, bay leaf and sage, so that the liquid is covering the joint. Put on a medium heat. Bring to a slow simmer and cook for 3 hours. Once cooked cut into bite sized pieces.
Place the butter in a frying pan and wait until it becomes frothy. Add the onions with a little bit of salt and cook until translucent. Once cooked through add the brown sugar and continue to cook on a low to medium heat until they are golden brown and caramelised. Turn off the heat and allow the onions to cool at room temperature.
Place the apples in a frying pan with the melted butter and the lemon juice and cook until soft on the outside but still hard in the centre. Add the sugar and the cinnamon and leave to cool.
Place the peeled and chopped potatoes into salted water and par boil. Then leave to cool.
For the pastry, sieve the flour and salt into a bowl. Add the suet and the butter and rub in with your fingertips until you have a breadcrumb-like consistency. Add in the water and one egg and bring together. Once formed, make the pastry into a flat circle, clingfilm and place in the fridge to chill (if you’re in a rush place the pastry in the freezer).
Preheat the oven to 180C (350 Fahrenheit) degrees.
Once chilled roll out the pastry, 2mm thin and cut 10cm by 15cm.
Like when making a sausage roll, you only want the filling to cover one half (length-ways) of your pastry, so that you have enough pastry to bring over the top to cover everything neatly.
For a Bedfordshire clanger you want the savoury filling to fill 2/3rd of the space and the sweet side to fill the remaining third. Place a thin wall of pastry at the two third point to prevent leakage between the two sides when you add the fillings.
For the savoury side, first place a thin layer of Dijon mustard on the pastry, then pile the gammon, caramelised onions and potatoes on top.
For the sweet side place the apples with some of the juices.
Egg wash around the three sides and pull the remaining pastry over the top and seal. Egg wash the top of the clanger and place in the fridge for 10.
Take the clanger out of the fridge, slash three times on each side, sprinkle with brown sugar on the sweet end and salt on the savoury and bake for 30 minutes or until golden brown.
Books with Patricia Fisher
Read the book that started it all.
A thirty-year-old priceless jewel theft and a man who really has been stabbed in the back. Can a 52-year-old, slightly plump housewife unravel the mystery in time to save herself from jail?
When housewife, Patricia, catches her husband in bed with her best friend, her reaction isn’t to rant and yell. Instead, she calmly empties the bank accounts and boards the first cruise ship she sees in nearby Southampton.
There she meets the unfairly handsome captain and her appointed butler for the trip – that’s what you get when the only room available is a royal suite! But with most of the money gone and sleeping off a gin-fuelled pity party for one, she wakes to find herself accused of murder; she was seen leaving the bar with the victim and her purse is in his cabin.
Certain that all she did last night was fall into bed, a race against time begins as she tries to work out what happened and clear her name. But the Deputy Captain, the man responsible for safety and security onboard, has confined her to her cabin and has no interest in her version of events. Worse yet, as she begins to dig into the dead man's past, she uncovers a secret - there's a giant stolen sapphire somewhere and people are prepared to kill to get their hands on it.
With only a Jamaican butler faking an English accent and a pretty gym instructor to help, she must piece together the clues and do it fast. Or when she gets off the ship in St Kitts, she’ll be in cuffs!
Cozy Mystery by Steve Higgs
Pork Pie Pandemonium
Baking. It can get a guy killed.
When a retired detective superintendent chooses to take a culinary tour of the British Isles, he hopes to find tasty treats and delicious bakes …
… what he finds is a clue to a crime in the ingredients for his pork pie.
His dog, Rex Harrison, an ex-police dog fired for having a bad attitude, cannot understand why the humans are struggling to solve the mystery. He can already smell the answer – it’s right before their noses.
He’ll pitch in to help his human and the shop owner’s teenage daughter as the trio set out to save the shop from closure. Is the rival pork pie shop across the street to blame? Or is there something far more sinister going on?
One thing is for sure, what started out as a bit of fun, is getting deadlier by the hour, and they’d better work out what the dog knows soon or it could be curtains for them all.
More Books by Steve Higgs
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Crop Circles, Cows and Crazy Aliens
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Diamonds, Dinner Jackets, and Death
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Pork Pie Pandemonium
Bakewell Tart Bludgeoning
Stilton Slaughter
Bedfordshire Clanger Calamity
Death of a Yorkshire Pudding
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